A/N: This is something I just came out while watching Skins, I really found very interesting Cook's character. Hope you like it and please review!
"Cook's Sex Educational Class"
Hello, Mates; Cookie here.
You should feel a lot fucking honored I took a small time from my busy schedule to make contact with you people, even though is only by paper (a fucking screen or whatever).
But you know what? There's people all over the internet (and I've seen them) typing out stuff that really couldn't be more boring; I could care less about fucking movie reviews or what the fuck is on in the fucking radio. I decided then, I could bring out some real knowledge about something that REALLY has importance, or should have: SEX.
Who better to speak about sex than me, Mr. everyday-a-different-shag? I tell you, it's a fucking luck I have such a thick experience on the subject and I'm willing to share it with you, twatters.
I know what you're thinking, you probably must think I'm a wanker (that if you're like Freddy, who's just a little bit of a fucking pain in the ass, sometimes), but maybe others think I am absolutely brilliant. If you're on the first group I will have to ask you to keep reading so I can prove you wrong; I'm not a plain jerk, I just like to enjoy the finest pleasures in life.
I know that if you're on the second group you WILL keep reading because you do adore me so.
So Cook's Sex Educational Class starts right in this moment.
(I wish I could give you some REAL graphic examples, but as I can only write, that should do for you, sorry)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Lesson One: Good shag is ALWAYS worth ANYTHING.
Yeah, just as you just read: from making a fool of yourself by singing our a corny song in whatsername's party to put in jeopardy your own life or your schooling by setting fire some dude's locker, all is paid out once you get the glorious taste of woman in your mouth, your cock and everywhere else you can rub.
- Lesson Two: Privacy is optional.
Don't be shy, mates, and enjoy your "monkey" no matter who could be in the room; it could be one of your teachers or a friend's mom recovering from serious spliff. Just fuck shamelessly; maybe they'd like to join you (just kidding, but it'd be pretty wacko if they would).
- Lesson Three: There is no such thing as an "unavailable woman"
"Married", "engaged", "boyfriend" and "lesbian" are words that I certainly have never heard of in my life (or I just pretend I haven't); there's always a way to talk a girl into jumping on your top, trust me.
And now, for the last and most important lesson of the day
- Lesson Four: NO regrets
You might get bruised, black eyed, beaten or even in danger of dying, but if the girl allowed you to use her tits as recreational toys, just keep the good memories and shake off the pain and humiliation (but still, who's humiliated? You just got a fuck!), and even maybe, if you're not dead yet, you can still get another one tomorrow.