The Awkward Adventures of Random Characters from Castlevania
Chapter Two
"And I was like...FUCK YOU and he was like WELL YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK and I said Eww are you a fag?"
That shit is funny," Isaac replied to Abel, his innocent devil, "I see you have been getting yourself into many quarrels with other innocent devils."
"Hell yeah I was!" Abel shouted, "Those assholes have to know a thing or two about this bastard before getting on his last fucking nerve!" Isaac wasn't listening to his devil. He was watching the two figures come closer as they emerged from the sunset on the horizon.
"They're here," Isaac sneered.
"Who?" Abel asked.
"Hector and the Belmont," Isaac replied, "Hector has finally come back to me at last!"
"You still haven't gotten over the break-up yet?" Abel gasped, "I thought you said you are sooo over him!" Isaac had a romantic flashback of him and Hector on their first date...
Isaac was sitting at a bar when someone bumped into him. He looked down at the silver-haired figure leaning over and throwing up on the ground.
Hahahaa! You're drunk as shit man! Isaac laughed.
I should have stayed away from that martini... the silver haired person moaned.
Isaac. Isaac said.
Hector. Hector replied, Wanna fuck?
Ehh, why the hell not? Isaac shrugged as he and Hector went into the back of the room to have sex in an awkward, drunk fashion.
"I remember that moment..." Isaac sighed, tearing up.
"You only knew his name then fucked him!" Abel frowned, "That isn't romantic! Besides, this happened three days ago! You met him, fucked him, you went out on a date, he dumped you, you cried and I had to feed you ice cream and watch Gossip Girl with you while we played Aerosmith on my iPod, and then the next day you said you are over him, and look where you are now!"
"I know..." Isaac sighed, "On the outside he may be this ass who dumped me, but on the inside, he's still my drunk little ragamuffin!" Abel make a gag-expression. Hector and Trevor walked up to the duo.
"Hello, my sweet, sweet, Hec-I mean, what do you want, bitch?"
"We're on a quest," Hector said, "We're trying to get Garry away from Dracula."
"Damn, Hector!" Garry cursed, "You dipshit! I should kick your ass right now if I had feet!"
Ohhh Isaac thought, This grail...he's kind of...cute.
"What's your name?" Isaac grinned.
"Garry, mother fucker!" Garry shouted.
I kind of like his voice...
"You're a grail right?"
"Green shit, bitch!"
I've never had someone call me bitch in a long time! Oh, I miss those days...I would get pimp slapped in the ass and people would shove money down the front of my thong...
"Ok, Garry...you got any interests?"
"If you're flirtin' with me, then I'm gonna shove a hampster up yo ass!"
I remember at the bar while I was dancing on the stage, a man shoved a hampster up my ass. It fiddled around in there with its little paws trying to get out. It's fur was so soft it tickled my ass! But the next morning it escaped and ran to the window, ate some of my pies that were cooling on my window, and then cuddled up on my lap. I kept him ever since. I think he likes me now ever since he was up my...
"Bitch, I can hear your fucking thoughts!" Garry shouted, "I can't believe you kept that hampster after someone shoved it up your ass! You have to be sicker than Hell, boy!"
"My names Isaac."
"Did I ask for yo name?"
"Garry..." Hector sighed, "Please...alright we have to move out. See you later Isaac."
"See you around my sunshi-I mean...FUCK YOU!" Abel smiled at Isaac's (fake) progress.
I can't believe he left me for that fucking Belmont! Isaac thought But that Garry...he's so shiney and neatly carved with his great ability to turn me on with his daragatory words...Oh...I'm so hot right now. Tonight, I'm going to masturbate to the sound of his voice echoing in my head calling me "bitch" and "whore" and saying he wants to shove furry creatures up my ass...
"That's fucked up, Isaac," Abel said.
"Why do people hear my thoughts?" Isaac cried.
"Long story..." Abel sighed, "It goes like this..." And Abel explained the process to Isaac on the way back to his fortress.