Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not Inuyasha-tachi, not my beloved Miroku… nothing. Aren't disclaimers depressing?
Dedication: This story is dedicated to my friend Conni, as a belated birthday present. I hope she'll forgive me for the apparent lack of anything even remotely Sesshomaru-related, but I can only write MirSan. ;
Rating: K+
A Random Note: This was originally meant to be a drabble, but it cried out to be longer. So, imagine it as a drabble with sprinkles and a cherry on top. Lots and lots of sprinkles.
Beloved Darkness
I am in love with the night. He is mysterious and untamed. His hair is the inky black of the new moon, its long tendrils hanging haphazardly into his eyes, eyes that are the sky at dusk, their deep indigo hues accented by the occasional flash of passionate violet. His smile is brighter than the most dazzling of stars. It is illuminating, chasing away the shadows that gather in my mind as I sit awake and lonely.
At times, his smile is comforting, so reassuring, that I fear nothing. Yet, it can also be conniving and reckless. It is then that I grow so frustrated and wish for the clear calm of morning. But, I have also seen his smile strained, so painted-on, and I know that even the night has its weaknesses. I have heard the frightening storms, when the wind howls and the distinct sound of agonizing pain echoes around me. I realize the torture he must withstand, when the moon and stars are clouded over by the tempest blown in by the accursed winds of hell. Yet, I love him in his weakness. I long to comfort him. I long to chase away his demons just as he drives away my own.
I have come to love everything about him, especially small, unimportant things. I love the gentle jingling of his staff, the soothing timbre of his voice, the intensity of his gaze as he faces down his foes. Even when I see the clear, lustful longing in his eyes, and the gentle brush of his fingers is an unwanted touch on my thigh, I can't help but love him. I'm falling for him, falling and I can't pick myself back up.
I used to long for the stable familiarity of day, where I did not have to look though darkness to understand my emotions. But now, daylight seems harsh, and the sun seems garishly cheerful. The night, he has become my strength, my hope, my quiet comfort when I'm in pain. He's a refuge, a place to catch my breath when I can't breathe and my world is crashing down around me… when I'm simply falling apart. The once-strange feel of his embrace has become familiar to me when I can no longer remain strong by myself.
I don't know how to tell him, or if I ever even can. Stating my feelings would open me up to the likelihood of a broken heart, for the night is known for wandering. Yet, perhaps we could be happy, and when the wind is driven away, I would wander in the moonlight with him forever. This uncertainty of the darkness is with me everyday… and it may never go away.
In spite of that, I know one thing will never change. I will always love him. I don't know how these emotions rose from my wounded heart, nor why I've fallen so foolishly for the darkness, but I will always love Miroku. Indeed, perhaps I never really loved the morning at all.