Part 1
Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes, stepped out of his humble abode, blinded by the rays of the morning Sun. After taking a sip of his morning coffee, Phil bent over, scratching his furry hips. He knew that today was the day - the day his trainee, Hercules, embarked on his first day of high school. The satyr dreaded this day, but Hercules's father Zeus demanded it, and who was Phil to argue with the king of the gods?
Phil sighed and decided to accept the inevitable. Stretching and bending over again, he noticed that a copy of the Greekly World News had been delivered overnight. Just before his hairy hands were about to wrap around the newspaper's scroll handle, a blue blur streaked from the sky and zoomed past Phil into Phil's house, which created a gust that slipped Phil's coffee cup out of his grip. The goblet spun through the air and landed on him, spilling scalding liquid onto his head.
"Hermes," Phil grumbled, clenching his fists. He chased the little, blue messenger god back into his house. "Hermes, my paper! Now!"
Hermes waved the newspaper just out of Phil's reach. "Today's top story," he announced, "the fabulous Prometheus Academy welcomes the oh-so-happening Hercules!"
Hercules, sitting patiently at the kitchen table, looked up, eyes widening. "Really?" he exclaimed. "Let me see!" He reached for the paper, but Hermes yanked it away. Losing his balance, Hercules fell onto the chair in front of him before picking himself up again.
"Didn't make the Valley Edition. But on Mount Olympus, all the gods and goddesses are like, hyped, man." He stared down at Hercules's meal, which was so small, it made army rations look like a feast. Hermes frowned. "Breakfast," Hermes added, "is the most important meal of the day." He disappeared and came back holding a helmet upside-down. Hermes swiftly tossed in fruits and berries, using the newspaper scroll to blend them into a creamy broth. "Aye-aye-aye, forgot the bananas!," he exclaimed, throwing bananas into the mixture and repeating the process. He handed his creation to Hercules, who downed it with pleasure.
"Thanks," Hercules replied.
"Hey, you're not nervous, are ya?" Hermes asked.
Hercules tightened his grip on the helmet, running a finger around its rim. "No...should I be?" He slouched in his seat.
"Nice work, Wing-Tips," Phil groaned, snatching his newspaper from Hermes's hand and whacking him with it. He turned to face Hercules. "Kid, the first day of school is just like any other."
"But what if nobody likes me?" Hercules protested. "What if I screw up?"
Phil gazed at the ceiling. A sharp pain was growing in his brain. "Oy, this is one of those 'peer pressure teen angst crises.'" He held up two fingers. "Two words: Re-lax." Hercules took one long, deep breath.
During a brief period of majestic silence, Hermes calmly appeared in between them. "By the way, did I mention that the school barge is here?"
Hercules, who was in the process of chewing a bundle of grapes, immediately ceased chewing. The ball of food hung on one side of his cheeks. "No way!" he shouted, spitting out the mashed-up grapes. Hermes ducked, and the slimy food flew through the air and bounced squarely off Phil's face. Hercules would have apologized, but he had no time; he quickly grabbed a paper bag with his name on it and rushed out of Phil's front door.
A pasture away, a long, flat-topped barge bobbed graciously in the water. An impatient-looking woman tapped her foot on the bow, constantly checking the sundial that she wore as a watch, which was a key aspect of recent fashion trends. Hercules stopped on the bluff above the boat and, without thinking, leapt face-first into the fragile hull. The boat capsized, completely soaking all of its occupants.