Dying Without You

Dying in your eyes, dying without you. I watch you... slowly slipping away. Nothing. It's what I feel, what I am. I'll miss you...

/For Susumi./

The night was cold. Shivers ran up and down my arm and back. We stared at the stars, holding hands tightly. The grass beneath me is soft and damp. I squeeze your hand as a shooting star falls. A light going out in the sky, flying straight into the darkness.

I look over to see you smiling. I smile in turn. Your dimples curve in and you look over to me, asking me what I'm looking at. I answer lightly, "Your beauty."

It's true. I'm observing your eyes, twinkling in the moonlight. Examining the way the wrinkles at the corners of your orbs crinkle up cutely. And I look at your lips, parted gorgeously. Then you grin. And my heart flutters. Butterflies in my stomache go crazy. A smile forcefully overcomes me. I grin like mad at you. And shake your head, looking away, back to the sky.

I do the same. We watch again, in silence. A gust of wind blows, and I subconsiously scoot closer to you. You take your hand from mine, making me instantaneously clutch at the empty space. But then your arm wraps protectivly around me. Warmth spreads througn me immediately.

I pull my left arm across your chest and ug you as close as possible. You don't mind that I'm holding a bit too tight, You only smile and keep staring at the heavens.

I don't want you to go.

We sit for a while there, just staring at the stars. The luminous lights the sparkle with majesty. You always did seem the more calm one. But it's not fair.

You shouldn't have to leave now.

"Mr. Zexion?" a nurse called. I stodd, nodding and followed her. She led to your room, number 085. You were in bed, eyes closed and breathing steady, yet weak. My eyes teared up just at the sight of you. I walked slowly to your side and intertwinded our fingers loosely.

"Zexion," you said. You opened your teal eyes and looked at me, smiling some. I squeezed your hand for confirmation. I was afraid to say something. I didn't want to make myself cry, and speaking would trigger it, I was sure. I promised to be strong in front of you. They made me promise. "Zexion... Are you okay."

I gasped as I realized a tear had rolled down my cheek. "I'm fine, Yazoo."

Your hand went to my cheek, caressing my face. Your voice was light and still beautiful. "Please, Zexion, don't be sad."

"Tonight, yeah? It's tonight?"

You knew what I was talking about. Everyone did.

You were leaving tonight. I'd never see you again. You were dying, Yazoo. And it killed me even to know it.

"Yes, it's tonight."

They let you out of the hospital to do this. Just this. Just to see the stars. Just to spend one last night with me. Just this.

It's tonight. The last night.

I don't know how I would go on without you.

"It'll be okay," you whispered, shaking me lightly. I nodded, trying to be strong. Trying to keep my promise. I would be strong... if only in front of you.

"I'll miss you," I whispered back.

I don't want you to go.

"I know," you said.

It can't be helped. The cancer has spread and it can't be helped. It had taken over your body, your immune system. And it couldn't be helped.

I've never felt more hatred for the world when I found out it would take your kife soon.

For months, I lived in hatred. I breathed, lived, I became it.

"How soon?" I asked you. There was no response for a while. We only sat there. I didn't look up. I knew you hadn't left yet, though. You were brething, I was listening. I paid attention to every movement you made. I cherished it.

Then you answered. "Soon. It'll be soon..."

I lifted myself up to look at you. I must have had a bit of a pitiful look on, because you smiled slightly at me.

Soon...

The moon gave off a ravishing light that made you look even more like an angel. I felt my face get hot again. But I wouldn't let myself cry. Not again.

Leaning closer, I pressed out foreheads together. You leaned in as well and our lips met with passion. It wasn't lust, I knew. It was love. It was something I never thought I would feel.

"I love you," I murmered to you. You said it back as we pulled apart.

Then I hugged close to your chest and we sat again in silence. It was peaceful and made the moment almost perfect. The wind blew again and I shivered.

Everything stopped.

The world seemed to stopped spinning, I stopped, and you stopped. You stopped breathing, your heart stopped beating, and your lips went still. I was shaking terribly as I looked up to you. Your eyes were glazed over, and your skin was cold. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't keep my promise. I couldn't be strong.

I was weak.

Tears streamed from my eyes, a downpour.

And you were gone.

For weeks after that night, I was gone, too. I couldn't eat much, I couldn't sleep. It was hard to concentrate on anything. Axel came over a lot to check on me. And Kadaj and Loz visited some, too. No one understood. No one could feel like I did.

I was dying, I could feel it.

I was dying without you; slowly and painfully. I kept falling, feeling ymself slipping. I was afraid to even sleep.

What if I don't wake up?

Maybe it would be better. Maybe I could see you on the other side.

I need to sleep now. I feel like I'm falling. I'm falling and I'm not moving.

Maybe I'll see you soon. But for now, I'll be waiting. I'll be dying without you.

- Love, Zexion

Ho hum, I didn't like the ending. I repeated myself way to much. But they say repetition is good for a developing brain. Oh well.

This is for Susumi, the only person who requested a Yazoo/Zexion. I have to admit, it is kinda cute! I think I might do more with this couple.

Much respect, much love. Goodbye!