The Joy In Living

By Light Catastrophe

Rating: M

Warnings: yaoi, moresomes, mpreg, angst, implied sex, some swearing, 2x3x4x5x1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters.

Author's babblings: Truthfully, I'm not much sure where this came from. I just kinda pulled it from the dark recesses of my mind. Ha. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this because I sure enjoyed writing it. The next chapter of Lights and Sound will be up soon. Oh and all the Gundam pilots are 19 in this story.

----

The music pounded in Heero's ears making him want to walk away, out of the house, and never return. The noise of battle, the adrenaline rush, was so much better than this. But he had promised Duo he'd come. His friend said he needed to get out more; to start enjoying life instead of constantly thinking about the war. Too bad it wasn't quite that easy. The images never left him; never stopped haunting him; he killed so many.

The brunette hissed under his breath and pushed his way through the crowd, the smell of many people's sweat intermingling, his senses heightened. After having gotten into the house, Duo had disappeared, thus the reason why Heero now found himself wandering aimlessly in a house full of college-aged students he didn't know. After the war had ended, Heero had started working at a computer-repair shop, having nothing better to do with his time, while the other pilots had went off to high school and then college.

Finally, he found his friend in the kitchen, sipping a beer while laughing jovially with three other boys Heero recognized: Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre. All of them were drinking – even Quatre. Heero stalked up to them, hands on his hips, glaring at Duo. Duo looked at him and his mouth fell open in surprise. "Oh!" he exclaimed in genuine shock. "I'm sorry, Heero. I just kinda lost you in the crowd and then…"

"… you got drunk," Heero finished for him. He gave the four men a glare before turning away from them. "I'm leaving. I shouldn't have come. Thank you for wasting my time."

But, as he began to walk away, someone grabbed his arm, roughly, and brought him back around so Heero found himself face-to-face with Quatre, who at least seemed somewhat sober. "Please stay?" asked the blonde with pleading eyes.

Heero wrenched his arm away, but found himself unable to say no. Quatre tended to have that effect on people. "Fine," he said, lowering his gaze. "But I'm not getting drunk with you guys."

Trowa stepped up close to him – so close their noses were nearly touching. "You don't have to, Hee-chan."

"Hee-chan?" Heero scowled. "I'm not – " Before he could say any more though, Trowa's lips captured his in a deep kiss. The brunette tried to protest, tried to get away, but the taller boy wouldn't let him go. Unwillingly, he felt his body relax in the other's arms. Out of the corners of his eyes he saw both Duo and Wufei standing there, leaning against the counter, and smirking at him. Why were they not helping him? Why was Quatre not helping him?

Finally, Trowa stepped back, letting Heero take a much-needed breath of air. He heard someone chuckle: Wufei. "Enjoying yourself?" the Chinese man asked.

Heero needed to run; needed to get away before something happened that he would regret. But he couldn't. All his friends' eyes were on him, holding him in place. His feet refused to follow his head. He mentally screamed at them to move; still, they stayed right where they were. Duo grabbed his hand. "Come on, Heero."

"Where?' he asked, finding himself on the verge of panic – which never happened. Ever.

"Upstairs," said the brunette with the long braid, a smile on his face.

Heero tried to resist, really he did, but it was him against four others. He had no chance. They led him up the stairs and into a large bedroom with one bed, locking the door behind them. Would any of them remember this in the morning? If they did, would they ever be able to look at Heero in the same way? He knew what was going to happen next. Why else would they drag him up here?

Duo pulled on Heero's hand, pushing him onto the bed. At once, he started the kiss along Heero's collarbone. In spite of himself, Heero moaned and lost himself in the endless sensations which assaulted his body.

Before the night was over, Heero had been taken and explored in every way possible. He hadn't asked for this. He didn't want it this way. But it had happened and he couldn't stop it.

----

Heero was the first to wake in the morning. The sun hadn't even risen over the horizon yet. He glanced at the others lying in the bed and for the first time in his memory he felt hot tears sting his eyes. His only four friends in the entire world had taken away his innocence, leaving an awkwardness in its wake that would most likely never leave.

Resolved, Heero forced his protesting body to get off the bed. Every muscle seemed to be in pain. Slowly, he got dressed and limped toward the door. He glanced back once more, staring at his friend – no, ex-friends – before walking away, determined to leave their lives forever.

----

By noon that same day, Heero found himself on a ship to the colonies, most of his life packed away in one duffle bag and one carry-on. He stared out the window as the ship lifted away from the Earth. His head pounded with a raging migraine; his heart seemed heavy. As always, he remained quiet and withdrawn from his surroundings. This time, though, for different reasons than usual. Before the previous night, he had never really thought of any of his friends in a sensual kind of way. He was always too busy thinking about other things to bother with trying to get a love life. But when, if ever, he thought about it, he was always in love with the other person. But if he didn't love any of them, had he just been raped? The thought made him shudder.

"Excuse me, sir, would you care for something to drink?" Heero forced his eyes away from the window and looked at the woman standing next to his seat.

He shook his head. "No thank you," he said before turning back to the window, looking at the Earth, which was getting further and further away; the distance between him and the other Gundam pilots steadily increasing. And yet, like gravity, the seemed to pull his heart back down to them. But no, there was no going back now. He was going to let them forget.

----

"Heero, get down here!" Said boy groaned and rolled out of the bed he had been given for working in the computer store in which he was now employed.

"Give me a moment," he yelled back, getting the sudden urge to puke. He ran to the bathroom and threw up everything in his stomach. It had only been a month since he had left Earth for the colonies and this had been happening every morning for two weeks. And the weird thing was that he seemed to be gaining weight. At least he had a bed to sleep in and a temporary job that worked him hard enough so he didn't have much time to really think about anything.

When he finally had finished and his nausea had somewhat passed, he wiped his face, rinsed his mouth out, throwing on some clothes, and running down the stairs. He was met by a fairly familiar face. "Sally," he said and she smiled.

She smiled. "It's nice to see you here, Heero. I heard you were working here so I decided to come say hello." Nervously, Heero glanced around, looking for his boss. Sally said, "I told him you'd be okay for awhile, because I wanted to talk with you."

"Oh," he said, suddenly very interested with a nonexistent spot on the floor.

"Are you okay?" the woman asked.

"Yeah," he said, slowly, unsure of how much he should tell Sally. She might be able to tell him what's wrong with him, but she knew just as well as he did that Heero never got sick. He let out a long sigh and said, "I've been really sick every morning for about two weeks now."

Sally's eyebrow rose. "Really?" she asked. When Heero nodded, she said, "when do you get off work?'

"Well, we close shop at six…"

"Good," she said quickly. "After the war ended, I opened up a clinic. It's only a couple blocks from here. I could stop by after six and we can see what's wrong with you."

After a moment, Heero nodded. He knew even if he said no, Sally would just drag him along anyway. "Thanks."

She grinned and left the shop.

----

It had been an abnormally busy day at the shop, so by the time six o'clock came around all Heero wanted to do was take a hot shower and crawl into bed. A sharp knock came at the front door, signaling Sally's arrival. He let out a deep sigh as he answered the door. The woman grabbed his hand before he had time to protest and dragged him down the street. "Sally!" he said forcefully, wrenching his hand away.

She laughed, heartily. "I knew you'd want to get out of this, so I figured force was my best option."

Heero rolled his eyes and playfully punched her arm. By this time, they arrived at her clinic. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door. Inside, it was painted the clichéd starchy white. The brunette boy always hated that color. "You could have painted it a different color."

"You want to help me?" she shot back.

"Sure," he said before he could stop himself. Then he shrugged. At least it would give him something to do after work and would give him someone to talk to. Ever since he had left Earth, he was horribly lonely without Duo's or one of his other friend's presence by his side. Even though he had always said they annoyed him, he missed them now. But there was no way he would go crawling back to them – no way in the universe.

"That would be greatly appreciated," Sally said, leading him to a room with an examination table in it. "I'm just going to take some blood and run some tests." He nodded, looking right at it as the needle pierced his skin, not flinching at all. She told him it would take about an hour and that he could read or sleep if he wanted to. Then she left the room and Heero drifted off into a restless sleep.

----

He awoke to Sally gently shaking his shoulders. "Wake up, Heero." He opened his eyes, using his hand to cover them from the glaring white light. "Come on. I have your tests results." That brought Heero into full consciousness. He sat up quickly and felt a rush of blood go through his body, making him slightly dizzy. "Easy," said Sally, concernedly.

Heero shook his head. "What's wrong with me?"

She sat down in a chair across from the examination table. "You're not going to like this."

Suddenly, Heero felt something he could never remember feeling before: fear. It had to be something really bad. He was dying. He had to be. "Tell me."

Sally let out a long, deep breath. "You're pregnant."

The brunette's eyes widened and he gasped, "T-that's not… possible."

The woman shrugged. "Do you remember Doctor J putting you through any treatments that he never told you what they were for."

Heero's memory quickly went into action, though it was very hazy from those days so many years ago. Then it hit him; he remembered. "Yes, he said it would make me stronger." He looked up and met Sally's eyes. "Did he make me part woman?"

Sally nodded and handed him some papers, showing exactly how Doctor J did it. And then he came to the last page: a picture of what looked to be inside his womb. But it couldn't be right; there were four lumps there. He looked up at her, the question burning in his eyes. "It looks as though you are pregnant with quadruplets."

And that's when Heero passed out.

----

When Heero woke up, he was in a room that was painted in a soft shade of beige instead of just plain white. The bed was soft and he was curled up underneath a blue down comforter. His conversation with Sally came rushing back to him and he placed a hand protectively over his stomach. There were four lives growing in there. Four… Did they each have a different father? Was that possible? It probably was. Heero tended to make the impossible possible.

Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and this time he didn't even bother to wipe them away. Was this his punishment for killing so many people during the war? But then he got mad at himself for thinking that. Children weren't supposed to be a curse. They were supposed to be a blessing. He decided right then and there to try and be the best parent he could be to his children even if he had to raise them alone. He wouldn't tell Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei. They should be free to live their lives how they wanted, not be burdened by the repercussions of one drunken night together.

The door opened and Sally's head poked through. She smiled and walked in, carrying a tray of food and placing it in front of me. Suddenly, I found myself to be ravenous. Sally laughed. "You'll be hungry a lot. It's not easy eating for five."

"Where are we?" I asked, swallowing a large mouthful of food.

"We're on the other end of the clinic where I keep long-term patients."

"Long-term?"

She nodded. "If it's alright with you, I'd like you to stay here instead of at the computer store where you work. It'll be safer. You can still work for a few more months though if you'd like. Since you are carrying quadruplets, you'll start showing here in just a couple of weeks." Heero just nodded an affirmative and kept shoveling food into his mouth. "You're taking this rather well."

Heero shrugged, eyes saddening a bit. "I figure there's really nothing I can do about it, so what's the point in fighting it?"

----

The morning sickness only lasted for another month or so, but by that time, Heero already looked like someone had shoved a half-way blown up balloon down his shirt. Many of his clothes hardly fit him anymore. He could hardly imagine how big he'd be in another seven months. Most people didn't start showing until their third or fourth month. Heero was only in his second. But he didn't complain. There was something just so… beautiful about his unborn children in spite of how uncomfortable they made him.

He continued to work at the computer store during the day, but every night after they closed he walked to the clinic. As it turned out, Sally lived in a small house behind the clinic. They ate dinner with each other every night and occasionally Heero got to help Sally with some of her other patients who came in. He found himself interested in learning all about medical stuff. Usually, at night he would grab a book off Sally's shelf and read it before he went to bed.

By the middle of his third month, Heero was already starting to waddle, his baby belly getting in the way. His boss just thought he was gaining weight, but Heero knew he'd have to quit soon before the man got suspicious.

One night as Sally and Heero sat down to dinner, Sally asked him the question he had been dreading: "Who is the father?"

Heero looked up at her and nearly choked on his food. He panicked, didn't know what to say. Would Sally tell them? Heero wanted to trust her, but if she told them, and they showed up, Heero would never forgive himself or her. "Will you promise not to tell them?" He felt childish asking this, but it was the only way he could be sure. He knew Sally never went back on her work.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," she laughed.

Letting out a long breath, he said, "If I'm not mistaken, then they each have a different father."

Now it was Sally's turn to choke. When she regained her composure, she said, "But they would have to all been conceived at the same time."

He nodded. "They were."

She pushed her food across her plate, nervously, thinking. "Were they… the other Gundam pilots?"

"Yes," he blushed. "It was an accident. It should have never happened."

"But it did," she said. There was an awkward pause for a few moments. Then, "Don't you think they have the right to know?"

"Perhaps they do," he said, almost angrily, standing up and pushing away from the table. "But I have the right not to tell them." With that, he turned and walked (waddled) out of the room, leaving a stunned Sally behind him.

----

After that night, they didn't talk anymore about Heero's babies' fathers. Heero quit his job and stayed at the clinic helping Sally all day. There were worse things he could think of doing – a lot worse. He liked helping people. Maybe he thought helping them was making up for all the innocents he had killed before.

By the beginning of Heero's third trimester it was getting hard for him even to waddle about the house and it was nearly impossible to sleep at night between trying to get comfortable with a huge beach ball in front of him and his children constantly going at it in his stomach.

Because Heero wasn't able to move around much, he started to dwell on his memories of his friends and of the war.

He remembered when he first met Duo and then the others; how he had despised them all at first, but by the end of the war they were companions. He remembered when they had saved the world. He remembered when he had nearly died when he blew up his Gundam. He remembered how close the four of them had become after the war.

And that's when he realized how much he truly missed them in spite of what they had done to him. Maybe if the circumstances had been different and they had all been sober, Heero would be with them now, happily on Earth, instead of out in the colonies with only one friend and he was lucky to have her.

The bell chimed one day when Sally was busy with another patient. She asked if Heero would go see who it was because wasn't expecting anyone else for the day. Heero made his way very slowly to the waiting room. Without looking through the door first, he opened it and went into the reception area. When he finally saw who it was, he panicked and waddled back toward the door, but not before they caught sight of him.

"Heero?" they asked, all at once. Heero couldn't walk fast enough; in fact, he could hardly walk at all. He made it to the door just in time to lock it. When he passed the room where Sally was, he said, "It's for you," and made his way to his room, collapsing on the bed in a fit of tears. He wrapped his arms around his belly, muttering, "I love you, I love you," over and over again.

----

He thought he was alone, but when he opened his eyes, it turned out he was wrong; Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Sally all sat near his bed, all looking at him with worried eyes. He wrapped the blankets more closely around him. "What did you tell them?" he hissed at Sally.

"She didn't tell us anything," Wufei jumped in before Sally could say anything. "She gave us her address and everything before she left and told us to visit any time, because friends tell friends where they are going," he said, eyes glowing with malice.

"Yeah," said Trowa. "So we decided to come visit her on our break from school."

"Why the fuck did you leave?" asked Duo, leaning forward to grasp the collar of Heero's shirt, pulling their faces close together.

"Duo," said Quatre, pulling Duo back. "I think you're hurting him. He must have had a good reason for leaving," he added, giving Heero a knowing look.

"Were you afraid?" hissed Duo, trying to hank Heero's chains.

"Fuck you!" yelled Heero. "You don't have a clue. Do you even remember what happened that night?"

Sally jumped up and stood between them. "Stress is not good for Heero and his condition. Please do not provoke him." She glared at Duo, then at Heero. "Please. Heero, you should know better."

He nodded and wrung the sheets in his hands, looking down, not making eye contact with any of them. "Sorry," he muttered.

"What's wrong with Heero?" asked Trowa, his voice tinged with worry, all the anger from before gone. "What are you hiding underneath those blankets?"

Quatre let go of Duo and stepped forward to grasp Heero's hand. "Heero," he said, tears forming in his eyes. "Heero, are you dying?"

At this, Heero had to laugh, in spite of the situation. "No, I'm not dying."

"Then what is wrong with you?" asked Wufei, eyebrows rising.

Heero shook his head. He didn't want them to get involved; didn't want to deal with their pity. They didn't need to know. Something like this would change their lives forever and Heero didn't want that. If they didn't remember what happened that night then that's the way it was going to remain. "Nothing's wrong with me. I've just been going under a lot of stress lately from work and it's making me very irritable." Out of the corner of his eye, he could make out the figure of Sally walking away, leaving him alone with the four people in the world he least wanted to talk with.

"So then show us what you're hiding under those blankets," said Duo, not buying Heero's act even for a moment.

"That's none of your business," said Heero, glaring at his ex-best-friend. "I don't have to tell you anything."

"Friends tell their friends if something is wrong with them."

"Well then it's a good thing you're not my friend anymore."

Growling in frustration, Duo ripped the covers off of Heero. Heero tried, vainly, to cover his stomach, but to no avail. It was just too big. Duo started laughing. "Jesus, Heero, you were freaking out over your weight? Though I guess I would too. You look as though you've been eating enough for five people." He didn't have time to stop the pillow from hitting him head.

"That's because I have been eating enough for five people, you asshole!" exclaimed Heero, hot tears coming to his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to keep them at bay. "I'm pregnant with your guys' children, because you all fucking raped me when you were drunk off your asses. Now get the hell out of my room!"

In the silence that ensued, you could have heard a pin drop. Then Heero turned his back to them and started sobbing, unable to hold it back anymore after so many months. Never before in his life had he wept as such, but he couldn't stop the dam from breaking any longer. His body shook with his crying. Suddenly he felt multiple pairs of arms wrapping around him, trying to sooth him; to stop his tears.

After several long minutes, Heero's sobs slowed. "Hee-chan, I'm so sorry," said Duo, nuzzling Heero's neck. "We didn't know. We didn't know why you left."

"I did," said Quatre, softly. "I wasn't completely drunk that night. I'm sorry I let that happen."

Heero shook his head. He could never be mad at Quatre. The boy was so calming and charming, ready to comfort anyone and everyone.

Somehow, they had all made room on Heero's twin-sized bed and Heero found himself in a cocoon of warmth and… love? No, certainly not. "I don't want your pity," he said. "So if that's the only reason you guys are still here, then you can leave right now."

He felt Wufei and Trowa chuckle against his back. "Don't you get it yet, stupid?" asked Trowa.

But Wufei answered for him. "We all love you, Hee-chan. We were worried sick about you when you just up and disappeared. We aren't leaving you, especially if you are carrying our children."

"Speaking of which," chirped in Quatre, "how is that even possible?"

"Doctor J," the pregnant brunette muttered.

He felt Duo tense against his side. "What did that fucker do to you?" he growled.

"Duo," said Heero, "it's not worth it. Don't go doing something stupid. But basically, he thought it would make me stronger if I had both male and female parts. So I went under a series of surgeries, but he never told me what exactly he was doing. I didn't find out until Sally told me."

"But," said Quatre, placing a hand protectively upon Heero's stomach, "if he hadn't done that we wouldn't have beautiful children on the way."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to carry four children at the same time?" asked Heero. "I can hardly walk anymore and I still have two months left of my pregnancy."