PART ONE of TWO
1978
CHAPTER ONE: Sanctuary
October 16th
The screams that usually emanate from the shrieking shack every month seem louder than usual to the residents of Hogsmeade. It's not just the silence of the winter midnight air that makes them seem so- something is truly wrong tonight; something more than usual. Across the Hogwarts grounds and down the long, winding, secret passage of the newly planted Whomping Willow, James Potter and Sirius Black are frantically trying to restrain their friend, Remus Lupin. In his giant black dog form, Sirius attempts to wrest control of Remus' thrashing limbs.
"NO, REMUS- James, help me!" Sirius shouts as Remus' back arches, his pupils dilate and his fingernails grow to sharp yellowed talons. As he thrashes in the small room, James grabs a hold of his arms and pins them to his sides before wrapping his arms securely around his friend's torso, while Sirius forces him to his knees and sits on his legs, rendering Remus almost incapable of any lower body movement. Though he appears scrawny, James has a fair amount of muscle due to his intense Quidditch training, and Sirius' bloodline has granted him a certain degree of brute strength.
With Remus suitably restrained the two friends take a moment to glance at each other, conveying a simple message. Each is wondering why they put with this every month. Both have suffered numerous scratches and bruises, and even a few broken bones. None of these were hard to remedy, but the pain and stress and the concern for not just their own wellbeing, but for that of their fellow pupils, occasionally makes the two boys feel like Dumbledore doesn't really care about Remus' affliction, and that he is taking advantage of their friendship to Remus, instead of using his considerable power to help the ailing teenager himself.
Remus' panting gradually slows, and his pupils expand slightly. He begins to whimper and whine, like a dog left out in the cold. As his convulsions pass Sirius and James lessen their hold on him until he is completely free and able to move around the shack. He stalks, stooped and snarling, around the perimeter of the room, as he always does, before howling softly and moving into the next room, where he repeats this tradition.
Remus finally re-enters the room and stands glaring at his friends, who are sprawled on the hard wooden floorboards. Sirius is casually knitting together the newly gouged scratches on his side, while James repairs a crack in his glasses with his wand. Remus growls softly through bared teeth and turns back into the second room, slamming the wooden door shut with one swift movement of a powerful back leg.
James and Sirius look at each other, eyebrows raised.
"Seems like our buddy Remus is having some issues, huh?"
"More than usual, James, if that was possible."
The growls from next door become a series of harsh barks, and James grins. He takes out a pack of exploding snap and prepares to settle for what will be another very long night.
ooo
November 12th
"Pssst, Remus," James whispers across his cauldron. "Oi, Wolf-boy."
Remus shoots him a dangerous look, reminiscent of his morphed state. "What now, James?"
"I left half of my essay on Polyjuice Potions in the dorm. Can I copy yours?"
This earns him another look.
"No, you can't. It's your fault you left it behind, and I'm not going to let you benefit from the hours of work I put into my essay. Besides, Professor Slughorn will notice if you copy mine."
"Not word for word, idiot. I'll put my own little twist into it."
"The answer is still no."
James scowls and dumps his griffin claw into his cauldron, slopping some of the thick potion into his lap. The potion, which is much yellower than it should be, sizzles quickly through his trousers. He jumps up; knocking over his scales, and runs hastily from the room, glaring at Remus as he does so.
"What's up his arse?" says Sirius, turning to grin at his friend's hasty departure.
"Nothing more than usual, Sirius. By the way, your cauldron is melting."
"Wha- oh, shit."
While Sirius struggles with this dilemma Remus packs up his ingredients and instruments and strides from the room. He ignores Slughorn's inquiries and heads straight for the seventh floor, where he knows he'll be able to find some peace.
ooo
Ever since their last trip to the Shrieking Shack, James has noticed that Remus has become increasingly cold towards him. It's as if he's keeping a secret. One which involves James. Though Remus tries so hard to be as nonchalant, as blasé as he can, James can see that his friend can't hold it in. He's always been so quiet compared to his friends- which would seem strange to those who've seen him in his vicious werewolf state- but he's a passionate boy.
As Remus stews in the Room of Requirement James, trapped in his Muggle Studies class, once again ponders this train of thought while Professor Woodward drones on about the functions of the muggle contraption "airplanes".
"Now, while wizards use apparition, the floo network and broomsticks for long distance travel, muggles use several types of wholly non-magical metal forms of transport. These are known as cars, airplanes, trains, busses, taxi cabs and trams, though I do believe that the latter have gone somewhat out of fashion... And yes, I know that you covered these in your fifth year, but we're going to go into a little more depth… Yes, Mr. Potter?"
"Sir, I feel ill. Can I be excused?"
"Again, Mr. Potter? That's the second time this week, you know. It's not good for you to miss so much of my class. Your exam results will suffer. We don't want that, do we?"
"No, sir, but I'm pretty sure we also don't want me to be sick all over my desk."
"Oh, Merlin… Go, Potter. Sort yourself out, and maybe bring a morning sickness potion to class tomorrow."
The class snickers as James leaves, but he doesn't care. He has to talk to Remus, and he's pretty sure that he knows where to find him.
ooo
James reaches the seventh floor ten minutes later. Remus is still inside the Room of Requirement, sleeping soundly in a large hammock while classical music plays softly from an ancient gramophone. The room has always been his favourite place in the castle, and all of his own design. The walls are of a light brown wood, and are hung with tapestries showing scenes of peace, such as deserted, sunlit gardens and flat blue lakes. The bookshelves which line the left wall are full of leather-bound volumes, most of which are classic Muggle stories. Though Remus' parents are both of wizarding descent, he discovered them at a young age and now takes what little time out he has from his schooling to read through them. Sometimes he wonders what his life would have been like if his parents were Muggles, and if he had been one too. Not knowing a thing about Hogwarts or the Ministry or Diagon Alley, or any of the numerous wonderful things that are normal in his life... it makes him feel like he's living in a parallel universe, accessible only to those who were able to enter it because of chance or fate.
As Remus sleeps James sits himself in front of the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. He shifts uncomfortably on the cold stone floor, trying to find a position that can null the pain in his already aching tailbone. When Remus finally leaves, he intends to be there waiting for him.
ooo
Forty five minutes later, Remus wakes from his slumber. He wakes gradually, his senses dulled from his deep sleep and his mind quiet and peaceful. For a few minutes he forgets all about his NEWT exams and his trouble with James, and simply lies still and appreciates the soft golden glow of the lamp on the table by the door. He checks his watch. He still has an hour before lunch. As much as would like to stay and snooze some more, he knows he has to finish his homework for the day now, so he can have the rest of the day to relax.
Eventually he sits and swings his legs to the side, rising from the hammock and snatching his wand from the top of the bookshelf to his right, and stands and walks to the door. He emerges into the hallway and sees James sitting on the floor. James jumps to his feet, wincing at the pain in his back.
The two boys face each other. The door at Remus' back swings shut and disappears into the brick. Remus feels the warmth of the room leave him. Out here in the cold corridor there is no comfort- no music, no hammock, no golden light, only confrontation.
James is suddenly as a loss for words, even though he spent the last three quarters of an hour rehearsing his speech. Finally, he says "You have a problem with me, don't you." It's more a statement, which Remus was afraid of. He can't deny anything now.
Remus sighs. He doesn't want to deal with this. He wants to sit and do his homework, then eat a hot meal with his friends before finally going up to Gryffindor tower and reading in the warm common room.
"I don't want to do this now, James. Let's leave it for another day, okay?"
"No, we can't. I skipped my Muggle Studies class to come here and wait for you. I want to sort this out now, before you get any madder at me. I want to know so I can figure out to fix it."
"You can't fix anything. It's not your fault, anyway. Well, not really."
"So why are so angry at me?"
"I'm not even angry, I'm just… just sad." It's not really the word he's looking for, but it's fine for now.
"Sad?"
"Yeah, sad. Melancholy. Aggrieved."
"Well, no-one's going to argue that you don't have anything to feel melancholy about, but I want to know what any of this has to do with me."
"Look, it- just leave it, would you? Please?"
James looks at his friend. They've known each other for over four years now, and they've been through some tough times together. They've spent many nights in the shrieking shack, forced to be there by Remus' condition. They've studied together, fought each other and helped each other, and through everything they've stayed steadfast friends. Only now, though, is James completely aware of Remus' shabby robes, drawn face and dark eyes. The self inflicted scar across his cheek- caused during a particularly nasty scuffle one full moon night- stands out starkly in the quiet, dimly lit corridor. He feels pity for him, which he knows Remus would hate, but also anger. After all this time, Remus should be able to share with him.
"Fine. Fine, I'll let it go for now, but we're not finished talking about this."
Remus sighs heavily and watches James stride towards the stairs and disappear from sight. He stands still for several minutes.
Then, murmuring quietly under his breath, Remus walks three times in front of the tapestry, thinking of a room which comes so easily now to his mind. When the door appears he slips quickly inside, forsaking his homework for just an hour more in his sanctuary.