"Trouble in Paradise?" Cooper asked as Josh slammed the door of their room closed. Josh says nothing but stalks to his side of the room and starts rummaging through a drawer. Cooper, sighing, sits up and watches Josh. "What are you looking for?"

"A pen."
"Why?"

But Josh ignores Cooper so Cooper continues talking, lazily throwing something from one hand to the other. "So, you and Rachel are fighting again? Jeez, for a couple you guys sure don't get along well."

This, as Cooper very well knew, would send Josh over the edge. "I already told you Cooper, Rachel and I broke up a few months ago."

"You know what's amazing Josh? Even when you're mad you manage to talk with perfect grammar."

Josh slams the drawer angrily and turns to Cooper, his mouth open to say something, then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Can I please borrow that pen?"

Cooper looks down at his hands with his mouth open innocently. "Sure Josh." And he tosses him the pen.

Josh starts the write something on a paper. "So . . . what was this fight about?"

"Rachel thinks that when we were together I was cheating on her." Josh told him in a preoccupied voice.

"That's crazy. You'd never do something like that." Cooper said. He had found something else and was now tossing it hand to hand.

After awhile Josh turned to look at him with a half grin on his face. Cooper stopped tossing the item and looked at Josh.

"I know. But, I guess she doesn't know me that well. Which was one of the reasons why we broke up. That's my award, here's your pen." Josh said, quickly traded items with Cooper and hurrying to the door. "I'll be back later."

"One of the reasons?" Cooper called after him, but the door was already shut.

Cooper put on his glasses and examined the pen, then got up and put it with the rest of Josh's stuff, swinging to the mini-fridge and grabbing a beer on his way back. After taking a long drink he put the beer to the side, reached under his mattress for something, and grabbed a pen from the pocket of his shirt. He laughed to himself at the guys' reacting if they knew that the party animal Cooper kept a journal. Of course, he hadn't until that night on the bridge, but that was beyond the point. Cooper opens the spiral and continues writing where he had left off when he heard Josh and Rachel fighting in the hallway.

He can be so blind. Through all his knowledge and studying, he still can't see what's right there, you'd think he'd get glasses or something. Not that I can blame him. Maybe I should take Hank's advice and major in acting next year. Somehow, I don't think Flushels would go for that one. But still, for all Josh knows I'm still that laid back slacker I was at the beginning of the year. He doesn't realize that I only go to my classes so that my caring father won't have an excuse to keep me from going to Daleman.

Who am I trying to lie to now? I know that the only reason that I go to my classes is to keep my mind and body away from Josh. He came in, all upset from a fight with Rachel, even though he says they broke up months ago, and all I wanted to do was grab him and pull him onto my bed and ravish him before he knows what's happening. Because I know that if he even knew for a minute how I feel about him, he'll somehow stammer his way through a response, letting me down gently, or trying to. Meanwhile he'd be slowly making his way to the door to run down to the housing department and switch rooms with someone. Then there'd be no reason for me to waste my time in classes, no reason for me not to pack it up and run to Flushels for my life sentencing.

I suppose I should be satisfied with what I get now. He's my best friend, the first real friend I've ever had. I share a room with him, which makes it unbelievably easy to just stay up after he's asleep and watch him. That even sounds creepy to me, but I can't help it, it feels so good just to look at him, that I couldn't stop myself if I tried, but why try? Not like I'll ever be stupid enough to act on it.

Then there's the moments of torture, when I walk into the room in just a towel, and he looks at me like-- the way I look at him all the time, and I somehow convince myself that he feels that same way about me as I do for him. Then he'll cough and start blushing, and all I can do is laugh and grab some clothes and go back to the bathroom, which is for my own good too, to leave before he sees the affect he has on me.

So, I'll stay Josh's friend for another three years, then we'll graduate, and only visit each other once a year. He'll marry some beautiful woman, have four kids, be the boss of a successful firm, and maybe he'll invite me to visit during Christmas, since he knows that I don't get along with my parents, and I won't have any lasting relationships, though, he'll probably say that is due to my fear of commitment. Yeah, right, if I thought it would work between us, if he would let it, I'd stay with him everyday for the rest of my life. I know I could never make myself have sex with another man again, not when the only one I can think about is Josh. This is what I'm doomed to, this is what I deserve, for being such a fuck up.

Cooper was so preoccupied with what he was writing, he didn't notice when the door opened and closed.

"Cooper, what are you doing?"

Cooper frowned at the letters he had written, as though seeing them for the first time. He could have sworn he had meant to only whine about a stupid essay he had to write. He looked up, expecting his doom, but when he looked up it wasn't Josh who had interrupted him. "Hey Pickle, what's up?"

"Is that-" Pickle moved closer to Cooper, "oh my god Cooper, is that a journal?"
Cooper laughed and closed the notebook lazily. "Come on Pickle, do I look like the type of person to keep a journal?" Rule one when a friend catches you doing something you don't want them to know about and you don't want to lie - never over-explain, and state the obvious as a question.
"Well, what is it then?"

"My own pathetic attempt at a stupid assignment from an anti-social professor."

"Oh, ok." Pickle looked around. "Hey, where's Josh?"

Cooper laid back on his bed. "I don't know. So, what can I do for you, Pickle?"

"I was gonna go into town and buy some more margarita mix, I'm almost out, and I was wondering if you guys wanted to come, but since Josh isn't here I guess it would just be you and me. Wanna come?"

Cooper got up. "Sure. Why not?"

On the way to the liquor store that Pickle just had to go to, since it was the only one with the right kind of mix, Pickle and Cooper stopped to get some coffee.

"Hey, Cooper, isn't that Josh? " Pickle asked, pulling Coopers attention away from his drink.

He looked across the street where Pickle was pointing and sure enough there was Josh sitting with Rachel, both of Rachel looking at a piece of paper and Josh was looking very uncomfortable. Then she said something and he laughed. "Sure is. And he said they broke up months ago."

"They did." Pickle said, giving Cooper a knowing look. The guys still believed the rumours going around about Josh and Cooper being a couple, and Cooper just wished they would get over it, considering how close to the truth they were.

"Really? Hmm. They look like they're on a date to me."

"No, they really did, Rachel was seeing this guy when they were together and she said that Josh could never love her like the other guy does."

"Oh, really, does this other guy have a name?"

"I don't know, he doesn't go to Daleman, but, there he is." Even as Pickle was talking, a guy came over and hugged Rachel from behind and gave her a kiss. Cooper waited for Josh to get mad and stalk off, but he just shook the guy's hand and smiled. The smile actually looked sincere. "Let's go say hi?"

"Sure Pickle, that'll be fun," Cooper said under his breath as he followed Pickle.

"Hi Josh, Rachel." Pickle said when they got to the table.

"Hi Pickle. Hey Cooper."

Cooper smiled and nodded his head.

"What are you guys doing here?" Josh asked.

"Just restocking some supplies, we saw you over here and decided to say hello."
"What are you guys doing here?" Cooper asked, looking at Josh.

"Nothing much. I was just about to leave anyway, mind if I join you guys?"

"Not at all. The more the merrier." Cooper grinned.

Josh stood up. "See you later Rachel, oh, and it was nice meeting you Ned."

"So really, were we really interrupting anything?" Pickle asked when they were farther down the street.

"No, Rachel just wanted me to meet her boyfriend." Josh said, casting a look at Cooper.

Cooper draped an arm around Josh's shoulder and leaned towards him. "Sorry I didn't believe you. So, are you jealous of Ned?"

"No, Rachel and I are just friends." Josh said as he unconsciously leaned into Cooper. Cooper smiled.

"What kind of name is Ned anyway? I mean, I would chose a Josh over a Ned without a second thought."

Josh laughed. "While that is very reassuring, Coop, I am in no way upset about it, so you don't have to try to cheer me up."

Cooper backed away from Josh. "Fine, I won't then. Hey, you guys want to have a party tonight?"

"It's amazing how quickly Cooper can talk you guys into having a party." Hank said to Josh. Their room was full of more people than you'd think possible, but it wasn't overcrowded, and everyone was having a good time, Cooper was entertaining a group of people across the room with his new showcase bong and some of Zeke's best, the last time Josh checked.

"Yeah, well, Cooper can talk anyone into basically anything."

"How are things with you two?" Hank said.

"What do you mean?" Josh frowned.

"I'm not trying to pry or anything, but I was just wondering." While Hank was talking he somehow managed to trap Josh in a corner in the room.

"I don't -"

"Hey, the guys and I aren't stupid Josh, we know you and Cooper are together."

"What are you talking about? Me and Cooper are friends, that's all. We were never together and we never will be, and come on, do you really think Cooper's gay?"

"I don't know man, but he's really into you, and I know you're into him, so you can just get over this excuse of being 'just friends' I'm your friend, Josh, you shouldn't lie to me." Hank said quietly.

"Listen, I'm not lying, there is nothing between Cooper and me, nothing like that. It's sick, and if I even thought that he -" Josh said venomously.

"Ok man, whatever. Hey, it's a party, have some fun."

Josh walked off, shaking his head, he had no idea that the rumours were still going around, but that would explain why Rachel is acting so weird.

Cooper had claimed a spot at the bar table for himself, and was currently taking all drinks within his reach.

"Cooper, take it easy. This is your party too, you know."
"Yes, and after careful deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that, if, but, hopefully when I pass out I won't have to be dragged anywhere, cause I'll already be in my room." Cooper looked at Pickle and laughed. He grabbed the margarita in Pickles hand away from him and guzzled it.

"Ok Cooper, come on, come with me." Pickle helped Cooper up and half carried him in the direction of his room.

"Where are we going?"

"You're just going to sit here and talk to me for a second, ok?" Pickle said slowly as he sat Cooper on the bed and closed the door to his room.

Cooper laughed and laid down on the bed. "So, Pickle, are you Mr. Fix It then?"

"Whatever Cooper, you want to tell me why you were drowning yourself in a bottle of gin, when you were so happy earlier, at your own party?"
"You know what, Pickle? I'm not too sure. Hey, you know me pretty well, why don't you tell me why?"
"I'd say that it probably had something to do with Josh."

"Bingo!" Cooper started laughing. "On the first guess too. Amazing."

"What happened?"
"Nothing, we're friends,"

"Bullshit Josh what's going on?"

"Ok Pickle, since you're being so nice to me, and you asked, I think I'll tell you a little story, and hey, I'm really drunk, so I suppose that that kind of helps a bit, anyway, on with the story. Ok, once there was this boy named Cooper, who grew up knowing that there was no future for him besides the one that the evil King Flushels planned out for him. But, one day, he met this wonderful Prince, with a beautiful name, Josh. He and Josh melded well together, and soon were inseparable, they had become the best of friends. Josh and Cooper went on many adventures together, and rubbed off on each other. They schemed together and put up with each other through everything. After one particularly big scheme, one in which Cooper almost lost his wonderful Prince. Well, Cooper realized something then, he had fallen in love with the Prince, which he thought seemed appropriate, since he could never feel for anyone, be with anyone, the way he was when he was with his Prince. After he discovered this, he knew he could never go back to who he was before, and he hoped, beyond hope, that his prince would never find out, or that maybe, his Prince would feel the same way.

"So, sometime after the last big scheme, he got his Prince and their very best friend to throw a party. Cooper thought that the party would be fun, but, once again, he was terribly wrong. During the party, the evil King Flushels decided to ruin Cooper's life fun even more. The boy then overheard his prince talking to someone. It wasn't a good talk. His Prince said mean and hurtful things, but he didn't know that Cooper had heard him. His Prince was repulsed at the simple ides that they were more than friends, and he said that they never would be, that it was sick. But, though what his Prince said mattered greatly to him, and everything was ruined anyway, it didn't stop Cooper from feeling like the world was falling on him. Even though Cooper knew that that was how his Prince would react, his whole world came crashing down on him. Because . . . though the evil King Flushels thrashed his future, it didn't stop him from dreaming, and the only thing that he dreamed about was that he would be with his Prince, forever." Cooper ended softly, he seemed more sober than he had been a minute ago.

"Cooper, what happened - I mean. . . you said something about your dad, what did your dad do?"
"Shh, no questions Pickle. The story's over."

"Cooper - you have to tell Josh." Pickle said.

Cooper looked at him sharply. "I know. What have I got to lose, eh?"

"Cooper, he probably said it because - and I'm sure he didn't mean -"

"Even if he didn't, it wouldn't make a difference, would it?" Cooper said, walking to the door. "Don't worry Pickle, the party's over, in more than one way, and I won't be drinking anymore tonight. You don't need to help clean up. See you later. Maybe."

Cooper walked into the room he shared with Josh, only to find that the only thing that needed cleaning up in the room were the alcohol bottles, and they were all pretty much together. He grabbed a plastic bag and dumped all of them in it.

"It's pretty clean for such a wild party." Josh said.

Cooper looked at Josh, who was leaning against the wall, watching him. "Yeah. How long was I in Pickles room?"
"A couple hours."

"Really?"

"Yeah. What were you guys doing in there?"

"Just talking." Cooper said, throwing the bag with the rest of the garbage in the room.

"Coop, can I ask you something?" Josh asked, still leaning on the wall.

Cooper walked over to stand in front of him. "Sure Josh, anything."

"Did you know that those rumours are still going around, and the guys think we're a couple? Fucking crazy, huh? I mean, how sick and delusional can a person get? It disgusts me, doesn't it disgust you?"
Cooper felt an aching in his chest start, then work it's way all through his body, till it was all he felt. Fuck it, it was all over anyway. "Sick and delusional huh?" He managed to get out, putting his hand on Josh's shoulder lightly. Josh tugged away almost imperceptibly, and ignored the fact that they were touching.

"Yeah, they think we're in love."

Josh started walking forward, but before he realized what he was doing, Cooper had pushed him back against the wall, one hand behind Josh's neck, the other on his waist. "And what if they're half right?" Cooper asked breathlessly.

He leaned forward and kissed Josh, hard and fast. He pulled back reluctantly. "What if I love you? Because, I do, you know."

"Coop - I - I didn't - I'm not -" Josh stammered. Cooper released him and backed away.

"I love you Josh, I'll probably love you forever, remember that, please? You mean the world to me." He cast a glance back at Josh when he reached the door, Josh was pale, and stricken, any answer Cooper had been looking for he found. Cooper opened the door, left, and closed it quickly, as tears slid down his face. It was late, he didn't run into anyone in the halls, which upset him even more, because he wouldn't get to say his farewells properly. He ran out of Daleman, not daring to look back, and headed for the highway on foot.

**