A/N Hey! So this is my first fanfiction in the Voltron fandom and the first story that I'll write in english. English is my second language (because of that I don't really write long sentences...sorry if they are kind of..clipped if you know what I mean) and I apologize if I write a word wrong or my grammar isn't the best. Just mention it in the comments. So...hope you like the first chapter! :)

This fanfiction is inspired by the song Control by "Halsey" and I suggest that you listen to it first.

They send me away to find them a fortune

A chest filled with diamonds and gold

The house was awake with shadows and monsters

The hallways, they echoed and groaned

Shiro wasn't very fond of the idea to work for Zarkon. But when he was captured he didn't only fight in the arena. Sometimes Haggar forced him to go on suicide missions because she couldn't effort to loose a real Galra. He had to get important matirials such as scaultrite or quinessence. Of course Shiro couldn't remember his missions. Sometimes he'd lay in his bed in the Castle of Lions, sleepless, and would think of his time in capture. He can remember every fight in the big arena. How the Galra who surrounded him cheered when he killed someone, how he first used his Galra arm and how he saved Matt. But everything else was just a blurr. Everytime he tried to focus on anything else accept the arena, his mind would just go fuzzy.

Shiro was pretty sure that he would never go on missions for Zarkons purpose but somehow he did. Even in the arena he just fought his opponents because he would've been killed if he didn't kill. So why did he went on these missions and helped his enemys? Eventually Shiro always gives up searching for answers and tries to focus his mind on something else. And after plenty restless hours he finally finds sleep, but then nightmares take the place of his thoughts.

It was too long ago that Shiro had a good dream. Since the Kerberos Mission he hadn't slept really well because nightmares would always roam his dreams. Sometimes he dreams about nothing. That is the best Shiro can hope for because than he has at least an recovering sleep. Luckily his team couldn't really tell if he slept or if he lay the whole night awake, too scared to fall asleep. But Coran always glances up from his work and takes a look at Shiro to reassure himself that he's okay. He is the only one who notices Shiros silent yawns, the bags under his eyes and his slightly hesitation when he has to make out a plan.

Tonight was one of the nights where Shiro wasn't so lucky and could sleep dreamless. No. Another restless night awaited him. His nightmares always began with thick darkness. He couldn't see anything and his eyes couldn't adjust the darkness. Suddenly a pair of yellow eyes emerged in the air. Shiro yelped and jumped slightly. The eyes crept closer and something gripped Shiro at his throat and shoved him against a wall. He let out a sharp breath and groaned. The person with the yellow eyes was definetly very strong.

Slowly the darkness faded away around the yellow eyes and Shiro could make out a maniac grin in front of him. A chill went down his spine and he tried to get free but the grip aroud his throat only strenghen. Shiro gasped and tried to grap the hand which was pinning him against the wall but he only met empty air. The person laught loudly and Shiro flinched because somehow this laugh sounded familiar. He just couldn't really place it. "You are so pathetic", the person spit out the last word as if it would burn his tongue. "I wonder why you're still the black Paladin. You should be dead already".

All of a sudden the pressure around his throat lessened and Shiro fell to the ground. The person laught again, but it sounded far away. The scene changed and Shiro lay on an examination table. Leather streached around his legs, torso and head and he could barely move. Galra scientist walked around him, sharp objects in their hands. Shiro began to panic. What are they up to? He jolted and tried despairingly to get free but the clasps which held him down wouldn't resist. Shiro slumped back on the desk and noticed horrified that his right arm was missing and the stump hurt really bad. Teares welled up in his eyes and he bit back a frustrated scream. He did remember this.

From the corner of his eye Shiro suddenly noticed someone approaching. It was Haggar, who smiled devilishly. "Hello my little Champion", Shiro flinched at the sound of his nickname. "Are you ready? This...usefull new arm will help us. I promise". Haggar grinned as if there was a bigger meaning behind her words than Shiro could think of. He growled at her and struggled again to get free. The evil witch laughed and padded Shiros left arm, which he jerked away from her. "Soon we will see us again, Champion. Have fun", she laught again and left the room with quick footsteps. The other Galra were ready and approached Shiro with their sharp objects and metal plates. Shiros eyes widened in panic. One Galra gripped Shiro and the others started to work with his stump. The pain was unbearable and an anguish cry left Shiros mouth.

The scene faded again and Shiro stood uneasy on his feet. He had to brace himself on a wall to stand steady. Eventually he looked around his surroundings and tried to understand the situation he's in. The fighting sounds which were seconds ago distand in the background were now louder and seemed to be nearer. Shiro heared screams and gunshots and decided to follow the sounds. After he rounded a corner he could finally see from where the fighting sounds came. A horrible scene played in front of him.

His whole team fought against too many Galra soilders. Hunk and Lance shot their guns at a group of soilders who surrounded Pidge, who lay on the ground. Maybe she was unconscious...or worse. Shiro struck the thought that maybe she was dead and he forgot that this was just a nasty nightmare. He tried to run to his team and help them but his feet were stuck to the ground. Keith whirls with his sword around the Galra soilders and kills one after another. But it wasn't enough. He got to Pidge and helped her up. Apparently her leg was broken so she couldn't stand without help. Lance got struck by an violet gunshot and he fell to the ground. Shiro screamed and tried again to wrench his feet off the ground but it wouldn't work. As Lance fell down, a part of Pidges and Keiths fire support fell down too and the soilders who were surrounding them had free range.

They killed both of them and they fell to the ground. Shiro screamed again and tried to choke back a sob. Hunk was now the only one still alive. He really tried to fight back the Galra but he loose too. Hunk couldn't stand so much Galra soilders on his own. They killed him too. The last thing that Shiro saw was how Hunk droped his weapon and toppled over.

"Hey! Wake up!", a faint voice reached out to Shiro. He blinked multiple times and tried to focus on the voice. "Shiro! Come on! Breakfast is ready."

With a gasp Shiro realized it was Pidge who spoke to him and he jolted awake. "Pidge!", he hugged her and sighted in relief. All of this was just a bad dream. It's over now. "You're crushing me", Pidge tried to get free and chuckled slightly. Shiro let go of her and stood up. He still had his normal clothes on, he realized. Maybe he just forgot to change to a pyjama. "Are you coming?", Pidge smiled up to him and walked to the door. Shiro nodded and followed Pidge out of his room. He must've slept a bit longer than he wanted, otherwise Pidge wouldn't have had to wake him up. They walked through the corridors of the castle and Shiro realized for the first time that the way to the kitchen was very long.

All of a sudden Shiro saw something in the corner of his eyes. He span around and peered through the hallway. Pidge stopped, realizing that Shiro didn't follow her. "What's wrong?", she stared at him quizzically. "Nothing", Shiro scratched his head and started to follow Pidge again, but then he saw what had catched his attention before. A big shadow followed them. It was the same size as a normal human and looked a lot like Shiro himself. But as Shiro turned fully around to take a better look, and maybe attack it, the shadow disapeared. "Shiro?", Pidge stopped again. He blinked and shook his head. Maybe he was just too tired. "I thought...Nevermind", Shiro shook his head again and continued his way to the kitchen. Pidge walked silently beside him and shot him worried glances.

As soon as they stepped into the kitchen, the smell of food struck them. Coran quit making Space Goo and Hunk took over the kitchen since then. Somehow he managed to make pancakes with some of the weird space foods he collected on different planets. "Mhm that smells really good", Lance stood at the kitchen counter and looked over Hunks shoulder. "Don't stand in my way", Hunk laughed and shoved Lance gently away. Keith already sat at the table and rolled his eyes. Shiro sat down next to him and placed his head in his hands. He was still very tired and bit back a yawn. Lance dropped himself in the chair next to Shiro and smiled at him. "Hey Sleeping Beauty", he teased. Shiro smiled but rolled his eyes. Soon Allura and Coran also stepped into the kitchen and sat down at the table and Hunk served the pancakes. Everyone started to eat and soon a conversation arose over which ice cream flavor was the best. Coran and Allura interposed that they didn't even know what ice cream was and Pidge tried to explain them.

Shiro didn't focus on the conversation and let his mind wander off. But suddenly there was this shadow again, lurking in the corner of his eyes. He whirled around but the shadow was gone. However as he turned around again the others stared at him. Shiro realized horrified that they were coverd in blood and that they had their mouths open in an silent scream. The blue lightes of the castle flicker and violet lights took their place. "Why are you doing this to us, Shiro?", Keith griped Shiros left arm and stared into his eyes. A chill went down his spine and he jerked his arm free. Shiro stood up so fast, that the chair fell over. He backed away from his team but they also stood up and surrounded him. "Why did you leave us like that?", red teares streamed down Alluras face which looked like blood.

Every Paladin started to speak at once and Shiro tried to cover his ears to block the voices out. "How could you do this to us" "You're a terrible leader Shiro" "I wish we'd never found you" "You don't deserve to be the black Paladin" "Make it stop!", Shiro sat down against a wall and remained in a crouched stance. He tried to block the voices out but nothing would work. They were inside his head and they didn't stop screaming at him. "You are mine, Champion", Haggars voice sounded louder than the others and Shiro glanced up. There stood Haggar with an devilish smile and the weird shadow was next to her. Yellow eyes stared at Shiro and then at Haggar, who looked to the shadow and nodded. Suddenly the figure crashed into Shiro and an anguish cry escaped his lips.

Shiro shot up in his bed. He was covered in sweat and breathed heavely. It was just a dream, he realized. Shiro rubbed his eyes and tried to calm down. Just a dream. He looked over to a table, that stood in his room. A small clock showed '05:25'. Pidge had made an alarm clock for everyone of the Paladins and modified it so they showed the exact time that was currently on earth. Shiro sighted. Even if he would find back to sleep, it wouldn't be worth it. He would just have a hour of sleep and Shiro was afraid of another nightmare. So instead he stood up, put his clothes on and went to the training deck. These nightmares had to stop. They just triggered flashbacks and that would make him a bad leader. He had to find a solution to his problems, even if he had to do it alone.