Rai: Umm…hey!! Sorry about my irregular updating pattern… Here's a brand new story top make it up to you? *nervous laugh*
Lavi: This story is pretty dark if ya ask me; much more serious than the other stories Rai-chan has written!
Allen: So please enjoy!!!
Kujo: Lady 'ere doesn' own D. Gray Man.
Allen: This isn't your story, Kujo!!
Kujo: Oh, but I beg to differ, Master. Just you watch.
Rai: -Sweat drop- Anyway, this story is in fact, very different from any of my previous ones. It's plot is much more serious and takes a gander at what I feel to be, Allen's true, inner personality. I've made his character this way because I believe Allen to be much more complex and dark than he lets on, considering he was a very vulgar child before Mana came across him. And though that may have influenced him, I do believe that Cross may have in fact allowed some of his old personality to surface over the years. So…Do enjoy.
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The Boundaries of Sanity
Chapter 1:
The Inner Workings of Allen
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Summary: His haunted gaze fell upon the mirror once more, and as the figure reflected in himself grinned at him; he brought his fist to the cold glass…
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"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
Should I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take."
-Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep; A Children's Prayer
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My eyes opened abruptly as pain shot through my entire body, and I had to bite down on my already numb arm in order to keep from yelling…Hard enough to hurt, but soft enough to not draw blood. I sat up, with difficulty mind you, and wiped the cold sweat off my forehead. I looked to the clock and sighed, noting that I had woken at the Devil's hour yet again…For the fifth time this week. Now, I myself am a believer of things not of our world, but hell; shit happens. And I'm not saying that it's just coincidence, but crap has been happening to me for so long, that even if it's a sign or some sort of warning; I honestly don't give a fuck. I'm too worn out to bother worrying about these sorts of things lately.
I winced as pain once again rang throughout me, and I bit down on my lip in surprise; drawing blood.
"Fucking perfect." I muttered. I chuckled lowly to myself as I wiped the blood from my lips. What would those friends of mine think if they saw me this way? How would they react to my true personality? If I do say so myself, my personality has toned down a bit since being with Mana; however…Cross came along shortly after his death. You can't blame me for being partially insane, now can you? After all, like I said…shit happens. And lots of shit has happened to me…
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"Allen! Good morning!!" I turned to see Lenalee coming in my direction, I smiled at her and waited for her to catch up. She was like an older sister to me, but siblings come with their annoyances. And God, she could get on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I care for her and all…But she could be such an annoyance when she wanted to. And I could just tell when my dear 'sister' wanted to push my buttons. She was so damn manipulative, it made me feel bad for whoever happened to marry her.
"Good morning, Lenalee." I said quietly. Lenalee was probably one of the only ones to have seen a glimpse of my true nature. However, you can't doubt Kanda or Lavi when it came to their observational skills. I wouldn't be surprised if they noticed something strange in my behavioral attitude. Though, be that as it may, they haven't seen anything yet. …God that sounded cheesy.
"How did you sleep?" Lenalee asked, her brows furrowed with worry. Crap…I forgot that she knew about that. Funny story actually, we were on a mission once when I woke up with a scream, and she happened to come run into my room while I was muttering a string of very colorful curses. And yes, that was how she came to glimpse upon my disheveled self.
I brought my finger to her forehead and my expression deadpanned.
"If you keep on worrying, you'll get wrinkles." I told her, chuckling. "And no one would want to marry you then." I added as an afterthought. I laughed as she began chasing me, yelling incoherent things that I couldn't process. I could tell she was threatening me. I kept on running until I bumped into someone.
"Sor-
"Watch it, Walker." Joy! It's Link! Why don't you go die, you freakin' ball of sunshine?!
"Sorry about that, I wasn't watching where I was going." I told him, glaring.
"Obviously not." God, how I wanted to pound his face in. Always on my back about every little thing. I wish I could just flip him off, but then Leverrier would be on my ass about that; the fucker. "Be more aware next time, Walker."
…Fuck you too.
"Allen! Are you okay? What happened?" Lenalee asked, walking up to me.
"And you got here just now?" I grumbled.
"Sorry for not wanting to interrupt! I had to wait aside considering it would have been rude of me to stop Link mid-sentence. And besides, his position is above ours. What could I have possibly done?" she asked me, exasperated.
"Yeah yeah, tone it down 'girl with no change of getting married'." She huffed in annoyance. Oh how fun revenge was.
"Whatever!! Let's just go get breakfast!"
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I had to admit, I really didn't have much of an appetite today. But if I skipped breakfast people would worry and suspect that something's the matter. And that's a big no no.
"Allen!!" I turned to where I heard the voice coming from, and I saw Lavi skipping merrily. Of course. But now that I think of it, I envy him for being able to switch between different facades so easily. Lucky bastard. I stuck my tongue out at him and grinned.
"Morning Lavi. You seem happy." And his grin seemed to grow at the mention of the word.
"But of course I'm happy dear Allen!! Panda let me off from paperwork today!!" his presence literally sparkled with relief. I smiled at him before my body froze instinctively. Fuck…what is it now? I turned around to see Leverrier standing behind me in all his 'I am holier than thou' glory. Piss off.
"Walker, fancy meeting you here." I glowered at him and made sure he damn well saw the look of hate in my eyes. First Link, now you? He of course, noticed and slapped me right across the face. "Watch yourself, Walker. Next time, it will be much worse than that. Remember that I'm your superior, brat." You know what, go die somewhere you fucker. You probably get a kick out of making me look like a fool, don't you? And when the Noah inside me said to kill him, I half-heartedly agreed that it would be one of the best things to ever happen in the Order. Note that I said half-heartedly. I'd be killed for sure if I did that, and I can't have that, now can I? So I settled for imagining his various death scenarios in my mind.
"Allen, you okay?" I felt the stares of everyone on me and I sighed.
"I'm fine Lenalee. Leverrier was probably having a bad day. You know, the usual." I assured her, lying. I wanted to maim something…badly. Damn, anger management just goes right out the window at times like this, eh? I inhaled deeply and turned to walk out of the cafeteria. Perfect excuse to not eat anything. "I'm not feeling well at the moment, Lenalee. So, would you please excuse me?" She glanced at me knowingly, and nodded. Heh, she was more observant than I gave her credit for.
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I sat on my bed, doing absolutely nothing. I couldn't exactly describe how I was feeling. Technically speaking, if I wasn't feeling numb, I would be experiencing acute pain; that's for sure.
I turned my gaze to the mirror. That bloody figure was still staring back at me, taunting me. Fucking harasser. I quickly looked away, feeling sick when something caught my eye. I looked back at the mirror to find that he was showing me something. What I saw made me gasp in horror.
I'm on the floor, writhing in pain. I open my mouth to yell but nothing comes out. It feels like I'm drowning in pain, and every part of my body burns. Everyone around me is yelling and screaming, in…fear, is it? I get up and everyone suddenly starts running; even my so called friends begin running away. And then it hits me, they're running from me. And I'm a Noah.
'Listen kid, don't let 'im get ta yah. Do not let the 14th get ta yah.'
'What?'
'What, are ya hard of hearin'? You know damn well wha' I said.'
'Who the hell are you?'
'Name's Kujo, nice to meet ya; oh faithful exorcist. Shall I call ye Master?'
'Whatever floats your boat, I guess…And what are you, exactly?'
'Thought you'd have realized by now…Technically I'm your inner Noah, but not exactly.'
'What do you mean, not exactly?'
'Well, by that I mean I was originally 'sposed to be yer Noah side; but ye have quite the resistance. So instead of being somethin' that takes over yer body cuz of the 14th's memories, I'm more like an alternate personality. However, just because I 'aint gon' take over ye, don't mean I don't have Noah-like qualities.'
'Gee, it's nice to know that I'm more fucked up than I thought.'
'Heh, well that's just the beginning'. The 14th's memories have somehow manifested into an inner being, like mahself. So Master, ye got yerself three personalities. Yers, mine, and the 14th's.'
'So…let me get this straight. You're the voice that I hear inside my head most of the times? For instance, the one that wanted Leverrier dead earlier?'
'You bet yer ass tha' was me.'
'And I don't even need to guess who the 14th is…'
I looked to the mirror with a haunted gaze. The figure grinned up at me and I did without thinking, I brought my hand to the cold glass and as blood trickled down my fist, I still couldn't feel a thing.
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'Wake up ye 'lil trouble maker.'
I opened my eyes and all I saw was white. I wonder…
'Pfft, yeah right. Yer not in heaven Master. I doubt we'd be allowed up there; no offense to ya or anything.'
'None taken…Kujo, was it?'
'Yepp.'
"Fucking perfect. Yes Allen, go ahead and land yourself in the god damn infirmary so you don't draw attention to yourself. Way to fucking go, genius." I grumbled, fingering the blood-stained bandages on my hand.
"Um…Allen?" My gaze met with wide-eyes. Oh crap...
"…Fuck my life."
'Nice going Master; now they think yer crazy."
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And how was that for a slightly humorous ending for a serious story? Anyway, I hope you liked it!!
I feel as if it was thrown together very poorly, but to each man his own.
Please tell me what you think?
And until next time~
Rai.