A/N: Okay, I have did not create RHPS (wish I
had), However, Everyone but Brad, Janet and the Criminologist are mine. I am suggesting nothing about these
actor/ress, I just picked randomly.
The
Rochette Terror
Broadway show
Cast:
Brad Majors (a faggot) Ethan Hawke
Janet Weiss (a hopeless case) Michelle Pfeiffer
Francine Furter (a tomboy) Ellen DeGenneres
Argentina (a freak) Madonna
Fuchsia (a maid) Sandra Bullock (God she's hot)
Street Rat (a "candy man") ALF
Dr. Scott Everet (a snob) Tom Cruise
Edwina (a biker chick) Kathy Bates
Rochette Terror (a creation) Anne Heche
Criminologist (an incredibly boring dude) Patrick Stewart
Pennsylvanians- Hollywood agents
Opening:
A pair of blue chattering lips and teeth appears on the
screen. We hear, Street Rat's voice.
Louis B. Mayer was ill
The day his heart stood still,
And he was too weak to stand.
And Steve Reeves was there
In leopard underwear
Jack Haley was the Tin Man.
Then something went wrong
For Frank and his thong
They got caught in a Time Warp jam.
Then at a deadly pace
Mama Cass took up all the space
And this is how the message ran…
Science Fiction- Crappy Feature
Susan S. - Might, have a future
If she can deny- she played Janet
In the cult classic- Rocky Horror Picture Show
(Shivers)
I knew Lewis Carroll was under a barrel
When Alice fell into a hill.
And I didn't get hot when I saw Dr. Scott.
Dance in fishnets in a wheelchair.
Julie Andrews posed nude
Which should've been tabooed
And vomiting didn't take lots of skills
But when cars collide, said Fox to ABC
Our ratings are going to spill
Like a…
Science Fiction- Crappy Feature
Tim Curry- lost his future
Cause he couldn't deny- He played Frank
In the cult classic
Rocky Horror Picture Show
(Shivers)
The lips shatter.
Scene One: A courtroom.
Janet: Oh Brad,
isn't this exciting, my first restraining order.
Brad: That means you keep 500 feet away from.
Janet: Oh, you say the cutest things.
Brad: Hey Janet, I have something to say,
I really
loved the skillful way you beat the other guys
With whips
and chains.
The river was
deep but I swam it. (Janet)
The Future is
mine so don't plan it. (Janet)
If there's
one fool for you, then I'm not it. (Janet)
I've one
thing to say and that's
Can it, Janet,
I hate you
The road was
long but I ran it (Janet)
There's no
fire in my heart, to fan it (Janet)
So please
won't you can it (Janet)
Oh J-A-N-E-T
I hate you so!
Here is the
restraining order
There's three
ways that hate can grow
That's good,
bad or mediocre
Oh J-A-N-E-T
I hate you so!
Can it,
Janet, I hate you.
Criminologist: I
would like, if I may to take you on another strange journey. It seemed a relatively normal night, when Brad
Majors attempted to escape Janet, on his way to visit Dr. Everet, his new
lover. However, fate it seemed had
decided to play a nasty trick on him, and he had a flat. Janet, just feet away also had a flat. And once again they decided to hike back to
a castle. For those who don't learn
from history, they are doomed to repeat it.
Scene 2: A castle.
Street Rat: Yes?
Brad: Hi, um do you have a phone we could use?
Street Rat: Come in, I will get it, please enjoy the party.
(They cautiously enter.)
Janet: This seems very familiar.
Brad: I wonder if Frank is here?
(Janet slaps him.
Street Rat returns.)
Street Rat: I'm sorry, but the phone is dead.
Fuchsia: It isn't
astounding
Time isn't fleeting
Sanity, takes control
But listen closely, for a little longer
Before I loose control.
I don't remember, doing the Mind Melt
Eating, those moments when.
The lightness would deck me
And the void
couldn't call me
Let's do the
Mind Melt Again!
Crim: It's just hop to the right.
All: And then a
step to the left.
Crim: With your hands on your head.
All: You bend your
knees out wide.
But it's the
head banging
That really
gets you complaining
Let's do the
Mind Melt again!
Street Rat: I'm so dreamy
Your fantasies free me
And you
will see me
All in all
In this
very dimension
You don't need voyeuristic intention
Cause
well secluded, you won't see a thing
Fuchsia: With a bit
of a mind flip
Street Rat: Your out of the time slip
Fuchsia: And nothing will ever be the same
Street Rat: Your
spaced out on sensation
Fuchsia Like you're under sedation
ALL: Let's do the Mind Melt Again!
(Chorus)
Argentina: Well I was walking down the street just having a
think
When a snake of a gal gave me an evil
blink
She shook me up and took me by
surprise
She had an ice cream truck- and
Pokemon eyes
She glanced at me and I felt a change
My mind didn't mean nothing, never
would again
(Chorus)
(They all attach to the ceiling.)
Brad: Say something
Janet: Say do you know the Macarena?
(From behind them an escalator slowly ascends, from which, Francine
appears, clapping. She is dressed in
overalls, her breasts taped down. She
appears very masculine, but is female.)
Francine: How don't you do, I
Can see you met my
Unfaithful candy man
She's just a tad brought up because
When you knocked she thought you were
the handy man.
Go ahead get strung up by the way I look
Judge
this book by its cover
By the light of day I am much of a man
But frankly I suck as a lover.
I just hate transvestites, from
transsexual, Transylvania!
Don't make me show you around
Or even play you a sound,
Cause I ain't very groovy.
Or
if you want something visual
That's really abysmal
We can take in an old Drew Carey movie
Brad: I'm sorry we caught you at home, but we need your
phone
Janet: I'm in a big hurry.
Brad: We'll stay where we are, then all fix my car.
Janet: We already fucked Tim Curry!
Francine: So the chick is flat, well, how 'bout that
Well, I would panic
By the light of the night, it won't be
all right
'Cause, I'm no mechanic
(Chorus)
Please don't stay for the night,
Or even a bite,
Cause I'll show you my favorite
obsession
I've been making a woman with
Brown hair, and no tan
But she's great for relieving my
tension
(Repeat Chorus 2x)
So, come down to my lab,
And see what's off the slab
I don't see you shiver with
anticipation (No pause there)
But maybe the rain
Can't be blamed
So I won't remove the cause,
But definitely the symptom
(Goes down escalator)
