So what's the deal with men? Were they put on this Earth to be gigantic pains in our asses? Were they created to cause us so much turmoil that we would rather be in same sex relationships rather than put up with their idiotic, egotistical, self-righteous, sexist bullshit? I sure as hell don't know, but I do know one thing. God created the most beautiful creature to ever roam this planet, and his name is Joseph. Now I don't know what he does, where he's from, or even if he's in a committed relationship, but I know that the first few times I saw Joe, it was like getting hit in the gut by a two ton anvil.
It was back in 2012 when I was living in Pensacola, and I had been dating this idiot photographer named, Oscar. Oh he was so annoying, and narcissistic. Every time he opened up his mouth I wanted to throw something at his head, and the only reason I agreed to date him was because I had no other prospects at the time and I was lonely. But anyway, it was sometime during the summer and we were out shopping. Technically HE was shopping, and I was just along for the ride. So, he was about to walk into Foot Locker when out of the corner of my eye, I see this gorgeous man standing at a food truck reading a magazine. He must've been about 6'4, cause Oscar was about 5'11 and he made Oscar look like a damn child.
Back to the story, so there I was staring at this "Adonis". Long dark brown hair, trimmed goatee, massive muscular arms, and a tribal sleeve tattoo that made my girly parts tingle. Cause boy do I love a man with tattoos. But as I was saying, he was deep into his magazine as I went to walk past him and then he turned and looked at me, and that's when I noticed his eyes. God, his eyes…they were perfect. Grey eyes on a man that looked that good should be illegal, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry, die, comeback to life, and do it all over again. Cause THAT man, was the epitome of every woman's wet dream.
"Hi" He nodded his head, looking at me.
I was taken aback. Clearly looking around, cause he couldn't have been talking to me. I asked myself that question a million times in my head as I continued looking around for anyone else he could have possibly been talking to, until I realized….he was talking to me.
"Hi." I replied back.
Oh god, I wanted to pass out. I felt myself getting hot and tried to fan my face the best that I could, but to no avail. Why? Why did this always happen to me? I would see an attractive man on the street and turn into a blabbering idiot, but in this case I'm just a fucking idiot. So as I'm waiting for my disappointment of a boyfriend to get out of Foot Locker, I take a seat on one of the benches and start playing a game on my phone. Obviously hiding the fact that I'm secretly watching Mr. Fuck Me Sideways Til I Can't Feel My Legs For A Week. And from the back he looked just as good. I mean, he had clearly just finished running since he was wearing basketball shorts, a sleeveless tank, and tennis shoes. And I could see the way his back would flex as he cracked his neck.
I had to squeeze my thighs together, cause my mind was starting to wander into deep dark depths of perversion. You would too if you saw this 21st century Greek god. He made Brad Pritt's Achilles look like Elijah Wood's hobbit from Lord of The Rings. He was AMAZING! And I was dumb enough to think that a man like THAT could be single. Fuck no. He's either got a girlfriend or married. NO man that looked as good as him would be gay. So, anyway back to the story; so I'm sitting on the bench, checking him out and watching all these women check him out as well. It was like attracting a moth to a flame. He was the flame and we were all the pesky moths. But he paid them no mind; just continued to flip through his magazine. And then hell froze over…
"Hey babe, I'm ready to go." Oscar said as he walked out of the store.
I was pissed, so I rolled my eyes, placed my phone back in my pocket, and we left. As I walked down the street, I couldn't help but to look back and notice Mr. Adonis was still looking at his magazine, clearly oblivious to the affect he was having on the female population around him. I hoped I would see him again, but I have no such luck.