For anyone wondering, I am still working on Where the Sidewalk Ends. But having just experienced violent crime firsthand, I'm having trouble with crime fiction. Once I get my own case of PTSD Under control, I will resume writing that. Promise. This was easier to write though there may only be one or two more chapters to this particular story.-J

Spencer stood in the darkness of Maggie's living room gazing out the picture window into the nighttime of Maggie's street. He wasn't sure why he had woken up. It was well before the time when Browning usually demanded attention and there was no noise, no bad dream; he had just found himself awake with a slightly uneasy feeling that didn't allow him to resume his slumber. He tried. He laid there for a while listening to Maggie's even breathing and hoping it would lull him as it usually did. It didn't. So here he stood in his pajama bottoms, shirtless and slightly chilled absently observing the small circles of illumination cast by the streetlights.

"You okay, Honey?"

Spencer started and turned at Maggie's voice.

"Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Not so much, it was more like your absence woke me. I've been a little protective lately in case you hadn't noticed."

Spencer smiled and gave a half laugh.

"More like over protective, it's cute though."

"Well, I have to look out for my prince; I don't seem to have a spare."

"I thought I was supposed to be your brave knight. My lady shouldn't have to be the one looking after me."

"I think the chivalric code has changed a bit over the years. So what is keeping you awake my love?"

"I wish I knew."

"I guess we'll just have to figure it out. I'll put some tea on; chamomile okay?"

He nodded absently.

Once tea was made, Maggie pulled Spencer over to the couch.

"Baby, you are so cold! Here get under the blanket with me."

She pulled an afghan over the two of them and leaned back on the couch with Spencer's head resting on her chest.

"Now you tell me what's rattling around in that amazing mind of yours."

"I know so much about you. I know about your rape, your family, the fact you have no contact with them. I know why you are estranged from them. I know you are an only child and while often lonely, you are very comfortable with your own company. You know so little about me. I feel like I'm keeping secrets from you and I don't think that's a good thing."

"You aren't keeping secrets; you just aren't as much a heart on your sleeve type of person as I am. I know you'll tell me more about yourself as you feel comfortable. I know a lot already; probably more than you've been at ease with. I'm sure that getting you off of the plane and being the one to clean you up and tuck you in that night wasn't in your comfort zone."

"Knowing that I can trust you like that is a sign I can trust you with everything."

"Like what?"

"Like my past."

"Oh. Pasts can be very dark places."

"Indeed they can. I guess you have figured that my childhood wasn't an overly happy thing."

"I know you were still a child when you graduated high school and that must have been lonely and that the other students were probably terrible to you."

He nodded.

"It didn't help things at all that my mother is a paranoid schizophrenic. Sometimes she was fine but not often. My dad left when I was ten. I guess with the hours he worked to try to avoid us, he really left long before that. I held a lot of anger toward him for a long time but we are getting better. I had my mother institutionalized when I was 18. I still feel guilty even though I know it was the best thing for her."

Maggie squeezed him tighter stroking and kissing his hair.

"Oh my love, how terrible for you. Is your mother still in the hospital?"

"Yes. She always will be. There's no cure and she just needs more supervision than I could give her. I write to her everyday to assuage my own guilt for not being there more."

"Does she know what happened?"

"She's gotten a very highly edited version of the events. She knows about you though. She was a literature professor also. I think she likes the idea of you."

"Perhaps I can meet her sometime?"

He looked uncomfortable.

"Perhaps."

"Could I write to her? Would that be alright?"

This brought a smile to Spencer's face and a slight bit of relaxation.

"I think she would like that."

"Were you afraid to tell me this, Spencer?"

"I think I was a little. That you might not want to be with someone with such a messed up family."

"You know about my family and you didn't run away. Yours isn't worse than mine."

"It's not just my family I have kept from you."

"Whatever else there is, you don't have to tell me unless you are sure you're ready."

Spencer sat up to look at Maggie with an uncertain look.

"I feel kind of like I am on a roll. If I don't tell you now, I might never get the courage again."

"I'm listening. Tell me if you want to, whatever you want to, whatever you're ready and okay with telling me."

"Remember I told you I was held hostage once by an unsub with DID?"

Maggie nods.

"His name was Tobias Hankel. He was a nice enough fellow but his father was cruel and then he had one other personality that was the angel Raphael. The father personality beat me and Raphael kept playing a sick version of Russian roulette. Hankel was himself, a drug addict. He had become one to deal with his father's abuse. While I was being held, Hankel shot me up with Dilaudid. I didn't want him to but by the end of the experience I was starting to look forward to the oblivion it brought. After I was rescued, I took the rest of Hankel's drugs. I am an addict. I'm clean now and I haven't used in well over a year, almost two. I still want it sometimes. Less now that I know you but still when the nightmares get bad or when I was at the cabin, I wish I could retreat into that void that just negates the bad for me."

Maggie was silent for a time and Spencer was very afraid that finding out her boyfriend was a drug addict might be the news that she just couldn't handle. Finally she spoke.

"My God, no wonder you have nightmares. I will never get used to the danger you are in when you go away. I love you."

"I love you too."

"You really want it less now?"

"Yes. I find I want to escape less with you in my life."