This is it, my soldier.
"You don't know what you've got until it's gone". Can I just say that is the biggest understatement that has ever been made? My name is Kurt Hummel. I am 31 years old and my husband of 9 years, Blaine Anderson, is over seas in Iraq and has been for the last 15 months. I had always treasured our love and knew that it was special, but nothing could have prepared me for when he was deployed in September of 2023. It's now December of 2025, and I haven't been able to hug, hold, or kiss my husband in so long.
Being married to a soldier has taught me some albeit, hard, but valuable lessons, the most important being to treasure every moment you get with your soldier. I learned all too quickly that those moments could be limited. My best friend, Santana, found that out the tragic way when her wife, Brittany, was killed in a suicide bombing.
Ever since a burly solider showed up at her door in uniform, equipped with the envelope containing the information and queries surrounding Brittany's death, things have changed. Since then, I have treasured every last minute of time I've gotten to talk to Blaine. Every phone call, every letter, every Skype call and every e-mail is time never taken for granted, like the last night we were together. I unfortunately still remember that day like it was yesterday. Something so tragic is not easily forgotten.
It was around noon and Santana and I had just sat down for lunch. We were in her dining room, sipping red wine and munching on the finger sandwiches we had made. It was a normal get together until a sharp knock came on the door.
I, having not drank as much as Santana, (although neither of us were even close to drunk, we're classy) got up to answer the door for her. I patted down the nonexistent wrinkles in my Gucci coat and headed over to the door. I opened the door to reveal the man that absolutely no army spouse wanted to see. He wore a look of sympathy and apology on his face.
"No" I whispered on the verge of tears. Anything that was about to come out of the man's mouth was sure not to be good.
"May I come inside?" He asked politely with a solitude tone in his voice. I was unable to form words at the moment, so I simply nodded. He walked into Santana's nicely finished modern home; we lived in a military families' community so all the houses were fairly new.
"May I please speak with Mrs. Lopez-Pierce?" he asked. All the blood drained from my face and I felt like I was about to hurl. I knew what this meant and it was not good. It meant that something had happened and Brittany was gone. She had been lost forever in the war.
"Brittany?" I whispered, her name lingering too long across my lips.
"I'm afraid so" he informed me quietly. I tried to pull myself together to tell Santana so she wouldn't have to hear it from a solider, but it was too late. Said lady walked in the room.
"Kurt what's taking so-"she was cut off when she saw who was standing with me in the foyer.
"No, no no no no no" she whispered with tears cascading down her face. I hadn't noticed, but tears ran down my cheeks too. I ran over to her side and enveloped her in the biggest hug I had ever given anybody. I petted her soft black hair and rocked her back and forth, trying to ease the pain. No words or type of hug, no matter how tight could cure that kind of hurt. I simply squeezed her in my arms as she shouted loud words of denial in Spanish.
"I'm so sorry" said the officer. His cheeks were tear-stained too. He had removed his hat and placed his hand over his heart to salute to their fallen princess-turned-soldier.
"Did you know her?" I asked kindly, although my tears still fell over my cheeks while Santana was still sobbed in my arms. My hand ran through her silky hair in attempt to give her some source of comfort. We rocked back and forth on the floor of her foyer where we had simultaneously fallen to immediately after hearing the news.
"She was my partner, she was like my sister" he informed us. I simply nodded and we all let the tears fall. We let them fall for the unfairness of it all. We let them fall for sweet, innocent Brittany who never deserved her cruel fate. We cried for Blaine who was lucky to have not been caught in the bombing attack, but most of all, we cried because a beautiful, funny, smart and talented woman had been lost all too soon.
"I have this for you" said the soldier. He handed an envelope to Santana who simply passed it off to me, silently explaining that she was in no state ready to open what remained of her incandescent wife.
I opened the envelope. Inside were her dog tags, which I gently placed around Santana's neck. She let out a heart-breaking sob and gripped them tightly. She kissed them over and over again. Her sobs grew louder each time the metal grazed her lips. There was also a letter that explained that her body was found still intact so it would be able to be flown back to New Hampshire for a proper burial and funeral. There was also a handwritten note that pitched the last written words of Brittany.
Dearest Santana,
If you are reading this, then I am so very sorry. It means that I have passed on from this life and moved on to the next. I'm so sorry that I've had to leave you so soon, but you can't dwell on me forever.
You were and always will be the love of my life. You are my one and only and there is no one whom I'd rather have shared my love with for the past 13 and a half years. Ever since we've been in junior year, I've had a love with passion that only burns for you.
Please honey, don't NOT move on. Think of all the wonderful memories we've shared over the years and cherish those. But please, don't forget to go and make new ones with a wonderful woman who loves you just as much as I did and always will.
You glow with everything that you do and there is not one person in the world that deserves happiness more than you. You are as beautiful a person on the inside as you are on the outside. And that's the reason I fell in love with you.
Above all, just remember that I died doing what I love and the only way I'd have rather died was in your arms. I died helping people who couldn't help themselves and that gives me all the fulfillment I could ever ask for in a life. I have no regrets.
Te amo mi amor hermoso. (I love you my beautiful lover)
~Brittany S. Lopez-Pierce
After reading Brittany's note once through to myself, I read it aloud so Santana could hear what it said. This brought on a new wave of tears that shed even harder than the last one.
I vowed in that moment to never take what I had for granted. I was shown in such an awful way that everything I loved could be stripped away from me in a moment's notice.
Brittany's death had been only a few months after her and Blaine's deployment, so it had recently rounded to a full year without Brittany. Life had always seemed duller since that day. Santana had always been the one who would pick me up when I was feeling down. After Brittany had passed away, however, the once fiery Santana Lopez-Pierce seemed burn at only a spark. Santana's sassiness appeared once more after she met another woman named Emily. Emily helped bring back some of the light into Santana's life and for that, I would ways be thankful.
While Santana's light slowly began to brighten, mine regressed as the year came to an end. Blaine was due to return home a few weeks after the New Years, and it was currently Christmas Eve, which also happened to be my birthday.
While the idea of celebrating a second holiday season without Blaine depressed me, I remained understanding. I knew serving the country had always been Blaine's dream growing up. Whenever he would explain his job to people, it was evident in his tone and body language just how passionate he was about the choice of career.
When Blaine came out, he soon realized that he would probably never get a chance to serve. This was because he was all too familiar with the Army's policies and stance on having gay fighters. Over the years, however, the world slowly but surely had started becoming a better place. More and more homosexuals were being sent overseas to fight for a country they loved.
When the opportunity arose where Blaine could join the army they were 27. Blaine had jumped quickly at the opportunity. He quit his job as the lead in Broadway's famous musical 'How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying' and immediately went right into training. It was a short two years later that he was deployed. I remember that day too. In a way, it was the worse day of my life.
I woke up when a felt something small and wet dripping on my face. I looked up to find my crying husband looking over me with big adoring eyes. I all too suddenly remember that it was the day. It was the day that Blaine would leave me, possibly forever. I paled at the thought of having to live permanently without Blaine. It scared the absolute crap out of me to think that it was entirely possible that the next time I saw my husband could be in a casket.
"Good morning beautiful" he said to me sweetly. Even after so many years, we never really seemed to lose that spark that far too many couples did.
"Morning love" I said back just as sweetly. I connected our lips in a bitter sweet kiss. I knew it was selfish, but one of the things I was going to miss the most about Blaine was being able to kiss him wherever and whenever I wanted.
"We have to get going soon or I'll be late" he whimpered. He knew that going had always been his dream and he knew once he left he would be fine, but leaving was still so very hard. This would be the longest that we'd been apart since we met and neither of us were really looking forward to that part.
The rest of the morning passed by in a blur of sweet lingering kisses and hot desperate needs. It was all too soon that we finally made it out of our house and to the airport where many soldiers would be picked up and shipped out across the world. We entered the airport hand in hand. In the hand that wasn't holding mine, Blaine carried his duffle bag that he would live out of for however long he would be gone.
We got to the loading area, where the rest of the soldiers were already saying goodbye to their loved ones. The room was filled with lots of tears, which didn't really help me keep my tears at bay.
Blaine set his bag down on the ground and enveloped me in a gigantic hug, spinning us both around a few times before he set me back down on the ground. Although we were grounded once more, I didn't let go of him.
Sometime while we were spinning, the tears had gotten free and now were cascading down my face faster than Niagara Falls.
"Hey, don't cry. I'll be back before you know it" he cooed. His caressed my cheek with his soft hand and connected our lips in the kiss of the century. That one kiss held all of the emotions we felt for each other.
"I just can't bare the thought that this may be the last time that I get to hold you." I said through my tears. He kissed both of my cheeks, his breathe ghosted over my cheeks.
"I love you so much Kurt. I will always find my way back to you." he said.
"I love you too, so much. Please, just come home when you're done" I cried. My fingers were tracing his face; trying to remember every last inch of it.
"I'll try my best" he complied.
"Good" I whispered over his lips.
"All soldiers are now to board the plane, please!" I heard over the speakers. It meant it was time for Blaine to leave. My heart started beating erratically. This was it. The moment that could change my life forever was mere seconds away and I wasn't ready to let go of what we had. I knew that I had to be strong, however, strong for Blaine, and Santana and our families, and for me.
"That would be my call" Blaine whispered. I wrapped him up in one last hug. We clung to each other like magnets.
I pulled away from the hug first. I straightened his cap and ran my hands up and down his arms, taking in his strong, manly appearance. I kissed his lips softly once more. His hands cupped my face and mine wrapped around his toned torso. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it was perfect.
"You have to go." I breathed over his lips.
"Yeah, I love you honey. I'll see you soon" he said. He squeezed me close once more, grabbed his duffle bag off the floor and headed towards the plane. Just as he was about to disappear from my sights, possibly forever, he turned back and gave me a cheeky wink. I laughed through my tears and clung to Santana, Brittany was deployed the same time, so we both knew how each other felt.
We stayed to watch the plane take off then, took a taxi back to Santana's house where we sat and cried in each other's arms all day.
~oOo~
So, tell me Christmas are we wise
to believe in things we never see.
Are prayers just wishes in disguise?
And are these wishes being granted me
for now I see the answering to every prayer I've prayed.
Because Blaine couldn't make it back in time for my birthday this year, I didn't really want to have a big party like I had the year before. I hadn't really wanted to have a party the year before either, but my friends had insisted on it, being my 30th birthday. In a way, Blaine was there as he had been streamed to a screen at the party via Skype. I pained me, however, that I couldn't touch him, or kiss him or feel him, so just as much as it felt like he was there; it also felt like he wasn't.
So tell me Christmas are we kind?
More this day than any other day,
or is it only in our mind?
And must it leave when you have gone away?
It's different now it's changed somehow
and now you're here to stay
For that reason, that's why I found myself in my living room, with Santana, Emily and our friend Leslie. Leslie was also an army spouse, and her husband Paul was serving with Blaine and had served with Brittany. We decorated the evergreen that stood tall in my living room. We had done Santana's the night before, and Leslie's the night before that. We sipped on champagne and listened to carols.
The girls had been acting funny all day, but I passed it up to them being excited for Christmas. We had decided that since we would all be alone on Christmas morning, we would all crash at my house and we would have our own Christmas morning.
It wasn't my perfect idea of Christmas and it never would be without Blaine, but it would be close enough. We would just re-celebrate in a few weeks when Blaine got home from his deployment.
Luckily though, Blaine would not be returning to the army after he got home so I would never have to live through this terrible torture of never really knowing if he's alive or dead in a ditch somewhere half way across the world. Just as I was about to put the tree topper on I heard a knock on my front door.
"I'll get it" Santana said. It was 11:30 and night and I had absolutely no idea who could be knocking on my door and I was not about to let my female best friend answer the door.
"No, sit. I'll answer it; it's late and I don't know who it is" I said quickly. I placed the tree topper down on the coffee table and smoothed out the non existent wrinkles in my trousers.
I walked to the front door and opened it smoothly to reveal a soldier dressed in full gear with his hat pulled down just low enough that I couldn't see his eyes. My heart sank in my chest immediately. I was sure this would be it; the news that Blaine had died. Tears sprung to my steps and I could feel myself losing coherency. Just as I was about to fall to the ground at this soldiers feet, the soldier spoke;
He's Coming Home This Christmas Day
"Sergeant Anderson reporting for Christmas" he said smoothly in his all too familiar voice.
All at once the world
It doesn't seem the same
And in a single night
You know it all has changed
And everything is now as it should be
"Blaine!" I screamed and cried. I leapt into the waiting arms of my lover. My legs wrapped around his waist and suddenly, we were spinning around. His hands were splayed across my back trying to feel every inch of the familiar skin.
I have the ornament
I have the perfect tree
I have a string of lights
I have a chance to see
Everything that my heart thought could be
"Oh baby I missed you so much" he whispered into my ear. All I could do was sob harder than ever into the crook of his neck where my head had landed when I hugged him. I gripped onto him tighter than I ever had in my life.
"Wha- How? Huh?" is all that would come out of my mouth. Blaine, however, seemed to understand what I was trying to say and he answered my questions for me.
For of all the dreams
You were the first I knew
And every other one
Was a charade of you
You stayed close when I was far away
"I told you that I wouldn't be home until January but really, I got in this morning because I wanted it to be a surprise. And yes, I'm home for good and I am never leaving you again because I missed you so god damn much, Kurt." he choked out, the last part his voice thick with emotion.
"I love you so much." I said back. I couldn't really think of anything else to say, really. Emotions had stunned my brain temporarily. I had the love of my life safely back in my arms and for that I would be forever grateful.
I'm not sure how long we stood hugging in the doorway, but seeing as everyone except Santana had left by the time we actually made it into the house told me that we had been a while.
"Where'd everyone go?" I asked. I was still clinging to Blaine, unwilling to let go.
"We knew Blaine was coming home so we staged the whole sleepover thing so you would be surprised!" she said. She had tears in her eyes too. Just the way she was longingly looking at us told me that she was missing Brittany.
"Oh come here Hun." I said to her. She ran into us like a wall of bricks. A very small, petite wall of bricks but still, brick none the less. Both Blaine and I wrapped one arm around her creating a group hug while we all cried for Brittany.
"I'm sorry guys I'm just going to go…" she said wiping furiously at her tears.
"Don't be silly you can stay here tonight." Blaine said comfortingly. I nodded to add reassurance that she would not be a bother.
"No, I have to get going. Emily's waiting for me back at my place. I just wanted to say hi to Blainers." she smiled.
"Okay, but you're still going to come over tomorrow morning right? So we can open presents!" I told her.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world, sweet cheeks" she said. She kissed my cheek and did the same to Blaine.
"I'm so happy you're back safe and sound, Blaine" she said after she gave him his kiss.
"Thank you Santana, I'm so sorry about Brittany. I know you've heard it a million times before, but I just wanted you to know that she was so, so, brave and she died fighting for what she believes in." he said softly.
"I know" she said through her tears.
"I just love her so god damn much and I wish she was here." she cried. I wrapped her in another hug, this time I actually detached myself from Blaine so I could hug her properly.
"I know sweetie" I cooed while petting her hair.
"Okay, I'm sorry for being a bother. I have to go now though." she apologized.
"Santana Lopez-Pierce you will NEVER be a bother here, so don't worry about it! Merry Christmas, and we'll see you in the morning." I assured her in a firm, but gentle tone.
She nodded and headed for the door. Once she was out and the door was shut, I let the tears flow. They were mostly all tears of happiness, although some were shed in memory of Brittany, and how much better the moment would have been if she was also here. But most were shed out of happiness, relief, abatement, comfort and just pure bliss.
"Why are you crying love?" Blaine asked. I suddenly realized that he couldn't hear what I was saying in my head and I should probably explain the tears to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he settled his hands on my hips. Our foreheads leant against each other and we were so close, our noses were almost touching.
"I'm crying because I'm just so happy you're home safe and sound. I'm crying because you're home for Christmas and my birthday and for good. I'm crying because I'm glad you're alive when you easily could be dead. I'm crying because it's not fair that Brittany didn't come home with you, and she didn't deserve to die. I'm crying because I've missed you so much that it hurts and I'm crying because right now because I feel like the luckiest man in the world since you're in my arms again and after so long; 215 months, 2 weeks and 5 days to be exact. I'm just so glad that you're home," I stated.
He connected our lips in a sweet kiss. It wasn't needy or dirty. It was sweet and sultry, and conveyed all the love and passion we had for each other. It was the perfect way to welcome my husband home and back into my life; even though he never really left. This is it, my soldier. He's home and healthy and I'm happy. And as far as I'm concerned I'm the luckiest man in the world.
In the darkest night
You always were the star
You always took us in
No matter who we are
And so He's coming home this Christmas Day
Post A/N: This is my salute to anyone who has ever been related to in some way some one who has served there country in a military force. These men and women protect the country that you live in and are the reason you have freedom. Without them and there families we wouldn't have armed forces protecting our country and bringing peace to others who need the extra help.
Not going to lie this was really hard to write and I often had to stop because I would just be crying too hard to type coherently. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it because it was a complete honour.
Once again a big thanks to my beta Loquaciouslauryn, who is my beta for everything I post. She is amazing and if you like my writing you should definitely check hers out because it's fabulous.
If you're still reading this then thank you so much once again for taking the time to read/review/favourite etc. You are the reason I write and you fuel my passion every time you read/review/favourite/author alert me so thank you for that and please don't every stop doing that.
You are beautiful. Pass it on. ღ