I don't own Love Live! Sunshine!.
(Originally posted on my tumblr xcamay, if it's easier for you to read on this site rather than here)
When You opened her eyes that night, she automatically turned on her right, already happy to know that, for once, the placement they all agreed on for the night allowed her to sleep next to Riko. But her sleepy happiness was short-lived when she saw the empty futon next to her. Her sleepy happiness even crashed to the ground when she realized that Chika's bed was also empty.
Again.
It was the second time, the second night it happened. They both left in the middle of the night -who knows where, who knows why. It was annoying, irritating, tiring ... And scary.
But this time, they took way longer than the night before. Piqued by her curiosity, You silently got up, tried not to walk on the other girls' futons and, after stopping dead in her track several times -when one was only moving in her sleep, and with six girls, it happened more than once-, she finally left the room.
Her feet -and her curiosity- dragged her out of the house, and few meters away. The night was hot -curse the summer-, the air heavy and oppressive. She could have had a quick dip, or she just could have gone back to the inn and in her futon, but she spotted her two friends. On a low wall, before the beach. Not so far from where she was.
You stayed, never appearing in their field of vision, but she stayed. Leaning against a wooden beam, quietly watching and listening to them, she stayed.
She shouldn't have.
You placed an almost lifeless, heavy hand on the beam, curling it into a fist. Upcoming tears started to brun her eyes, and she forced herself to blink, blurrying her entire vision. She gulped with difficulty, and stayed nonetheless.
She stayed.
Chika's voice almost seemed too distant because of the loud and rapid pounding sound in her ears. She tried to ignore the feeling of her heart being overwhelmed by too many emotions at the same time, trying to focus on her two classmates before her.
One sole tear escaped the corner of her eye as it slowly trickled down her cheek, sliding then along her tight throat. It suddenly became hard to gulp, and even harder to breathe.
You wished she never felt that way.
She wished she was the one who woke Riko up before. She wished she was the one who dragged her outside for a night trip. She wished she was the one who received Riko's sincere, warm, loving hug.
"I love you."
Her heart plummeted. Instantly, swiftly, achingly. It pounded harder and harder, faster and faster, and she could have sworn they were able to hear her now furious heart rate. The pain was unexpected, uncontrollable, dstructive, and it cruelly pierces, perforates, plows through her heart.
She wished she was the one Riko was smiling at. She wished it was her hands Riko was tenderly holding. She wished she was the one Riko was staring at.
And, God, how she wished that those words were said in front of her. How she wished they were directed at her, that they were for her. How she wished she was the one meant to hear those simple, desired -and yet, detrimental and toxic- three words.
You lowers her head, silent tears tickling her skin, and, ignoring the agony in her heart, turns away from a scene which, sadly, is already etched in her memory.
She shouldn't have woken up ... She shouldn't have left the bedroom earlier.
Why does she never make the right decisions? Why did she fall for the wrong person? Why is unrequited love so painful?
... Why the most beautiful things in the world are the most excruciating ones?
As You lies down on her futon, countless thoughts flood in her weakened and tired mind. She must recognize that it has always been like that, anyway. From the beginning. And that it will always be like that.
Chika has always had something ; something You simply does not have. The kind of something she will never have. The something that makes all the difference.
She wished she had this something. She wished she was the one who piqued Riko's curiosity and interest. She wished they were as close as she is with Chika.
She wished she was different.
Oh, how she wished she wasn't just You Watanabe.
Forgive me if it's too messy, it's almost 1AM. :p
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed even if it's kinda sad! :')
[I'm writing the next chapter of the First Times serie, I haven't forgotten about all this. See you!]