CHAPTER 1: DAY ONE

Merlin opened his eyes to the sound of the birds, he felt well-rested.

Slowly the realization of his situation surfaced, paralyzing him. He glanced at the figure beside him, his friend, lifeless. He turned further towards him as tears again streamed down his cheeks. He'd cried so much that he was surprised that his body could produce any more tears.

Arthur looked so peaceful after the months of fevers and pain. Was his release worth the agony that Merlin was experiencing? He leaned forward, took Arthur's hand and kissed it.

He remembered kneeling on the bed, cradling Arthur in his arms, waiting for his next breath, counting the time between his gasps. As the time between them lengthened, he'd understood what Gaius had meant when he'd asked, "How will I know when the time has come?"

...and the physician had put his hands on his shoulders, looked into his eyes and kindly said, "You'll know, Merlin."

Before the gasps became so weak that he doubted he would ever hear another, he recalled leaning forward, hoping that his friend could hear him as he whispered, "It's time, Arthur, you can let go..."

He waited, no rasping breath; he felt his chest, no heartbeat...and so Merlin sat there holding Arthur as tears fell onto the blonde hair.

Finally chilled, he slid Arthur into the middle of the bed. He brought a sheet up to his waist and then pulled the blankets up to his shoulders. Exhausted, he fell asleep beside him.

With Arthur dead, he had spiraled into the deepest depression that he had ever imagined. He couldn't think; he even questioned that he was alive. The world had moved on and left him stranded in the hellhole of his mind!

There was nothing there; everything was slowed down to inactivity. He felt burned out, useless. He'd lost his ability to plan; his thoughts were zooming in and out, making no sense. He couldn't move. He couldn't get away from the situation or make it go away. Even his magic had failed him when he had most need of it! It was so dark; he could find no light to show him the way.

To cope, Merlin had shut himself down for three days, taking the castle into a state of timelessness. Nothing mattered, he had even considering letting himself go with Arthur. Maybe it would have been easier than facing this... but he tried to remain strong, it might at the time have been an easy way out but if he had been alive, Arthur wouldn't have condoned it.

He was scared of the impending separation of the two of them. How could he leave him to the ministrations of others? He'd nursed him day and night, as had been his responsibility as manservant and his privilege as friend.

But, he was clearly more conscious today of his surroundings; to a voice in his head, telling him it was time to remove the magic; urging him to open not only his mind but also the chamber door. Gaius would soon be coming to see how they were faring. His eyes took on hues of gold but when he blinked, they were again blue.

Gaius had finally decided to find what had happened with Arthur. He trusted Merlin implicitly, knowing that he would have come for his help if warranted. He'd expected to hear from him three days ago as he had not expected Arthur to last the night.

Merlin swung off the bed and bent down to put on his boots. He turned to face the door as the grey haired figure walked in. Gaius walked half way into the room, glanced at the figure in the bed and stopped. His eyes sought Merlin's and he opened his arms.

Merlin knew he needed to feel arms around him and he half ran whimpering into Gaius's. He was freezing cold and Gaius reached over and removed the fur-lined blanket which Merlin had placed on Arthur.

Merlin moaned, "No, Gaius, please!"

"Merlin, he doesn't need it anymore, you do!"

Merlin shuddered as Gaius wrapped it around his shoulders and held him tightly. Now was not the time to argue, Gaius needed to get him back to his quarters. He led him silently to the door. As they crossed the threshold, Gaius's heart was torn by Merlin's strangled sobs.

In his capacity as Court Physician, he nodded at the sole guard on duty who turned to carry the sad but not unexpected news to Uther.

Gaius slowly guided Merlin down the steps...

Gaius opened the door to their quarters which were warm.

When he hadn't seen hide or hair of Merlin in three days, he guessed that Arthur's condition had worsened and Merlin was keeping a deathwatch. Before leaving to check on them, he'd lit the fire and left some broth in a pot on the hearth.

He settled Merlin in his usual place at the table and checked his pulse. He smiled down at him but received only a vacant stare so went to check on the broth. Getting Merlin to swallow any was a battle of wills but Gaius won and followed the broth with a strong sleeping draught.

As the shivers subsided, Gaius helped Merlin up the little flight of stairs into his room and sat him on the bed. He left him wrapped in Arthur's blanket and rolled him onto his side. He pulled off Merlin's boots, put on some warm socks, covering him with another blanket, before tucking him in.

Gaius whispered as he stroked the dark hair, "Now is not the time to worry, go to sleep, Merlin." He waited until Merlin's breath had slowed and was even ... until he slept.

Gaius sighed as he left, leaving the door open to keep an eye on his patient. He slowly walked down into his own room. He felt tired and oh, so old. He put his head in his hands and sobbed not only for the loss of Arthur but for Merlin who would be facing life alone, his future in shambles...