(A/N) The song I'm featuring is very upbeat, so it's interesting that I'm using it in such a depressing context, but let's just roll with it!
Superman by Taylor Swift – don't own it.
I watched Superman fly away,
You've got a busy day today.
Go save the world, I'll be around.
I watched Superman fly away,
Come back I'll be with you someday.
I'll be right here on the ground when you come back down.
Nobody needs to save me. No one. I'm independent, a strong individual. Girl power.
That's what I keep telling myself. I don't need him. I'm allowed to want, to miss, but need? That's just not smart. Just not me.
I always have such strong resolve toward the beginning. I wonder how long it will take for me to change my mind and think of how much I'd give for him to come back because I just get so desperate.
So until then, I'll just keep on lying to myself since it's a bit easier. I'll say that I don't need him as much as the rest of the world does, apparently. Sure, Fang was my right-wing man, and sure, I was kind of in love with him. But none of that matters as much as making sure every innocent being in the world is safe.
After all, I've got my own superhero complex. It started back when I was just a kid and I saw all of those hamsters being tormented in the labs. I was so young, I could have never imagined one of those experiments would someday be me. I always wanted to spring them lose, take them home with me.
One time I asked Jeb if I could. I pleaded with him, turned impossibly wide and convincing brown eyes on him. Just when he was about to crack, one of his colleagues would come along and shake his head, saying it just wasn't a good idea. They'd exchange a meaningful look that in my innocent state I couldn't process.
Then it came around again when I wanted to save Ella. Fang warned me, not even needing to speak a word though he did anyway to reinforce his point. I ignored him, knowing that I could never turn my back on someone who needed me. I guess I kind of left Fang and Nudge when they needed me.
Karma's a bitch. Really, I never thought about it until now, but I'm getting paid back for that day. Fang left me. I thought I needed him, but now I know that maybe I do.
No. Max, you don't need Fang. You don't.
I keep telling myself this as I gaze out over the lake. In frustration, I chuck a rock out of the lake, putting my enhanced muscles to good use. The stone lands a good fifty feet a way with a satisfying plop. The water ripples.
And I watch you fly around the world,
And I hope you don't save some other girl.
I hope you don't forget about me.
For a second, I swear the splash looks like his face. I shake my head sharply, trying to jar the image of one of his rare smiles away from my mind. I can't. It's just too hard to erase something so beautiful.
I wonder if he smiles still. If he smiles at some other girl, one with gorgeous red hair and big breasts and butt. The thought is so painful it rips my breath away even though I know that isn't fair. Fang is allowed to be with whoever he wants to be with even if that girl isn't me.
No, I don't want him to be happy without me. But if that's what it is, then it is what it is. No point in worrying over something that can't be changed.
He left. He's not coming back. Why try and convince myself otherwise?
Love is stupid and it sucks.
I shouldn't be hating some girl that hopefully doesn't exist. He said in his note that he loves me, so he wouldn't be so quick to change his mind. Surely not even hormones are that inconsistent – or would that be typical testosterone? I don't even know.
The thought makes me hurl another pebble out into the lake. It lands again, even farther way this time.
"Yay for me," I mumble softly.
Usually I try not to think about this. Usually, I try to keep it together. But when the kids are in school I let myself be sad because the pain is the only thing that keeps me from forgetting.
I don't even want to forget how happy he made me.
I will never be one of those girls that can't function without their boyfriend. I'm not broken, that much is obvious. Sometimes I wish I was, then I could have a reason for being whiny and imperfect without him.
But as it is, there are too many people relying on me. I don't have anyone to rely on anymore, so I've got to rely on myself. That self can't be caught up in the past to the point where my very thought process is screwed up.
I'm far away, but I'll never let you go,
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window.
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be.
Right here wishing the flowers were from you,
Wishing the card was from you,
Wishing the card was from you.
Thinking back, we had some great memories. Like the time when we actually tried to make chocolate chip cookies without Mom supervising.
I'm sure you can imagine how well that went, but just in case you can't, let me give you a quick rundown. There was much flour being tossed about. Many chocolate chips being pelted. Many stolen kisses and, as a result, timers going unheard.
And ta-da. My specialty – something burnt and disgusting. It was still worth it, giving myself something to look back on.
For a second, I allow myself to be happy. I'm still grinning, and I don't even hear it when he lands next to me.
I hear the sound of a powerful, if unsteady wingbeat. Turning, I'm hoping it's Fang and that he's injured (which sounds awful, I know.) It isn't.
It's Dylan.
Golden blonde hair sparkles in the sun but it makes me want to puke after a brief moment of admiration. It's so different then the hair I was expecting, the hair I wanted to see, dark and floppy, dark and sexy. Like Fang.
His pretty eyes are too beautiful. It makes me feel sad, longing for the rugged good looks I love so much. He smiles at me, and it's so dazzling I lose my breath even though I want it back because he shouldn't be allowed to make me swoon.
"Hey, Max."
I say nothing. I eye him coldly. He knows this is my time alone, my time with my thoughts. Perhaps that's why he so frequently interrupts with gifts to sway my mind from my best friend to him.
What'll it be today?
Then I see the bouquet at the same instant he passes it to me. He looks at me sheepishly, too sickeningly cute for words. "These are for you."
"Really? And I thought they were for Iggy." I tell him in a voice none too gentle. He flinches away, like he always does when I spurn him. I see a card nestled among the pink flowers.
Fang knows the only roses I'll accept are the black ones. I jokingly said they remind me of his heart. I sift through the delicate petals, though I'm not afraid to bruise a few, and come across the sparkling card with boyish, but neat handwriting.
To the only girl I could ever love.
Max.
Angrily, I toss the flowers to the side. They shouldn't come from Dylan. They should come from Fang.
Then maybe, I'd make an exception and accept the stupidly girly gift. He backs away, used to my rejections by now, and a part of me admires him. He's not a bad guy, really. It's just wasted trying to cheer me up because it only makes me worse.
More damaged.
No, not damaged. No boy will ever damage me. I'm Maximum Ride. But unlike what many think, I do hurt, even if I will eventually heal.
And all of these gifts being bestowed on me aren't helping the process along.
"Thanks," I say grudgingly.
He nods eagerly before backing away. "I'll leave you to…." He trails off, not really sure what I do when I'm out here all alone.
It's been two years, and still I never run out of things to dwell on. With Fang, there's not enough time in the world. Just twenty-eight more years to go.
Why does twenty-eight seem like such a big number? Why does it have to be such a big number?
Wings flap, and I relish in the silence. Since he was so quiet, I can almost pretend he's with me and we're having a conversation with no words. It's so nice.
I miss him still. I'll always miss him.
Just like always, toward the end of my angsty visits to this place, I realize I do need him. And I realize that that's okay.
He was my right wing man, my Superman. Sometimes, every girl needs some saving, whether they like it or not. And I couldn't think of a bird boy better for the job then Fang.
'Cause I loved you from the very first day.
(A/N) I rather liked the way this turned out. I was trying to capture some growth on Max's part while still being in love but not as mushy as she was in FANG.