Hello lovelies! Thank you so much for checking out my story! I hope you enjoy it. I was inspired by a song called "Leave the Light On" by Tom Walker. I promise future chapters will not contain a warning this long but for now before you delve into the following chapter please note the following:

This story does contain drug abuse and depression. The drug is fictional but if you have any negative connotations towards drug abuse or depression that could lead to being triggered, please do not continue reading or read with caution.

I do not have any experience with hard drugs other than seeing people take it at parties and I am not trying to encourage its use in any way. I researched symptoms of multiple hard drugs such as heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, opiate, and percocet. If you have a particular issue with one of these, please do not read this if it will make you uncomfortable.

If you have depression or a similar mental health issue, what happens in this story is not a resolution for you. Please find help or a healthy coping mechanism. For me, it's writing, talking to a friend or stranger, and going on walks. I know it is hard but you can get through it.

The fictional drug is called Blue Krow. The symptoms while using or with consistent use: anxiety, euphoria, exhilaration, disorientation, increased libido, decreased appetite, track marks, weight loss, slight discolouration of the skin (becomes paler while using), bruising, and insomnia. Symptoms of coming down: headaches, numbness, mood swings, paranoia, hallucinations, agitation, twitching, nausea/vomiting, and crying fits. Symptoms of withdrawal (lasts between 1month to 12months depending on the amount of time using): intense cravings, migraines, cramping, sweating, cold sweats, fever, irritability, feeling of a heavy body, vomiting, fatigue, nosebleeds, chills, and twitching.

This story will contain lemons later on so if you're not 18+ or do not like reading smut and do not want to skip parts, this may not be the story you're looking for.

Fairytail belongs to Hiro Mashima.

I will be posting a version of this warning before each chapter and I will add extra trigger and lemon warnings if that particular chapter calls for it. This first chapter will contain Lucy coming down from a high, taking the drug, experiencing its effects, and slight withdrawal. I won't put these kinds of warnings for all my stories but I believe that this topic does call for it. Other than that, please feel free to message me about anything and I hope you enjoy my story! :D

-Lucy-

I take a step.

I can feel the tips of my fingers being ripped open as I cling to the rough exterior of the building. I make a mental note to put ointment on those wounds later. Or at least rinse them out. It stings. Oh well, my fingers will probably go numb soon and the pain will fade away. I just need to focus on getting home.

I take a step.

I can already feel the paranoia kicking in and the numbness usually comes after that. I should have brought another needle to my dealers. Then I wouldn't be in the middle of fucking nowhere while coming down.

I take a step.

If I let go, the ground will disappear and take me straight to Hades himself. My back starts to tingle and warm up as if there's someone behind me. Or something. It wouldn't be the first time I've seen a demon, real or fake.

I take a step.

There's definitely someone behind me. Watching. Lurking. Waiting for the perfect moment to harm me. The walls are closing in on me now as if giving them a perfect chance to attack. Although I know there's a high possibility that it's just an effect from the drugs pumping in my veins, it doesn't stop my heart from racing. My flight responses make every nerve start humming. Screaming at me to get home behind a locked door. I listen. I start running, never taking my hands off the wall.

I've lost my shoes. I think I remember tossing them away when I decided heels were overrated. Damn. I liked those shoes. The pavements cold. Every miniscule cement edge is poking at the bottoms of my feet and injecting the coldness deeper into my body. I wonder what would happen if I lay down? Would the cold hit me all at once? Would it finally fulfill the job it is so desperately trying to complete? I take a step further into the darkness of the alley. It welcomes me back with open arms. I see the faint glimmer of my dealers Dutch door. She never lets people in her house and instead uses the door as her storefront. It's odd, but it works. I guess I understand. I knock on the door in the way she instructed all of us. Twice, once, and then three times. Although it's unlikely anyone will find her, she's still careful. An amazingly annoying creak comes from the hinge of the top half as it opens.

"Oh, it's you. The regular?" She sighs as she starts texting one of her lackeys to bring me a 100ml bottle of blue krow. "You sure you don't want to try something new?"

I shake my head slightly harder then I intended. "I'm perfectly fine with the usual."

She grumbled something but I didn't bother to pay attention to it. I saw her lackey, George I think, coming towards us so I pulled out a hefty wad of cash and handed it to her.

I barely make it to my toilet when I start puking bile. I guess I haven't eaten much recently. I flush it and attempt to get some water in me from the sink. My head feels like it is splitting in half. I look into the mirror to confirm it. Instead, I see her behind me. She's giving me her usual patronizing glare. I would scream but I'm not afraid of this hallucination. All I feel is abnormally calm. At first, I wasn't ready to face any of them again. When the hallucinations began to affect me, it allowed me to see the people I missed. Seeing them makes the other hallucinations worth it. It allowed me to be able to face them. They didn't like it. They didn't think it was healthy. I don't understand. Blue krow does not have any known long term side effects and it makes me happy. Or maybe I do understand and I'm just choosing to ignore it. Oh well. It's fine…

I hate coming down. I decide to just sit on the bathroom floor and let my tear ducts get every last drop of salty water out. Let my body convulse as I wail and scream the names of everyone I've lost.

It's probably been hours since I started. My mouth tastes gross and my face is stiff from the tear trails. I should shower and get some food in me. Probably will have to go out for food. I can't even remember the last time I went grocery shopping. I need a pick me up. Just enough to get me through dinner and in to bed. First things first. Where is my toothbrush and where did I put the stuff I bought?

-Laxus-

What was Gramps thinking disbanding the guild? We need each other now more than ever. It's disappointing, just like my drink. This rye and ginger tastes like dishwasher. The bartender clearly did not use the good stuff like I asked but I'm too tired to care. Pigs Breath is a quiet bar that guarantees peace with a side of subtle illegal dealings. I only come here on the days I need to avoid my extremely overbearing team. Today just happened to be one of them because I got a haircut. I knew it would be better to just let it grow out.

I put my earphones over my ears while signalling the bartender to get my bill. I mumble a "have a nice night" after paying them and downing the rest of my drink. The cold liquid burns its way down my throat and gives me the kick I need to face my team. I swear they are the only reason I ever get a headache. Whatever. They're still family I guess.

I turn around, nearly knocking down a cloaked figure. They scurry off towards the bathrooms before I have a chance to apologize. I'm not surprised though. This place is crawling with druggies on edge. Walking outside is like hitting a brick wall of cold. When will spring become summer? There's no snow but we are lucky if it gets above 6 degrees. This is ridiculous. I adjust my jacket and decide to teleport home. I'll deal with the weakness coupled with the alcohol later.

"Freed, shut the fuck up for like two seconds. My hair is the same as the last time I fucking cut it!" I bark in an attempt to get Freed to stop taking pictures of every godforsaken angle.

"But Laxus this needs to be documented and I don't want to miss a single hair! You did not let me capture this beauty last ti-" I zapped him before he could finish speaking. "I'm going on a walk feel free to stay here just don't follow me." I mutter while grabbing the fur lining of my coat and walking out the door.

Thank god I'm finally out of there. I was lucky they weren't lingering last night. The withdrawal of power from teleporting coupled with the alcohol made me weaker than normal. I wouldn't want any of them to see me when my bones had become lead and my muscles were jello. Hardly the makings of the great Laxus Dreyar. As much shit as I put them through I had to at least admit that I did not want to disappoint them. Well I can admit it to myself. Not to anyone else.

The best part of living in my cabin is that it's far enough from town that I can comfortably teleport and train without hurting anyone. I don't need the lawsuit or the guilt. Guess I'll walk into town though. Going through the woods guarantees a headache. I will bump into some monster I don't want to have to deal with and then having my team swarm me to ensure I'm okay. I can live without that hassle. I'm also not in the mood to train. I could easily lose control and I really don't want to have rebuild my house again.

-Lucy-

I feel empty. If someone were to open me up, they would find nothing. It's like a Russian doll set except the final one is missing, leaving you with the empty space dying to be filled. An incomplete set. That's me. That's how I feel. When I lost my mom, part of me drifted away. I never truly noticed until I started losing more people. More loved ones. I covered it up by trying to be strong. By joining a guild. By having a team. They never saw the hole inside me. None of us did. We were too focused on patching up their holes. Igneel, Jellal, Ur… They were the more demanding issues. Except now, my hole is too big to fix. I've lost too much.

I'm numb. Not the physical kind of numb. The emotional numb. It seeps through your body with every loss. It seeps and seeps and won't stop. It consumes you. Sucks everything out like a leech begging for life force. The drugs help it go away. Help me feel full. Help me feel. I can be happy. Or sad. Or angry. If only, everyone could see that. If only they understood. I need it. It helps me feel again.

I shake the empty bottle. Dying to get that last drip into the needle. Any medical professional probably would yell at me for how shitty I'm doing this. But I can't help it. I'm desperate. I need this fix. I need it now. I get the belt that I leave on my bathroom shelf and tighten it on my upper arm. I find the vein and inject the beautiful substance in the blink of an eye. Immediate relief courses through my body as I feel the foreign liquid go through my veins. I need to get more.

My dealer's door is lit. Thank god. I pick up my pace. Eager to get the next fix. I'm basically galloping. I wonder if this is what horses feel like. I knock twice, once, three times. Her lackey opens the door today.

"Hey George! Or is it John? Maybe Bailey? I always wanted a dog named Bailey." I start to ramble and then I notice his glare.

"What do you want?" He snaps.

"200ml of Blue Krow please." I say as I start jumping from foot to foot. I feel like standing still is a waste of perfectly good moments for jumping. I see him go to the back. I guess he got stuck working by himself tonight. Oh well. He's grumpy anyways. I refuse to feel bad for him. I decide to stop jumping long enough to get out what I owe.

"Here you go." He shoves a brown bag in my hands while simultaneously taking the money from my hands. I can't help but gape at how fast he did that. He grunts at me to get lost and to not draw attention as he slams the top door in my face.

I don't realize the door was closed until I heard the distinctive click of a lock. I wonder how fast I can run in a straight line? I turn on my heel and focus on the other end of the alley. I quickly put the brown bag in my backpack. I bend over and tuck my right knee under me while stretching my left leg behind me. The damp ground pricks my fingers. I push my fingers further in the ground. The sharp pricks are my gunfire. I push myself forward.

I feel like I'm flying. No one can catch me. I'm light as air. I'm faster than sound. Maybe even faster than light. I was smart to wear my running shoes instead of heels this time. I can go so much faster. I can get so much farther. My problems no longer exist. I left them behind when I started running. They will never catch up to me. I don't want to stop but my destination is approaching. No problem. I will move the destination. I can go anywhere.

I take a step.

Where am I? How long have I been running? My long hair brushes my sides as I move my head around. I jump at the sensation, thinking someone is touching me. The trees look so much larger than usual and that bay… How did I never know this bay was here? The stars are so clear from here. I look down at myself and I start to feel the layer of sweat and dirt that is coating my skin. My whole body is screaming for a bath. I look at the bay again and all I see is a giant bath tub. I dig my heels into each other to take off my shoes. I rip off my shirt and fumble with the clasp on my bra. I take my belt off with care. Placing it on the group in a nice heap. I clip the skin on my hip as I wrench the zipper of my skirt down. I barely register the pain or blood. It's not worth the effort. I finally slip my underwear down my legs and bolt for the bay. I curl my toes in delight when I feel my feet hit the mud. I continue to run through the water. I'm desperate to find where it's deep. I'm desperate to dunk under the water and feel all the grime wash away with the water. I don't stop even when I run through the pockets in the mud that contain rocks. The water will wash away the blood. It's finally skimming the bottoms of my breasts. I do a somersault. I feel the blood rush to my head for a split second before I come up gasping for air.

I decide to float. Let the water take me where it wants. It's rejuvenating. The cold water seeps into my skin and down to my bones. I think I am going to stay here for a while and just look at the stars. I can figure out where I am in the morning.

"Lucy, wake up!" Someone yells at me while grabbing my shoulders. I will Lucy Kick them to Jupiter if they don't get their hands off me in a minute. "Lucy, come on! You have work in 2 hours and you're stuck in the middle of nowhere. You only have to go in once a week and today just happens to be that day."

I crack my eyes open only to see a very concerned Loke. Behind him is Virgo that holds the usual blank expression, the only reason I know she is worried is because of her eyes. I groan as I sit up. Every muscle in my body is begging me to stop moving. It feels like I haven't moved in years. I remember the events of the night before and thank my lucky stars that I finished coming down yesterday and that I got some sleep. I would have lost my job if I was going through that at work. Now I just have to control my irritability until I can get my next fix. I glance at Loke and see his pained expression as he sees the track marks that have grown in number since he last came out. I ignore him. It's not my problem he doesn't get it. I let them down a long time ago during Tartaros.

I flinch as I recall that time. I feel the numbness start to ease its way back through me as another piece of my heart chips off. I thought I was getting over this. I don't deserve my spirits. They deserve someone better. I'm no better than Loke's old mage, Karen. I shake my head and make sure my thoughts weren't all over my face. Virgo holds a fresh pair of clothes, some toiletries and a first aid kit. She gave me a long sleeve. I guess that's smart. I'd get in trouble at work otherwise. I start changing, not caring that Loke is there. I was lying naked in the grass. He will live if I change. I just don't have the energy to care about it. Not anymore.

I take a step.

My feet hurt from all the cuts I got in the bay. Each step feels makes me want to scream. I can feel the migraine kicking in from not having any blue krow for a while. When did it start to take only a few hours to need more? I feel like shit. I hate this. I just have to get this over with and then I can go back to my apartment. I look up. The office building looks retched. I always thought this place would be amazing. I guess some dreams just shouldn't be accomplished. The air in the building is moist from the mildew. Every breath makes me want to shiver from disgust. I probably shouldn't judge too much though. My personal activities could be considered less than sanitary. Especially the places I end up.

I take a step.

Jason sees me immediately. Great. I smack on the best fake smile I can muster and prepare myself to be the bubbly Lucy everyone expects me to be.

"Lucy! My doll! Welcome back!" Jason is running towards me. Why does everyone have to yell my name today?

"Jason! Hi! Did you get my last article? Was it okay?" I want to not care about this but if he doesn't like it, it doesn't get published, and I don't get paid. If I don't get paid… well, there's a whole list of problems with that.

"Oh of course! I'd be surprised if you ever disappointed me. Now I need your help." Fuck him. He always does this. Always asks for favours when he got himself into a mess "I may have told the chief we could get an exclusive with Laxus Dreyar…"

I stop listening after he mentions that name. I can't face another Fairy Tail member. Or rather, another ex-Fairy tail member. They will know somethings off with me. Then again, maybe Laxus won't. He never really interacted with me that much. I guess he saw what I really was. I start to tune back in because, sadly, he is my boss now.

"…you were his guildmate so I'm sure it will be a piece of cake to get him to agree! Here's his current number and address! Be sure to have this done and on my desk before our next special!" He finishes while handing me a small white piece of paper with the contact info.

I take a deep breath. I don't want this. I look at the contact info and I feel any resolve that I had to have a job slowly start to fade away. I look back up and he's gone.

I take a step.

My desk is so small. I would have an office but I got the magazine to agree to let me work from home, minus the once a week update. I pick up the company lacrima and type his number in. Non mage lacrimas are weird. I feel my palms getting slick with sweat and feel my heart start to hammer in my chest. I haven't felt like this in a while. At least, not while sober. I feel like it's been ringing forever. Maybe it has. Maybe he's not available. Maybe I should try again later. Maybe I shouldn't try at all. Then I hear a deep baritone voice accompanied with an angry face and I feel like crying.

"Hey! How'd you get- Lucy?"