DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, zilcho, sadly :(

Okkkee, So explosions is being updated tomorrow, and I try and explain why I was away, hopefully you'll understand, if you follow that story anyway! Oh, it's a big chapter tomorrow by the way!

This is heavy, like, real heavy. It deals with suicide of teenagers, and is dedicated to Septembers Children. Im a huge LGBT supporter, one of my old girlfriends who came out of the closet killed herself three years ago last week, so I guess this is my way of saying thank you to her for being such a big inspiration to me with pretty much everything in my life. Song that this uses is 'Make It Stop' by Rise Against, it's fucking incredible, I'd seriously recommend listening to it, the video is pretty poignant too.

There is mature language rife throughout this, and it deals with heavy themes, as I said. I hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think, if you want. :)

Leonard sat alone in the room adjacent to the rest of the wedding party. It was finally the day where everything he'd dreamed about was coming true. He was marrying the girl of his dreams. This was his moment, after everything he'd been through in his youth, the unending torture of the bullies, shoved around every day, kicked to the curb for not conforming, this was his day. It was a middle finger to every single one, his life-his life was fucking perfect.

'Bang bang go the coffin nails,
Like a breath exhaled,
Then gone forever.
It seems like just yesterday,
How did I miss the red flags raise?'

'Hey there, faggot, what's up?' Billy called out to him in home room as soon as the teacher had left the class. Every student erupted into laughter; Leonard could feel every set of eyes upon him, mocking, unaccepting, hateful.

His hands gripped the edge of his table, clinging on to it for support, no one could see the tears that were rimming his eyes, staining his face as he put his head down, wishing to any deity out there just to make him disappear, to be sucked into the ground by an unstoppable force, or just to cease existence.

'Hey look, the snivelling bitch is crying, you're such a girl, you fool. Grow a pair, will you?'

They'd seen, and before he knew it, the gentle tears that had fallen softly onto the open pages of his textbook became sobs that overcame his body, his shoulders heaved and his chest tightened, he didn't care if anyone saw him like this, even if it gave them more ground to hurt him with.

Bullying was an everyday thing for him, there was no remorse in their hatred for him, he was the weakest of the pack, they'd told him when he was younger it was only fair he be picked on, because there was no one else as fitting, as pathetic. Looking back, it may've been mocking in itself, but he was so naïve at that point, he almost understood, no, that wasn't true, he'd never understand why humans had to beat the weak and put the assholes on a podium.

He felt balls of paper start to hit his back, and he only cried harder. This'd never happened to him in school, he was eighteen, men didn't cry, but he wasn't even a boy.

'Think back to the days we laughed
We braved these bitter storms together.
Brought to his knees he cried,
But on his feet he died.'

He ran home after that, too far gone to even collect his car. His teacher had all but dragged him out of the room, needless to say, the laughing stopped, but the evil grins didn't, through bleary eyes he saw them, saw all of them, they screamed bloody murder at him.

Leonard threw open the door, before running up to his room, he didn't even notice the disapproving look his mother gave him as he left his bag in the middle of the plain, dull hallway.

Beverly sighed to herself as she climbed silently up the stairs to check on her pitiful, emotional wreck of a son. It wasn't that she didn't love him, she just wasn't overly fond of him, he didn't fit in, and he didn't conform. It was wrong.

Leonard screamed into his pillow, no one was on his side; his friends avoided him at every opportunity, he could remember the days he could confide in them, about his cold and calculated mother, about his tormentors that kept him in place every minute of every day. But now, he had nothing, all he got was a passing hello from them when no one else was in sight.

Leonard had no one. He'd been thrown to his knees on the chopping block, and for the first time in his life, Leonard questioned whether his life even had meaning.

'Make it stop
Let this end
Eighteen years pushed to the ledge.
It's come to this,
A weightless step.
On the way down singing,
Woah, woah.'

Low light from the internet illuminated Leonard's room. The modern internet was a new thing for him, it was 1998, it hadn't been around for that long and on what they called 'Google', a search engine, and he'd typed. 'Painless Ways to die.'

It seemed so melodramatic, when he looked at it from an unbiased point of view. What was the point of ending a life, when some people had no choice whether they lived or died, he felt selfish, he felt, cowardly? But from where he was, Leonard just couldn't see things getting any better. It wasn't as if anyone was going to miss him, he was only ever treated with a cold shoulder, not with a warm one to cry upon.

Something sparked inside of him when he was searching through these articles, so many people asking why they'd be doing such a thing, all of them saying, 'It Gets Better, trust me,' Or something along those lines. He wondered if any of them knew what it was really like, to be bullied to the point where there was no light.

'Bang bang from the closet walls,
The schoolhouse halls,
The shotgun's loaded.
Push me and I'll push back.
I'm done asking, I demand.'

He'd show them; oh boy would he fucking show them. Leonard held the pills from his mother's cupboard in his hand, when the news broke at school the next day, he hoped that they'd feel like scum, in the note he'd left, he'd even named people. He wasn't sure if that was going too far, like some bullied children did, by going to their school and retaliating with violence, but they deserved it, they'd gone too far when they decided to push him over the edge, right? He almost felt sad though, because deep down, he knew nobody would really care, they'd probably be more disappointed in the fact they had no torture doll anymore.

Lip quivering, he lifted the bottle up to his mouth, there was no turning back if he did this, he thought about his family, people close to him, and that was enough.

He threw his head back and tried to swallow as many of the zopliclone as he could. And bouncing his knee up and down, he waited.

'It's always darkest just before the dawn.
So stay awake with me, let's prove them wrong.'

Leonard was glad his parents were out tonight, he didn't even know where, but it didn't matter to him. It'd been a few hours since he'd swallowed the pills, and only now was the evidence becoming apparent, vomit spewed from his mouth, burning tears streamed down his face, stomach convulsing, and hands shaking he gripped onto the edge of the toilet for dear life.

Dear life? Leonard almost laughed.

Once he was sure it was all over, he closed his eyes, everything was dark, and ever so quietly, he cried, for the second time that day, he bawled. There was no attempt to stop it, he was alive, even after trying to take his own life, what seemed sure-fire, had failed, and what ensued had been the most painful hours of his life. Why did he do it? What drove him there, he had less than a year left before he left school, in fact, it was just over a month, after that, he'd never have to see his tormentors again. And yet for some reason, he snapped.

Not again, one day he'd find a girl that loved him for who he was, he'd find friends that were into comics, and science, and cool action figures, just like him, and they'd eat together, and laugh together, and he'd smile a real smile.

'Make it stop.
Let this end,
All these years pushed to the ledge.
But proud I stand,
Of who I am
I plan to go on living'

He opened his eyes.

'I do' He said, the largest smile of his life breaking his lips.

He could feel Penny press her cool lips against his, and when they pulled apart he whispered into her ear.

'Thank you.'

'What for, sweetie?'

'Loving me for who I am.'

'Thank you for never giving up on me' She replied back.

She looked up at him through teary eyes, and threw her arms around him; they were still in the church, Sheldon, his best man, and Amy the maid of honour standing on either side of them. Sheldon was standing behind Penny, and Leonard looked at him, and nodded. Sheldon, with his signature grin, stuck his thumb up at Leonard, and nodded gently back.

Yes, he'd proved them wrong, his life was perfect. He didn't believe in a God, but he thanked whoever intervened that night, for saving his life.

So 1 thing, I have to have Lenny in all my stories, just cant help it! And 2, I always have a happy ending, because when it's Leonard and Penny, it has to, right?