A/N: Yay! A crack-fic! All thanks to Globe's Unlicalls Night! XD And also, gomen. I have been too lazy to update Teach Me because I accidentally forgot the plot. But don't worry, I am trying my best here. Well, cheers to crack! ^_^
Warning: Crack, Profanities, Scandals, Suggestive themes and etc. XD
Disclaimer: I cannot own Vampire Knight because it belongs to Matsuri Hino-sensei. And the songs used belongs to their respective copyright holders.
Title: Prank Calls
Rating: T
Genre: Humor/Parody
Ring.....
Ring Ring......
RING RING.......
Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring....
Ahh!!!!.......
Kaname sighed as he answered his cellphone.
Unknown Caller: Onii-sama!!! We had sex!!!
Kaname: What!!!!! Yuuki!!! Who??!!!! *nearby glass shattered*
Yuuki: With Zero, of course!!!
Kaname: What??!!! You had sex with Zero??!!! Oh Yuuki. How can you betray me. *more glass shattered*
Yuuki: What?!! Did I say that??!! Oops, sorry, I meant that Zero and I kissed. *giggles*
Kaname: Even if you two kissed, aren't we supposed to be engaged?
Yuuki: Are we??
Kaname: Yes!!
Yuuki: Oops.... Sorry......nii-sama.......hear........you.....bye..... *insert FAKE static here*
Kaname: I can't believe she hung up on me. And cheated on me...... *sobs*
Then, Kaname puts down his phone.
Pick up.....
Pick up the phone....
Come on pick up the phone.....
Pickituppickituppickituppickitup.......
Aidou stared at his phone for a moment. 'Unknown number. Maybe It's Kana-kun!'
Aidou: Yallow.
Unknown Caller: Hello, Is this Aidou Hanabusa?
Aidou: Yes, speaking.
Unknown Caller: Kaname-sama would like to inform you that he hates you.
Aidou: Wha-WHAT??!!
Unknown Caller: And that he formally invites you to his wedding with Zero Kiryuu to rub it in your face.
Aidou: I-I can't believe this!!
Unknown Caller: Well, believe it! That is all. Thank you. Good day. *insert end call tone here*
Aidou dropped his phone and his knees fell to the ground-slash-floor. "Nooo!!!!" He said in anguish and jumped off the stairs, crying in pain because of an injured leg.
Spider pig.....
Spider pig.......
Does whatever a spider pig does......
Can he swing....
From a web......
No he can't.......
He's a pig........
Lookout................
He's a spider pig........
Shiki coughed as he picked up his cellphone.
Shiki: Uhm, hello. Who is this?
Unknown Caller: I'm a friend of Rima's. Say, are you her boyfriend?
Shiki: Yes. *insert Shiki blushing here*
Unknown Caller: Well, I would just like to point out that she has been cheating on you.
Shiki: *gasp* What?! With who??
Unknown Caller: She has been sleeping with your manager.
Shiki: *is somewhat relieved* Oh, that's okay. Even I do that just to get a raise or a new project.
Unknown Caller: Wh-what....?
Shiki: Bye.
The Unknown Caller just stared at her phone in shock. 'Oh well, I still have 3 hours to pester everyone. And it's already midnight! Yay me!' She thought.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.....
And they're like, it's better than yours.......
Damn right, it's better than yours....
I can teach you.....
But I have to charge.....
Ruka groaned as she sat up from her bed. 'Who the fuck would disturb my beauty sleep?! And at this hour??!!'
Ruka: Hello......
Unknown Caller: *insert breathing here*
Ruka: Hello?!
Unknown Caller: Aaahhh...... Yesss......... More, Kain....... more..........
Ruka: What the fuck??!!!
Unknown Caller: Ah..... who knew the great Akatsuki Kain can be this soo....... good........
Ruka: You bitch! Don't you TOUCH with my boyfriend!!!!
Unknown Caller: Ahh! More! Please! Faster! Harder!
Ruka: SHIT!!!!
Unknown Caller: Kain, I'm gonna........ahhhh......... *insert end call tone here*
Ruka threw her phone the farthest she could and swore so loud that everyone awakened.
Meanwhile, our UNKNOWN caller had been laughing her ass off. Good thing she didn't choke on her saliva, though.
I love you....
You love me......
We're a happy family.....
With a great bigh hug and a kiss from me to you.......
Won't you say you love me too.....
Answering Machine: Welcome to Heaven. Press 1 to talk to God, Press 2 to go to Heaven and Press 3 to talk to a loved one......
Unknown Caller: *presses 5*
Answering Machine: Please state the name of the loved one.
Unknown Caller: Kuran Juuri.
Juuri: Hello?
Unknown Caller: Mother?
Juuri: Yuuki! I missed you dear. It's a good thing you called.
Yuuki: Well, mom. There's something you should know.
Juuri: Well then, what is it dear?
Yuuki: I saw father and Rido and they..... they.... *sobs*
Juuri: *a bit suspicious* They, what, dear?
Yuuki: I saw them having sex and making out behind your back!! Literally!! *fake sobs*
Juuri: I'll see what I can do. Love you dear, bye.
Juuri hung up on Yuuki, grabbed a rope and a shovel and went out in search of Haruka.
Meanwhile, our UNKNOWN caller pitied her father.....for a moment. Now, she had one last phone call in mind before going to sleep.
And then I'm gonna love you completely.........
Then I'll fucking.......
fuck you discreetly.......
Rido moved away from his bedmate and answered the phone.
Rido: Hello?
Unknown Caller: Uncle Rido, do you still want my blood?
Rido: Yuuki? Of course not.
Yuuki: What?! Why?! I would choose you over everyone else because you're too damn hot!!!
Rido: I thought you don't want me??
Yuuki: That's just in the script. I really want you Rido.
Rido: How much??
Yuuki: Uhm, I still need to cover the expenses for school. And my allowance and food and......
Rido: Alright. So, would $200 suffice you?
Yuuki: Uhm.... Maybe?
Rido: Alright! I'll give you $400! Just don't bother me anymore!
Yuuki: Okay!
Yuuki a.k.a. Unknown Caller put down her phone and jumped and squealed. All she had to do was beg to get extra allowance. Let's face it, Chairmain Cross is trying to save money a little bit too much.
Meanwhile...... With the ever-so-smexy Rido........
"Who was that, dear?" A certain pureblood with black, curly hair and black eyes and rosy white skin asked.
"Nothing it was just my niece." Rido replied, caressing the woman.
"What did she want?" The woman asked, kissing Rido's thumb.
"Extra allowance. Now where were we?" Rido asked, pinning the woman under him. A moan escaped her lips.
"Yes, that's where we left off." Rido whispered into her ear, making her shiver in delight and excitement........
And well, you know the rest...........
A/N: Woot! Now that that's over, I'll try to update Teach Me. Guess who's Rido's lover is. XD
Reviews are welcomed! ^_^