Fine on the Outside
I do not own any of the character or the song that is used here. The song is Fine on the Outside by Priscilla Ahn from the movie When Marine was there. It's a beautiful anime movie that I recommend everyone to watch. Please fill free to comment and enjoy :)
Elliot was walking up the stairs of Olivia's apartment. He wanted to check up on her. Olivia went home early today and he didn't blame him. This week was probably the toughest week for her. They were assigned a case of a rape/murder victim, nothing new to them. However this case hit close to home for Olivia. She was a 38 year old woman named Penny Sanchez, who had no family, no close friends and lived alone. She worked at a local high school teaching History. From what her colleagues had told them she didn't have much of a life. She never really opened up to anyone at the school. The only person she somewhat talk to was the principle Mrs. Clarkson. They only thing she was able to tell her was that her childhood wasn't easy. And she was right. While digging through her past, they learned that she was a product of rape. From the interviews they were able to get, she suffered through physical and emotional abuse. Her mother drank, so she could cope with the rape. She was beaten on day to day bases. Though Child Protective Service tried to remove her from her home, Penny always told them that she was fine and there was nothing wrong. They said that she did it to protect her mother. Every time they questioned her she would always say she was fine. Though she was able to go to a nice college and get a good steady job, she became a hollow shell of a person because of the ordeal she went through. The more research they did, the more Olivia realized how much she and the victim had in common. They were both product of rape, their childhood was difficult, and their mothers were abusive to them. Even when they notified the mother about her death, she didn't show any remorse. She didn't even want to see her body. Olivia couldn't believe it. After working on the case for a week they were able to catch the prep. After they got the confession from him today, Olivia decided to take the rest of the day off. Cragen understood. He knew that this case was really hard on her. Elliot wanted to talk to her, making sure she was ok but of course with Olivia said what she always said.
"I'm fine El, nothing to worry about." Olivia gave him big smile. He knew she just said what he wanted to hear. He knew she wasn't fine. After work he decided to get her favorite food, Chinese and head up to her apartment. He got up to her door and began to knock.
"Liv, its Elliot can you open the door." Elliot waiting for her to open the door but nothing happened.
He knocked again, "Liv, come on. I know you said you were fine but I just wanted to make sure you're ok. I brought your favorite Chinese food." He still hasn't heard any movement inside. He started to get worried. He took out his spare key that Liv gave him for emergency.
"I'm coming in alright!" He shouted, hopefully thought he would get a responds. He opened the door and noticed the lights were on. 'She has to be home. Why else will she leave the lights on?" He thought. Entering the apartment, Elliot put the food down on the kitchen counter and closed the door.
"Liv, are you here?" He yelled. When he didn't hear a response from her, he began to panic. He started searching for her, calling her name. He checked the guest room and the bathroom but there was no sign of her. It wasn't until he went into her bedroom where he saw that her window was open. Her window was next to the fire escape. Thinking that someone might have taken her, he took out his phone and was about to call his Captain. That is until he heard a faint noise coming from above him. Curious about the noise he put his phone away and climbed out the window. He began climbing up the stairs, which leads up to the roof of her apartment. The closer he got to the top, the louder the noise was. He then recognized that sound. It was a guitar. He got to the top of the roof and got a big surprise. On the roof was Olivia, sitting on the edge of the roof with a guitar at hand.
'I didn't know she played guitar. Guess you learn something new every day.' He thought. He began to walk up to her, about to say something but closed his mouth when she began to play the guitar. He was amazed at how well she can play. He never heard such a beautiful song. The melody was beautiful and soothing. But what really surprised him when Olivia began to sing.
I never had that many friends growing up
So I learned to be
Ok with
Just me, just me, just me, just me
And I'll be fine on the outside
I like to eat in school by myself
Anyway
So I'll just stay
Right here, right here, right here, right here
And I'll be fine on the outside
So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon
And think of who knows my name
Would you cry if I died
Would you remember my face?
Elliot was amazed at what he was hearing. The song represents her very well. All those times she said she was fine on the outside but on the inside, he knew that he was hurting on the inside. The loneliness she felt throughout her life. The only time he had heard Olivia sing was during a stakeout when they were bored out of our minds. She turned on the radio and her favorite song came on. She sang bits and pieces of the song but he it was enough to know her singing voice was good. But tonight her singing voice was different. He felt every emotion she displayed in her voice. He stood there quietly as she continued to sing.
So I left home, I packed up and l moved
Far away
From my past one day
And I laugh, I laugh, I laugh, I laugh
And I sound fine on the outside
Sometimes I feel lost, sometimes I'm confused
Sometimes I find
That I am not alright
And I cry, and I cry, and I cry...
So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon
And think of who knows my name
Would you cry if I died
Would you remember my face?
After she'd finished she took a big deep breath. She knew that singing always help her through the toughest of time. Something about singing always helps her express her feelings towards any situation. Tonight was no exception, especially when she and the victim were one in the same. She got up from the edge and was about to walk back down to her apartment. But as soon as she turned around she froze. Elliot was standing not too far from her, starring at her.
Olivia began to blush red, "El…Elliot what are you doing here?"
"I came here to check up on you. I know you said that you were fine but I didn't buy it. At first I thought that someone took you since you weren't in your apartment. I was about to call the Captain but then, when I heard the small sound of your guitar, I followed it. And here I am." He explained.
She blushed even more, "I'm so sorry El, I didn't mean to scare you like that. It's just… I like coming up here sometimes. It brings me some peace and calmness. And it's the only way for me to play without distributing the neighbors."
He smiled, "It's alright. You're really good on the guitar. I didn't even know you played. Let alone sing with such depth and emotion."
Olivia's face was now red as a tomato, "Thanks El…umm why don't we head back inside before it gets too cold."
He nodded and they both climbed down the stairs and enter her bedroom. She placed her guitar down on her bed. Elliot grabbed her hand, "Come with me to the kitchen, I have a surprise for you." He led her to the kitchen and she smiled at the sight in front of her.
"Oh El you didn't have to bring me food." She couldn't believe that he got her favorite Chinese food.
"I wanted to besides, what are best friends for." Olivia pulled him into a big hug, "Thank you."
He gladly returned the hug, "No problem, now let's eat."
They grabbed the food and headed towards the living room. They ate and laughed when Elliot was telling her the story about the camping trip he and his family went to last weekend. She almost busted her guts out when he told her about the prank Dickie and Kathy pulled on Elliot. After finishing their meals, they threw out their food and returned back to the couch. Though they were having a fun time, there was still something bugging Elliot about Olivia's song.
He had to ask, "Liv, the song you sang tonight, what made you see that song in particular."
She sighed. She knew that this was coming, "Well you see, after the case and seeing how much me and the vic had in common, the song was the right fit to sing tonight. Though we were both say we are fine and that nothing is wrong on the outside, inside we're hurting. We didn't want to bother anyone else with our problems so just staying I'm fine seemed like the easiest answer to choose. Not only that, everything that Penny went through is exactly the same as mine. And when we went to inform her mother about her daughter death she didn't even make a single facial expression. It was if she didn't want to remember her daughter. She was doing whatever it took to forget her. That's why I sang that song. I wanted to make sure that wherever she is, I would cry for her and I would remember her face. I actually wrote this song when I was 16. It helped me through the hardest of times."
Elliot sat there, letting everything she said sink in. "I see, so this song is so special important to you?"
She nodded, "Yes it is."
Elliot moved closer to her and gave her a sideways hug, "Liv, it's true that you and Penny do have a lot in common but there's one thing that makes you different from her."
"And what's that?" She asked
"You have many people that will always remember you and be there for you. Penny didn't want to open up to people but you did. And if heaven forbid that you die someday and hopefully not too soon, well I can tell you that I will cry for you and I will remember your face." Olivia smiled as a few tears fell freely down her cheeks. He brought up his hand and wiped the tears away.
She then pulled him into another hug, "Thanks El that means a lot to me. You're my very best friend."
He hugged her tight, "You're welcome Liv, and you're my best friend too." They pulled away from each other. He chuckled as Olivia tried to stop herself from yawning. "Haha I think it's time for me to go. You look exhausted."
Olivia tried to object but she yawned again. "Yeah, you're right haha. I'm beat." They both got up and walked up to the door.
Once they reached the door, Elliot turned to face her, "Good night Liv and remember there is always someone who's going to remember you. You're a hard person to forget."
Olivia smack Elliot's shoulder, "Very funny haha. I could say the same thing for you. Good night El." He smiled as her opened the door and left her apartment. She smiled at what Elliot said. She locked her door and walked to her bedroom. She changed into a pair of sweats and a white tank top. Grabbing the guitar from her bed, she smiled and placed it on the corner of her room. Climbing into bed, she put her head down in her pillow and drifted soundly to sleep.
The End.