Title: How things are going to be.
Author: Loz
E-Mail: loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com
Rating: T
Category: Neil.Andrea...Who else? Oh and the supporting cast, can't forget them.
Series: Story number twenty. What follows are titles and story ID numbers:
(1) After he's at her door – 2486705 (11) When they're back together – 2619492
(2) When the mighty fall – 2506192 (12) Life almost in balance – 2630121
(3) While his wife's away – 2525486(13) Life under pressure – 2666280
(4) While they're away – 2543010 (14) Trying to have a life together – 2699235
(5) When love's not working – 2543013 (15) Outside influences on their lives – 2704730
(6) Boundaries when broken up – 2562611 (16) When things start falling apart – 2727112
(7) What happens on the train – 2579012 (17) When they're approaching the end again - 2750079
(8) When they work together – 2595808 (18) Trying not to drift apart – 2891564
(9) When she wants him back – 2598312 (19) When the truth comes out - 2912317
(10) When they're stuck together – 2611364 (20) How things are going to be - 2954769
Spoilers: So minor it shouldn't ruffle any feathers.
Archive (if applicable): www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)loz06
Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.
Summary: Neil and Andrea settle into the way things are going to be in their lives from now on…without each other.
Authors' notes: You may tell me different but I'm not sure about the quality of this part, when I pen and paper wrote it I must have been in extreme fast forward mode because I've padded it out a lot and changed things when I typed it up, anyway as always comments (especially praise – hehehe!) always appreciated. See also end note.
Thanks: To Lornz, Fabio, Phoenix Angelwolf, Meegan Boulton, madz, Gem for your continuing reviews and to Lorraine for first time reviewing.
Wishes: Get well, good luck, hope inspiration strikes – Hope that covers everyone!
Disclaimers: Me owning The Bill is not how things are going to be, I have no association nor make any profit unless your currency is reviews.
The next morning, Friday, Andrea can't get out of bed, the sun greets her but she immediately pulls the sheets over her head, to say she feels low is being kind and she can see no point to getting out of bed.
Even affectionate licks from Cally cannot improve her mood. None-the-less she remains glued to Andrea's side.
Andrea does manage to reach for the phone and call in, glad it's Smithy that answers.
"What's going on Dunbar?" He asks when she says she's too sick to come in.
"How much time do I have owing?" Andrea answers his question with one of her own.
"I don't know I'd have to check." There's an underlying question in his voice.
"I need next week off too."
"Dunbar are you o.k.?" Now he's really concerned.
"Please Smithy." From under the covers she doesn't want to have to beg anyone else, she's at rock bottom.
"I'll tell anyone who asks that your Great Aunt died." Smithy says as Gina enters his office.
"Thanks Smithy." Andrea manages appreciation but not a smile; she hangs up without saying goodbye.
"What was that?" Gina Gold immediately launches in.
"Andrea Dunbar, she's not coming in today or next week." Smithy frowns. "She sounded so…down."
"Did she say why?" Gina starts thinking.
"No she didn't."
"It's probably a monthly girl thing, she'll be back Monday." Gina suggests, already having her own suspicions.
Later that shift she finds Yvonne in custody wrestling with a man who's doing his best to resist. "When you've got a moment," She says to Yvonne and heads back to her office.
Andrea pushes the phone off the end of the bed, still under the covers. For the first time that day but not the last she cries.
"Andrea Dunbar just called in sick, for today and her next five shifts." Gina says looking up when Yvonne enters.
"Did she say why?" Yvonne asks with interest.
"No but Smithy said she sounded down." Yvonne can make nothing of it really, so far, "The DI?"
"Reported for duty this morning though he looked like hell and went straight into a meeting with the Super."
"Wasn't applying for leave was he?" Yvonne says dryly.
"No but the Super did send him home because he was in no fit state to work."
"This doesn't get any easier to work out, they're obviously not going away but if they're both upset then something's gone on."
"How would you feel about a check up visit tonight?" It's really the last thing Yvonne wants to do.
"The door might be slammed in my face." Yvonne warns.
"As long as it's not the DI that does it."
Andrea doesn't get out of bed for the knocking on the door that night, nor does she at all the next day. The word depression is very much prevalent in her mind. Sunday she gets herself to the sofa and eats something. Monday is her interview.
Andrea checks herself in the mirror, it was painfully hard to pull her suit out and look at Neil's next to it in her wardrobe. She runs her hands down the material and on impulse takes her favourite charcoal suit of his, white shirt, maroon tie and buries it at the far side between the wall and all her clothes. After she's done it she looks to see if the suit is hidden or visible, not recognising it could be considered a desperate symbolic attempt to keep Neil in her life – hiding something he'll want back thus keeping him in contact because it's 'missing' and he wants it back. In contact for how long who knows.
Cally bounds around happy to see Andrea up and about but she still sticks close, not totally convinced Andrea is back to normal and she's right.
Andrea is reminded she'll need to do something about all of the things of Neil's that have made themselves at home and an arrangement will need to be come to for Cally.
It threatens to bring her back down but she knows this job is after all, all she has left.
After Thursday night she decided she couldn't rely on Neil to not reveal her, being honest with herself she couldn't blame him if he did. She's come to have a strange attitude towards anyone who's done the same thing she's done; she'd want them exposed as well.
She needs this job to hopefully lessen the impact and repercussions when the Super and the rest of the station find out. Somehow saying goodbye to the rest of Sun Hill, other than Neil isn't that upsetting.
"I'm ready." Andrea announces to Cally, catching her reflection in the mirror, out of the corner of her eyes she sees the framed photo of her and Neil. Immediately she slaps it face down, it's too painful. She slides it into her underwear drawer, buried on the bottom.
She strides out of the flat confidant about the interview, later she strides out of the interview even more confidant.
It should be hers by Friday.
Figuring there's not much point using anymore of her time owing as she won't be back at Sun Hill for much longer and needs the chance to tie up loose ends, Andrea rings in on Thursday to say she'll be back the next day.
She approaches slowly looking at everyone outside and up at the building itself, wondering just what it has in store for her. A barrage of angry and bitter police officers seems to be the least that could happen.
She takes the darkened corridors, the ones least used, she checks down each cross corridor, mostly for the Super who she's certain Neil's gone to by now. Through the rectangular glass of the swinging door she sees Adam Okaro with another officer, scowl on his face. She slows but realises she must face what's coming; he stops momentarily with the scowl still on his face. "PC Dunbar."
"Sir," When he's passed Andrea she turns back to watch him, not sure if she's lucky or Neil's just been busy.
June Ackland is not impressed that Andrea's been seconded to CID with Leela and Amber out and although Andrea promises she'll hurry, she's in no rush to get there.
She knocks with all the confidence of the impostor she is on his door, waiting till he calls come in. The person on the other end of the phone is promised a call back, the phone goes down quickly and he rushes to shut and lock the door.
"You shouldn't be in this station; you shouldn't be in that uniform." He admonishes, hand still on the door handle.
"I passed the Super this morning." Andrea broaches, ignoring his statement.
"I haven't made a decision yet, I've been busy with the Kennedy case, they're going to call someone in relation to the knife." Andrea's just relieved it won't be her.
"I'm not here to challenge your decision about us and I'm not here to ask you not to tell the Super about me." Neil leans against the back of his desk.
"Good because if you were I'd throw you out." It's a reality check on his new feelings for her.
"I went for the press office job on Monday, I should know by tomorrow, either way I'll be resigning." Neil looks at his shoes and Andrea hopes a tiny part of him doesn't want her to go, unlikely she knows.
"What about today?" It's clear he doesn't want her around active cases.
"I'm going to go down and tell Sergeant Ackland I'm not feeling well. I wanted to tell you, you should come and get your stuff when I'm not at the flat, just leave the key on the counter and shut the door behind you."
"Right well…" Neil looks past her shoulder. "Colin's coming back soon, so I don't know when that might be."
"O.k. well just call the flat, if I don't answer…" Hurt builds up on already open wounds with the words.
The bouncing box of his things and her key, from each other to Marilyn with pit stops in between had given her some hope. This is much more final, her actions more severe that her previous requests. "Who gets custody of Cally?" The one thing they still share.
"I can't have her in my building so I'll just have visiting rights." It's that easy…it's all over.
"Um…O.k." Andrea looks for more but it's all been said and both are too emotionally exhausted and raw to go over it again. He can't meet her eyes though she's silently pleading for something, anything, an ounce of warmth or forgiveness, or any amount of feeling. She knows it's selfish and she deserves none, that's what she gets.
She tries for one last time when her hand is on the door but he's forgotten her already, paperwork and the case his only priority.
June Ackland is annoyed at losing another officer, irrespective of the fact Andrea was in CID for the day. She only has to look once at Andrea's face to know she's not going to be any use to anyone today.
It's the face of someone shattered, someone empty, someone who has no one to blame but themselves for the fact they've lost something so precious and knows it. It's the face of someone without hope, it's the face of someone clinging to a tiny scrap of useless hope that doesn't exist…so desperately and it's the face of someone so sorry it's physically painful.
"Andrea are you alright?" June asks taking her glasses off her face and looking at Andrea with concern.
"Yes Sarge." Andrea says absently, wandering out of the office.
Upstairs in CID Neil drops the folders he'd collected minutes ago and falls back into his chair. His head in his hands doesn't stop the nausea that's mentally induced from what's just happened, it doesn't fill the growing gap she's left and it doesn't ease the conflict over what to do about Andrea and her secret. It's one of the few times in life he's ever felt like crying.
When Andrea gets home that night she has one message, the job's hers and although she was confidant and this was her last ray of light, the good news is of little comfort to her.
That night she sits and plans what she will tell Gina Gold tomorrow, at least there'll be no threats or intimidation.
"Sorry." Gina Gold apologises as the closing door makes Andrea jump, although in her civvies she'd still been apprehensive about coming in this morning. "Bit touchy today."
Worrying about what Neil might or might not do had kept her awake for more hours than she cared to be.
"Ma'am."
"I take it you want to talk to me about this." She waves a fax of which Andrea is unsure of the content. Lack of sleep heightens her shift into fight or flight mode. "You didn't tell anyone here you were applying for another job."
Immediately Andrea relaxes.
"No ma'am." Andrea hasn't really prepared anything to say.
"Do you mind me asking why PC Dunbar?" Personal curiosity Andrea tells herself, Gina Gold's asking is nothing more. Gina wants to know what her answer is, she dares not hope for a DI related one.
"I thought it was time to try other things, broaden my experience, I hope to come back to Sun Hill one day." The last part is no lie.
"Well you certainly did an excellent job while you were here, we'll have you back anytime." It's the only piece of comfort Andrea's gotten in weeks and even so she can't rely on it, it could all change depending on Neil.
"Thank you ma'am."
"You must have been exactly what they were looking for, this is quite a promotion." It cuts close for Andrea.
"Just lucky ma'am," Andrea hopes it will be the end of the conversation.
"You haven't given us the opportunity to throw you a farewell party," Gina smiles but Andrea's not too worried, a large farewell would only mean she'd have to go into details and the quieter she can slip away the better. Gina's words remind Andrea of Bruce's words, that no one would throw her a farewell party when they discovered who she was.
"I'll pop in from time to time with this new job, I just want to say goodbye to a few people."
"You'll clean out your locker?" Andrea nods. "Good luck."
"Thanks ma'am." Outside the office Andrea knows what she really deserves is a thorough dressing down and an armed escort from the building. Having collected her few personal items Andrea edges into the doorway at the end of the morning briefing, Inspector Gold announces her resignation and transfer to the relief and as Andrea's colleagues filter out of the room they heap warm wishes on her, none of which she deserves she tells herself.
"Good luck darlin', I'll miss you." Honey hugs her.
Lance shakes hands with her in their special way. "Come back sometime." Andrea knows she will be.
Reg and Tony kiss her cheek wishing her the best and Steve envelopes her in a bear hug that has the relief laughing.
Amber manages a smile with minimum jealousy though her sentiment is more genuine than Gabriel who manages to sound insincere using sincere words. Andrea has always felt he's seen her as a threat…to what she doesn't know.
Yvonne is last and she stands in the empty briefing room not knowing what to do or say. Andrea launches herself at the only person she'll miss as much as Neil but for different reasons, Yvonne embraces Andrea just as hard as she is being embraced herself.
"I'm so sorry, you've been such a good friend." Over Andrea's shoulder Yvonne echoes the sentiment.
"Stay in touch." Yvonne requests wiping a tear from her eye, over Andrea's shoulder Gina directs her eyes briefly towards her office. When she's alone Andrea takes one last look at the briefing room, a slow walk through the corridors and it's all over…she feels sadder than she thought she would.
"So now we know the plan." Yvonne says as she shuts the Inspectors office door but Gina looks unconvinced.
"That job came up last week." She informs Yvonne.
"So it was good timing or they pushed up their plans, either way we don't have to worry and they're obviously happy." Yvonne wants the whole thing over and done with. "Now if I could only get promoted."
"All good things come to those who wait." Gina reminds her. "But they won't if you don't get back to work."
"Ma'am," Yvonne says dryly.