The Mockingjay and Her Meadowlark
"Chapter I: The Next Chapter"
It's over. I killed Snow….well, sort of. I shot Coin. Coin killed Prim. Thank goodness it's all over. The nightmares that have gripped me since the day of father's death have not ceased, but now there is someone there to hold me, to tell me everything will be all right. Peeta is still strong and steady, and he loves me, just like he always has, but now things are different. There is no Capitol telling us what to do and when to do it, and finally this "star-crossed lovers from District 12" charade can stop.
But I'm not sure I want it to stop. Could it be that, among all those phony kisses and love struck-looks I'd given Peeta over the past year and a half, I had actually come to feel something genuine towards him? No, that can't happen, and I won't let it.
Even though I told Peeta that I loved him, I'm not sure how I love him. I tell myself he's my best friend and nothing more, but my heart just doesn't want to believe it. And then there's that whole mess with Gale.
Gale is…was… my best friend and my hunting partner. But now I hate him. I thoroughly and utterly hate him. It was his bombs that killed Prim. That same little girl that I volunteered for over a year ago was killed by bombs designed by the boy who might as well have been her brother. He's in 2 now, and I've lost every spark of feeling I've ever had for him. In my mind, he's just as bad as President Snow.
I'm sitting in my mother's old rocking chair, thinking about all of this, when the door creaks open and Haymitch walks in with Peeta trailing sleepily behind.
"Good morning, sweetheart," Haymitch, District 12's drunken victor, burbles.
"Morning, Haymitch. Peeta," I reply.
Peeta and I refuse to look at each other. I don't want to look at him. If I do, I know I'll break down and sob. I'll cry for all he lost because of me, and finally, all the pent up emotions he has been stirring up inside of me since we left the Capitol will be released.
I think he hates me. I mean, after all, doesn't he have a right to? Because of me we got into this horrible mess. Because of me we were forced into the Quarter Quell. He was hijacked because of me, and he lost his family because of, oh I can't remember….oh yeah, me.
I glance up for just a moment and look into Peeta's eyes. And what I see shocks me. His are brimming with tears. His eyes, which are the color of a cool mountain lake, reflect loneliness and hurt. I try to read his expression. He is thinking the same thing I am, only in reverse. But all of this was my fault. I was supposed to protect him, and if it weren't for me, he would have won our Games, and he would have come home, probably married some beautiful girl, and lived happily ever after. At the thought of this, my emotions break loose, and I run for the stairs.
As I slam the door and slump to the ground, I burst into great, hiccupping sobs. I hate her, I realize. I hate the girl that Peeta would have married. I hate her for being everything I never could be and never will be. But I hate her most for taking him from me.
A gentle knock sounds against the door.
"Katniss?" Peeta says questioningly.
"Go away," I mumble.
" Katniss, please let me in?"
I sigh and open the door for him. He takes one look at me and folds me into his arms.
"It's okay, Katniss. It's going to be okay." He says as he tries to calm me.
"I don't deserve your kindness, Peeta. I'm an awful person. If it weren't for me you would never have been tortured and Prim and the others would still be alive." I counter as I sob.
"Katniss, you are the most wonderful person I have ever met, and I love you."
He kisses the top of my head and strokes my hair until my shaking wails have turned to shuttering breathes.
"I love you," he says again, and this time I respond.
"I love you, too."
He smiles softly and says, "I know."
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