UNRELENTING

Chapter 1: Breezy

She often thought about what it meant – his moments of solitude when he wouldn't speak to her. There were more than a few occasions when she would suddenly lose him in conversation. They'd be discussing something trivial like how the Timber Owls kept getting caught whenever they tried to do something rebellious, and while she was talking, a faraway look would gloss over his eyes. If that didn't work, she'd try to play with him by tickling his neck with a sheer feather or amusing him with a story of how Zell got sick because he kept on challenging Raijin (and losing) to hot dog-eating contests. But he was still always unfazed. She had even gone as far as to plant Irvine's magazines in common places that they walked through together. She'd gasp in "shock" and cry, "Squall! I didn't know you were reading these!" But still… no matter what happened, he'd always express a look of apathy – a complete lack of interest in anything she did or said.

She found him slipping away from her, and in many ways, she was slipping away from him, too.

"Tell me what's bothering you, Squall. I want to be there for you."

"It's… nothing. I just have a lot of thoughts on my mind."

"Then let me help you."

He would never respond after that. He would just look away from her, stand up, and walk into the next room while slowly closing the door. What was she supposed to do then? What could she do but hold on to the pair of rings around her neck and question if whether or not they should be bound together at all? Those two rings hung from her neck as though they were some kind of symbol of everlasting love. But truthfully, they were just two pieces of silver jewelry tied on a metal chain so that she wouldn't lose them. Squall never gave her the Griever ring; Zell did. He gave them to her when she asked him to make a ring just like it. He didn't have time to make a copy, so he just bothered Squall long enough to get the original from him. Thinking back, Rinoa couldn't remember why she wanted it to begin with.

She was sitting at the desk in her room. For the past year or so, she had been living in a dormitory at Balamb Garden. Headmaster Cid offered her everything she needed – food, clothes, a single room. He told her that it was a form of gratitude for helping to save the world.

Rinoa sighed at the thought. "Saving the world." She didn't do much, actually. If anything, she made the mission more troublesome. And now… she ran her fingers gently over the lion's mane. He was the one who saved the world, and she had known that he was going to long before it happened. She knew the second she saw him on the train to Timber. Was that why she wanted a copy of Squall's ring? Because she wanted to be like him? Because she wanted a piece of his courage?

The thought of Squall was both warming and cold. There were times, she believed, that he genuinely did love her. He would laugh at her stories or hold her in his arms. They were brief, few, and always done in secret... but they were there for her to have.

Then why did she feel so cold?

It made her laugh sometimes; it made her laugh in sadness and loneliness. She'd look back and remember the things they said to each other - the dreams they had of what it would be like to finally be safe and together. What made her laugh even more were those ridiculous promises. Those promises! She could barely believe that they ever said such things.

She remembered how she once told him about a dream she had. In the dream, the two of them planned to see shooting stars together. But after she got dressed, she forgot where she was supposed to meet him and started to panic. She was running around breathless and alone – running through mountains, deserts and plains, through Timber, Balamb, and Galbadia. She was crying out his name. She wanted him to be with her, to protect her so that she didn't have to be so scared. She awoke that morning without ever finding him. He never came, and there were tears in her eyes.

After telling him that dream, Squall simply smiled at her, reassured her that it was only a dream, and said, "The reason why you couldn't find me was because we haven't promised yet. Next time, I'll be waiting for you. If you come here, you'll find me. I promise."

Rinoa stood up from her desk and brought a delicate hand to her mouth as a yawn escaped her lips. She really was very tired. It was only 4:00 PM, but ever since she started having these thoughts, she's either been exhausted or wide-eyed on sleepless nights. She undressed, leaving only her black shorts and shirt on. She then walked over to the window and closed the blinds. When everything was set, Rinoa climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to her neck.

As she lied there, Rinoa let her mind drift back to Squall. What did he mean by that? When he said that he would "be waiting" for her, what would happen after she found him? Were they going to remain close to each other so that neither of them would be lost again? That was what she assumed when he first made that promise. Looking back, it was stupid of her to think with such naivety. She was the one waiting now.

She blinked a tear from her eye.

Why did it have to be like this? Why was someone always waiting? Hadn't they both been waiting long enough? They had no reason to anymore. They had each other right before their eyes. They could touch each other and hold each other. They didn't have to deal with fearful guards that were trying to lock her away. They didn't have to escape a prison in the middle of nowhere. They didn't have to stop sorceresses, rockets bombs, or zombie mayors. They didn't even have to think that, at any given second, they could lose each other forever in time compression. It was so easy. All he had to do was reach out and touch her! Couldn't you just do that, Squall? I'm right here, right in front of you.

The tears came steadily down her face.

Look at them now. Just look at them! He didn't look at her, didn't touch her. And when he did, it was the same touch that he used to pick up a mission document. It didn't take much to see that they were floating on inflated words, inflated dreams that were blown up too far, too fast under overly-stressful circumstances. How was she, Rinoa Heartilly, overly-idealistic romantic dreamer, expected to be with overly-serious Squall Leonhart that was too busy "thinking" to even give her the time of day? She was eighteen now and battling between what it meant to be a woman and how to hold on to her youth. She didn't want to think about the consequences. She didn't want to have to care about the boring, mundane trivialities of work and more work and piled up stacks of even more work. Not yet… not just yet… she still wanted to smile and enjoy spending hours lying in a flower-coated meadow with the one she loved. Would he ever give her just that? Or was being a SeeD too great of a task? Was being appointed leader to a military-focused school taking up so much of his time that he'd never dream with her again? Was he too much of a grown-up and she too much of a child for them to be happy?

Rinoa shifted over to face the cement wall of her room – a white, blank wall. She had planned to paint it when she first moved in; she was just undecided on the color. A soft green like the color that painted the meadows of her dreams? The meadows where she would find him waiting for her? A light blue like the oceans that she would cross to be with him? Like the skies they would soar through as one? Even white seemed fitting at the time. Like her feathers, her sorceress wings. And it all seemed fine as long as he was her knight… as long as he was her knight. That thought drifted in her mind before it submerged back into the depths it came from. She didn't want to be reminded of what she was supposed to have and the promises they were supposed to keep. Especially now, at a time like this when the white could only remind her of that dismal walk alone after the battle with Ultimecia. It reminded her of the sounds of endless steps and the exhaustion of running towards an unreachable something. It was white like the barrenness from loneliness. White like the barrenness of love. White like the palms of her hands – hands that had clenched the two rings so tightly that there was a barrenness of feeling in her fists. And when she looked down to see them, the imprints of the two rings had already faded away.

"Hey, what's Rinoa up to?"

"..."

"Squall?"

"…"

"Where is she?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you 'don't know'?"

"..."

"Squall, you need to start paying attention to her. She's gonna get the idea that you don't care. She is a woman, after all."

"…"

"Heh, Squall. Always the silent thinker. You are thinking about this, right?"

"…"

"Squall? Right?"

Squall and Irvine were in the Parking Lot working on Irvine's newest buy – a gigantic neon orange truck. It looked ridiculous, but it was Irvine's pride and glory. He said that it gave him a lot of attention with the ladies. First, they'd be caught off-guard by the shiny vehicle driving towards them, and then BAM! They'd be caught off-guard again by Irvine's handsome face and his shiny white teeth. He would laugh at himself while he said it, as though it didn't actually work. Those he told often raised their eyebrows in skepticism, too. Somehow though, his absurd logic always came through and flocks of girls would crowd around him, his neon orange truck, and his shiny white teeth.

Presently, Squall was under the hood, attempting to fix the engine since Irvine had blown something out when he was speedily tracking around the Balamb Mountains – supposedly it was on a racy date with an adventurous blonde. Irvine, on the other hand, was reclining back in the driver's seat with his feet propped on to the steering wheel and had his hands behind his head. He was lazily looking up at the ceiling of the car and chewing on a piece of gum.

"Have you ever thought about how popular she is with the guys around here? I know a lot of them would kill to have a chance with her, especially that little guy that runs in circles around the lobby."

"…"

Squall still had his face under the hood, and when he stood up straight, wiped the sweat off his forehead. He was only wearing his white t-shirt, which was newly stained with grease. Thankfully, he had thrown his leather jacket to the side somewhere and didn't have to worry about it. Determined to finish this job, Squall ducked back down and pulled out several cords. Various parts were getting disconnected and reconnected. Frustrated, Squall finally groaned out loud and smacked the side of the car.

"You all right over there, Squall?"

"Why am I doing this?"

Irvine laughed aloud and replied, "Because I'm too pretty to do it myself."

"…"

Irvine maintained the smile on his face, but when he received no response in return, he dropped his head and pouted slightly. Squall sucked. No wonder why Selphie told him to try to talk some sense into him... Ah-ha! He knew what to do!

Irvine took off his hat and blew into it to get rid of some of the excess dirt that accumulated on its rim. He then put it back on and looked at himself in the rear-view mirror. A huge grin appeared on his face. He looked good. He then winked at his reflection, made a flirtatious "clicking" noise with his tongue, and then ended with a dramatic finale by pointing his finger at the mirror like a handgun and pretending to shoot. Bullseye.

Okay, okay, it didn't help at all, but at least he felt good. With his spirits brightened, Irvine tried again to get his thoughts across to Squall, "Anyway, I think you should watch out for that little guy. He might seem like a good person, but appearances can be deceiving. He's obsessed with your girlfriend."

"…"

"That little guy. You know who I'm talking about? The one that's always wearing a blue shirt and running around the lobby?"

"…"

"Squall, it's that little guy, that little guy," he enunciated the words slowly and carefully as though Squall couldn't comprehend what being 'little,' especially being a 'little guy' meant. "He's always running around. Selphie just won a MiniMog card from him the other day."

"…"

"It's rare, and you can Card Mod it into 100 Pet Houses."

"…"

"The things that those cards are capable of are crazy."

"Why would I ever need 100 Pet Houses?"

"I don't know."

"..."

"Anyway, do you ever listen to what he's mumbling when he runs past you? 'Come on. Just one more lap. One more lap and then she'll notice me. Rinoa Heartilly, I promise, I'll make the body of your dreams.'"

"…"

"You gotta start paying some attention to her. All the other guys do."

"…"

"Geez, you suck at this whole relationship business."

"Whatever."

Irvine was getting frustrated He took his feet off the steering wheel and sat himself upright. "Squall, I'm trying to talk to you. Rinoa is the most important person in the world to you, and the best you can tell me is 'Whatever'. It's like you can't say anything else. Does anything else ever come out of your mouth?"

"Yes."

Irvine groaned out loud and threw his arms in the air. He rubbed his forehead before hitting it repeatedly against the steering wheel.

"She's not going to drop me for someone that's four feet tall, Irvine."

"She may not fall for a dwarf anytime soon, but there are other guys."

"…"

"Like me." Irvine couldn't help but laugh out loud at his obviously inappropriate joke.

"…"

"Come on. Say something."

"…"

Irvine rolled his eyes, and the both of them were silent for a few minutes. In boredom, Irvine picked a piece of ammo out of his pocket and started tossing it up and down to keep himself occupied. "Hey Squall."

"…"

He repeated calling Squall's name several times, but was still ignored. After finally admitting that Squall was, quite possibly, the most boring person he'd ever met and that tossing up the piece of ammo wasn't holding his attention very well, he looked at Squall and couldn't help but wonder if…

HOOOOOONNNNNKKKKKKKK!!

"Damn it, Irvine!"

The playboy clad in Western wear burst out in hysterical laughter, kicking his feet into the teeny bit of room that he had at the driver's seat and holding his stomach all the while.

Rinoa woke to a slight breeze in the air. It seemed lighter, happier in fact. There wasn't much light left outside, and from the cracks in her blinds, she noticed that the sun had nearly set. It was probably around 7:00 by then, but somehow, she felt as though it was brighter now than it had been all day.

When she turned in bed, a vase of lilacs and white carnations were set on her desk. Gasping excitedly, she skipped over to the flowers. She couldn't believe that Squall would go out of his way to do something like this. How exciting!

A wide smile sprang on to her face, and she squealed in her girlish excitement. They were beautiful. Rinoa gently ran her fingers over the flower's petals and tried to imagine Squall secretly coming into her room, probably really uncomfortably. No, definitely really uncomfortably. He must have felt so awkward that he argued in his head if whether or not he should even give them to her. And he'd think things like, "What the hell are you doing, Squall? WHO does this? Since when did you become so fruity?"

She giggled to herself. The idea brought on more happy thoughts. She remembered the times he tensed up whenever she stroked his skin. He'd pull away quickly, and it would almost seem like he didn't like her touch, but for that brief moment, she felt his nervousness. There were other times when she would find Squall pacing around in front of her door at night. He would say something along the lines of how he was just making his rounds around the school. Rinoa may not have been an official student at Garden, and still found herself surprised by some of the school's regulations, but she was able to figure out that Garden commanders didn't usually hang around the girls' dormitories at 11:00 PM - at least not without being called a pervert. Another gesture he did, one of Rinoa's favorites, especially this one, was when he'd turn his body away from her and act as though he was upset or annoyed. If only he'd realize that he still needed to turn his face another one or two degrees to hide his entire profile. She liked these moments best because even from just the slightest corner of his cheek, she could tell he was smiling.

Rinoa continued to graze her fingers over the petals, and after another moment, she noticed that the door to her room was opened. When she stepped outside to the small lounging area, there was a handsome man sleeping on the couch with brown strands of hair falling into his eyes. Tingles ran down her spine, but were quickly replaced by streams of guilt.

How could she think that Squall didn't care about her? How could she ever imagine that he didn't want her in his life? Squall's always been closed up, and though he only knew how to express his affections through subtleties, they were still there. She accepted it when she first started to think seriously about a relationship with him; but her silly, immature cravings for overly-dramatic antics made her forget, and so she began to think otherwise. He did care about her. He did want her. And there he was now, napping peacefully on her couch because he wanted to stay close to her. He didn't say anything, never bothered her by waking her up, and wasn't intrusive by jumping into bed with her. He just stayed close to her. It was enough for her. It was, after all, the only thing she really needed.

She stepped slowly towards the sleeping figure and lied down behind him. He was facing the couch, and so she wrapped her arms around his back in a soft embrace. She nuzzled her face into his coat, and in a deep breath, felt safe and calm in his warmth.

"Squall," she whispered, smiling happily and thinking back on memories of their past year together, "you're the one that gives me the most comfort. Comfort and happiness…" She closed her eyes and continued, "And annoyance and disappointment, too." She giggled softly and squeezed him tightly. She breathed in his scent (which smelled oddly of grease), his strength, his protection, his heart, and closed her eyes.

Squall couldn't help but let a subtle smile draw on his face. He had Rinoa latched onto his back like a baby koala, and he didn't know how to move without shoving her off and waking her up. It was, overall, an uncomfortable situation, but a good sort of uncomfortable situation. It was the kind of uncomfortable situation that he didn't know what else to do but shift his body around and hold her closer to him. Naturally, though - after about a minute – he got a little bored. Really, what was he supposed to do? Just lie here and squeeze? That's what pillows are for.

To be honest though, he was still uncomfortable with the whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing. Not that it wasn't already obvious. Everyone gave him a hard time. At the Parking Garage, Irvine didn't know how to shut up. He just kept yapping on about how Squall didn't know how to take care of Rinoa. But what did he know? Irvine, of all people, didn't know anything about lasting relationships. He was too busy trying to get girls to go ride with him in the back of his truck. Rinoa was… he felt the gentle sensations in his heart. She was Squall's everything.

Irvine was right about one thing, though. She was a "hot item," and sometimes Squall did have minor spurts of paranoia. He wasn't confident about his relationship with Rinoa. How could he be? What could he possibly offer? Ninety percent of the time, he was too afraid to just reach out and hold her hand. The only way he could touch her was by making it seem as though it didn't matter to him – as though just being close to her didn't make his heart beat faster. And the few times that he actually was affectionate with her, at least in public, some dumb girl would walk past them and make some comment about how she "couldn't believe what the commander - Squall Leonhart - was doing!" Then he'd drop her hand and look away. Like he didn't care. Like he wasn't crazy about her. Like her smile wasn't the first thing he saw whenever he opened his eyes.

It made Squall groan when he thought about how the others would give him grief, too – even Zell and Selphie were getting on his case. Quistis was the only one with half a brain to realize that he needed time, and a lot of it. For Hyne's sake, come on. He just started making friends. For someone that's not even used to letting a conversation carry on for more than three or four minutes, he was doing rather well with all of this. He'd been able to keep a girlfriend – a girlfriend (See that? One word. 'Girlfriend'. Not 'girl' space 'friend'. 'Girlfriend'.) – for nearly a year now. He had every reason to be proud of himself.

After several more minutes, Squall was getting impatient. He needed to start moving again. There was too much doubt in his mind, and if he didn't relieve it by finding a place to train, it would bother him until he went to bed that night.

He looked around and tried to figure out the best way to get around the sleeping girl. Just reach around and try to pull his legs over her? No, no. He wasn't nearly that flexible. What if he just picked her up and put her back down? But that would wake her up for sure. Wait, why was she still sleeping? She was asleep when he first got there, and stayed asleep long enough that he got bored and took a nap. Now that he was awake, she was still sleeping. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad if he accidentally woke her up?

Squall cradled Rinoa into his arms, and shifted his legs around the couch under her. Using the ground as leverage, he pushed upwards and lifted both of them up. Hardly a stirring, and Squall couldn't help but worry why she was so tired. She hadn't been doing any serious fighting recently, except for the occasional mission that she'd go on to keep him company. Was she sick? Or just exhausted from something? Squall leaned down to put her back on the couch, but thought that she would probably be more comfortable in her bed. He carried her back into her bedroom and laid her on the mattress.

When he pulled back, his head tilted by the sight of her like that. He was suddenly reminded of how she looked when he carried her on that long trek from Fisherman's Horizon to Esthar. It was a somewhat bleak thought, but looking back, it was then that he realized that he would go to any length to save her, that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. To be honest, he hadn't looked at her like this in a long time; he didn't really know how to anymore without quickly feeling like he was a pervert for staring. But right now…

He kissed her on the lips, and stared wistfully at her face. He could feel his knees buckling, and when he leaned down to kiss her again, he mentally reprimanded himself. Idiot! What are you doing? Stop it. What do you think this is? Sleeping Beauty? Come on, Prince Charming, time to leave.

Squall turned away and stopped cold for a moment when he saw the flowers on Rinoa's desk. A knock sounded on the door, but he ignored it, not wanting to invite any unwelcome guests. When the knocking came again – this time louder – he bit back his annoyance and opened the door.

"Good evening, commander."

"Don't call me that, Quistis."

She lowered her head slightly and with a coy smirk said, "Oh, excuse me then, sir. Good evening, Squall."

"What are you doing here?"

"The Esthar president wants to discuss a particular issue with you. He's on the phone now. Headmaster Cid insists that you come to his office immediately and speak to him."

"Laguna?"

"Yes. It's urgent."

Squall motioned to step out, but quickly looked back once more in a fleeting glance. Afterwards, he nodded to Quistis and stepped out, quietly closing the door behind him. They walked briskly out of the Dormitories hallway and back to the lobby.

Even after they reached the large circular room, the pair was still silent. It was only the tapping of Quistis' heels against the porcelain tiles that had made any sounds. It was past curfew, and the students that were allowed to be out at this hour were most likely visiting a nearby town or spending time with family and friends. They passed the Cafeteria without saying a word, then the Quad. As the two rounded around and neared the turn for the Infirmary, Quistis broke their silence and asked, "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

Her steps slowed, his sped faster, and she continued, "There's something on your mind, Squall."

"…"

"You're allowed to tell me. We were friends at one point."

How annoying. She was always putting him through this. Since he could remember, Quistis was always trying to solve his problems. She always wanted to know what was going on in the mind of Squall Leonhart. Whenever they spoke to each other, he felt like she was trying to give him some kind of therapy. What did she care? She's an instructor, not a psychiatrist. If only she'd stop it and just do her job. Only her job.

"…"

"Haven't you learned how to trust anyone yet?"

Again. Arrogant, irritating woman. Who did she think she was?

"It's none of your business."

"Squall…"

He had to snap his head back because he was already several paces ahead of her. Frustration was building in him, and he wasn't in the mood to have to listen to another one of Quistis' attempts at getting in his head. "Will you hurry up, Quistis? You came to my room telling me that it's urgent, and now you're the one slowing us down."

"I'm sorry… it's just-"

"What?" He clenched his teeth as he spoke, "What? What could you possibly think would be bothering me now?"

"You never look back."

He stopped in his tracks, entirely startled by her comment. How did she…? How could she have noticed something like that?

But the truth was, she was right. He never did look back. Whenever the headmaster or another important figure called on him, he dropped everything – including Rinoa – and left. It wasn't an act of coldness; it was his duty. As Garden commander, his duty was to protect the school. More than anything, that came first. He had explained all of this to Rinoa in the beginning of their relationship – she understood completely so he never had to feel any sense of remorse when he would get up and leave her. He'd never have to look back.

"…"

Squall turned away from Quistis and continued walking towards the elevator.

"Is something wrong with Rinoa?"

"…"

She walked slowly behind him as Squall quickened his pace even faster. He hurried up the stairs and then pushed the "up" button for the elevator. When the doors opened for him, Quistis still hadn't rounded the corner. He entered the elevator, closed the doors, and it rose to the third floor while she stood looking at him from the bottom of the stairs. She blinked her eyes and shook her head in disbelief that he had left without her.

As the elevator rose, Squall watched Quistis' frame get smaller and smaller as the distance between them increased. A moment later, he looked to the ceiling and rubbed his forehead. He closed his eyes and slouched slightly - a hint of doubt in his posture. He leaned against the wall as he quietly declared, "Those flowers weren't from me."

chapter01fin


Author's Note: This story is a project, more or less. I am, unfortunately, burdened with the trait of facing extreme difficulty when it comes to finishing creative writings. Because of that, I decided to challenge myself to see if I can actually write a long fic. Dun dun dun.

But TO YOU, thank you for seeing this chapter through to the end. I hope you'll continue reading (although I can't promise that I'll actually update within a reasonable amount of time. -pout- ) It means so much to hear your review and appreciation.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII and all its characters belong to Square-Enix (not an online user named .mangoseed, obviously).