I can start from my earliest memory, possibly a memory I'm most sensitive about…
Before my world caved in. Each memory latching on to one another and
Becoming a story I usually avoid telling. My heart cries a sorrow I can't
Bare sometimes and lives in a past I wish was my future. My earliest memory
Of my spiraling chain of pain began when Aizen became our captain...
I remember…
I remember footsteps pounded on the other side of the door
To congratulate that demon for becoming out newest captain.
So gleefully he thanked everyone. I could imagine his face
With a kind expression to show he was semi-humble for
Establishing such a high level of trust. I looked out the window
And watched the sunlight brighten the oak table I leaned on.
To my right, Tousen stood with hands behind his back and
His head facing the door. Aizen-taicho told me he was blind.
But something about the way he moved his head and battled
Made me feel like he could see better than the naked eye.
His hair fell down his back and his haori blew slowly in the soft wind.
How can Tousen admire that thing from hell so much? What was there to admire?
The door opened behind me and shut softly. "Aizen-sama," Tousen said.
"Kaname," Aizen said back just as slowly. I could imagine him flicking his
Fingers through his hair and rubbing his chin while he spoke Tousen's real name.
How idiotic. Aizen sat down in front of me with a small bag. He placed it
On his oat table and pushed it to me. Curiously, I opened the bag and noticed
A black uniform with a fukutaicho badge. No. I was not taking that place.
"Aizen-taicho…I mustn't," I started politely. His eyes narrowed underneath
His black rimmed glasses and he folded his hands. "Gin," he said softly,
Almost as softly as he said 'Kaname'. "You make it seem like this is an option.
You gave yourself to me by killing the third seat. You are now entangled in
My inevitable plan," I looked at the badge and then looked at him. He wasn't
Smiling so kindly anymore. As a matter of fact, if looks could kill…
"Aizen-taicho, I attacked him because he threatened to harm one of the subordinates.
I was only doing my job," He placed a hand over my mouth and said, "You exhibit
Power that will help me achieve my goal. You will be a part of my plan.
I didn't ask for your reasons to justify your actions. I'm just merely admiring your
Ruthlessness. The moment I saw your sword leave his body, I knew you were
The right person who can push my plan onto glory. You are quite heartless,"
"I am not!" I yelled. He widened his eyes a little and Tousen held his blade. Aizen
Signaled him to relax and I felt frustrated for letting myself go. "Gin, calm down.
I'm just asking for your help," "I don't think you are asking anymore once you've
Forced me into joining. You told me yourself that I don't have an option," He nodded
After I spoke and leaned back into his seat. "Become my fukutaicho. You may leave,
Ichimaru-kun," He was mocking me. I rose abruptly and walked out of the room.
I'm usually indifferent and cold but for some odd reason, my mask didn't work.
It was like he struck a nerve in me…a nerve I couldn't explain. I would get ugly flashbacks of
When Rangiku was lying on the ground and I couldn't help but envision his blood on my hands.
I felt something coil and become alive inside of me when I saw that godforsaken grin on
Aizen's face. I couldn't let that cunning, bi-polar maniac parade around the Gotei 13 thinking
People will succumb to his ways. I wanted to prove him wrong.
Suddenly, an idea came into my head that made me seem utterly conniving to that
Demon. Make believe. The idea seemed so brilliant that I couldn't formulate a coherent thought.
My heart throbbed. My head swarm of all sorts of different ideas that all ended in the same result:
Aizen crumbling to his feet. For a moment, I began to fret about the possibility of my plan not succeeding.
Even though majority of my fibers in my being hated Aizen, a small part of me was terrified of him.
He was monstrous when it came to power and in that division, he simply stood alone.
Before I knew he was mechanically insane, without humane thinking,
I was empathic. He and I barely spoke but I felt like I understood him.
For my age at that time, I was powerful myself and I felt alone. I sought for an equal thus leaving me
To wonder around for hours…leaving Rangiku behind.
I noticed he stood alone and often practiced his calligraphy. As a fellow
Powerful and indestructible swordsman, I felt the same.
But as time grew on and his face became painfully familiar,
I lost all those feelings and couldn't help but pick fights with him.
He seemed indifferent, similar to I, and didn't tolerate my teasing and blunt responses.
Instead, he'd grin…it was a grin my heart learned to fear.
Just to show that he was not a joke, he gave me a taste of his reiastu and I buckled to the floor,
Panting for air while my heart beat wildly in my chest.
That infamous grin left his face and his eyes dimmed. I didn't
Look at his face while he passed me. It infuriated me that I had succumbed to such an idiotic
Tactic. It made me even more furious to realize that all the while, we were playing cat and mouse.
I felt we were equal but he wanted to prove me wrong. He enforced his power
Onto me to show me he could be heartless and slaughter me in a mere second.
That knowledge greatly insulted me. Then, he wanted me to join him. It almost seemed impractical
And yet, the thought of betraying him after he's put his heart on the line was almost too delicious
To miss. I thirsted for that sadden look on his face and hungered for his
Mouth to leak blood. I desired to see his angered face when he noticed I'm placing my blade
Inside of his chest. I wanted him to repent for the sin he committed against Rangiku. I
Wanted to break him more than anything. At that moment, I leaned my head against the nearest wall and
Desired a shower. I needed to slow my rapid breathing and jumbled mind.
"Ichimaru," I turned around to see Byakuya. Byakuya was an impatient child
With smartass tendencies and a bossy attitude. I devoured my uneasiness and
Grinned at him. "Byaku-kun," I teased. His cheeks flushed and he growled at me.
He was such an interesting character. At that time, I couldn't even predict how he'd grow up to be.
I couldn't imagine him being a man with much pride. He seemed too simple minded
For it but, something about it seemed promising. Maybe it was his determination…
"It's Kuchiki-sama to you, peasant," He said and swayed his wooden sword at me.
I looked at the hilt and he grinned, "I want a rematch," "I want to bathe," I said.
"I don't have time to play with little girls," "What did you say?" He almost yelled.
I smiled. "Didn't you hear me? What's the matter? Too many sissy pedals in your ears?
How manly," I said and faked a grasp. He looked virtually annoyed but the look
Dropped from his face, "I heard Aizen picked you to be his fukutaicho. Are you
Going to do it?" For a moment, I thought he was being sympathetic. "Why? Do you
Want the spot?" I asked. He frowned and rubbed his left arm. His gray eyes
Lifted from my face. "Something about him makes me shiver," He looked at me,
"It's something I can't explain," I knew what he was talking about but didn't say a word.
I really didn't know what to say. Byakuya was right. There's something severely wrong
With Aizen and I started to believe Aizen didn't even know. I waved off the scenario
And told Byakuya not to worry. I headed to the bath house and ignored everyone
Who tried conversing with me. I let the steam fog up the bathroom until I slipped
Into the tub. I was in my domain, my safe spot. I started to bathe and I couldn't help but
Feel a tears slip from my eyes. What was I doing? Why was I feeling all sorts of ways?
My insides trembled in ways I didn't understand. Why did Aizen always place me
In a realm of disarray? I placed my head on the brim of the tub and sobbed. I was scared of him.
"Aizen-taicho," I said after I knocked. Conniving. Be conniving, I thought to myself.
"Open it," He said softly. I opened the door and noticed his back was turned to me.
He was practicing his calligraphy while his haori laid neatly over his futon.
My small package laid there as well. I closed the door behind me and
He stopped with his calligraphy. He turned to look at me. His unkempt
Brown hair casually fell over his face and he didn't have his glasses on.
Instead, his amber pearls looked directly at me with a glint that was completely
Unrecognizable. I began taking even breaths and stood still in his room.
"Gin," He called softly. He rose and walked to me. He was slightly taller than me
And couldn't help but run his hand through my hair. I looked at them and he smiled.
"Your eyes have always been so beautiful. Why not show them off more?"
"Aizen, I didn't come here to have you sexually harass me," I said and smacked his hand away.
He frowned and said, "Aizen-taicho," I looked at him, letting all of my venom
Spill from the brim of my eyes and jab him over and over. He seemed unaffected
And said, "So much hate in your eyes. Why do you hate me so much?" I didn't say
Anything but felt my mouth twitch. He backed up and handed me my package. "This is all
I came for," I said. He nodded his head and lit another candle. "I want to see you
Put in on," Bewildered, I slammed the package down and said, "I am man with pride! Are you
Insane?" He turned back to me and said, "Insanity is a harsh way to put," I had two
Options at that point. I either ran screaming into the night or laughed my hysteria off.
I settled for laughing. "Aizen-taicho. Sometimes you frighten me." "I frighten you all the
Time." He said with a smirk, "I know what fear smells like when it's in the air,"
My heart began to race. I closed my eyes and opened them and he was literally two paces
Away. "I've wanted you to join for a long time," The moment seemed too intimate. His hand
Was on the small of my back and his lips rested on my forehead. I pushed him away and
He fell down onto his futon. I took my package and ran into the night with tears
Blinding my vision, stumbling into Tousen. I didn't even bother to exchange any words and
Didn't stop running until I was in my room, sheltered from that evil spirit. I collapsed
By my door and tried to even my breathing. My hands couldn't stop trembling.
I rose and up came my lunch onto my floor. What was I going to do in such a vulnerable state?
"Congratulations, Ichimaru-fukutaicho," The subordinates to the 5th division said.
Kindly but cynically, I showed them my gratitude. I made each of them feel on the edge
With my grin and nonchalant but playful behavior. I made sure to leave my audience
In a haze of mistrust and discomfort. I didn't want them to see the shell Aizen cracked.
"Gin?" I turned around to see Rangiku jogging up to me. "A fukutaicho? Unbelievable,"
She smiled so listlessly and I tried to shrug it off. It secretly unsettled me. "Why the
Long face, Matsumoto-san?" I asked. I smiled at her and she stopped. "That means
You are going to leave again and a lot more often…just when I was getting comfortable
With seeing you most of the time," "I'll be here, Matsumoto-san. I'll see you first
When I return," "After Aizen-taicho, of course," That stung. It stung so intently that it appeared
On my face. Our conversation fell and for once, I didn't even have a desire to speak to her.
She didn't understand and because of that, I didn't expect an apology. So, I decided
To excuse myself. She didn't stop me. She didn't react. Sometimes, that's why I leave.
I cared about her to see her act so indifferently towards me hurt. I knew she cared but, sometimes,
I felt like I was taken for granted. She never tried to stop me when I tried to leave.
She'd let me slip from her fingers too easily and it made me wonder if she even cared.
She'd tell me she did but her actions contradicted her emotions. However, she was the woman
I held dearly to me and wanted to protect…even if our relationship was that complicated.
I will say that I was never in love with her. I saw her as a little sister. Since we were children,
Rangiku has always been there. I saw her in a park by herself and couldn't help
But ask if she was ok. She turned to look at me and held a small cat in her hands.
"I named him Gin but I think he died," I touched him and he felt light and empty. Like me.
"It's a little scary because my name is Gin," I said. "Ichimaru Gin," "That's funny,"
She said. "You look like a cat," My eyes widened and she laughed. I loved seeing her laugh.
Since then, she and I have been inseparable. Even when she'd frost up and I'd leave,
We still end up reuniting. It's some sort of complex, unconditional love I have
For this woman. Getting her off my skin is a lot harder than I could picture—especially
Since her pained expression was my motivation to take Aizen down. A part of me
Wanted to embrace the way of the Scorpio. They have a cool, indifferent exterior with a
Tornado brewing underneath the surface. Also, they are also known to be unbelievably conniving towards
Those who have inflicted pain on them first. That zodiac sign is a sign many dislike for that
Very reason and yet, I can't help but admire it. I turned the corner and saw a boy with blond
Hair speak to a girl with black hair. His eyes were blue and his voice was soft.
He seemed fragile which was uncommon amongst the shinigami. He looked at me and bowed
Politely. "Congratulations , Ichimaru-fukutaicho," "Who are you?" I asked. He raised his
Head sharply with flushed cheeks. "I'm Kira Izuru," I rubbed my chin and smiled. "Izuru-chan,"
His blush deepened. Teasing him was going to be the highlight of my demolished day.
"Ichimaru-fukutaicho!" I turned around to see one of my fellow subordinates. "Aizen-taicho
Is looking for you!" My heart began to hammer in my chest. A wave of nausea hit me
Hard and my knees grew very weak. I turned to Izuru-chan with a smile on my face
To hide my discomfort and said, "I'll see you later, Izuru-chan" "Um, yes," He said awkwardly
And bowed politely. Something about him seemed so pure, so promising. I wanted to capture
Him. He looked up at me and, I guess, my sadness showed on my face. Before he said anything,
I left. My heart wavered too much. I knocked on Aizen's door after walking through these long halls,
Feeling like I was going to be executed. "Come in," Aizen said politely. I opened the door
And he stood with his back turn and his eyes looking out the window. I closed the door
And noticed Tousen, a.k.a. his lap dog, standing by the door. Aizen turned to me and had a
Mark on his face, a blemish on his perfect face. It lived right underneath his left eye and a horrible
Smirk placed itself on his face. This time, his amber gems were shielded by glasses but I can feel
His fury. "Gin. How are you?" He asked. Tousen stepped out. This could possibly get ugly.
"I am fine," I said mechanically. He turned to face the window again and said, "Matsomoto-kun came in
Today. She was quite a livid piece of work." I was utterly flabbergasted. "What did you do to Rangiku?
What the fuck did you do?" He turned to me and my rage devoured me inside and out. "If you lay
A finger on her, I swear to God, Aizen!" His smile faded and I was completely out of breath, trembling
In pure anger I couldn't comprehend. He seemed cool, controlled and, swallowed each of my words
As I delivered them like deafening blows. "Gin, those turquoise eyes are such a pleasure to look at.
Is this what it takes for you to show them off?" I pushed the oak desk like a mad man and
And gripped his uniform. Now, it was his turn to look at me with astonishment. "I don't care if
You can draw that pretty blade of yours and wipe my existence…just so long as I die knowing
That I caved that annoying face of yours in…I can die happy!" He placed my his hands on mine
And I shook them off, letting go of him in the process. "So, you will be happy if I let you hit me?"
He asked. His eyes landed on me and he shocked me again. My heart couldn't take it. I thought
I was three steps away from an insane cardiac arrest. Was he mocking me? "Go on, hit me then.
If that what it takes to see you smile, then do so," "You insane masochist," I growled. "Stop
Mocking me," He looked at me with a somber attitude I've never seen. "I'm being serious," He said.
I turned around and walked to the door, I had enough of his bullshit. It wouldn't open and I
Heard Tousen's stupid voice when he said, "Aizen-sama did not tell you you were dismissed,"
"Is he like your lap dog or something?" I asked Aizen. Aizen chuckled and looked at me.
"Gin, he is loyal to me the same way I wish you were. I did not do anything to Matsumoto-kun…
She slapped me after I told she looks like a whore in her robes. She's too simple minded for your
Liking," "Why would you say that and who are you to tell me what I like?" I asked. He smiled. "I'm Aizen," My rage was slowly returning and he focused on me. "In a few years, a child by the name Kurosaki Ichigo
Will be coming to Soul Society looking for Kuchiki Rukia. Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji
Will be retrieving her," "What? Byaku-kun? He's not even fukutaicho yet," I said. "I have a plan
In motion, don't doubt me. Just give Kurosaki-san a warm welcome when he comes. I think
By then, you'll be somewhat loyal to me," He turned his back to me. "Gin, if you were to betray
Me, It will sadden me," I was baffled by that. He was clearly mocking me. "That is all," He said.
I was frozen for a minute before I stomped out of his office after sucking up a moment
Of his nonsense. It was infectious, obtuse, but surprisingly believable. I shoved Tousen
Out of my way to vent and walked to my room. Still, silent, I could feel my sanity slipping.
I went into the bathroom to place water on my face and looked at my zanpakuto, Shinso.
I didn't even want to touch him. I got out of the bathroom and laid down in my futon.
Kurosaki Ichigo. He sounded heroic. If I failed with my minuscule plan towards Aizen, I hoped
He'd take the lead and obliterate that monster. I was placing hope in this Kurosaki Ichigo.
"Gin!" I heard Rangiku call. I turned around and saw her running up to me. Aizen stopped
In his tracks and turned around. He and I were going on our first mission together.
"Gin," She said again but, this time, a little sentimentally. "Rangiku," I said just as kindly.
Her smiled eased me and she handed me something. I opened the small purple pouch
And noticed a charm. "It's to protect you on your journey," She said. Her eyes landed on
Aizen who has completely turned his back on her. It was almost as if she was waiting for
Him to say something. Surprisingly enough, he said nothing. "I got it from a popular store
In the real world. So beautiful." She said. I thanked her and Aizen and I began our mission.
Aizen said nothing and I placed the charm around my neck. When we got deep into the woods,
Looking for signs of the hollow that attacked the 4th division, Aizen turned around with
Animosity stamped on his face. It made me coil into something frail. I flinched when he reached
Out to me. I thought he'd strike me until I noticed my charm in his hands. He hated it.
He yanked it off my neck and threw it onto the ground. The shadows of the trees landed on
His face which highlighted his menacing glare. Boldly, he stepped on it. Under his foot,
I heard the material snap. I was completely speechless. "Why settled for something bought
When I can provide you something homemade which will protect you?" He asked. I wasn't sure
If the question was directed to me since his amber eyes still scanned the ground. It almost seemed
As if he was struggling to keep his cool and coherent thoughts. It was unlike him to lose
Composure. "Gin, Matsumoto-kun pisses me off," He said. This time he looked at me. His fury
Hung heavy in the air and started to suffocate me. "She's always doing that, always knowing
That she can make you happy with small gestures while I have to move mountains in the
Wrong direction to get a glimpse of your eyes. She knows how much power she has over
You and will do anything to get under my skin," He was jealous. Almighty Aizen was jealous.
The idea seemed preposterous, surreal, yet, there he was, yanking at his hair and uttering
Words that elaborated on his anger. It was minuscule, childish, and somewhat pleasing.
Even the Almighty Aizen has a weak spot. It's an indication that he and I are not that different.
It also reminded me that he had a heart that beats in his chest. But, it didn't change my feelings
For him. I didn't say anything but let him vent his frustration. It made me wonder, why was he
Showing such a weak spot to me? And what the hell was he talking about in regard of me? "Gin, for my Plan to work, I need you to stay away from Matsumoto-kun. You are good with being frightening and Sarcastic. Stick to that behavior. We need to switch roles so that I seem less suspicious,"
"What do you mean?" I asked as he calmed down and ran a hand through his brown hair.
"I mean that I don't want people digging into me, me being the mastermind behind this plan.
If people suspect me, then we might run into small issues that aren't needed.
Make it seems like you are the bad guy," "Why do you want me to take the fall for you?"
"It's not the fall. It's more like this plan can live on with people not trusting you. However, I need
Sensitive information that requires trust on my end. You are good with manipulating feelings, anyway."
He straightened his glasses and said, "Besides, if people don't trust you, it's easier for me
To advance. It would seem you are the crock in this sense and everything that goes
Wrong would seem like your fault. The beauty of it is realizing they won't come
After you. They won't have proof that it's you. You'll remain a suspect until I tell them it's been me
The whole time. I just need a front man until I am ready to expose my plan." I nodded
And said, "Why do I need to stay away from Rangiku?" He looked at me, "Because I hate her,"
He went inside of his pocket and handed me a silver charm. 'Gin' was etched on it.
I took it and on the back of it, it said "Shinso," "I really don't get you, Aizen," I said.
We started to walk. I wore his charm as a bracelet and he intertwined his fingers in mine.
I wanted to snatch my hand but his eyebrows furrowed. "Please," He begged softly.
He seemed desperate in this attempt to show me the value I had in his heart. Then it hit
Me…did he love me? Or was he playing one of his twisted mind games. I hated that
I couldn't trust him but it seemed that he already trusted me. I didn't want to hurt it.
Maybe I should play along to only have him face his inevitable fate. Whether it be me
Or this Kurosaki Ichigo, Aizen was going down. There would be no satisfaction
In me if I didn't see him crumble in his imaginary kingdom. I tightened my grip
And walked along side him. On the ground, a few paces behind us, laid Rankigu's
Charm. "Gin, if you betray me, it will sadden me," I looked at him and said, "I know,"
As time moved on swiftly, being devious and humoring became a part of me.
The teasing and cynic meaning behind my words became natural. Aizen was pleased that
I played the role so well. In the process, as he predicted, many felt intimidated
While others were infuriated by my absurd behavior. I was a suspicious factor to odd
Disasters that happened in the Gotei 13. However, I was powerful enough to move
Up one rank, fukutaicho to taicho for the 3rd squad. It's all a matter of gaining trust and
Respect. Because of my embellished attachment to Izuru, I picked him as my fukutaicho.
Byakuya became the 6th squad taicho and his fukutaicho, Abarai Renji. Renji was who Aizen
Was speaking about. Rukia is Byakuya's adopted sister, the sister to his former wife, and
He went to the real word to retrieve her with Renji, a close friend of hers. She went down
To awaken the shinigami powers inside of a boy named Kurosaki Ichigo. A boy I have
Yet to lay eyes on. Rangiku became a fukutaicho to the 10th squad. I barely spoke and
Saw her. At first, following Aizen's wish was close to impossible. However, after she discovered
He broke her charm, it became surprisingly easy. I couldn't bear to see her sad face.
As for Aizen and I, our relationship was too complex for me to describe properly. However,
There was a silent agreement to not be seen in public together and pretend to have animosity
Towards one another. This is to eliminate any sort of suspicion towards Aizen. When we
Were alone, we spoke and took casual strolls in the night. Sometimes, just sometimes,
Aizen opens himself to me. He stops verbally communicating and settles for gentle
Touches that remain as gentle touches. He never pushes for more. We never talk about
Our past or what we expect going forward. We just live in the present, as if
We are both scared to get romantically attached. While we sit at the lake
During the evening of the full moon, I huddle next to Aizen and feel him run his
Fingers through my hair. Nearly a century ago, I hated Aizen for hurting Rankigu
So much that it turned my insides into slush. As I grew to know him and see him
Unravel himself slowly, my hatred dispersed. What fueled me had died and I felt
Emptier than I did in a long time. I was completely unrecognizable to myself. Yet,
It took a man to caress my face gently to help feel somewhat complete. It's almost
As if I was thriving on that fantasy. But, in the real world, we are natural enemies,
Consistently inflicted unspoken wounds to one another as we lavish under our desires.
Aizen is a man I could not succumb to. He had this ingenious plot to destroy
Everyone and deceive everyone till the very end. A part of me wanted to drown in the
Bliss he could possibly provide for me but another part of me recognized him to be
A slithering snake. He was almost too good with making things seem what they were
Truly not and was even better at making everyone believe his bullshit. He was consistent
In what he did. I was positive that he thought the same way about me.
Hinamori Momo was Aizen's new fukutaicho. She, unlike I, worshiped him and was completely
Dedicated to fulfilling her duty as a fukutaicho. She did not rest until Aizen was
Satisfied with everything and she strived to make sure he smiled. But she, like many others,
Cannot get a hold of Aizen the way I seemed too. It was real enough to see he sets me apart
From everyone else. It saddened me to know she was being deceived too. He'd almost
Beg to see me and won't think twice about her. Maybe she realized how far
Away the possibility of being with him was. It was like the werewolf and the moon. The light of the moon was what the human needs to transform into something devastating and destructive. It manifested into raw animal instincts and developed predatory skills. The human needed that source of energy the moon provided but remained miles away, untouchable…Hinamori needed Aizen and
It was obvious that Aizen genuinely loved to keep his distance. Aizen laid on the grass with his
Eyes closed. I looked at him. "Tomorrow, I'll hang my body and kill the Central 46 Chamber"
"You plan to expose your plan now?" I asked. He nodded and I looked up at the moon.
"Kurasaki Ichigo is coming the day after tomorrow. You'll be seeing him first. You'll know
What he looks like when you see him. He'll fight Abarai Renji to learn the name of his
Zanpakuto name. He'll battle Zanarki Kenpachi to learn to speak to his zanpakuto.
He'll battle Kuchiki Byakuya to learn more about his bankai. Afterwards, we'll leave to
Hueco Mundo. Once Ichigo gets there, he'll battle Grimmjow and Ulquorria to perfect his
Hollowfication." "Hollowfication?" I asked. He smiled. "His transformation with hollow
Powers," It seemed utterly scary that he could pin point everything. His eyes fluttered
And I ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes shot open and my heart started to race.
I never touched him to show him that I at least cared. He sat up and before
I could brush off that awkwardness, grabbed my wrist and our lips met. Soft, fervent,
And shocking. Our tongues danced in our mouths and I couldn't help but whimper under
That intense pressure. He held me tightly in his arms and I felt it, the frightening amount
Of love that lived in his being, dormant and waiting for the perfect moment to come to life.
I pulled away from him and saliva slid down my chin. I started panting and he crushed me with
His lips again. My cheeks grew hot and my heart hammered harder. I ran my fingers through
His brown hair and pulled away from him again. "Aizen, stop! Please," I begged. He was
Out of breath, his hair tasseled any which way, and his lips were flushed, swollen from
Such an intense kiss. I got up sharply and wiped my mouth. Aizen was going to be the death of me.
"Gin," He called behind me. I was afraid to see his face and relive the moment
We had experienced. I never knew kissing can be so profound in the midst of confused
Feelings. I heard Aizen's steps move a bit faster and his arms moved around me.
"Gin," He said. He was whispering now. It was to show me he was lackaday about
His actions. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to run away from me," My face heated up
And my heart was wavering. I wanted to be enclosed in my solitude and not probe
The forceful feelings of closure coming from him. I didn't want to be troubled with
Aizen's uncontrollable burst of love and affection. I didn't want to fall in love with him.
Yet, there I was, in this silent night, throbbing for something a little closer than
An anticipated embrace. I was melting in his strong arms, getting lost in his frantic
Heartbeat. I unfolded his arms and looked at him. He looked so helpless, so out
Of place. I placed my hands on the sides of his face and he closed his eyes.
With all my might, I closed my eyes and kissed his delicate lips. He was gentler
And wrapped his arms around me. I felt like I was going to burst inside. His lips
Traveled down the nape of my neck and behind my ear. "I love you," He whispered.
I froze in his arms and opened my eyes. He pulled away from me and placed his
Hands over his mouth and looked as if tears would fall from those amber gems.
I backed away from him and ran back to my section of the Gotei 13. Hearing those
Words terrified me. It was as if he told me he was going to kill me. I ran straight
To my room and locked my door. My heart was hammering in my chest harder
Than it ever has in its whole life. My lungs felt like they tightened and my breathing
Was too hard. When I finally calmed down, I closed my eyes. I slid down the door
And felt defeated. I had stepped into Aizen's realm. My heart couldn't help but
Beat for that conniving asshole…what ever happened to my plan?
"AHHHHHH!" I heard Hinamori-fukutaicho scream. Everyone followed her scream
And all saw the same thing. I looked at the white pillar, after having such a long night,
And saw nothing. "No!" Hinamori-fukutaicho screamed. "NO!" Hitsugaya-taicho looked
Utterly horrified at what he saw. I had to get creative and pretend to see what was going
On. After all, it was Kyoka Suigetsu who was pulling their legs. "Aizen-taicho!" She continued
To scream. If they are seeing his body, it means that the 46 has been killed.
"My my," I said, remembering my role in this plan. Everyone snapped their necks to me.
Hitsugaya-taicho being the first to speak. "Ichimaru," He growled. I was emotionally
Too exhausted to be overtly sarcastic but I settled for a grin and, "That's so sad,"
"ARGH!" Hinamori-fukutaicho came charging at me like a mad woman. Izuru stepped
In my way and protected me. "Move! Kira-kun! Move!" Enraged, she continued charging.
Hitsugaya-taicho got in the middle once their shikai's were released. I turned to take my leave.
I walked straight to the 46 Chamber and the door swung open. Aizen stood in the center
In a bloody heap of a mess and massacred each of the members. I closed the door behind
Me and he looked at me. He had his glasses on. "Gin," He said. I stepped closer to him
And I noticed his uneasiness. "Aizen-taicho. We shouldn't talk about it right now. We
Are in the middle of things set in motion," I said. I looked around. Blood was everywhere
It was unlike him to be so careless. "Right…sorry," He said. "I'm sorry, taicho! But I have
Come to your aid," I heard Iruzu say on the opposite side of the door. I didn't expect
Him to be here. "Aizen…" I said. He slowly walked up the steps and I signed. The doors
Opened and Izuru looked around. "Taicho…" He was astonished. I felt Rangiku's reiatsu
From afar. And Hinamori-kun was on her way too. Aizen was going to massacre her insides.
"Taicho…what happened?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders and he followed me up the
Steps. I really did not have energy for that part of the plan at all that day.
We dealt with Hitsugaya and I watched Aizen stab Hinamori…so heartlessly. Unohana came
To heal the wounded and listened to Aizen explain how his zanpakuto really worked.
He and I departed and decided to flee to his new room. Aizen staggered for a bit but
It didn't seem too alarming. He and I didn't speak but I sneaked a glance every now and again.
I was anticipating his usual "Gin" but nothing came. He was, for once, embracing the silence.
I decided to leave everything alone and focus on our tasks instead
"Kurosaki is coming tomorrow," Aizen said. For some reason, he was panting.
"Aizen-sama," Tousen said. I rolled my eyes. "Kaname, leave me with Gin," He said.
He nodded and stepped out. Aizen fell down to the ground and I ran to his aid.
"Aizen!" I said. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavier. I managed to move
Him to his futon and take his glasses off. I moved his hair out of his face, saved for
A lock of hair, and admired it. His eyebrows were arched up perfectly and his nose
Was long and narrow but fit his face. His eyes fluttered open. I felt his forehead and
Noticed he had a fever. "Aizen," I murmured. His cheeks were flushed and his
Hot body felt lovely under my cool hand. "Gin," He said softly. "It's ok to call me
Sosuke when we are alone," I blushed. "I'm going to get some water for you. Don't
Move," I said. I left him alone. I went to go retrieve some water and couldn't stop
Myself from shaking. I carried the small bucket and walked back to his room.
He was getting worse. I closed the door and sat next to his futon. He was
Panting heavier than before and his body temperature rose. I rung out the rag
And placed it on his forehead. I opened his uniform and noticed both the
Battle scars and the hard muscles that were covered with them. His biceps
And triceps were exceptional. His chest was board and his abs were in sheer
Perfection. My hands subconsciously ran themselves down his torso and I felt
His heart race. I moved my hands with a blush on my face and moved the rag
From his forehead to his neck. I ran it down his torso and his heart slowed.
His breathing deepened. He fell asleep. I put the rag back into the water and looked
At Aizen's sleeping face. He was utterly relaxed. I noticed his parted lips and
Couldn't resist the urge of kissing them gently. A familiar sting came to my face
And tears slipped from my eyes. "I love you…Sosuke…" I cried quietly in his hair.
In all of that disarray, I finally laid eyes on the child. Orange hair shined in the
Sunlight and amber eyes laid ambitiously on me. "Rukia!" He yelled. His passion
Overflowing and becoming his unique musk. In his heart, there lies the spectrum of
His will to protect...Iron will to protect. He was the brightest star that lied in a dark sky.
I've never seen someone so young burn with a fire unrecognizable. I stepped out my shadows
And said, "My, my," Masking my fascination of that child. I let off my reiastu
And saw him buckle under the pressure. He is not that powerful but his determination
Will make him. Aizen will pull his strings enough to make him stand on equal ground
With him. But then, it made me wonder, why was he pushing Ichigo to be so strong?
Did Aizen thirst for a challenge? I held onto Shinso and noticed Ichigo's amber eyes
Landed on me. Amber like Aizen's yet they both had two separate things in them.
Ichigo had passion, determination, confidence. Aizen's had…nothing. It secretly frightened me…
I closed the gate after hurting the gatekeeper and told all of Kurosaki's friends,
"Bye-bye!" When the gate slammed shut, so did my insides. Aizen was going to force a
Man out of this child for a reason completely unknown. And wasn't that boy Isshin's kid?
What would he possibly want with another Kurosaki? I started to walk but walking
Turned into running. I suddenly felt this overwhelming urge to see Aizen.
What the hell was going on?
"Aizen!" I called. Aizen wasn't in his uniform but settled for a kimono. "Ah, Gin,"
He said softly. "I'm sorry for interrupting you. I think we should speak," I said. I closed
The door behind me and sat down in front of him. His soft brown kimono brought
Out both his eyes and hair. I rested Shinso on my right and looked at him. "Why did
You pick Ichigo?" I asked. "You've seen Kurosaki?" He asked. I nodded and he smiled.
"You see the fire in his eyes? It's passion that cannot be ignored." "Aizen, I think there
Is more to this than you care to share," I said. He gave me a sad smile which made
Me feel slightly upset. "You'll see," He whispered. I leaned back and looked idly at the
Candle lit next to him. The room was still for a moment. Then, it dawned on me,
Aizen's inner desire. For some odd reason, it infuriated me. When I looked at him,
He looked at his hands with a sad smile playing on his lips. "Gin, you know how it feels
To be so powerful that it leaves you in a place above all," He looked out of his window
And continued, "Sometimes, it gets lonely," He looked at me, "You are powerful but
It's a clear assessment that you and I are now on equal ground…as much as I'd
Love for us to be," My fist landed on his face hard enough to make his nose bleed.
"Then go tell Kurosaki that you fuckin' love him!" He was baffled. "Gin!" He said holding
His nose as I made my attempt to leave, "That's not what I meant!" He grabbed onto
My wrist and tears sprung from my eyes. I was softening up too much.
Aizen stood up and wiped the tears from my eyes. I grabbed a napkin from my
Pocket and covered his nose. He held it in place and pressed my forehead against
His. We engulfed ourselves in a moment of silence before I pushed him away. He
Didn't stop me this time but turned his back. His head bowed and for a moment, I
Thought twice about leaving. But that's me, always running away from everything
That makes me feel emotionally distraught. I closed the door behind me and began
Walking away. I wasn't use to seeing an unusual amount of sadness in his eyes.
When he spoke of his strength, it forced me to act repulsively. I stood in my
Tracks and felt frustrated with myself. Because I don't trust Aizen, it's hard to admit
That I genuinely love him to him. That's like revealing a weak spot…but weren't
My emotional rants and anger outburst another form of showing weakness?
I ran my hands through my hair, completely pissed with myself. Damn Aizen…
Like Aizen planned, we left Soul Society as traitors. I looked at Rankigu who,
Once again, let me slip through her fingers. However, that didn't seem to matter.
Aizen kept his hair swept from his face neatly and Tousen looked right up.
He was blind and yet…no, I won't say anything. That involved unnecessary critical
Thinking. When we reached Hueco Mundo, Aizen looked at me. Byakuya…Izuru.
Kurosaki…Rangiku…Even if some of them I've already lost, I couldn't help
But feel a sense of remorse when it came to leaving Izuru behind. "Gin," He called
Softly. We reached Hueco Mundo and the air hit me. Who knew that there was a place
Were hatred lived so openly. The atmosphere is completely different from the
Atmosphere in Soul Society. I didn't say anything to Aizen and walked with Tousen. He
Walked behind us as we trampled in his domain. Repulsing. Is this where he spent
His endless nights? How depressing. We walked until we reached a large castle
Like structure. I just realized everything here was black, white, and all different
Shades of gray. Our footsteps echoed in the long, massive, quiet halls. Tousen was
Pretty much leading us. I'm assuming Aizen must've taken him several times—enough
Times to learn the way of this torture chamber. Quietly we walked. Each moment
Felt like decades. My heart raced anxiously. "Their called the Espada," Aizen said as Tousen
Pushed open a door. 10 different individuals sitting at a long table with a chair awaiting at
The head. "Each of them represents the different stages of death. They are the 10
Strongest Arrancars in my Hollow Army," "Aizen-sama!" The smallest one said. He
Had a hollow piece on half of his head like a helmet and large green eyes. His voice
Was calm and soft. I saw another Hinamori being born. This is heartbreakingly sad.
"Ah, Ulquiorra," Aizen said. Aizen walked slowly to his seat and I stood at the door with
Tousen. "Welcome to my domain, Gin," Aizen said. All of the Espada looked my way.
"Gin-sama…" Ulquiorra started. "I am Ulquiorria Cifer. The Fourth Espada who symbolizes
Emptiness," I looked around the room and the list continued on:
"Nnoitra Gilga. Fifth Espada. Despair"
"Baraggan Luisenbarn. Second Espada. Aging"
"Tai Harribel. Third Espada. Sacrifice"
"Szayel Aporro Granz. Eight Espada. Insanity"
"Aaroniero Arruruerie. Ninth Espada. Greed"
"Coyote Starrk. First Espada. Solitude,"
"Yammy Llargo. Zero. Rage,"
"Grimmjow Espada. Destruction,"
Something about Grimmjow allured me. Maybe it was his obvious hideous attitude
Or his ruthless energy. He was passionate…similar towards Kurosaki. I wonder
How Aizen is controlling this one," "Ah, that's a lot of names. Ichimaru Gin. The third
Squad's former captain in the Gotei 13." "Another captain? Jesus…" Grimmjow said.
Aizen gave him a sharp look but it didn't stir him. "Whatever, I'm leaving," He said.
"Aizen-sama didn't dismiss you," Tousen said. "And do you think I care?" Grimmjow asked.
"Goodbye, Ichimaru-taicho" Grimmjow said. He walked passed me, bumped my shoulder, and walked
Out the door. "What the hell?" Yammy exclaimed. I looked at my hands, trembling.
"Grimmjow is a bit of a problem. I consider him my rebellious child. There's always one in
The group," Aizen said and stood up. He flashed stepped and I did too, stood right behind
Grimmjow and in front of a livid Aizen. "Sosuke," I whispered. Grimmjow turned around
And was shocked out of his mind. He was speechless as I struggled to keep
Aizen under control. So swiftly his emotions changed. He was literally nonchalant and
Calm one moment. Then he was nothing but pure rage the next. "Grimmjow," Aizen said with a
Small crack in his voice, "Remember your place," Grimmjow still didn't utter anything
And Aizen walked away. "Why did you defend me?" Grimmjow said after a moment. Aizen was humiliated. That was why he was pissed off.
"Because if you die, Aizen fails," I said. I didn't want to admit that I was the reason for his anger.
Never admit those things to a pawn. Not all pawns are mindless. Grimmjow's blue eyes landed
On me and I can see why Aizen may focus on him a lot. Grimmjow was charming to
Look at. His rugged attitude made it a little better but a lot more annoying. Grimmjow
Turned around and continued walking. I rocked back on my heels and tried to relax.
Every fiber in my body screamed of something I wasn't use to feeling anymore…fear.
When I returned, the Espadas disperse. Aizen looked outside the window. It was so dark
And depressing with a crescent moon hanging in the sky. It almost looked as if it was
Drawn there. I grew accustomed to seeing the sun that it seemed weird to see this gray world.
"I can feel it, you don't like it…my creation," Aizen said. He turned to me and with a semi-
Sad expression on his face. His amber eyes were visible but not vibrant. I looked away from
Them. It was painful seeing those dim eyes. "Gin…do you hate me?" I raised my head to
Meet his eyes and felt my heart tremble. Hate? I don't hate him. But the silence was deafening
And not making matters any better. It was crushing and somewhat, intoxicating. Aizen
Turned his head and his infamous smile came to life. "I see," He said. Sadness smeared
His face and sadness engulfed my heart. "I don't hate you," I whispered. It just seemed
Utterly preposterous to hate him. At this point, I've fallen so deeply in love with him that
The idea of hating him seemed hilarious and somewhat insane. I placed a hand
Over my chest and felt my tears fall. "I don't hate you," But I couldn't tell him I loved him.
He placed his hands on both of my biceps and his lips landed on my forehead. "I could
Never hate you," I swallowed my sobs as he embraced me properly and repeatedly told
Me he was sorry. I clung to him as if he was my savior to my complex, emotional sanity.
I love him so much…too much…and there is a wall standing between us that separates us.
I was still too scared to succumb to that profound love. I didn't know if I could trust him just yet…
I began to relax and get lost in the sound of his powerful heartbeat. It was beating in sync
With mine and made my eyelids heavy. He swept me up in his arms and did it too
Quickly for me to protest. My heart started to hammer in utter nervousness. He placed
Me down on a bed that was big enough for 7 people and watch me sink into it. He laid
Next to me and placed his arms around me. No kisses were exchanged. It was just me
And his heartbeat. I let him cradle me in his arms as I fell asleep…
As time progressed, Ulquiorra showed us what happened in the real world when he
Encountered with Kurosaki. Aizen seemed fascinated with Inoue Orihime's powers.
Just like that, he told Ulquiorra to get her. "She doesn't heal wounds," Aizen said. "It's more
Like she reverses time. Something that may become helpful until I transform," Ulquiorra
Left to get Orihime and I looked at Aizen who seemed idle while rubbing his chin. He was
Lost in thought. "Grimmjow will disobey me soon and try to fight Ichigo himself. Prevent
Him from leaving," Tousen nodded and Aizen looked at me. Aizen stood up and motioned
For me to follow him. I did and looked back at Tousen. Aizen and I went inside his large
Chamber and he closed the door. "Here put these on," He said, handing me a new black
And white outfit with a light blue sash. "I thought of your eyes when I saw it," He said. "I'll
Turn my back if you want," I took off my haori and unraveled my uniform. I peeked behind
Me to see if he was looking…he wasn't. He had his back turned. I put on the outfit
And watch it flare around me when I moved. I was enthralled with it. Aizen turned around
And admire the clothing on me. He grabbed my hand gently and spun me once more. It
Was an ordinary robe, but for some odd reason, it felt majestic. I leaned forward and kissed
His full lips. I was up in his arms again and I couldn't help but let out a laugh. It came straight
From the heart and shocked both of us. "You're happy?" He asked. I smiled. I actually was…
In his arms. I couldn't verbally express the joy I felt. We kissed again. I actually was happy…
Ulquiorra was kept in charge of Orihime. She was locked away in a cell looking at the
Moon. Her heart never wavered as much as everyone tried to scare her. She knew, like
The rest of us, that Ichigo was on his way. He's not the kind of person to let anyone down.
Aizen placed the Hogyoku in his hand and admired the vibrant sphere of multiple blue colors.
Aizen suddenly stopped and stood next to me. "Gin, I have a gift for you," Before I could
Ask what it was, we were running down the hall like children. I was somewhat excited.
Aizen panted when he stopped and pushed a door open. I helped him and saw a light
Break through the crack of the door. It motivated me to push harder and I saw light…
It was the sun! The sky was blue! The sun's rays landed on everything and casted
Lovely, dark shadows to highlight that it was there. I turned to him and he saw my face.
I was shockingly happy with seeing the sun again. I let this artificial sunshine seep into
My pores and warm my slightly cold body. "I thought you would like it," He said.
I looked at Aizen with a smiled playing on my lips. I was happy. I did like it. I wasn't
Ashamed. I touched the rails and laughed to myself. "Aizen, take your socks off," I said.
He listened to me and I did the same and we stood side by side, letting our feet touch the
Hot ground. My skin is so pale and his was fairly tanned. We were the same height
And yet, his feet were slightly larger than mine. I felt like a child in this sunlight but
After being in utter darkness for almost six months, it made me miserable to know
I took the sun's rays for granted. Now, I cannot help but love the natural essence
Of the sun's rays. Aizen pulled me from the hem of my jacket and placed his lips on
Mine. How romantic it seemed…for him to kiss me under the rays of light. His lips were
Soft and gentle against mine. His hands were folded neatly on the small of my back.
I entangled my hands in his hair and before he tried to deepen the kiss, Tousen steps in.
"Aizen-sama," He said. Aizen parted from me and looked virtually annoyed. "Kaname,"
"Grimmjow is in Karakura Town." Aizen separated himself from me and chuckled
A little. "Leave him. He'll leave on his own," Aizen said. Tousen nodded and left.
"Are you sure?" I asked Aizen. When Tousen's steps were out of reach, Aizen punched
The rail and broke the whole balcony. "I told that asshole to stay put. There's always
One prick willing to fuck up everything for me." Aizen said blatantly. My heart started
To race and I watch the balcony fall all the way down. To think that we just stood on it.
"Grimmjow has to die," He said. He signed and tried to calm down. Instinctively,
I placed my hands on his shoulders. In mid air, he and I stood. I moved my arms
Around his waist and rest my head on his broad shoulder. He rested his hands
On mine and I kissed the back of his neck. His hair was so soft against my cheeks.
"I never want to see sadness on your face. When your heart wavers and you feel
Like you can't take Hueco Mundo, look to the sky and always remember that I love you,"
He squeezed my hand and I couldn't help but squeeze him some. "When I was
A child, I was scared of the dark. The dark, to me, seemed alone and ominous.
I always considered it an entrance to my solitude…a solitude I never wanted to be
A part of. I became a shinigami to avoid my solitude but when I realized how powerful
I was, I knew, by then, I had stepped in it. It seemed inevitable at that point. I longed
For an equal and I may get one now but in the last few months, I've realized I've longed
For something else." He fell silent. "And what was that?" I asked quietly. He didn't say
Anything. He just held me tighter. Aizen turned to face me and placed his hand on my
Chin. I opened my eyes and locked them into his amber ones. Something flickered.
Hope? I started to smile and they grew brighter. Then I realized…his eyes were mere
Reflections of my feelings. He mirrored me. I controlled Aizen. When I started to feel
Confused, his brows furrowed. I placed my hand over his eyes. He does love me…
"I just wanted a happily ever after…" He whispered. I closed my eyes, "I know," I whispered back.
Grimmjow bumped me when he stomped passed me. His arm was missing and
His fury seemed intense enough to become its own person. I walked into the main
Hall and saw Aizen leaving his seat. Tousen was cleaning his blade. Punishment?
I walked up the steps and followed Aizen. He turned to see me and smiled but
The smile never met his eyes. He was still very upset. I kept my distance while
He ran his hand over the long table. I was afraid he'd toss it. "My, my, Aizen.
You have such a horrible temper. Learn to refrain from taking it out on the furniture.
Makes the place look…tacky," I said. He turned around to meet my eyes and
This time laughed. It touched his eyes. His voice echoed in the room and creases
Should at the corner of his eyes. I had then discovered that he had laugh lines as well.
"Gin, you are right. I should control myself a bit better," He said after gaining composure.
I smoothed his hand and he ran his fingers across my cheek. "Grimmjow will leave
Again. He's so stubborn," he said. "Do you need him?" I asked. He nodded
His head. "Kurosaki Ichigo needs to perfect his hollow powers," He said. I looked at the
Oak table and then at Aizen. "Why am I here? He seemed openly startled about
My question and said, "What makes you ask that?" "Everyone who is helping you
Plays a role in your plan. What role do I play?" He was silent for a moment before
Saying, "You had a role in the beginning. You don't have one anymore. I just want
You by my side because you are my lover. It's my selfishness that has dragged you
This deep into my plan." He turned so that his whole body could face me and said, "I
Love you, Gin. My love for you does not have any bounds. It exists deep in my being
And flourishes day by day. I lavish in it because I cannot help but allow your gentleness
Caress my heart in ways I've yet to understand. I cannot part from you. You have
Slowly become my entity. I actually need you," His words deeply touched me. I was
Completely speechless. It was almost as if he was singing the song from my heart.
"Aizen…" I started. He took a step closer to me and embraced me. He never ceased
To amaze me. I closed my eyes and leaned against him. His embrace became tightened.
I felt a small tugging at my heart…something nice. We separated and locked our
Fingers together. I closed my eyes and felt his lips over my forehead and eyes.
"You are beautiful, Gin," I felt a blush form. It's remarkable to know he meant so
Much to me. He stirred something deep inside of me that made me feel I would
Burst into a million butterflies. My morals became painted pictures of what things should've
Been and my goals seemed farfetched. Aizen had successfully melted the ice I had
For him and that wall crumbled down hard. I turned away from him and grabbed his
Hand. "Gin," He called out with confusion tainting his voice. I walked slowly to his
Chamber and thought about my next steps as he closed the door behind us. My heart
Began to hammer hard. I sat on his mattress and looked at him…even if it was
Too painful to do so. "I want…" I started and became too nervous to say the rest. He
Looked at me with confusion clearly etched on his face. My heart pounded harder
And I squeezed his hands. I wanted to be brave. "I want to make love to you,"
I was trembling in utter discomfort and pure humiliation. Aizen pushed me down on his
Mattress and kissed me with passion he tucked away so deeply. Our tongues touched
And my blush worsened. He slid his hands under my robes but his lips never left mine.
My heart grew wild in my chest, similar to a thunderstorm, and made me dizzy. When
I placed my hands on his chest, I felt his heartbeat. Loud and rapid like mine. We fumbled
In our clothes for a brief moment and started to remove them properly. My hands entangled
Themselves in his hair while his butterfly kisses moved around my chest. He began to
Touch my most sensitive areas…which deeply aroused me. I was submitting to him.
Aizen looked me deeply in the eyes as I panted. My body yearned for his touch.
His hair was a mess on the top of his head and his arms were around me. I kissed him
And felt his slither his way inside of me. "Aizen!" I gasped. He kissed me and I held
Him even tighter. "Hurts…" "Hurts?" He questioned. His voice was deeper, a little raspy…
Insanely sexy. "You want me to stop?" "No…I just want you to slow down," I said. He
Slowed down and instantaneously, I relaxed. Pleasure hit me like an overwhelming slap
In the face. I tried to quiet myself but, at this point, it seemed pointless. My heart was
Suffering from a volcano eruption and his groans and muffled moans were not making
It easier. I've had sex many times with many different people but never had it felt like that.
It's almost non-existent…something from an alternate universe. I felt like it was my first time.
My raked my fingers up his back and suffocated myself in his overflowing heart of love.
That was something people naturally dream of…I couldn't believe it was my reality.
Aizen picked up his robe and I sank into the middle of the mattress. My head laid in between
Two large pillows and my mind drifted. My eyelids were immensely heavy. He ran his fingers
Through his hair and started to get dressed. He turned to me with the saddest expression
I've ever seen bestow onto his face. I sat up and he walked away. My heart broke.
I was too exhausted to move but the tears found their way out. There it was, the sickening
Movement taking place in my stomach…fear…
After the battles between Kurosaki and Ulquiorra and Kurosaki and Grimmjow, Aizen
Decided to move to The "Fake Kurakara Town." Kurosaki's powers were in tip top
Condition. I entered it with Aizen and Tousen along with the three remaining Espadas.
Sou-taicho was there. And waved his Ryujn Jakka to place us in a wheel of fire.
Aizen looked annoyed but didn't say anything. Since we made love two weeks back,
He has not said anything to me. I was beginning to regret it. I could feel Rangiku
And Izuru. But, Byakuya was nowhere to be found. "Aizen, where is Kuchiki-taicho
And Zanarki-taicho?" Aizen didn't turn to look at me and said, "Fighting Yammy in
Hueco Mundo," I nodded and waited patiently while the remaining Espadas
Fought the Gotei 13. Once the fire dispersed, Aizen took down everyone, single-handedly,
Including Tousen. Aizen took no shame in slaying everyone who were once fond of him
In some way. I saw him mercilessly massacre everyone. It was almost too painful to watch.
Kurosaki came in dramatically and Aizen tricked everyone to believing they were
Attacking him. He got Izuru and Iba-san on ground level as Mastumoto
Lost the right side of her waist. The senseless violence that paraded the air secretly
Disgusted me. What made it worse was to realize Aizen was having the time of his life.
After Sou-taicho went down, Kurosaki's father stepped in with Urahara-san.
Yuroichi-san helped out and I grabbed Ichigo's attention. His eyes were full of
Fear and desperation as he battled me. His eyes, once brave, were reduced to nothing.
His body trembled in something he wasn't afraid to show. It made me remember he was,
After all, nothing but a child. When I touched his blade, it gave me small tastes of
Grief. His grief. Slowly, I showed mine. When our blade touched his eyes widened and
Mine narrowed. Our hearts were feeling the same for two complete different reasons.
He was scared of not defeating Aizen, not requiring the power to destroy Aizen and I was
Scared of losing Aizen. "Getsuga Tenshou!" Kurosaki repeatedly said. "Bankai," I said.
"Kamishini no Yari" I lied about my bankai to Ichigo and belittled him for feeling fear.
It felt like I was honestly speaking to myself when I put him down. We turned around to
See Aizen transform the first time and I put away my blade. He was arrogant, ruthless,
And insulting everyone around him. He was completely different from the man I fell
In love with. I grew physically sick of talking to Kurosaki. I didn't want to see his face.
His fear mirrored my own perfectly. I didn't want to see what I've been reduced too.
When he finally defeated everyone and transformed again, he motioned me to walk
By his side. Unlike I, Aizen has never been to the real world. He left Kurosaki behind
And I refused to look at him. Aizen's goal was to make the Royal Key but something
Lied underneath him. A goal he has yet to speak of. I reached out for Aizen but his
Reiatsu sickened me. It was so powerful that I slumped over. My stomach twisted
And turned and vomit danced in my esophagus. "Gin," He said. "Please, stay away,"
He didn't look at me and I stayed several paced behind him. In the end, I couldn't
Walk by his side to his new road of glory. I was not his equal and was nowhere near
As powerful to be considered as one. He scared the earthlings when we made our way
Through Kurakara Town. He enjoyed the fear they exhibited and never bothered to, not
Once, look behind him. I felt…I felt forgotten, as foolish as it may be, and it broke my heart.
Rangiku came with a slightly healed waist. She stood her ground and panted
Ferociously. Aizen moved forward and I stepped in. "Aizen, let me handle this," I said.
Aizen turned around with hatred visible in his eyes and said, "Do not take long,"
I moved past him fast and swooped her up. "Put me down!" She said. I placed her down
On a rooftop and she slapped me. "You traitor! I can't believe this," She began screaming.
"I can't believe you'd betray me!" "Rangiku…" I started and shamefully looked at my feet.
The enemy I vowed to kill became the man of my dreams. We are, by nature, enemies
But I can't help but love him so much. She stopped speaking and held her side. I came
To her aid and helped her up. Her bosoms were purposely pressed against me and
Her hair covered my arm. "Gin," She whispered. Her hand slid on my cheek and a wave
Of nauseating reiastu appeared. I turned around to see a livid Aizen. "Rangiku…run,"
I said. "What?" She asked. "Run!" I yelled. She hesitated and the moved from the building.
Aizen moved fast and with all my strength, I held him off. His blade, it tasted nasty.
Solitude was all I felt. "Are you betraying me?" Aizen growled. "No," I said, nearly pleaded.
"Please, don't hurt her," He pushed his blade aside and grabbed me by the collar of
My jacket. "Why can't I become your everything? Why must I compete with this moronic
BLONDE!" He yelled. I was frozen inside myself, rooted to the ground. I was completely
Petrified out of fear. "Aizen! She's not my everything! She never was!" I pleaded some more.
He pushed me. "You're LYING!" he yelled. His reiastu was growing stronger. I started to feel
Lightheaded. "I'm not!" I said. "Gin, I told you if you betrayed me it would sadden me. I thought
You cared enough to take that statement seriously!" I wasn't betraying him. I didn't have
Feelings for her. Why were his insecurities always getting in the way? And that
Didn't look like sadness that Aizen was exhibiting. He was pissed, if anything "Aizen, calm down.
No one is betraying anyone. You've got it all wrong." And to think I fell helplessly in love
With a psychopath. I got up to reach out to him but his reiastu was too much. I lost my
Right forearm to the pressure and felt something inside of me combust, forcing me to
Vomit blood. Aizen held me in sheer disbelief as I tumbled down to the ground. "Gin!" He
Yelled. Is this what we have been reduced too? He was too powerful for me to love properly.
All I wanted was a kiss and yet, I couldn't even breathe right…let alone concentrate. "Ai…zen,"
I forced out. For the first time, I saw tears leave his eyes. Pain flooded his face and
Choking sobs were forcing their way out. "Gin, I'm sorry," He murmured in my hair. "I'm
So sorry" His heartbeat was strong and fast. His power decreased incredibly. It was almost
Was if he lost his will to fight. I felt him getting warmer. He was returning back to normal.
I felt his lips on my face and on my lips. I was too weak to kiss him back. "I love you," He
Kept saying. His tears never eased. Natural enemies we are. Born to kill one another. I smiled.
Ironic. It almost felt like we were made for one another. That seemed a bit more believable.
A kings crumbling castle is the new home for us. Aizen is a man with no honor. Pride
Is not something he is familiar with. It why he helplessly begged Kurosaki Ichigo to let us go.
The Hogyoku was returned and Aizen fled. He returned back to Hueco Mundo and lied me
In his chamber. All of the souls that lived here all died in a war that he created to selfishly
Fulfill his ambitions. His footsteps echoed louder than ever when he walked into his
Demolished domain. He didn't have time to be lackaday about it while I laid in his arms
Barely breathing. He laid me down on his mattress and I got to see the sun pour in. It
Was beautiful. Positively beautiful. He did his best medical kidou he knew. I didn't feel
A hundred percent better but I did feel a lot better than I did before. He told me he even
Begged Inoue Orihime to give me back my right forearm. Aizen, Almighty Aizen, caused
An catastrophe to only submit to the force he was fighting against to save my life. That
Is love…love that I don't think anyone knew existed prior to that experience.
"My dream from the beginning was to be your equal. I wanted someone to acquire a lot
More power than me to defeat me and give the life I longed for," Aizen finally said. "I just
Wanted to stand on your level to love you freely. That was my utmost desire," He said
It softly during an evening we stopped making love. I've seen Aizen go through all sorts
Of different emotions. I've seen him at his best and at his worse. I still couldn't help but love
Him. But something in us clicked. We knew our heaven was going to collapse.
The following morning, the sun rose up high. In the chambers, we heard different voices echo.
We didn't move or separate from one another. We merely accepted the closing to our complex
Relationship. My heart started from hating him, remaining frozen in time, to loving him…melting
Away. The shinigami's rushed up the steps, letting off different levels of reiatsus.
I felt Byakuya, Izuru, and Rankigu. Our end was beginning here. "Check the perimeter.
Make sure they aren't armed!" I heard Izuru say. "Watch out for Aizen's Kyoka Suigetsu"
A part of me felt ridiculously proud of him. So much he has learned in my time away.
Their footsteps got closer and Aizen held me tighter. The sun poured into our dark room
And brightened it up, warming both of us in the process. They were bloodthirsty hounds
Outside, looking for Aizen and I. Aizen didn't fret or move but kissed my temple. A tear
Fell from my eye. Our doors flew open and our heart sped up. The sadness engulfed us.
They walked up the steps and more tears came. "I love you, Sosuke," I said and began to rise.
"I really love you," His face looked pain stricken and the steps grew closer.
He opened his amber eyes and a sad smile landed on his lips. "I've waited two centuries to hear
Those words from you," He said. I kissed him and dressed fast. Aizen's chamber room
Door opened and I was already by the window ceil. "Ichimaru-taicho!" One of the subordinates
Screamed when he saw me leap from the window. My wounds were almost completely
Healed. All that lingers was the unbearable tenderness and wounds to show that Aizen's love
Was real. I ran on the sand and felt Aizen's reiastu fade. He told me, no matter what
I felt or how things went, to never stop running. I saw Byakuya running my way and my
Heart thundered in fear. He looked at me and ran right by me, allowing me to slip from
His fingers. It was almost as if I didn't exist. I opened up a portal to the real world and ran
Through it. Never going to Kurakara Town but a different part of Japan. And unknown place
To escape the clutches of my reality. When I stopped running I started to cry.
After fusing with the Hougyoku, Aizen had become immensely powerful. However, after
Hurting me to a point we feared was beyond repair, he lost his will for battle.
The Hougyoku purely operates on will and utmost private desires. If the will of the user
Changes, then, that is the level of performance it plans to take. Because of his lack of will to fight,
Aizen is stripped from his powers. He is also suffering from the after effects of fusing with it in general.
Aizen is not strong enough to fight. I knew that was the end.
Aizen died.
Now, I'm left in between the loophole of these memories, the everlasting love I felt
For Aizen. It was keen, alive, and full of unshakeable innocence. It was chaste. I've
Wandered around the real world and Soul Society to maintain an inner balance and see
My life through. There are days I miss Aizen so much it pains me and days I don't think
Of him. But, it's the simple pleasures of life that remind me of him. He was a man with an
Outstanding intellect and admired everything around him. He was fascinated with how
Life worked. Sometimes, on Sunday evenings, I see Byakuya walking around. He never
Directly spoke to me but left small notes to tell me everything was ok. He'd write things like
"Izuru is now a taicho" or "Rankigu awaits for your return. I think she knows your alive"
I'd never touch the notes but read them from where they were at. I was afraid of becoming
An emotional wreck if I touched them and got lost in the memories I'm so hopelessly
Fond of. I honestly don't wish to drown in my own despair or get lost in the inner webs of
My anger. Sometimes, I stroll in Hueco Mundo. I roam through Aizen's chambers but
Avoid his main one. The birth of a different part of our love story was born behind those
Walls and ended shortly after. There are rumors among the Gotei 13 that Aizen's blood
Is still on the walls. If that's so, that's an even more sufficient reason to why I should avoid the
Room altogether. Dust has piled on everything and the sky eventually reverted back
To the drawn moon. It fit the dark mood the memories usually leave behind.
I still have his charm. Sometimes, I finger it when I'm lost in thought. Sometimes, I
Respectively believe Aizen's charm protects me. Hollows that creep in Hueco Mundo
Don't harass me. Shinigami's at the Gotei 13 ignore me. I feel like I've become a memory
Altogether. Sometimes, by the river bank Aizen and I sat at so many times, I take the charm
Off and stare at it. In the front it says "Gin" and in the back it says "Shinso" I placed it on my
Neck and get lost in the memories of Aizen. I'll openly say that a century later…
Losing Aizen still reduces me to tears.