Technically
Disclaimer: Xena and Gabrielle belong to themselves. Innuendo, blatant etc. Pure nonsense.
Summary: What happened after the camera battery died in the episode 'You are There'?
"And now, ladies and gentlemen- a world exclusive- for the first time anywhere- Xena and Gabrielle- reveal the true nature- of their relationship. Gabrielle- Xena- are you two- lovers?" The interviewer interrogated.
"You want the truth." Xena asked, annoyed.
"That's right, Xena- we want the truth- the whole world- wants the truth!"
"It's like this- technically- " Xena began, eying Gabrielle in an almost menacing and annoyed look. She hated when people made innuendo regarding the both of them, but it annoyed her as well that the blond found hilarity in the situation. A pause settled in the room as everyone within earshot quieted to hear the answer just as the camera battery died and the interviewer complained.
"It's okay Xena, you can say it out loud now. The camera is off." The blond encouraged with a grin.
The brunette elbowed her partner firmly, and resumed what she was going to say.
"Well you see, we are soul mates. Make of it what you will." she answered, smiling at her own clever response.
"Oh come on, Xena, you can do better than that." The interviewer cajoled, stopping his abuse of the video camera.
"Like I said, It's none of your beeswax who my lovers are or what I do and don't do." Xena snarled.
"Well no, but it is very high on the breaking news list to be able to get the full scoop on who you do- do. If you will.." the TV reporter teased.
The blond soon glared at the man too. "Xena, you have my blessing to beat him up."
The nosy man cowered for a second, stepping back slowly. "Oh. never mind Xena, I changed my mind. You keep your secrets. I'm perfectly content to walk out that door." He rushed, afraid for his life, waving his camera crew out of the tavern.
As they exited, Xena made sure to stare daggers at them the whole time.
"My appetite is gone." the warrior announced, setting her empty mug on the table and sliding it toward the edge. Standing up, she looked questioningly at Gabrielle.
"Ready?"
"Yeah."
Rolling her eyes at the tavern looky-loos that stared while leaving, Xena muttered quietly to herself a string of curses and unintelligible utterances until she and Gabrielle soon were in front of Argo and Amber, their faithful steeds. Letting out a loud sigh, she put to words what she had been thinking on the walk over.
"Why is it so interesting to people that we be together?"
"Are you kidding? That leather, those baby blues? They just want any reason to think about your sleeping habits." Gabrielle answered with a smile.
"What about you?" the brunette replied.
"Well I don't have to, I know your sleeping habits." the younger woman grinned.
The warrior scowled, "No, don't you think they are salivating over your velvet bust line and six pack abs?" Xena teased back.
"It doesn't matter."
"How can you be so calm when they are meddling in our private lives?"
"For one, I really don't care about them. I only care about you. Secondly, no matter what anyone says or thinks, I live the truth."
"Yeah, I suppose so." A smile inched onto the brooding warrior's mouth as she spurred Argo into a run.
"Argo probably doesn't get bothered either." Gabrielle said aside with a smirk as she followed.
"What?"
"Yeah, haven't you heard the rumor about you and Argo? That one I believe. The way you fawn over that horse is ridiculous." Argo whinnied at the remark.
"You know it's true Argo!" The blond paused for a second, "I'm talking to a horse again." She muttered, but she gave into it and responded. "Yes Argo, she loves you as much as she loves me."
Argo snorted her approval.
"If you think about it, it's kind of silly to ask." Xena commented behind her. "We raise a child together, we never leave each other's side, I marry you in a future life, we love taking baths together, we massage each other while naked. What is there to wonder about? Do I need to spell it out for them?"
A grin spread over the bard's face as she reminisced many of the moments mentioned.
"Don't forget the exaggerated 'I love you' statements we make when we're about to die. Oh! Also that when I wanted to settle down, my decision depended on what you wanted too. You kissing me as Autolycus. Autolycus didn't know whether to be turned on or fear for his life." she chuckled. "How about you being the only one to wake me from a fiery slumber and me telling Brunhilda that I can only have one friend at a time."
"That too. But then again. I never say I'm 'in love' with you. I just tell you how much I love 'that', and that I love you more than everything, and want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"But then again you do always stare at my bust line." Gabrielle replied matter of factually.
"I do not!" Xena denied, shocked as she turned to face the bard behind her on the other horse. At the thought, her eyes began to wander toward the aforementioned objects that seemed to dance appealingly, taunting her eyes to wander of their own accord.
"You're doing it again."
"Yeah well, you try not thinking about something that is just mentioned." she complained.
"What, like that time you mentioned your," she cleared her throat as if afraid to continue, "saddle horn."
"You minx." Xena laughed. "It's not my fault your mind is always on 'that'"
"Yeah? Well yours is always on fish. You are not any better."
"We're a pair aren't we?"
"Yes we are. The best kind. And you know what? I really don't care who knows. They already think I'm a cradle robber with you coming in and barging into my life. 'Take me with you! Teach me everything you know!" Xena teasingly imitated. "You were quite the lovestruck goober back then."
"Xena!"
"Well, you were! I mean really Gabrielle, falling in love with a broken down ex-warlord. What were you thinking?"
"Oh I don't know, 'wow look at the legs on that one. Only dressed in her shift, kicking the ass of people who would enslave me.' Can't see the allure in that one whatsover." Gabrielle answered sarcastically, rolling her eyes for effect.
Xena grinned, delighted by the answer. "Okay, stop all this talk, I'm getting hungry for fish. Want to stop somewhere on the way before we go to meet Eve?"
"Yeah definitely, I'm kind of craving some clam. But promise me we'll get a room at an inn, I want to dine in peace without some stray dying soldier or far off messenger coming in to interrupt us."
"Sure, but you have to haggle for the room price, we're kind of low on dinars from this trek to Valhalla."
"Fine, but promise me you won't menace the innkeeper into giving us a room though, the last time you did that, our sheets smelled and the meals were awful. Not to mention the fact that no one would look me in the eye, they were so scared."
"Oh, that was because I said that if I found them looking at you, I'd gut them."
"Xena! You did not."
"I did. Didn't you notice how much that guy was fawning over you and looking you over like a piece of meat."
"You look at me the same way! It's your fault you know. 'Gee that barely there outfit looks great on you sweetheart, buy that one!"
Xena snickered to herself but quickly answered, "Well I'm the only one allowed to look."
"Is that right warrior princess?" Gabrielle glowered.
"Yep." Turning back to urge Argo on faster, Xena faced forward, grabbing the reigns tightly.
"Last one there is a rotten hydra egg. Yah!" the brunette urged, Argo hightailed it at full speed as Xena grinned happily.
"You watch it warrior princess, you won't be walking funny because of this race after I'm through with you!' Gabrielle yelled from a few horse lengths back.
"I count on it!" Xena yelled back with mischief glinting in her eye.
They never made it to the inn until a few moons after. In the episode afterward(Path of Vengeance) Gabrielle tried to get an inn anyway so that Xena could recover from the 'race'.
The End
Author's note: Don't blame me, you scrolled of your own accord to read this.