How the Mayan Stole Christmas
(Because 'All I Want for Christmas is a Mayan Apocalypse' was too long)
A/N: Another Angst Fest 2012 Remedy Story
Disclaimer: If I owned them I would already understand the secret of 47. All Mayan information came from Wikipedia- you can blame them for any inaccuracies.
For Joy.
"Come on, Beckett, the world is going to end tomorrow."
"The world is not going to end."
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it isn't."
Kate rolled her eyes as she swung out of the car, one hand wrapped around the frame for leverage. She was going to kill him by the end of the day… In fact…
"Your world may end tomorrow but I can guarantee you, I will be whistling a jaunty tune in the morning as I fix my coffee in silence."
Castle gaped at her from across the top of the cruiser. "You wouldn't."
She raised an eyebrow, as to say 'I still sleep with a gun, Castle, you know this already' as she plucked her to-go coffee cup off the roof of the sedan and turning towards the yellow crime scene tape.
"You would?"
She paused, flicking her hair over her as she stared back at him, a small smile playing on her lips, her eyes twinkling because no matter how annoying he was she couldn't help it. He was cute when he was pouty.
Damn it. Don't smile.
"You doubt me, Castle?"
"The world is ending tomorrow and instead of staying in bed with me all day and doing numbers 15, 17, and 35 on the list, you are dragging me out here before daybreak to look at the lifeless remains of… A Mayan?"
Castle turned to her, eyes bright, as he bounced on the balls of his feet.
"Beckett," he leaned over to whisper in her ear as they came to a halt in front of the body. "There's a dead Mayan. Best Christmas/End-of-the-world ever."
"Lanie," Beckett piped up as Castle continued to bounce on his toes like a five-year-old who just received a cocker spaniel puppy for Christmas and was gesturing to Ryan to come stand next to him. "What've we got?"
"Male, mid to late thirties, no apparent cause of death."
"Curse," Castle hissed, a hand up to block his grin from Beckett's view as he leaned towards Ryan.
"It is not a curse," Beckett snipped back as Esposito wandered up next to her, shaking his head.
"I don't know chica. That Mayan curse is scary stuff."
Beckett froze before swiveling her head up to glare at her colleague.
Et tu, Espo?
"Ha!" Castle let out a whoop as he and Ryan fist bumped in victory of gaining their newest ally. "That's it. Doomsday celebration my place, tonight."
Beckett caught Lanie's eye as they both turned back towards the body, heads shaking in tandem. Men.
Kate scooted forwards, still in her crouched position as she whispered at the medical examiner. "Is there any way to tell if he's really Mayan?"
Lanie shrugged. "Not right now, sweetie. I'd have to wait for DNA results. Chances are you'll get an ID before that."
Kate nodded as she sipped on the rapidly cooling coffee in her mug and looked back over her shoulder at the men huddled behind her, jackets pulled tightly around their bodies to shield them from the nip of the December air.
He'd better not actually be Mayan.
"He's not Mayan!"
Beckett let out a mental sigh of relief as Ryan walked up to the group huddled around the white board, a piece of printer paper fluttering in his grip.
Her eyes flickered over to Castle, as she pressed her coffee mug against her lips to hide her small grin at the crestfallen expression on his face.
"His name is John Connor."
"Seriously?" Castle perked up immediately, his eyes dancing. "John Connor as in terminators, Skynet and doomsday John Connor?"
"This isn't happening," Beckett groaned, rubbing her fingers over her forehead, as she turned her attention back towards the board. "So if he isn't Mayan then what's with the face paint and feathers?"
They all turned to the pictures on the board of John Connor in what had been discovered to be a rendition of Ancient Mayan garb, including a headdress of bright blue feathers and ornate patterns of paint on his face and bare chest.
Ryan shrugged his shoulders lazily. "Maybe he was in some sort of show. I bet people would pay good money to see Mayans with the Doomsday stuff and everything."
Castle and Beckett let out twin snorts of disbelief before their eyes caught and they reconsidered the words. People would pay a lot of money…
"Espo, Ryan, track down Mr. Connor's family. Castle and I will be back in a little while."
Esposito opened his mouth to retort, but the partners were already stepping into the elevator, shrugging on their jackets as they walked.
"Have I mentioned that this is the best case ever? Because this is the best case ever. Seriously, Beckett, that con man with the Arctic scam had nothing on this. If the world does end tomorrow I can die a happy man and you know why Beckett?"
Kate lifted a single eyebrow as she hummed out a response.
"Because there is a homicidal Santa, Beckett. How often does this happen? Santa killed the Mayan." Castle paused, and Kate could almost see the proverbial light bulb flicker on over his head. "Santa saved Christmas."
"What?"
"Don't you see? The Mayans were the bringers of Doomsday, they prophesized that…"
Beckett let out a 'tsk' with a click of her tongue. "The Mayans didn't prophesize anything, people inferred that the world was going to end."
"Shh, Beckett, you're ruining my story."
Kate let out a good-natured roll of her eyes as she glanced back at the round Santa seated at the interrogation table inside of the fluorescently lit room. "Oh, please, do continue."
Castle gave her a short nod of thanks before clearing his throat and carrying on with this tale. "December 21, 2012, tomorrow, has been regarded as being the end of a 5,125 year long cycle in the Mayan Calendar. There are many scenarios as to how the world will end: a black hole, a collision with an asteroid or possibly with a planet called Nibiru."
Beckett let out a huff and Castle cut her off with a finger to the lips. "You said you would listen."
"I did not."
"You did too."
"When? When did I say this?"
"Last night when we were…" Castle wiggled his eyebrows. "In the throws of passion, you said and I quote… 'Oh, dear God, Rick, I will listen to whatever stupid stories you spin as long as you don't stop…' Tell me you didn't."
"I…" Beckett turned back to the glass as the red flush moved up her neck and stained the tips of her ears.
"Uh huh, that's what I thought, so hush, because last time I checked I didn't stop until…"
"Castle!"
"Right, so the Mayans. According to the Popol Vuh, a compilation of creation accounts, there have been three failed worlds before this one we live in right now and all of those three worlds came to an end of the 13th b'ak'tun or at Mayan date .0 and that this fourth one will also. In this case the 13th b'ak'tun is tomorrow."
"Are you finished?"
"Have I convinced you yet?"
"The world is not going to end tomorrow, Castle. I don't care what you say."
"Well, I haven't even gotten to the Galactic Alignment yet."
"Galactic Alignment?"
"Yes, you see…"
"Well, I mean, Castle if there is a Galactic Alignment..."
Castle's ears perked as he turned her to with an eager expression. "You believe me?"
"No."
Castle's smile turned into a frown as he let out a disgruntled mumble.
"Castle, the world is not going to end tomorrow. In fact, it is just going to go on like normal. Now come on, let's get Santa to confess so we can get out of here at a decent hour tonight."
"So, it turns out that Connor, who has been out of work for the last six months, took it upon himself to set up his own type of holiday booth for the season right next to the Santa's. Problem was that he was getting all the business because everyone has taken their picture taken with Santa, but getting a picture with an actual Mayan in celebration of the impending apocalypse? Well, that was too good to pass up. All the kids wanted it, and apparently a number of adults too. Santa got angry since his Christmas wasn't shaping up to be so merry and when Connor refused to move Santa slipped him some severely spiked eggnog."
Gates stared at Castle as his wrapped up the story, rocking back on his heels with his hands clasped behind his back. Her eyes swiveled to Beckett who was leaning back against the wall in the office, arms crossed over chest. "Please tell me he's joking?"
Beckett pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to suppress her smile as she shook her head slightly. "Sorry Sir, no can do. This time Castle only speaks the truth."
Gates' eyes bounced between the pair of innocent expressions for a moment before finally giving in with a sigh and sinking back down into her chair. "Of course he does. Fine, dismissed. Go home, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Well, not if…"
"Go, Mr. Castle!"
"Yes, Sir."
"Come on, Castle," Beckett stated as she paused at her desk to grab her jacket, turning as he took it out of her hands and held it up for her to slip into. "Let's get out of here. I believe we have a Doomsday party to get to."
"What's the point," Castle lamented as the elevator pinged and they stepped inside. "The world's not really going to end."
"Who knows," Beckett retorted with a sly smile. "You might get lucky and we'll wake up tomorrow to a swirling black vortex of doom."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better," Castle pouted in response, his brow furrowed as his bottom lip stuck out slightly.
"Yeah, I am," Kate replied, as she took a step closer to him, her front brushing against his arm as she leaned up to whisper in his ear. "But if the world doesn't end tomorrow, I can promise you will get very lucky."
"Very lucky?" Castle gulped, his breath staggering as the elevator dinged and she nipped at his ear before turning to walk into the quiet parking garage.
"Mmhmm, I might even consider trying number 47."
"Number 47?" he stuttered as his feet froze to the floor. "Will there be pancakes?"
Kate scoffed in disbelief as she walked on in front of him. "Will there be pancakes. You really have to ask?"
She was halfway to the car before she back towards him and he finally forced his feet to move, hurrying to catch up to her as he sent a silent thank you to Santa for saving Christmas. Even though, after number 47 he might not see it anyway, but oh what a way to go.