Father, please forgive me.
I have done so much evil in my life, and as I reach the closing of it, I find there's still so much left undone. So much I want to do. I want repent, and be with the woman I love. As I write these words, the pen trembles in my hand. It does not want to write them anymore than I want my life to end here. But I must, and it must.
You were not a good man. I know this. And I know that if by some miracle I were to ever reach the gates of heaven, you would not be there to greet me. But I was wrong as to what I did to you. And yes, though my teeth grind to speak it, I regret it.
I met a man near the end of my journey. He taught me to examine myself. To look deep within, and see my hypocrisy. This man was an angel of light, if a moron. Through that unspoken friendship I grew more than in all the rest of my years. Honesty has never been my strong suit, and to have a person so dishonest with himself thrust into my life was more than my fragile sense of self could take. I made him look at himself. In turn, he did the same to me.
An agnostic preacher? Perhaps. I only kept the act up for as long as I did for the sake of the orphanage. Enough people were willing to pay me for a quick blessing, or a brief flash of hope. So many people without hope. I took advantage of them all, convincing myself that it was for the greater good. What a fool.
Being found by Knives was simply a bonus. An enormous payoff for simply following his brother and reporting in occasionally? I'd be crazy not to do it. I was never really part if the Guns. I never fit in. Knives didn't create me, nor did he own me. At least that much I can claim. I didn't ask questions. I turned my face away when I should have stared the evil down.
I am a bad man. There is no way around it. Good deeds done to make up for past sins will never absolve them. I have killed men and children alike. I have blasphemed against any and every being willing to claim the human race as it's children. I have thieved. I will have broken the kindest heart I've ever known.
My only comfort now, is that I will be forgiven as well. I will have absolution.