Addison! I thought you valued our marriage? WHAT? We're not divorced yet and you go running into Mark's arms?
You don't get to tell me I'm an adulterous bitch this time, Derek! You SLEPT with YOUR sluty intern at the prom you asked ME to go with you! As in SLEPT! CHEATED! ADULTERY! All along while you were supposed to be the good guy and trying for our marriage, you were screwing interns!
Intern. One.
Really? Just one? Oh…poor McDreamy, settling for only one bush in the entire forest.
Addison, don't drag Meredith into this.
This?! What? Our marriage? Oh too bad. Our marriage is over because she was dragged into this, do you really want to say to me, don't drag her in?
DO you really want to go there? Our marriage is over because you SLEPT with Mark, who happened to be my best friend.
You, supposedly, FORGAVE me for Mark. We're supposedly WORKING on our marriage. She's supposedly OUT of your life!
…
The divorce papers are being redrawn. I'll have our lawyers fax them over as soon as possible. I'll have them signed and then passed on to you.
Fine.
Fine.
"Addie, can we kiss and make better now?"
"Divorced Derek, you recognize right?"
"Not yet."
"Technically, but realistically, you've been screwing interns."
"And you've been screwing Mark!"
"It was a few times lapse in judgement."
"It was 2 months lapse of judgement."
"You were in Seattle, screwing interns."
"Meredith is ONE intern and we had a relationship."
"Exactly."
"Fine, we're divorced."
"I want all the books."
"WHAT?! What are you going to do with all the neurosurgical references?"
"Sell them, burn them, sew a dress out of them. I'm creative."
"At least let me keep all the picture books."
"No! Those books are mine! The Little Prince is mine! The Arthur books are mine! And the little cute poem books about apples and trees and life are also obviously mine."
"Can I at least keep my own clothes?"
"Let me think about that."
"We're divorced! What are you going to do with a closet full of my shirts?"
"Two."
"Fine, two."
"I don't know. Sell them, burn them, give them to Mark? He's your size, and they are Boss."
"No! Those are MY shirts, not Mark's!"
"No, you've turned into fisher boy extraordinaire, you don't need Boss anymore."
"Fine, you can have everything you want, IF you go to New York and FedEx all our stuff here."
"Addie! That's ridiculous! I have a girlfriend here, I have a job here, I have a life here!"
"As do I."
"Addie!"
"The tickets are for Monday."
"..."
"Here, let mommy kiss you and make it all better."