The Fic Fac (tory)
Will the G-boys and the three unfortunate accidentally-transported Authoresses, (and the unfortunately transported Author,) ever get home?
Disclaimers Note - I don't own Gundam Wing, or any of the characters therein. All of the unfamiliar characters are my own, but some unfamiliar ones might become familiar, in which case they are not mine, or they may not! You'll have to read this and find out! Any correlation of this story to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental, honest. Phew!
Espion – Hi all! It's my Fic!!
Heero – Heaven help us!
Duo – Hey, don't be mean Hee-chan, it can't be that bad!
Espion – Yeah! *sticks tongue out at Heero*
Alethea – Hey, we're in this too!
Espion *smiles* Yes, you most certainly are…
Alethea - *pauses* Why are you smiling like that Espion? Whenever you smile like that, it usually means…
Espion- MWA HA HAAAAAA!! This is gonna be fun!! Okay, warning to all, self and friend insertion,
some DBZ references, but you don't need to understand them to see a) How lame this fic is and b) What the hell is going on. I had this idea at about three in the morning, enough said…
Shinigami - Be afraid, my poor little characters, be very afraid!
Duo- Hee-chan, I'm scared, make her go away…
The Fic Factory – Part One – Into Sight; Into Mind
Trowa sat in the Living room and watched the goddess of channels, Sky One. Nobody actually knew about Trowa's infatuation with the channel except, of course, Quatre, who was sat across the room, desperately trying to peel a particularly stubborn orange. He gave up at that moment and threw the orange against the wall, where it stuck with a soft splat, and cried, 'Oh no! My heart!' Quatre sighed and walked over to remove Duo's joke orange from the wall and return it to him.
Maybe I'll stick it up the baka's....nose.
Quatre grinned mischievously as he made his way out of the room.
*
It was the first week of Lent. Despite their varying ethnicities, all of the G-boys except, of course Wufei, had decided to give something up.
Trowa had decided to give up talking, but the others argued that that wasn't taxing enough, so Trowa just shouted - '..............' at them, and they were so offended at his profane language that they left him alone.
Duo had decided, after much deliberation, to stop teasing Wufei. He admitted it was a wrench, but that he did have three other *willing* victims, one of whom would never answer back.
Heero had declared that he was going to stop being so nice to everyone, causing Quatre to fall off the back of the chair he'd been sitting on and giggle incessantly, rolling on the floor, spluttering, 'Hee hee hee hee hee! Oh! I can't take it! Oh, my heart....' He'd then passed out and had had to be removed by Trowa. Duo swore that he'd seen Quatre smirk as Trowa carried him away.
Quatre himself said that he was going to give up....coffee. This had caused Wufei, who'd been walking through the room at that moment, to snigger and say knowingly that it wouldn't last long.
Overall, it was decided that only Quatre and Duo had given up things that were really going to impede them. Heero had growled at this, and Trowa had just said, '.................'
*
Trowa was still sat watching Sky One, despite the fact that several hours had passed. At one point, Quatre had suggested that they turn to Cartoon Network, where a rather amusing programme about a group of warriors from the future who fought against the baddies by shooting their own energy at them as a form of weaponry was on
Trowa had told him in that weird Trowa-Quatre mind link kinda way, that the day he watched that jappy-crap would be the day after they buried him.
*
Suddenly the screen of the TV flickered, and Trowa and Quatre both blinked. Nothing. They blinked again, and this time when they opened their eyes they were standing on a hill in the middle of a strange landscape. The grass was green, but there was a hint of blue to it, and the lake in front of them looked green, although when Trowa cupped some of the water in his hand, it was clear.
'Hey!' a voice rang out in the silence. This place was completely free of bird calls and the like, so the voice seemed to echo. Duo ran over to them. 'Well, hello, my pretties! I told you I'd get you! And your little dog too! BWA HA HA HA HA...OUCH!
Quatre had stamped on his foot. 'Where are the others?'
'I'm taller than you, shrimp.' said Trowa. This was lost on Duo.
'Where are we?' said Duo, a little sulkily.
Goddammit Quatre that really hurt...
'We've been transported to another section of the Fic Factory.' said Heero, walking over to them, trying to console a very miserable Wufei. Failing.
'Fic Factory?' said Duo incredulously, 'you mean like...stories?'
'Correct.'
'How did you know about this place?' asked Quatre, as he looked around, 'Which section are we in?'
'From the scenery, I'd guess we're still in the Anime section,' said Heero thoughtfully.
'How do we get back to the..errr....'Us' section?' asked Duo.
'We can't do anything,' said Heero, sitting down, 'so I guess we have to wait for an author.'
'An author? Wait, anyone could come along? What then?' Duo looked apprehensive.
'They make up a story, with us as the characters.'
'Back up.' To everyone's surprise, Trowa had spoken, 'How do you know all this?'
'It doesn't matter....uh oh.' A dark shadow was approaching.
*
The five G-boys stared up into the orange sky, and three voices began to make themselves heard.
'I can't imagine why I'm visiting the Dragonball Z section' said one voice.
'Come on, it'll be interesting to get a different angle on Anime,' said another, 'after all, there are so many other Anime series besides Gundam Wing.'
'Did they say Gundam Wing?' said Quatre quietly.
'Hn.' said Heero constructively.
'If you ask me, I don't think people shooting fireworks at each other could ever be half as cool as stomping on everyone in your giant mecha.' This from the third and final voice.
'We don't stomp on everyone.' muttered Wufei.
'Speak for yourself,' growled Heero.
*
A few seconds later, the sky darkened even more and began to spin. The twister touched down a couple of hundred metres away from where the Wing Gang were standing, well, cowering, then. Almost as quickly as it had begun, the storm stopped and the sky lightened to a bright yellow again. Three girls were standing on the hill where it had been.
'Who're they Heero?' asked Wufei, 'apart from being onnas, I mean.'
'The authors I guess, ' said Heero, 'but usually, you don't see them, you just hear them.'
'They look scared.' said Quatre.
'Thar's been a majorly large spanner thrown into the cogs of that thar Fic Factory.' said Duo, who amazingly, was still grinning.
*
The three girls just stood, and stared.
After a while, one with short, dark red hair just said, 'No. Way.'
***
'What happens now?' asked Quatre, getting to his feet, 'do we go and talk to them? Maybe they can help us!'
'I dunno,' said Duo scratching his head, 'They look weird...'
*
Over on the top of the hill, two of the girls had sat down, but one was pacing up and down, muttering, 'Okay, okay, chill, nothing to worry about! You and two friends have just been sucked into your computer, and you're now stuck in DBZ land, with god knows who out there! Goddamnit! What would Heero do?'
This last part had been addressed to the two other girls. The one with shoulder length brown hair answered, with a grin, 'Blow something up?'
It wasn't really hilarious, but all three of them laughed, yup, laughing was good, good, good....
*
Quatre had made a decision.
'I'm going to talk to them.' he said, turning to walk away.
'Hold up, Q-dude!' called Duo, and ran after him.
*
The girl who had previously been pacing had now sat down. She wasn't worried anymore. No one seemed to be around, which was good, as they had no weapons.
'Well, at least we've got something interesting to tell Si at school an Monday,' she said.
'D'you think he'd believe us Claire?' said the red haired girl, ' I mean, come on, if I wasn't me, then I wouldn't believe me...hang on, I don't....'
Suddenly, the long haired girl scrambled to her feet.
'Someone's coming!' she said, with fear in her voice.
'Anyone we'd recognise Katherine?' asked the only girl as-yet un-named.
'I don't know for sure Charlz,' (there you go!) replied Katherine.
Claire got up as well.
'Well, we'll know soon enough..' she said, 'cos they're coming this way.....'
*
Duo was having difficulties. He couldn't grip the side of the bloody hill. Hill? More like a bloody mountain! He finally got his hand over the top of the ridge, but began to slip. He gulped as he saw the ground, a long, long, way below.
K'SO
Suddenly, he felt someone grab his hand, and before he knew what had happened, he was on the ridge of the hill. The girl who'd pulled him up leapt back as though she'd been bitten. Duo turned and pulled Quatre up alongside him.
*
Quatre looked at the three authoresses and was shocked. They looked terrified. Sure, he'd been surprised at seeing them, but these girls looked very afraid.
'Where are my manners?' said Quatre pleasantly, 'My name is Quatre Winner, it's...err...well, I must say, a surprise, to meet you.'
Slowly, the three girls came out of their funk, and the girl who'd helped Duo up said, 'Uh, yeah. I'm Charlie.' Charlie had decided that she was dreaming, and should act accordingly.
'And I'm Katherine.' said the tallest girl. Ditto.
Duo turned and said. 'Okay, nice to meet you, english people, but we're looking for answers here...'
'What a coincidence.' said Claire faintly. She sat down on the ground and stared out across the landscape. Unlike the others, she knew that this was real as real could be.
What the hell is going on? This can't be happening! This doesn't happen in real life, you do NOT get sucked into your computer and meet the fictional characters of your favourite Anime series, it just DOESN'T HAPPEN!!
*
Katherine crouched down by Claire and said, 'Are you alright?'
'Come on!' groaned Duo, 'we need answers now!'
Katherine turned and glared at Duo. This was no dream, 'cos she'd never dream of Duo being so....rude. She adapted to this development instantly, and scared the hell out of Duo.
'Hey, shut up Duo, you insensitive kisama! I don't know what happened to you, but we don't know anything about it! We don't even come from the same time period, baka!' Katherine helped Claire to her feet.
Claire promptly shook her head.
'Okay!' Claire said brightly, and clapped her hands, 'I don't care how crazy I've gone, the fact remains that we're stuck here, and we don't know how to get home, right?'
'They're stuck here too,' said Charlie, motioning at Quatre and Duo. Quatre was listening intently, but Duo seemed preoccupied. Weird. In her dreams, Quatre was never there, only Duo and....
'Hey. How'd you know my name?' he asked Katherine quietly. Katherine looked surprised, and went to answer, but then found she couldn't. How do you explain?
'She's heard of you.' said Charlie quickly, 'I mean, who hasn't?' Light was beginning to dawn on her, and she wanted to hide from it as long as possible.
'Huh?' Duo looked nonplussed.
'Best give it to them straight Charlz.' said Claire, rubbing her forehead, she was getting a headache.
'Okay....back where we come from, there's this TV programme called Gundam Wing, and it's an Anime series from Japan, and....errr..you're all in it.' Charlie finished.
K'SO
This IS real
DAMMIT
'I don't think it matters how we know you, we need to figure out a way to get home,' said Katherine sensibly.
'Sorry,' said Claire, 'I never introduced myself, I'm Claire.'
*
'Where are the others?' asked Charlie.
'Wait a sec,' said Duo, 'How much do you know 'bout us?'
'A lot.' said Katherine.
'Ah, right.'
'We'll take you to the others...' began Quatre, when suddenly Charlie grabbed Quatre's arm and said, 'Please tell me Relena's not here!'
Quatre looked surprised and shook his head. Duo however, grinned hugely and said, 'I like these people! High Five sista!'
*
Quatre held out his hand to help Katherine down the hill, but she politely refused it and carried on herself, muttering something completely inaudible. When they were about half way down, the hill became a slope, steep, but very smooth. Charlie looked at Claire.
Before Duo and Quatre could pick up on the communication that had just taken place, the three authoresses had crouched down and started to slide down the hill incredibly fast.
'English people are nuts,' complained Quatre, as he ran after them.
*
Duo and Quatre caught up with Katherine, Charlie and Claire as they were brushing dust off themselves and off each other.
'Alright.' said Duo, 'I hate to be the sensible one, but we need to ascertain...' he stopped, and looked at Claire.
She looked back innocently.
'You did that, didn't you? I would never use a word like....anyway,' said Duo struggling on valiantly, 'we need to work out how much you know about us.'
'Cool, a quiz.' said Claire, and the others looked interested too.
'A quiz?' asked Quatre, 'no, you misinterpret....'
'Hey Quatre, they're doin' it to you too!'
'No Duo, I always talk like this....as I was saying, you misinterpret our intentions...'
'Now you're doin' it on purpose.'
'Correct Duo. We intend to find out what information has been leaked to you about us.'
Claire suddenly looked dead serious, although Duo noticed her mouth was still twitching. She put on an expression of concern.
'Leaked? Why? Who are you people?'
'Oh no you don't,' said Duo quickly, 'how do you know our names?'
'We know evereetheeng,' purred Charlie.
'Okay, Miss Authoress,' said Duo grinning, 'what do I do for a living?'
Katherine made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a suppressed laugh, and Claire laughed out loud and waited for Charlie's reply. It was worth it.
'Errrr... let me see....' Charlie pretended to think, but was actually enjoying Duo's expression as it began to dawn on him that she actually did know.
'.....yeah. You work for a scavenger company that salvages rubbish from space and sells it....want me to continue?'
Duo was smirking now.
'Very good, yes that's correct. Now we'd better get...'
'Hang on, I hadn't finished!' Charlie looked indignant and Claire began to giggle again. Katherine remained impassive.
'Huh? What do you mean, you hadn't finished? I asked you what I do, and you told me, surely that's all you need to.....'
'Oh, I see your point,' mused Charlie, with a sidelong look at Katherine, 'I suppose the other one doesn't really count as a job, as you don't get paid...'
'What a good idea for a fic!' laughed Claire, 'War put on hold while soldiers strike over non-existent pay.'
'Oh, stop it, both of you!' said Katherine, 'stop teasing them.'
'Well, seriously,' said Claire, 'how would you tell them?'
Katherine blinked, and said, 'Ummm.....'
*
'War? Soldiers?' gasped Quatre, 'stop toying with us, how much do you really know?'
'I thought there was gonna be a quiz,' said Charlie.
'This is serious!' said Duo grimly.
'If three people who knew everything there is to know about you suddenly materialised in your universe, I can understand the problem,' said Katherine, tying her long hair back, 'but, in case you haven't noticed, due to circumstances beyond all of our control, we seem to be the only living breathing people in this wacked place.'
There was a pause after this speech, then Charlie said, 'Are you gonna quiz us now?'
Quatre sighed. 'Okay.'
'Can we sit down?' Claire asked politely.
'Yes, I think sitting down is a very good idea.' muttered Quatre.
*
Everything there is to know?
thought Quatre.About us?
And who else?
Who are these people?
'Charlie,' said Duo, 'what is my surname?'
'Maxwell..' began Charlie, but Katherine dug her in the ribs before she could continue. Charlie understood.
If Duo's real
It would scare him to know exactly how much I know about him
Besides
It would hurt him
'Correct.' said Duo quietly. His joking attitude had flown south and he looked scared.
'Don't look like that,' said Charlie, concerned, 'we did warn you that we know a lot about you.'
'Can we assume that you know a lot about all of us?' said Quatre.
'Yes, but please don't kill us.' said Claire, looking at the ground.
Duo felt as though he'd been slapped.
'Do we look like the kind of people who're capable of murder?' He felt the knot in his stomach as he realised what he'd just said.
'We know you're not bad people.' said Katherine, 'but we also know that you'd do whatever was necessary to protect yourselves.'
'From you?'
'Obviously not,' said Claire, then she wriggled slightly, and said, 'Gee, this conversation has gotten really heavy really fast, won't someone say something that's just a little less depressing?'
'Lettuce.' muttered Charlie morosely.
*
'Whatever we tell you will scare you,' said Claire. She broke a twig off of a nearby tree and traced a word into the dust they were all standing on.
* 'Quatre?' 'What?' 'She was right. I'm damn scared.' * 'I think under the circumstances it's okay to steal Si's phrase.' said Claire. She gripped the stick and wrote again. 'Deathscythe goes Grrrrr.' read Katherine. She cocked her head to one side. 'Catchy.' * 'Yeah, Deathscythe is Si's favourite.' said Charlie, 'mine too.' she added. Duo grinned, despite everything. 'You never told us which was your favourite, Claire.' said Katherine. 'What?' Claire hadn't been listening for a while. Up until Katherine had spoken to her, she'd been miles away, trying to figure out what the hell had happened. 'Where are we?' asked Quatre. Claire had at least, seemed to understand a bit about that part of this mess. 'The scenery is identical to that of the planet Namek, from another Anime show, DBZ.' said Claire, looking around, 'but....well, I don't know about you, but where we come from, getting sucked into your computer whilst surfing is a pretty rare occurrence.' 'But I didn't get sucked into anything,' said Duo, looking puzzled, 'I wasn't on the computer or watching the TV when it happened.' 'Life's a bitch.' said Claire glumly. 'Claire!' said Katherine. * 'You mentioned 'others',' said Katherine, 'where are they?' 'Over near those caves,' said Quatre. He pointed. 'Who're we talking?' asked Charlie, scrubbing out Claire's word with her foot. Claire humphed, and promptly wrote 'Fluff' where 'Gundam' had been. 'Only us, the pilots.' said Duo, going to put his hands in his pockets. He started and drew out a crumpled piece of paper. He opened it as Charlie and Katherine spoke to Quatre about how they'd been transported here. 'What's that?' asked Claire innocently, looking over his shoulder. 'An extremely dangerous piece of paper.' said Duo, 'watch out, it could go off at any time.' Duo read the writing on the paper. Oh no I just fell in a ditch And Relena's a stupid fat bitch He stared at it. He hadn't written those words, so how had the note come to be in his pocket? He showed it to Claire, who laughed and then said, 'Charlie writes like that.' 'Huh? I do what?' said Charlie, walking over, 'Hey! My poem! Where did you get that from?' 'It was in my pocket.' said Duo, feeling confusion attack him again. 'Weird, but lets not go looking into that right now, huh? I already have a major headache, so lets go and meet the others.' Quatre walked away, and was followed by Katherine. Claire hung back to wait for Duo and Charlie. Duo refolded the paper, and gave it to Charlie. 'Good poem,' he said, grinning. * Trowa was worried. Quatre and Duo had been gone for nearly half an hour. He turned and looked at Heero, who was sat trying to carve the words 'Omae o korosu' onto his arm with sharp little bits of rock. He cursed as he spelt 'korosu' wrong, and looked at his arm helplessly. Wufei had wandered off, despite Trowa's warnings. Trowa jumped up as he saw his two friends returning. They've brought those people with them Can they be trusted? Wake up Trowa There's no OZ here Where's here? Got me. The three authoresses stopped at the mouth of the cave that the G-boys were using as a shelter. Charlie voiced their opinions. 'I am not going in there.' The other two nodded fervently, and they all took a couple of steps back when Trowa and Heero walked out of the cave. Charlie took a deep breath, as if she was either about to scream, or yell... 'HEEEEE...' she was cut off by Katherine, who clapped her hand over Charlie's mouth. 'They are authors Heero,' said Quatre, 'but they have no idea what's going on either, and....err...they seem to know an awful lot about us.' Charlie seemed to be fighting to stand, as she was shaking with repressed laughter. Katherine shot her a withering look. 'They do?' Heero looked grim, and tried to ignore Charlie, but surprisingly, Claire spoke up. 'So what if we do? We're not the enemy, there is no enemy. We just want to go home, like you.' 'There's always an enemy.' said Heero. Claire sniggered. 'What?' 'Don't tell me,' giggled Claire, 'let me guess. The enemy is anyone in your way? 'Yes, but how....?' 'The lettuce told me!!" chorused the three authoresses. Their fear seemed to have evaporated. They broke into helpless laughter. Duo sniggered too, because somehow that line seemed familiar to him. Katherine looked around, 'Where's Wufei?' she asked. Trowa looked astounded. Duo said, 'Hey, that aint the half of it, they know loads about us, Quatre and I were quizzing 'em on the way here.' 'Fine, you know about us.' said Heero, sitting down, 'so fancy evening the score and telling us about you?' Claire groaned and said, 'It's not interesting. We're just three Year 11 girls who go to school, period.' * Two hours had passed. Claire and Katherine were trying to explain to Quatre how wars had been fought before Mobile Suits, (and Manguanacs,) had been invented, and Charlie was gleefully telling Duo of all the wacky ways in which she'd caused Relena pain and/or grievous bodily harm in her fics. Duo was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. Wufei entered suddenly and yelled, 'What the hell is going on? Who are these.......these.....' The three girls looked at each other and said in chorus, 'Onnas!' They then proceeded to crack up. Even Heero smiled. These girls were very unusual, but they did seem to know all of them inside out. Wufei screamed and ran out. This only made the girls laugh louder. Katherine was the first to stop. 'Okay people,' she said, 'Ease up, come on, how would you respond to three people who know all about you, you don't know how, and then make jokes about you?' 'Sorry Katherine,' said Claire, in a way that indicated she wasn't at all, 'I'll be good, I promise.' Trowa got the impression that, like Quatre, this girl could act very innocent, when she actually wasn't. He looked at the girl called Charlie. Her personality was most like Duo's, he concluded, that's why they got on so well. Both shared a hate of Relena, and a very...err....alternative sense of humour, but then, he was about as much of an expert on senses of humour as Heero was, so who was he to judge? He looked at the final authoress, Katherine. At that moment, Katherine was looking at a very giggly Claire reproachfully. He realised suddenly, that she was most like him, only she spoke more. Better-developed social skills, yeah, it meant the same thing. Trowa stole a glance at Quatre. He was so cute when he laughed, and right now he was laughing at Claire's poor description of a tank. He suddenly became aware, much to his surprise, that Katherine was looking at him. He looked away instantly, but couldn't stop himself looking back a second later, only to discover the Katherine was still looking at him, but then she looked at Quatre for a second, and then back to him. Her expression would have been unreadable even to a professional expression reader, and Trowa hadn't even attended the half-day workshop. He gave up and looked away. 'This is all well and good,' said Katherine, in her unfamiliar English accent, as she returned her attention to Quatre and Claire, 'but we're no closer to finding a way home.' 'There'll be a place in this wacky DBZ world that's...err....weaker, than the surroundings, and we can get out through there,' said Claire, looking up from the picture of a horse that she'd been scratching in the dust of the floor with a stick, 'the only question is, where?' 'How're we gonna find it?' said Duo dejectedly. Charlie looked sick. 'I have an idea,' she murmured, 'but I hate it already.' 'Come on Charlie,' said Quatre, 'we're outta ideas.' 'Correction, we never had any!' said Duo, laughing. 'You'll wish I'd never thought of it,' groaned Charlie. 'Okay, here it is. We're still, us three, authors, which means that we have certain abilities...' 'Tee hee, girl power!' giggled Claire. Katherine patted her on the head and said, 'Yeeeeees, Claire.' Trowa saw Katherine roll her eyes. 'She goes a bit strange sometimes, but it's usually over quickly....' 'We need to *summon* someone who can find the opening for us.' continued Charlie, 'and I only know of one person who has that kind of power.' 'Hey how'd you do that?' said Claire, looking stunned. 'What?' 'Put silent asterisks into your sentences!' Charlie looked modest and said, 'It's a gift.' 'Power.....?' said Duo, moving his hand in a circular way to indicate he wanted her to continue. 'The power...to find.....something, or someone....wherever... it is.' said Charlie. 'NO! NO! You CAN'T be serious!' Duo grabbed Charlie's shoulders and shook her, 'Not her! NO!' Heero looked as though he'd've been yelling too, had he not taken an oath of near silence to the Goddess of Pain - Ouchitaia. 'We need to summon her,' said Charlie, looking as if she was about to throw up, 'and change her, so that, instead of tracking....what she normally does, then....she'll...err....track this.....thing.' 'Can it work?' said Trowa, stepping out from behind Katherine and making her jump. 'Well....' said Charlie, with the beginnings of her trademark grin becoming visible on her face, '...if it doesn't....' 'We can summon a Gundam and squish her with it!' cried Claire happily. 'Heero looked at the three girls and said, 'You can summon anything?' 'Yeah! We're authors! Bow before us!' Charlie crossed her arms and tried to look regal. 'Let's just get this done.' said Heero. He was unconsciously beginning to shake. 'You're not bowing...' 'Hn.' ***
'I'm sorry,' Charlie had said when Relena had first materialised in front of them, 'I couldn't resist...'
*
Relena paused and sniffed at a rock. This gave the others a chance to catch up. Claire was suffering particularly. She clutched at a stitch in her side, and panted heavily.
'Warning,' she gasped, 'surfing the Net can entail actual physical activity and severely damage your health...'
'Couldn't you've just said "Ouch"?' said Duo. 'Honestly, all these words...'
Relena lay down and began to snore. Charlie kicked her and she leapt up, yelping.
'Don't!' scolded Claire, patting the now-whimpering Relena. 'After all, she's just a animal now, she's not really Relena.'
'She sure looks like Relena....' began Duo, but he was interrupted by a low groan, which was coming from one of the nearby houses, which were pod-shaped with small spines. Claire had told them that Namek architecture had never won any prizes.
*
Heero was at the entrance in a second, and Relena began to growl, but then stopped, and slowly her tail began to wave. Claire released her hold on Relena's collar, and she ran forward, at every stride turning more and more into a Labrador. By the time she reached the doorway, she was completely canine.
She ran into the building before Heero could stop her, and suddenly there came the noise of someone objecting to being licked by a Labrador. Relena ran to the door and barked happily. Trowa walked into the house. It was very dark, but he could make out the silhouette of someone slumped against the far wall, upside down, groaning.
'Who's there?' called Trowa. Heero walked in, his weapon trained on the person.
'Mummy?' mumbled the person, before falling over, and then trying to struggle to their feet. The person stood up shakily, putting their hand on the wall.
'Ummm...yeah. Can anyone help me?' said the person quietly, 'y'see, I was just sat at my computer, working on my website, when suddenly, I'm....err....here.'
Relena bounded in towards the person, who patted her and said, 'Hello Doggy.' Katherine, Charlie and Quatre walked in.
'Simon?' said Charlie and Katherine.
'I assume that's Simon.' said Quatre wisely.
*
Relena ran out to Claire, who was still massaging her side, and whimpered at her. Duo glared at the Labrador, who looked back, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. Duo shuddered.
'Creepy.'
*
Simon stepped out into the weird yellow light and blinked.
'Right.' he said.
*
Heero was annoyed.
'Why's he ignoring us?' he asked Katherine. Katherine sighed.
'He'll notice us in a minute, give him a chance. We've had a couple of hours to adjust to being sucked into a computer, or, in your case, an alternate reality. He's just got here.'
Relena ran to Simon, who patted her absent-mindedly and stared across the green lake. Suddenly a voice from behind him nearly made him jump right into the aforementioned lake.
'Randell? Is that you?' Claire jogged up to him. Charlie walked out of the building and Katherine broke away from Heero to go and talk to her friend.
'Am I dreaming?' said Simon unsurely, 'only when I dream, there's always Nataku stomping around me telling me it is my destiny to 'tidy up my goddamn room'.'
'Nuh uh, sorry Si. This is real, and errr, it wasn't just us who got transported here, turn around.' Charlie turned Simon around.
'Nyaaaargh.'
*
The Gundam pilots had moved away from the authors. That was making Katherine mad. The pilots were starting to act as if it was all the authors' fault and were trying to stay away from them. None of the authors could see any just reason for this, except, as Charlie put it, 'It's probably way past their bedtime.' Relena wandered aimlessly around, before finally laying down heavily exactly halfway between the two groups.
Now the pilots were trying to light a fire. They were failing. Katherine was glaring at the pile of sticks they'd gathered. Smoke started to billow from where Quatre was furiously working a bow. Katherine looked at the sky.
It began to rain.
Heavily.
'Sod it!' yelled Duo, throwing down the handful of grass he'd been holding.
*
'Hey,' said Charlie, 'why aren't we getting wet?'
Claire looked at Katherine and grinned.
'It doesn't rain on Namek.' she said, grinning even more. Simon nodded.
'Well, they made me mad!' chuckled Katherine.
*
'I'm cold.' said Claire, wrapping her arms around herself.
'I'm glad someone else said that.' said Simon, shivering. Relena whined.
'Light a...I mean, summon a fire, baka.' said Charlie.
*
A few moments later, a bright light could be seen in the sky. It descended to earth and landed near where the author and authoresses were sitting.
Katherine and Charlie moved closer to the fire, quite enjoying the looks on the pilots' faces. After all, it took at least two authors to make it rain, and at least three to make it rain that heavily. Charlie looked at Claire, who was now grinning back.
*
'Need a hand?' called Katherine sweetly.
'Omae o korosu,' came the muffled reply.
**
Although the pilots were angry about the authors getting one over on them, between freezing and humiliation, most sensible people would take humiliation.
With this in mind, no one moved. Quatre looked at his fellow pilots. Duo looked as though he wanted to go over to the fire, but then he saw Heero look at Duo, with an expression that clearly said, what, you can't take it? I can. Quatre sighed. He'd once heard someone say that love is always wishing the best for the other. He was sure that if Duo weren't mortally afraid of Heero, he'd've already coaxed him into moving where he'd be warmer.
That's Duo's side of the deal
What about you Heero?
Heero suddenly looked up and at the blonde pilot. He couldn't be sure, but he was sure that he'd been speaking. Heero looked at Duo again, who was now doing his utmost best not to shiver. Heero groaned inwardly. What he was about to do went against everything he'd ever been taught. His teaching has always been the most important thing in his life, but the little voice he'd always shut out before was trying to tell him of something far more important, but trying to find out what it was was like listening to a badly tuned radio, and all the time it was getting colder where they were all sitting. He stood up, almost knocking Trowa into the lake. Quatre grabbed the sleeve of Trowa's jumper and pulled him back. Trowa was shivering too. If he hadn't been waiting for Heero to shift his ass, Quatre would've made the suggestion that they should move long ago. Quatre watched as Heero looked over to where the authors were now yawning and beginning to turn in. Heero sighed and made up his mind.
Heero walked over to Duo and pulled him to his feet. 'Come on,' he said, 'Everyone.'
*
Although the fire was still burning, and would continue to do so until one of them turned it off, Charlie was cold. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes. Making the fire bigger wouldn't help, as that would increase the risk of one of them rolling into it in the night. She stared blearily at where the pilots had been sat, but couldn't pick them out in the darkness. An idea suddenly came to her.
Summon a blanket baka
She did so, and was about to go back to sleep when a noise behind her made her jump. She turned to see the pilots trudging towards the fire.
Freeze or be humiliated
Well, you can't be humiliated if there's no one awake to do it
Me?
Nah, I'm out like a light
Charlie summoned some blankets for her friends and left some spare, just in case. She could always unsummon them.
***
Trowa woke up. He sat up and looked around. He could make out the forms of the sleeping Duo and Heero. Further away, he could see Charlie and Si were still asleep, but Katherine was awake, up, and unsummoning the fire and assorted paraphernalia. Claire had woken up too, and was beginning to help Katherine. Relena was chasing what ever she could find. Stones mostly. At least they didn't run away when you asked them if they didn't mind you viciously stalking them. Trowa began to yawn, then stopped abruptly.
No Quatre
*
Trowa glanced around, and although he was fighting it, panic began to sink in. He looked back at Katherine and Claire, who had both caught wind of something up and were beginning to run in his direction. Katherine reached him first, Claire a few seconds later. Relena watched them go, and then returned her short attention span to those goddamn stones.
'What's wrong?' asked Claire, but before he could answer, if indeed he was intending to, she gasped and said, 'Where's Quatre?'
Trowa looked around and said, 'Gone, it seems.'
*
Claire rolled her eyes.
'Really?' she said exasperatedly, 'no, actually I think he's still here....' And then Katherine hit her on the arm.
*
Quatre pulled himself onto the top of the ledge and sat for a second, blowing a little. He stood up and looked around. The scenery would have been monotonous to anyone else, nothing but orangey green grass and green lakes, blues trees and yellow sky, but Quatre smiled to himself and said quietly, 'Beautiful.'
He couldn't remember why exactly he'd climbed up here, but anything they did to try and find a way home couldn't hurt. His eyes were drawn to an area of grass just below a particularly large tree. For some reason, although his eyes registered it, his mind insisted that it wasn't there.
It has to be there, or why can I see it?
Could there be two meanings of the verb 'to be'?
Ohhhhhh........Headache Goddamnit!
Quatre rubbed his head ferociously and suddenly a thought struck him. It was so incredibly obvious he was astounded that he hadn't thought of it sooner.
Go and see
Quatre thought that it was very strange that he felt no guilt over leaving his friends without so much as a note. This from the guy who felt guilty whenever he trod on worms by accident.
Strange
Sehr sehr strange
*
Trowa scanned the landscape and prodded Duo to wake him up in one movement.
'Ge'off!' protested Duo, rolling over. Trowa sighed, no help there. He was actually amazed that he'd managed to get up, hold a *conversation* with two of the girls and disturb Duo without Heero waking up, after all, Heero had once woken up when Duo had dropped a fork on the other side of a colony they were staying on. Trowa motioned toward Heero with his arm, and pointed at Claire, who was standing with Katherine as far as it was possible to be from Heero, without moving out of earshot.
'Wake him, I've gotta find Wufei.' He turned and left. Claire looked at Katherine, and gulped.
*
Claire looked at Heero, then at Katherine again.
'Here goes...' she said. Katherine thought she was going to shout, but was surprised as Claire bent quickly down and pulled up what looked like a rubber chicken plant growing near their feet.
'You're not....' she began, but then Claire threw the plant overarm at Heero.
*
As soon as it had left her hand, Claire raced after the plant projectile. Relena barked joyfully and bolted after it as well.
*
Heero suddenly woke up, and couldn't for the life of him imagine why. It was quiet, and no one else seemed to be awake. He remained where he was, lying absolutely still. He could hear Duo's snoring, but not much else....except...
Suddenly he threw himself to one side, and the plant that had been aimed right at him bounced harmlessly and rolled down the hill. He blinked as Relena vaulted effortlessly over him, and Claire ran past after it yelling, 'Woohoo! I knew that would work!'
*
'What just happened?' Heero mumbled, watching as Claire and Relena ran off after the plant. Relena was gonna get there first.
'Nothing.' said Katherine quickly, 'Trowa's gone to try and find Wufei, and Quatre's gone missing.'
'There was a plant....' said Heero, feeling as though he was losing his grip on the situation.
'Merely a visual aid,' said Katherine brusquely, 'come on, can you come and help me wake Duo?'
'It takes two people to wake Duo?' growled Heero sarcastically.
'From the looks of it,' shot back Katherine in exactly the same tone, 'it could take many more than that.'
*
Claire finally caught up with Relena and yanked the plant out of her mouth. Its resemblance of a rubber chicken was, to say the least, disturbing. She wondered if it was edible. She sniffed it, then promptly tucked it under one arm and began to jog back towards the others.
*
Quatre reached the spot where he'd seen the anomaly and stopped. The surface of the grass rippled as he touched it, and to his enormous surprise, he felt the surface break and his hand go through it. He pulled his hand back quickly, and drew his knife. With it, he made a gouge in the orange grass near the 'puddle', revealing yellow soil. He stood back. This had to be it. Now he could go and tell the others, if, that is, they were still talking to him after he'd gone and done a runner like that. He smiled slightly and began to turn, when a hand thrust itself out of the anomaly and grabbed his ankle.
*
Trowa found Wufei looking into a small hole in the ground. From the state of him, Trowa assumed correctly that he'd been standing there some time. All night, no less.
'What are you doing?' he asked, looking into the hole as well.
'There is a dishonourable coward hiding down there who refuses to come out and fight me.' said Wufei, still glaring into the hole.
'Well, glaring at him isn't going to help.' said Trowa.
'Fool.' spat Wufei, 'I am ashamed to admit that the kisama challenged me to a staring contest, and I WILL BE THE VICTOR!' He continued glaring into the pothole.
Trowa picked up a small stone and dropped it into the hole, which was around 20cm wide. It fell for exactly one second before unmistakably bouncing off rock.
'There's no one down there,' said Trowa, as though he were speaking to a toddler.
'Okay, so lets go,' shrugged Wufei, moving away from the hole and following him.
*
About a minute after they'd left, a small voice was heard emanating from the pothole.
'I won! I won! Nuh nuh nuh, nuh nuh, nuh!'
*
Quatre swallowed and struggled, but he couldn't get free. At that moment, a bubble broke the surface, and as it popped, Quatre heard a small voice cry, 'Help me.'
Quatre reached down and grabbed the small hand, paying no attention to the fact that the hand was green.
*
Trowa and Wufei returned to find Katherine, Simon, Claire and Heero trying to force themselves to eat the strange plant, which Claire insisted would probably taste of some kind of poultry. Relena had already put around six away, and despite making fervent cow eyes at Trowa, couldn't coax his away from him. Charlie seemed almost ready to wake up, but despite the fervent efforts of Claire, Katherine and several rubber chicken plants, Duo remained firmly asleep, and looked set to remain that way. Trowa sat down by Duo and prodded him for the final time. It had about as much effect as the times when the others had tried it.
'Baka.' said Wufei, reaching to pick a plant.
'I'm sure it's edible,' muttered Claire. No one moved to eat their....er...food. After all, the fact that Relena had eaten them meant nothing. They were just waiting to see if she dropped dead.
Claire looked around and took a bite out of the plant.
*
After what seemed like forever, Quatre was able to pull what looked like a small boy from the puddle. The small boy collapsed and began coughing violently. Quatre squatted down beside him and asked, 'Are you okay?'
'A terrible thing has happened!' said the small boy, looking up. Quatre noted that he probably wasn't human, with a face that shade of green, and two small horns protruding from his forehead.
'What's that?' he asked, pulling the small alien to his feet.
'I and several of my people have been transported from our planet to a terrible environment!' gasped the little child. 'There are many humans who are fighting each other, but none of our friends from Earth seem to be there.' He paused and looked around.
'How on Namek did I get to....Namek?' he asked, scratching his little bald green head.
*
Claire finished the vegetable and made a face.
'Yuk. I've never had to eat a vegetable that tastes like Pear Drops
*
Quatre scratched his head.
Right
This just gets better and better
'My name is Dende.' said the Namek.
'Quatre.' said Quatre, 'you say that this is your planet?'
'Yes, so I suppose the reality I have just escaped from is yours.'
'Yeah, I guess so. You mention people, are you talking others like you?'
'Yes, but I was the only one small enough to fit through the hole.'
'Maybe we can find some way to enlarge it.'
The little horns on Dende's forehead bounced, and it looked very weird. It seemed to accompany him smiling.
'You're going to help me?'
'Of, course, that seems to be the sensible option. After all, we need to get out of here just as much as you need to get...err...into here.'
'We? There are more like you?'
'Yes, I'll take you to them if you like.'
Dende cast his eyes worriedly at the puddle.
'If I don't return, they'll worry.' he muttered. Quatre pulled a piece of paper from his pocket.
'Write them a message. Say that you've met friends and they're going to help you.'
'Thank you,' said Dende, taking the paper and pausing. 'Oh, I forgot, I can communicate with them telepathically!'
Quatre took his paper back and smiled. 'Go on then.'
*
To Be Continued…
Espion - See? I haven't harmed anyone…
Heero - …Yet.
Espion - …Yet. Hey! Well, Anyhoo, there's more! Oh yes! Tonnes More! MWA HA!
Duo - Hee hee, Relena's a Labrador!!
Espion - I'm glad you liked that *smiles*
Alethea - Hey! Where were we?!
Espion - You are there, I've just used your real names.
Shinigami - Yeah, pay attention Alethea!
DeathSi - Umm…Where am I?
Espion - Be patient deary…Onward to Part 2!!
Alethea - If you review, then she may be kinder to us…
Espion - May being the key word….MWA HA!!
****
There's gonna be a couple more chapters. If you read this far Arigato Arigato Arigato! Please Review, even if it's one word! Arigato!
Felflowne aka Espion - XX