I watch as Holmes slumps into his chair by the fire. He's been in a black mood ever since the end of his last case. He always has moments where he's down, but this one seems to be stronger than usual. We haven't even had a row recently. That can sometimes send him to his dark place as well.
"Holmes, are you alright?" I ask tentatively. I'm always slightly worried about being able to ask Holmes questions when he's like this. He sometimes reacts badly.
"Is this all there is, Watson? Is there nothing more to life than right here and right now?" Holmes asks in a melancholy tone as he twirls his pipe between his fingers.
"That depends on whether you're an atheist or not really. There's another step in life if you want there to be. Your life is only as strong as your connections to other people." I say seriously. Holmes often questions his existence and the importance of everything during his dark times. I thought when we became lovers that perhaps this would all change and he wouldn't be as down or lost any more. I've always been his anchor in the storm and his port of call when he needed to talk, which was rarely. At least he talks to me now and he's more emotionally connected. His black moods come less often now, at least.
"Oh, Watson, you couch things so well. You allow me to form my own opinion, but somehow your own opinion still shines through. You know I'm not an atheist, Watson, we've been over this. I can't confirm or deny the existence of a higher power, but that doesn't mean there isn't one." Holmes gets up and pours himself a brandy. "And as my connections to other people are getting stronger, especially my connection to you, I think my life will be fine."
I glance at my pocket watch. It's only two p.m. "Perhaps it's a little early to start drinking, Holmes?" I ask tentatively.
"I'm sorry Watson. Did you want one?" Holmes asks extending the brandy decanter to me. He knows I don't like him drinking this early in the day, but he doesn't mind as long as someone, namely me, drinks with him.
"I suppose so. Promise me one thing will you, Holmes? Try and be particularly congenial when my mother comes to visit next week." I ask as I pour myself a large brandy. My mother's forthcoming visit is making me nervous. Holmes is not the easiest person to get along with and I don't want him to spill the beans about our real relationship. My mother is quite conservative and she manages to weasel things out of me easily.
"I will be congeniality itself, Watson. Does your mother know about us?" Holmes asks as he sits on the arm of the couch, puts his arm around me and kisses my cheek.
"Don't go overboard with the cheerfulness, Holmes, and no, my mother doesn't know about us and I don't know that I'll tell her the whole truth considering that what we're doing is illegal." I say as I sip my brandy.
"Watson, you worry too much. If your mother really loves you she'll accept what you're doing" Holmes says honestly.
"That's so far from the truth that I can't even believe you even said that. My mother doesn't even like the idea of me living with another man. If I ever told her we were lovers I think I'd kill her. She's not exactly a forward thinking woman." Watson says as he sighs heavily. He wants to be able to tell his mother the truth, but knows that could never be.
"I'm sorry, Watson. I wish your mother was more understanding. At least my brother, Mycroft, understands why we are the way we are and why we have the relationship we do. It's awfully forward thinking of him really. I thought he would have a coronary when we told him the truth, but he was very kind to us. He loves you as a brother. Sometimes I wonder if he loves you more than he loves me. He certainly gets along with you better. Mrs. Hudson has been awfully congenial with our new relationship as well. I thought she would be shocked, but surprisingly she knew about us before we discovered our feelings ourselves. She's lovely. We're lucky to have her, Watson." Holmes says as he takes a large sip of brandy from his glass.
"I never thought Mycroft would be the one to understand and be happy for us and I had my doubts about Mrs. Hudson too. Don't worry about my mother. Her opinion will be what it is and neither of us can change that. I haven't seen my mother for a long time and it will be nice." Watson says looking out the window.