I do not own anything twilight related. I may wish that it was but alas…It's all Steph's.
The Door
I'm facing the door, with you standing behind me. Adrenaline is forcing its way into my system, telling me how it wants me to react, but I refuse to let my emotions get the best of me. I am filled with confusion, hurt, sorrow, betrayal, rejection and denial. I force my brain to shove my emotions to the side no matter how much I am hurting right now. I take a deep breath and try to extinguish the fire within.
You are still talking but I am only hearing parts of what you say. You are so hesitant at first. It almost seems like you feel guilty. I so badly want to believe that you do, but I know you, I know that it's all just a front. Then suddenly your voice has a sound of finality, of confidence. I compose myself enough to turn my head so that I can see you. When I see your calm and tranquil face my heart aches. To actually see how easy this is for you to say hurts me more than I ever thought it would. I blink back tears as you continue to effortlessly rip my world to pieces. I think to myself "How did this happen? What did I do? Why are you doing this?"
You bring me back to reality when you pause for a reply you are expecting to hear. I surprise myself when a steady "yes" leaves my lips. Inside I feel like I am falling apart but I won't let you see what you are doing to me. I won't give you that power.
I turn my head back towards the open door longing to leave but afraid of what that entails. If I leave now who will I see the next time we are together? Which side of you will you be around me now? Obviously you do not want to be the side you were tonight anymore. So who will you be next? Which mask will you choose?
It's obvious you have made your final decision…..but I cannot seem to find the strength to make myself leave. I glance back at you as you stand there staring at me. I take one last look. I take one deep breath. Then I open the barrier inside me that I know will let me leave, anger. Suddenly I am overwhelmed with a strong simultaneous desire to scream at you, hit you and run away from you. I look away in disgust as I realize what you are. I have come too far in this too lose my dignity now. I consciously refuse to let you see me lose control so I take yet another deep breath and say "I have to go. Goodbye." And walk out the door that symbolizes so much to me. Walking out that door not only meant leaving tonight but it meant leaving what we were. For me leaving that behind was painful because no matter what you thought I became attached. I let my guard down and let you in, for the hundredth time. But no more. Never again. This time I have learned my lesson. I deserve better, I don't need your drama or want your lies. This time I meant it when I said goodbye.