Disclaimer:

Turtlequeen2: I'm here with another one people! Since people seemed to like my Half-Breed poem, I decided to write this "two-shot" to accompany it. This is Inuyasha's life through his own eyes. Parts of this comes from references in the anime and manga, but most things explained here came from my own mind. Hope it sounds authentic enough!

I do not own Inuyasha. Only Rumiko Takahashi and other respected companies own Inuyasha.

I give thanks to Inu Youkai Wanna Be for helping me finish out this part of the story!

Warning: There is plenty of angst in this fic!

I Am a Half-Breed

Part One:

I am Inuyasha. I am a half-breed. A hanyou. A creature that isn't human, yet is not worthy enough to be called youkai neither. I was born of a powerful youkai father and a powerful hime mother. Born into a time of war and angst. A time with so much of pain of its own. Did I really need to be included in this fraudulent time?

As a child, I remembered only pain. Only sadness that followed me like a storm. A half-breed. This life I had was something not to cherish. How often I wished that I wasn't born at all. None of the other villagers or subjects of my mother's wanted to play games with me. They thought that I was barbaric. A monster to be feared and hated. And thus, I was dubbed so. A monster; a half-demon/half-human hybrid.

I was made fun of. From my grotesque dog-like ears, to my claws, fangs, silver-snowy hair, and unnatural golden eyes like the sun. Nevertheless, I remained strong, even when their words got to me. My mother's soothing words were the only things to comfort me. The bastards were only humans and often times I thought to just kill them all. Then I would be feared and powerful. But I couldn't do it. My human half; a side I hated at the time, prevented me from doing it. As my brother would've said, my weak emotions stopped me from becoming enwrapped in revenge against the so-called worthless human race. Save for my mother, I disliked humans with a vengeance.

Damn my old man! Why did he have to die, leaving me and my mother at her family's merciless treatment! Please note that I said her family. I would never in a million years consider them my family. I'd rather have Naraku kill me, or better yet, Sesshoumaru, than have to call those cruel bastards family. As far as I'm concerned, if they all died, I'd laugh, standing over their graves. Perhaps they already died, seeing as they are humans after all.

I bet you're wondering what they've done to make me hate them so much, huh? I thought so. Mother was not recognized as a princess even though she held a powerful position in the royal court. All because she fell in love with my father. An all-powerful inuyoukai.

But them, them bastards waited. WAITED until he was out of the picture to start torturing her. At first it was ridiculing her for such "stupid" choices, to me; their own blood. But then again, I wasn't good enough to be considered blood related to anyone. I was too monstrous to be considered human and too lowly to be considered relatives to the "great" Sesshoumaru or Inu-Taishou.

As my brother had bluntly put it many times through my life; I was tainted. And he said that I deserved all that I got. Well congratulations Sesshoumaru! You got your wish to come true, didn't ya, you bastard!

Then they continued to get more aggressive. They often beat me to where I couldn't fight back or even move for days. They often brought my mother to tears as they made her watch as they tortured me and told her that I wasn't even worth tears to shed over. They told her that I should just be left to die so she could have a normal life and forget about me. Curse my acute hearing because I heard every cruel, devilish word they uttered. And I knew they were talking about me.

I grew used to the daily torturing. My mother only gave petty promises to always be there for me. I knew that it was the only thing she could do. She couldn't fight back and if she did, she would've been killed by them. That's how heartless her family was. She also promised me that she would stay alive as long as she could to raise me and protect me from the ill of the world. And not going against her family was the only way. Without my father there, she could do nothing, being only an innocent village princess.

I believed her and loved her with my whole being. I knew that she meant well and despite all of the bad things, she was the only light in my life. I often remembered her non-stopping tears for me. For the pity that had became my life. She soothed me and held me tight as my world crashed around me. I never wanted to let go of her embrace. My mother was my savoir and without her I would've already given up on life.

I still remember the first time I ever heard the word "half-breed." I was playing Kemari by myself with a new ball my mother got me for my birthday. I remembered it to be a happy moment as she gave me the toy. It was one of my firsts.

I knew to stay clear of the villagers for they only spat cruel remarks about me and attempted to beat me out of fear of what I was. However, that night, I seen the young ladies and lords standing there about the palace gates and my curiosity got the better of me. I walked up to them and they instantly upturned their noses at me; a look that I was used to by now. My ears drooped, but still I persisted, making myself smile a bit, hoping for a miracle. Sadly, it didn't come.

Instead, they stole the ball from me. At first I thought they were willing to play a game with me, but my smile faded drastically as they kept kicking the ball further and further from me. Finally the ball flew out from their grasps and rolled across the small bridge in front of the garden. I ran to get it, only to turn my back and find that I was utterly alone once again.

"We do not want anything to do with a half-breed," came their dastardly response. I heard their cruel fits of laughter as they escaped my sight. I finally caught up with the ball and saw my mother standing there at the other end of the bridge. I remember the moment perfectly, as if it happened only yesterday. Her countenance was something I saw often. A calm, cool face. So sad, yet gentle and welcoming at the same time. Being the little whelp that I was, I knew not the impact of the words I was about to utter to her.

Dropping the ball, the expression on my face was that of concern and confusion. I ran up to her, no longer caring about anything else around me.

So were the cursed words I said," Mama, what's a half-breed?"

A half-breed. A weak hanyou. A disgrace to ever walk the Earth. Lowly scum. A filthy youkai. An inferior creature.
This phrase," half-breed" was only the first of many names I would receive in my lifetime. The look on my mother's face was that of a moment's shock, but then soon evolved into that of everlasting grief. Before I could say more, she immediately got down on her knees in her elaborate kimono to embrace me tightly. At first I was scared, but at the time, I only knew to return the hug. I smelt her tears and slightly leaned back to see her face. The drops flowed her face like hypnotizing rain. She appeared beautiful even in tears. Under the pale moonlight, they glowed like shimmering crystals. How I longed to make her smile at the moment more than ever.

She apologized, but I didn't know for what at the moment. Eventually over time, I began to understand what the term meant. Someone or something that was only half of a species. This was looked down upon with disgust and fright. Humans knew I was more powerful than them, yet youkai knew I was weaker than them. At the time at least…

From what I gathered, I was a half-breed. A sin against nature. A creature that should never even exist. A mistake. But as my mother explained to me, I was brought into the world as a choice. That I was wanted. Still, what was I to think? I was only a child! It was hard hearing all of this talk about me and what I was. As much as I tried and wanted to believe Mother, I found it arduous.

I witnessed the many hurdles in her life because of me. It was because of me that she was looked down upon. That she was disowned and scorned upon. She was known as a youkai whore as far as they were concerned. She was spat at and people looked her straight in the eye as a form of disrespect (or not in the eyes at all to show that she was not even worthy of a glance). The child that she gave birth to was a sin, therefore making her a sinner as well. I had trouble taking this all in. In time however, as I grew older and understood more, my heart began to grow darker and colder.

At the time, I thought of how better her life would have been without me or my father for that matter. I saw the many ladies that laughed with joy, putting on white paint as they enjoyed themselves. They were happy. This was an emotion that I rarely experienced, so I didn't understand it that well. All I knew was that my mother was in pain because of me, no matter how well she tried to hide it.

Every night I stood by and watched my mother slowly die. Many thought her to succumb to only illness. Oh, were they wrong! Those beings (I refuse to call them even human) were the ones who killed her. Them, and her love for my father. They killed her with their cruelty and neglect. I could tell that she loved him deeply. From her sighs every time I mentioned him; to her constant tears at night. After hearing her sobs one night after mentioning him (asking where he was and if I did have a father), I never spoke of my father again. Well at least not until after she died anyways...

The night she died is one night I will never forget. Her face was like a pale stone. So cold, yet so lonely and sad. She spoke to me with such tenderness, telling me that she wished me well. That she was sorry she couldn't keep her promise. I smelled death illuminating from her like a fog. Though I knew that she was close to death, I refused to give up so easily. My eyes glowed with a fierceness as my clawed hands gripped hers in turn. Her grip was beginning to loosen.

I pleaded with her not to go. She only smiled with a gentleness and tried to sooth my worries. For once in my life, even her soft words couldn't squelch my fear of loosing her. I tried to make false promises, saying that I would find a cure for her illness. She gave a small smile, stating that it was futile. For the first time in my life, I felt my eyes water.

My silver bangs covered my downcast eyes as I trembled. Her last words were that of , "I love you my little one. I'm sorry for not being able to keep my promise. But as long as there are Sakura blossoms blooming, my soul will always be with you." After that, her hand turned cold as ice as her breath stilled. I called out her name, still thinking that she was alive.

The tears streamed down my cheeks in anger and sadness. "Mother!" I shouted. The anger because of the promise she broke to me. Sadness because I knew that I was completely alone now. My golden eyes watered like a lake at sunset. "You promised!" I screamed in desperation. Hoping, wishing that she would come back to life and embrace me in her loving arms. Alas, it was not so, as the smell of death only increased.

I beat my fists through the paper-thin floor in anger as the tears continued to flow. I suddenly tensed up, noticing my mistake. Soldiers and other personnel barged in, with evident fury showing on their faces.

"Izayoi-sama!" they shouted in mocked shock. They then turned to me, yelling," Hanyou! What have you done to our lady?"

My eyes opened wide in shock. How could they accuse me of something so heinous? Didn't they see me around her everyday? Clinging onto her for dear life? To protect myself from them; the same people before me now? Those hypocritical bastards!

However, they must have only seen me as the monster they were raised to only recognize me as. A sinful half-breed. "Answer me! What did you do!" one man demanded, kicking me into a wall, while my guard was lowered from the surprise.

My tears did not cease, but my anger rose. My eyes narrowed and I let out a small growl as I got back up. "I didn't kill her," I ground out. "You did!" I whispered in a deadly tone.

"What nonsense are you mumbling about, you monster! You killed her yourself! Don't lie to us!" the men shouted again as they brandished their swords. "We will send you back to hell where you belong!"

At that moment, I felt unbelievable anger surge through me. Something I never felt before in my life. As one of the men made a jump for me, I quickly got out of their way. Being chased by many creatures-- human and youkai alike--tended to make you able to move fast.

"SANKON TESSOU!" I shouted, making a modest slice through the man's armor. I watched in horror and shock as a light came from my claws and cut him in various places with frightening speed. That was the first time I discovered the Soul-shattering claw attack. I witnessed the blood spurt up from his wounds as he grimaced with pain. I felt my claws get soaked by the man's crimson liquid. I nearly gagged at the scent, but knew that it was the hardly the time to get sick.

The irony of it all. The attack I use so often to kill youkai, was first used on a weak human. However, it wasn't enough to kill him; more like giving him a near-death experience. It still managed to scare the shit out of the men as they rushed to the aid of their comrade.

"You horrid youkai!" one of them shouted, starting to get up. I smirked at their pain, reveling in the fact that I could actually fight back. As I cast a look at my mother's body, my eyes grew sad again. As much as I hated it, I had to escape the area and leave her behind. It was either that or be killed myself. And at that moment, I felt Mother's presence near me, as if urging me to run. I didn't hesitate at the chance.

I bounded off towards the forest bordering the village, that being my only escape route. My only possessions were the clothes on my back and the simple make-up rouge I kept to remember her by. I kept running, never stopping, even after I knew that I stopped being chased. At that moment, I only concentrated to get as far away from the village as possible.

After nearly three hours, I began to slow down. I stopped a river and ran towards it, eager to rid myself of the stench of human blood. As I peered down into the water, I cringed at the sight. I didn't even recognize myself. I looked like the monster that I felt like.

My ears were drooped against my skull. My eyes stared back at me with no life left within them. My hair was wild and untamed. There were stray crimson stains dried on my face and clothes though it was hardly noticeable on my already red outfit. I then stared down at my claws. They were smeared in that man's blood. The stench was unbearable. I was even more repulsed that I actually enjoyed the fact that I made the man feel pain. Sure, at the time, it felt right, but as I looked back at myself, my human-like heart began to make me feel guilty that I did such a deed.

Hard to believe isn't it? Now I can kill many youkai with ease, but then, I cringed at the sight of a mere human man's blood. The stench made me dizzy, making me drop to all fours as I emptied the contents of my stomach onto the grass beside me. What a mess I was...

"Oh look at the poor hanyou. Can't even handle injuring a little human man…" came a taunting, maniacal voice.

I suddenly stiffened up and looked around for any sign of youkai. I used my sleeve to wipe the back of my mouth. I smelt the strange scent even over the blood and vomit. I was vulnerable to be killed by anyone or anything for that matter.

"You're lonely aren't you boy?" the voice came again.

I only narrowed my eyes and let out a small growl.

I could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he replied," Don't worry hanyou. I'll make sure that you won't feel alone anymore…"

My ears tweaked up in worry. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was tired and defenseless. I didn't even know how to use the "Sankon Tessou" at will.

There was an eerie silence in the clearing until I saw the ogre show itself. He made a quick stride towards me and gripped me up by my collar. "…You won't have to feel alone anymore because you'll be surrounded by the many other victims that are already in my stomach!" it laughed cruelly.

Usually, I would've just found a way to run, seeing that I was only a child at the time, but at that moment, I felt the rage within me, grow larger. My claws extended and my growl intensified. The ogre only laughed, imagining that I was frail. It seemed as if the anger within me was begging me to kill in order to relieve the tension.

"What's the matter hanyou? Afraid of dying? I'm surprised that you lived this long considering how weak you appear to be," the creature sneered.

Weak.
That was the term used to describe me and all hanyous. I was used to the term by now, but every time the word was uttered, it seemed as if the familiar wound in my soul reopened itself.

Luckily the baka youkai forgot to hold my arms down. I was surprised at how much strength I could suffice from my rage alone. I brought my claws up, slashing the arms clear off its shoulders. "Don't fuck with me today!" I yelled, dropping the arms I help in my grasp to the ground. Blood was seeping from the wounds and the ogre growled out many curses at me. It was not as if I cared at the moment anyways...

"You bastard!" it cursed, falling to the ground dead. It had lost too much blood. The creature turned into ashes, only to be carried away by the wind.

I looked to where the body once laid. I looked down at myself. I couldn't believe that I actually killed that demon on my own. The feeling gave me empowerment. However, it also gave me fear.

Fear of more approaching youkai that would advance towards me because I was hanyou and alone. They would want to kill me for food or something of the sort. It was then that I decided that because I was solitary, that I alone, must provide for myself. I had to fight. I had to get stronger.

Now I also knew that I had to avoid fights as best as I could at the moment. To prevent more attacks during the night, I rushed to the river banks to wash my clothes and myself of the scent of the blood.

I sucked in my urge to get sick again as the crimson flowed down the water.

It was only the beginning of the most agonizing years of my life.

10 Years Later
"SANKON TESSOU!" I shouted, unleashing my torrent of yellow claw blades. They easily sliced through the bastard lizard youkai who tried to kill me in an attempt to make me lunch. Keh! Like I'd let that happen without a fight!

The youkai fell over dead, but its friends came in, shrieking behind the corpse.

"You bastard hanyou!" a snake youkai hissed, bounding towards me. I dodged the attack with ease, but the hawk youkai behind me, nailed its talons into my side. I grimaced for a few seconds but quickly composed myself, clutching my wound.

I dug my claws into the cut and let the crimson seep into my preferred weapons. I smirked as I jumped into the air and flung my blood-dripping wrist into the air with the yell of," HIJIN KESSOU!" The red blades erupted from my claws and sliced through the youkai with excellent precision.

"Keh! Serves ya right for calling me a hanyou!" I yelled triumphantly. I landed and took a deep, ragged breath from overusing my energy. I may have finally mastered "Sankon Tessou" but I was no where near perfect with "Hijin Kessou." I only used the attack in desperate situations.

I turned my back from the death site and began my trek towards more suitable grounds to rest at. However, the next thing that happened made my blood run cold.

"Humph. What a barbaric attempt at killing youkai," a cruel, calculating voice came, making me stop in my tracks.

I knew that voice and that scent. My eyes narrowed as I turned to glare at the man I grew to loathe.

"Keh! What the hell are you doing here Sesshoumaru?" I demanded.

My brother bore no expression on his face; all covered by his icy façade. He stood there in a regal stance, looking down upon me as he stared from a distance.

"Inuyasha, what a mess you've become over the past years," he concluded after a few moments of silence.

My response was a growl. "If you're gonna insult me then get out of my sight unless you'd wanna die too!"
He smirked in amusement. "You kill This Sesshoumaru? What an odd statement coming from a hanyou."

"You really think I haven't heard that by now? Why the hell do you want to bother me anyways?" I demanded in a snarl.

"You can barely fight off weak youkai. A surprise that I find you alive. I often find myself in wonder of how you even share the same noble blood of Father and I," Sesshoumaru said out loud, with a raised eyebrow of mock astonishment.

He always knew how to piss me off. Regardless of my injuries, I was not about to let anyone call me a weak hanyou and live very long. "You bastard!" I shouted, charging towards him with my claws raised to strike.

I could barely blink my eyes as he moved to lift me by my collar and glared at me with such coldness and disgust. "You fool," he growled, his eyes narrowed in annoyance as his right hand grasped my neck.

To my confusion, he looked down my body in concentration. He particularly stared at my sash for a long moment before murmuring," Hmm…it seems that you do not possess it…"

I began to stubbornly struggle against his grip. "W…what the fuck are you blabbering about, you jackass!" I spat out.

"You should stay quiet as hanyous are expected to act. Not seen nor heard," he snarled, slamming me against the tree behind us with brutal force.

"Who made you overlord of all the pains in the ass!" I demanded sarcastically even though I knew that I pushing it.

"Silence hanyou!" he commanded, his claws glowing an eerie green against my skin. I began to feel the burning of the poison.

"Fuck you!" I spat back even though I was choking to death.

He then sneered dangerously. "It seems that I am doing you and myself a favor. Killing you will be the amusing light to my day…"

"You know I'm getting tired of your speeches of killing me. Actually I'm getting tired of everyone's rubbish of hanyous and them being weak!" I shouted, despite my loss of breath. I began to struggle even more so as my temper began to rise.

"Indeed. So perhaps if you weren't born, it would save the world the trouble of dealing with you lowly creatures," he responded icily.

"Ya know what Sesshoumaru?" I asked in a bitter smirk. He gave me a blank look as his grip tightened. I ignored his response while I continued. "I can't help the fact that I was born. Though, obviously, Father wanted it or he would've killed my mother way before I existed!"

The words I used to defend myself were deaf to even my own ears, though I knew that statement to be the one to shock him. To know that at that time, the hanyou remarks wouldn't work against me. That was my life at the moment. In a sense, "to grin and bear it." I killed those weaker than me in order to prove to myself and to others that I was worthy to be acknowledged.

While he was distracted by that low blow to his pride, I pushed my feet from the trunk of the tree and made him stumble momentarily as I flipped over him and landed. He let out a small growl but regained his composure quickly.

"So who is calling whom weak here?" I smirked arrogantly.

He suddenly pierced me with one of the coldest glares I've ever seen him pull. It literally sent chills down my spine. He then turned his back from me and started to walk off.

"What? Did I wound your pride too much?" I taunted, thinking that I had the upper hand.

He stopped in mid-step, but did not turn to stare at me again. "You are not even worth getting my hands sullied over, worthless hanyou," he stated in a ruthless tone.

I stared after him in a state of shock. That was until my eye twitched again. "I'm gonna kill you bastard!" I yelled in rage, preparing to charge at his back.

His next words stopped me. "Be thankful that I even spared you this moment. Inuyasha, in due time I will kill you. Be prepared of that. Only until then will I spare time to remove your pitiful existence from this earth."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? I glared at his back until another question came to mind. "Then why the hell did you go on about killing me when you were holding me by my neck?" I demanded in a snarl.

"Your foolish ramble only proved how weak you truly are," he stated in his emotionless monologue. At those last words, he walked off into the darkness of the woods.

For once I was glad that I was alone. At least I didn't have to be in his company. At that time I never understood what he meant by me not yet being ready, but now I do. I needed to get stronger. I needed to gain the skills of a warrior. No matter how cold and emotionless that bastard was, deep down I knew some of his words to be the truth.

At this point in my life, I only knew hatred and the rare love from my mother. Besides the care I received from her, I had no one else to look after me. Many things led me down the path I was about to embark on. However, there was one thing I never imagined to happen.

The time when I met her…

Wow…really deep from Inuyasha's point of view. I hope you enjoyed this piece of angst as much as I enjoyed writing it for you!

Please review and tell me your thoughts!

Until part two! Ja ne!