Hello, there everyone. I'm here to tell you how to write fanfiction correctly, as most authors seem to require a tutorial. I ask you to realize that I have NOT been keeping up with the current Naruto chapters, nor do I have ANY inclination to. I'm really not a "SasuNaru" fan, but I used them because this pairing is where I often see these mistakes.
The sentances that will be repeated are:
Naruto looked over at Sasuke, sitting at the desk in front of him. He thought about the kiss they shared just a few moments earlier. Naruto's blue eyes clouded over with lust...dattebayo.
Using random Japanese words in the middle of a sentance. I tend to use honourifics such as "-kun", "-chan", etc... sometimes, but I avoid doing the following:
Naruto looked over at Sasuke, sitting at the desk in front of him. He thought about the seppun they shared just a few moments earlier. Naruto's aoi me clouded over with inyoku...dattebayo.
Now, while the first sentance may be fine, the rest of it requires a dictionary. Instead of trying to impress people with YOUR INFINITE KNOWLEDGE OF JAPERNEEZE, stick to English, or whatever your native language may be. Here are the same exact lines without switching languages, translation is capitalized:
Naruto looked over at Sasuke, sitting at the desk in front of him. He thought about the KISS they shared just a few moments earlier. Naruto's BLUE EYES clouded over with LUST...dattebayo.
I left the dattebayo in because it has no translation.
Next you must PROOFREAD AND SPELLCHECK! I can't COUNT the number of times I've seen the following:
naruto looked over at saske, sttingatthe desk infront of him. he thought about the kissthey shard just a fe mments erlier. narutos blueeyes coluded over with lust.
...OUCH! This hurt my fingers just to type it. An occasional typo isn't a HUGE issue, but try to check yourself and type slowly to avoid errors.
Also, make sure you don't use "internet words". Treat your fanfiction as if it were a college paper (or whatever schooling level you're in).
I REALLY hope this helps any new fanfiction writers.