A/N:
ONESHOT WEDNESDAY is back everyone! Dance, dammit!
Yeah, so, this oneshot is called what it is because it features HATORI, everyone's favourite seadragon. The idea came from my friend Madison, who was ranting about something featuring the title. I wasn't really listening…
Disclaimer: Me no owning of the FB.
Warnings: OOC, some language.
Hatori Sohma sat quietly on his chair, watching the sun blaze through his window. The sun shone through the dust across his window pane, as a lone fly buzzed passed his eyes. In his veins, he could feel something unnerving happening. What could it be?
He strode over to the clock and watched the minute hand ticking across. The sun was beating down on his back, but he didn't mind. Suddenly, the clock chimed midday. Hatori felt a tingle in his skin. He stumbled, vision blurred. All of a sudden, Hatori felt sort of… crazy? Maybe he was insane. So insane, it was tragically hilarious. Well, this is his story, aint it?
"Grrr… ATTACK MODE!" He screeched, flapping his arms like little wings. He grinned stupidly, grabbing his coat. He extended his neck up high and began to run. He knew we he had to go. His real home.
THE OCEAN.
He was a seahorse, ne? Well, it was time for him to meet his real parents. Or, so he supposed. He screamed randomly before dancing his way out of Sohma House, yelling random profanity on the way.
"ACK BACKLE DIE OLD WOMAN!" He cried at an old woman, hobbling around with her walking stick. But, she happened to be a gangsta old woman.
"Yo my home dawg! Don't waltz yo jive ass up here and yell at me! Oh dawg no!"
Hatori didn't listen though, because his name mean 'chicken' in Japanese. Or, 'Tori' does anyway. I wonder what 'Ha' means…
Anyway, he was getting close to the beach, which happened to be 50 miles away. I don't know how long that is, because I aint American, so lets pretend it took him… five minutes to run that far. So yes, he was running, knocking down anyone who happened to be in his way, which included lots of things.
He attempted to make love to a rubbish bin, which earned him $1000 in yay points, which was his imaginary currency (actually, it's mine).
He made it to the docks, just in time for a hamburger at McDonalds. He ate it quickly before running over to the edge of the dock, where some people were fishing. He stripped down to a pair of sparkly, purple boxers and dived in, getting a fishing hook caught in his backside. Oh well, he though, he was a seahorse. They get captured in lines.
Then, Hatori had a better idea. He climbed out of the water and began chasing young girls, attempting to hug them. One tripped, he dived, got hugged and was left flopping on the deck. Some kid kicked him into the water.
"Globble!" He yelled up at the boy, thanking him. The boy nodded, as he spoke seahorse. Hatori sawn around, until his found a seahorse attacked to a… crab.
"Mum?" He said anxiously, "Is it… you?"
"No honey, I am a prostitute who uses protection. Sorry sugar!"
Hatori nodded solemnly and swam on. He found a few more woman seahorses, but they all seemed to be prostitutes who used protection! I mean, he knew every female seahorse was a prostitute, but he didn't know so many used protection.
Anyway, back in the real world, the clock struck 1 o'clock. Hatori's eyes spun as he transformed back and floated all naked-ish to the surface. Some woman screamed and called for help and within a few minutes he was heaved out.
"Hmm…" He mumbled, as he sat up, conscious after ten minutes of being blacked out. People cheered before walking off.
He coughed up some seaweed and walked home, naked. He didn't know where his clothes were, but he didn't care. He'd had a very unusual hour… why not top it off with nakedness?
A/N:
That was strange. The title should have been,
"Hatori the Tragic Dragon"
But I decided to make it Puff, because everyone loves "Puff the Magic Dragon".