Typos and grammar mistakes ahead!
They're making camp, something that's become rather easy and routine for the small group, yet there is something in the air, something that makes it hard to talk or to look at one another.
Or at least it's hard for Emma Swan.
The question why it is that way remains untouched in her mind, buried deep enough for her to ignore it and concentrate on the tent she's about to put up. But the wrinkles on her forehead shows her building anger and she struggles with the task that she's done numerous time before without problem.
"You need help with that?" She hears a quiet voice coming right next to her, and she jumps a little. Barely looking up she sees Snow, nods and her eyes wander to David, who's putting up their tent –what they usually do together- all by himself.
"So how long are you gonna keep the silent treatment up?" She asks quietly, drawing the other's questioning look on her. "I'm just saying. I get why he didn't tell you. Saving Henry is the first thing we have to worry about. The rest can come later."
"How can you be on his side with this? He lied to you too!"
"Yeah, that seems to be a running thing around here…"
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing," she sighs. "Just let me put it this way; what could we have done had we known that he was injured? Nothing! Nothing more than what was already done. The only difference would have been that you would've freaked out. Like you are, now…"
"That is not the point -"
"Hook helped him find a cure! He's fine. That's all that matters. So now we can just concentrate on finding my son."
A silence falls, and it takes every bit of Emma's will not to run away.
"He should have told me. Why keep it a secret when sooner or later I would've figured it out anway? I'm sorry, Emma, but even if I look over this now, I can't ignore it forever, just because it's easier. He can't do things like that and not tell me… That's not how this works." Her voice cracks a little and she looks down.
"Maybe Hook was right. Our secrets are bound to destroy us."
Snow remains still and silent for a moment and many things flash through her eyes. She looks up at Emma who quickly looks away when they eyes meet for a second.
"They won't tear us apart. I won't let that happen. No matter what he did or didn't… We'll be okay. We'll talk about it and we will learn from it. Now that he's cured we'll have a second chance. Everything's gonna be just fine."
"Yeah, second chances come handy when you screw things up the first time around, huh?" She mutters more like to herself than to Snow, and when the brunette narrows her eyes at her, she stands up and looks around. "I'm gonna go get some more firewood. It's gonna be dark soon."
She feels that her mother's eyes are glued to her as she starts going into the jungle. For a split second she sees from the comer of her eyes that Snow notices the big pile of wood they'd collected earlier. It's more than enough for the night, and Emma curses in her head that she couldn't come up with a better cover story.
She walks a few minutes, picks up a few broken branches and tries not to think about anything. She hears something and it takes her a few seconds to realize someone's following her, and of course it turns out to be her mother. "Emma, wait. Please," she hears, but she doesn't slow down.
She wanted to get away from them to let out some steam. She needed to. Emma realized over the passing months and weeks that her walls, her trusty defense system that had protected her so many times in the past, is now failing to rebuild. It takes her more and more time to pull up her walls and it becomes more and more easy for certain people to tear them down. And there are some occasions, when she needs to let it all out.
"Emma, I know this must be hard for you too, but I'm here for you. Please talk to me-"
"No you don't get to do this." Emma cuts off her sentence and turns to face her. It takes all of her willpower to force back the tears that are gathering in her eyes. "You don't get to act like a parent one minute and then the next tell me that you didn't want this," she points at herself. "You think I haven't heard what you've confessed in the Echo Cave? You think it didn't hurt?!"
The outburst takes Snow off guard and she's left with her mouth open, unable to say anything. Emma was so reserved these days, she thought she'd even say a word to her now. This is quite the opposite of what she expected.
"You don't get do-overs! You don't get to do things again when you screw things up the first time!" She tosses away the few branches she's picked up along the way. It scares her that she can't feel her walls. She feels everything but protected; she feels small, alone and vulnerable. Like so many times when she was just a little girl. "You don't get to start again, because it's called life and life sucks! Especially when you grow up alone in a system where you systematically are being told that you're not good enough! When your so called parents send you back because you're not what they expected!"
"You are enough! You are more than enough, Emma! You've always been more than I've ever-," Snow tries when Emma's voice break, but the blonde shakes her head and interrupts her in a low voice.
"Even if that were true that does not make my past any less painful." Emma exhales deeply and looks away. She tries to calm herself down, slowly breathing, regaining control. She really doesn't need another drama in her life right now. "But it doesn't matter. And it never will. We find Henry, find a way back home and that's it."
The silence that remains after she finishes is like toxic air, it lingers around them and makes Emma look in Snow's eyes again. "You're not coming back, are you? You… you will stay here with David." It's not a question, she says it like it's a fact.
"I… I don't know. I don't see any other way. I don't want to be separated from you again, trust me, I don't! I just… There's no other way…I don't see…" Snow stops and they stare into each other's eyes for several seconds. It beaks Snow's heart how she sees her little baby's glowing eyes looking at this grown up woman in front of her. Though it's not the same, it's so full of hurt and rejection. All the things that make Snow feel like she has to grab her, hold her and never let her go again.
Her daughter. And her best friend. No. She can't live without her. Not now that she's found her again.
"No. There will be a way. There's always a way. And we will find it," her voice is low and on her face appears a determined expression that somehow makes Emma's anger transform into confusion.
"What are you talking about…"
"I'm not letting my family fall apart. I am not willing to let you go. I've done that once and I'm never, ever doing that again." As she speask she walks up to Emma and places her hands on her shoulders. "You are my daughter, and I love you with all my heart. When you found us, you filled a void inside me that was eating me alive for 28 years. It was your place in my heart and it will forever be yours. You will never be replaced, or forgotten or alone anymore. I am your mother and it ismy job to make sure that you are loved. I'm… I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. I think I lost hope after your father and I… That's not an excuse, I know. But I see it now." She shakes her head and a small smile appears on her face. "We are family. And we will be together. Even if we missed almost 30 years, we still have a lot of time together, and I do not want to spend any more of it arguing… Arguing about things we cannot change."
"Can't or won't?" Emma whispers, clearly on the edge of crying. But she tires to hold it together as long as she can.
"What do you mean?" Snow narrows her eyes, wiping away a tear that could escape against Emma's will.
"You could do what Blue did to August. Turn back time… You'd get everything you ever wanted. Me as… as a kid. You'd get that second chance…" Emma looks down then. Saying it aloud somehow makes it all more real and more terrifying.
"No. That's not an option." Snow responds immediately, guiding her face up again with her hands. "You are you, and everything that have happened to you during those 28 years I haven't been with you, makes you who you are. I would never take that away from you. Never. Unless…" She stops and with a questioning look she sighs. "Unless it's what you want."
Emma can't say it, but she shakes her head. Agree to that would mean she loses herself. No matter how you twist it, it's what would happen. And Henry. No, that'snot an option.
Snow takes her silence as a sign that Emma's lost the battle with herself to not show any emotion. Snow knows how hard it must be for her.
Maybe hearing what she said back in the Cave made Emma feel like when she was being sent back to the system from a family. From people who told her she wasn't good enough. But there's a difference now. Snow wasn't there for her then, to protect her from all the pain and damage that it caused. But she is there for her now.
And as she draws her daughter into a hug and feels that Emma hugs her back, it's all that matters.