Goodbye My Darling
"Jill!"
Surging forwards, she shook off the hand making a vain grasp at her arm. Before the older woman could utter anymore, Jill had disappeared through the double swing doors. She stopped short. Watching through the small round portal was one thing, but standing amongst it all… Looking down she saw the toe of her polished shoe in a pool of blood, his blood. She stepped back, feeling terrible for being so careless to something that was his. For a moment, she stood frozen, merely taking the scene before her.
Mr Rose was bent over the body on the table, his hands working furiously to limit the damage. Ralph sat at the head of the table, his attention flicking between the blood pressure and pulse monitors, and the administration of oxygen and anaesthetic gasses. Nurse Selby, opposite the surgeon passes over instruments with practised efficiency, though her hands trembled ever so slightly in the present circumstances. Finally there was Alun, ready to move a lamp, attend to a machine, fetch more equipment. All four worked with an urgency to save the man's life.
"Jill you shouldn't be here." Another voice. Another condemnation of her actions.
"I'm a doctor." She replied remarkably calmly, still keeping her emotions just in check, the tears brimming but still not falling. "I can see the situation. If he's to- If- I don't want him alone."
"I'm not having you compromise this operation by your presence here."
"Mr Rose. She can come round here, by me. She won't be in your way." Ralph's soft voice cut in, beckoning Jill around with an outstretched hand.
"Very well." The surgeon replied gruffly, returning his full attention to the matter in hand, a situation that required his full attention. His vast career counted for nothing if he couldn't save this life.
Jill crouched at his head, ignoring the activity going on around them, ignoring the intubation and the breathing apparatus, ignoring her colleagues' increasingly urgent calls to each other. "I love you my darling." She breathed, her words inaudible even to Ralph just the other side of the patient's head. Her words for meant for one person only. "I want you to know that I love you so much. I need you to know that I will always love you, regardless of your future." She shifted, her lips just touching his ear, brushing against his flesh as she continued. "And you're going to be okay, whatever happens. Because you're a good, good man Gordon Ormerod. Over and over you've gone beyond anything anyone could ever have asked; to help so many, many people. You're a treasured friend and colleague to everyone here. You're an amazing father to all your children. If- If anything happens, I'll never let them forget how blessed they were to have such a man as their father."
A curse word was released from Mr Rose. Ralph uttered something, his tone even more urgent. Mr Rose barked on order. Nurse Selby responded promptly. The exact words weren't heard by the young woman sitting by her husband's side. The tears finally began to track down her face as she formulated her next words. They had to be everything she'd ever need to say; the next words were the most important ones she would ever have to speak.
"As my partner, you've made me so, so incredibly happy. You're my colleague, my best friend, my husband. I can't express how grateful I am to have had you by my side these past years. I hope we'll have many more years ahead of us. But if we don't, I'll treasure the moments I've shared with you more than I'll treasure anything in my entire life."
"He's gone."
Two simple words. Words of finality. Ones she's heard so many times, ones she'd uttered too many times herself. But never before had they held such devastation in their wake.
The mask was removed, the intubation gently extricated. Ralph carried out the task with uttermost care and respect, the last thing he could do for a colleague and friend he'd known so very briefly.
Jill brushed her fingers one final time through the greying hair at his temple. As the tears fell, she bowed her head gracefully, placing a tender, lingering kiss to his lips. "Goodbye my darling."