What if we started over and I could've seen
What was lying uncovered and hiding underneath
It tears me apart knowing how I'm only just now finding out
Always Been You ~ The Sweeplings
Takes into account everything that happens up to and including the death of Barlow Connally in season 4. After that, it veers from canon. Sort of pulls in books aspects although under different circumstances.
Summary: For every decision you make, it can change your life
Part 1
Walt Longmire's head was pounding. He startled awake. His house phone was ringing again. He had been successfully ignoring it, only to be wracked with guilt when he heard her voice over the machine. It was always Vic. Sometimes she simply mentioned cases, sometimes, she cajoled him to answer the phone, sometimes she implored him to talk to her. Lately, it had hinged on begging him to answer the phone. For reasons known only to himself he answered it, despite his resolve.
"Hey."
No reason to pretend he didn't know it was her. There was surprised pause before she spoke.
"So you are alive. I was starting to wonder."
"Yep. Still alive."
Another pause. He hated conversations like this.
"Walt, are you okay?"
"Yep."
She sighed loudly into her end of the call.
"Walt..."
Her voice faded into silence.
"I'll see you after a while."
Before he could respond, she hung up the phone. He looked at the phone in his hand before placing it back in the carriage. Did that mean she was coming here or did she mean when he came back to work. He looked around the cabin. It's current condition was unimpressive even by bachelor standards. He hadn't done any cleaning. Dirty dishes littered his counters and sink. Beer cans were on every flat surface available. He sighed. He did a lot of that these days.
x
He had decided she wasn't actually coming. It had been hours and it would soon be nightfall. He was slightly relieved. She would no doubt be more than a little pissed at him. He was also slightly disappointed. He missed her. He missed her more than he would have thought normal. He had resigned himself to another night of mindless drinking followed by a hopefully dreamless sleep when he heard a vehicle. Walt peered out the window. Her truck came to an abrupt stop next to the Bronco. A couple of minutes later, she rapped firmly on the door. Walt opened it, squinting at the evening light that filtered in around her. Her eyes scanned up and down him, taking in his appearance. She made a face.
"You look like shit."
She walked in without an invitation, carrying a large brown bag. She looked around the cabin on her way to his kitchen.
"This whole place looks like shit."
She set the bag down on the counter and turned to him. She had clearly been home and changed from her uniform into jeans and a long sleeved shirt. She wore a light leather jacket over it.
"Nice to see you, too."
"Don't be a smart ass, Walt. Jesus, what in the world?"
She looked at all the beer cans. He hung his head.
"What're you doing here, Vic?"
"When I realized you weren't dead, I figured maybe I should check on you."
"I'm fine."
She laughed humorlessly.
"Oh yeah, boy, you're just rolling along fine aren't you?"
He decided a change of pace was a good idea.
"What's in the bag?"
"It's from Henry. Food. He wanted to make sure you weren't starving yourself to death."
She slid her jacket off and draped it over a kitchen chair before beginning to pull items from the bag. He stood and watched her silently. Henry had sent him some cold sandwiches and a container of soup. She turned to him.
"Bowls?"
He hesitated. Vic folded her arms over her chest and tilted her head to one side.
"You're going to eat, Walt, or I'm going to shove it down your throat. Everyone is worried about you and you don't seem to care about that."
He relented and gestured.
"That cabinet."
She pulled down a bowl and saucer and filled them both with food. Setting it on the table she nodded for him to sit. He moved towards the refrigerator and Vic shook her head. She filled a glass with tap water and held it out.
"Drink this instead."
He frowned and sat down. She sat across from him and watched him with sharp eyes. He had to force the first bite but then he realized how hungry he he was and finished off the rest of it. When he looked back up at her, there was something different in her eyes. Sadness? Sympathy?
"Feel better?"
He nodded wordlessly. She studied him to the point that he had to fight the urge to squirm.
"How are you?"
Her words were softer now. The anger that had tinged her tone earlier was absent.
"I'm getting by."
Her mouth turned up slightly.
"Barely, I see. Why haven't you been answering the phone?"
He looked away and shrugged.
"I needed some time alone."
"You can have time alone and still let people know you're okay, Walt. This self imposed isolation you got going on is affecting a lot of people. Not just you."
"I'm sorry."
He mumbled the words. She was quiet a minute before standing.
"Don't say things you don't mean."
She set his dishes in the pile in his sink and frowned.
"Wow, your place looks worse than mine and I'm in the middle of a divorce."
Her offhand comment brought reality back to him. He wasn't the only one fighting demons and struggling to gain a foothold. She had her own problems. Guilt crept in on him. He had dumped his job on her and disappeared to wallow in his own problems while she was battling on multiple fronts herself. Looking at her now, he could see the stress etched in her face. He hadn't noticed it before. The food and conversation was giving him some clarity. He rose.
"I do mean it. I'm sorry, Vic."
He cleared his throat.
"How are you?"
Her shoulders dropped a bit.
"Sean left. No surprise there, I guess. He took a job transfer. The divorce is almost final."
He nodded.
"You're still in the house?"
"For now."
An odd silence hung between them. She pulled on her jacket.
"I should go. I have to work early tomorrow. Would you do something for me?"
"What?"
"Clean up a little. Both this place and yourself. I'll be back."
It sounded almost like a threat. He smiled a little for the first time.
"Okay."
She gave him a small smile.
"I'll see you."
The door closed behind her, leaving him alone.