Title: Never Suppose So
Rating: M - MA
Status: Complete (One-shot)
Disclaimer: I do not own Mary Renault's "The Persian Boy" nor Oliver Stone's "Alexander". The following story is a work of fiction of my design, borrowing the characters from the above mentioned book and film. Please do not sue me. All rights are reserved to Oliver Stone and Warner Bros. as well as Mary Renault.
Story Background: This scene takes place on the night of Alexander's wedding to Roxane. Bagoas contemplates whether his place in Alexander's heart is secure or not, and finds comfort in a friend.
WARNING: Slash Fic – Do not proceed if you find such content to be uncomfortable
A/N: Honestly, I have no idea about the history of antiquity. I'm basing this all out of pieces from both Mary Renault's book and the 2004 film. So in light of this, please forgive me if I may have missed some major and minor details. Hopefully I've made a convincing enough portrayal of one of my most favorite characters in literature. Please read—hopefully enjoy—and don't forget to review!
Never suppose so.
These words speak far too much, yet far too little. They have been ingrained in me from the beginning, and I have since taken them to heart as more than a simple counsel from a dear friend. Thus far these words have proven indispensable in my survival, and surely they will continue to do so. But I have been pushed into contemplation. The course of my life has taken many turns, but none like this.
They say that I was born to serve—to please—to be conquered by men of great stature; slake their lust, and inspire their passions. Before Alexander, all I have ever known was how to serve; how to be silent; follow when called upon. I was but a cup bearer whose sole duty was to fill the mind and the body with honeyed thoughts and feelings in the bedchamber. To please, but not to take pleasure was something I had to embody. I was never to suppose anything beyond what was expected of me. I was Darius' boy… his gelded whore. But with Alexander, all these things are scattered before me like dust in the wind.
When I first met him, it had not taken me long to win over his heart, for he openly and freely gave it to those who wanted it. I vowed to myself that I shall always be his servant— his faithful companion. Yet to expect so much from life, even when one has been prudent in living it in strides, is foolhardy. I could not have kept my place forever, even if I wanted to (and I did want to), for a Great King can never truly be great without a Great Queen by his side. Truly, one must never suppose so.
Alexander was to marry a Sogdian princess; a choice that bewildered, if not enraged his entourage. But to marry was expected of any Great King either way. I had simply not expected it to come so soon.
The day had come, like death it seemed, and the wedding festivities were to be as grandiose as it could be for a Great King. Amidst the conundrum of preparation, Alexander could not have seemed more pleased with himself, smiling to his friends who would come to congratulate him, cheering him on as they would in battle. Like boys at play, they would josh around lively and full of mirth, blood and steel forgotten for a brief moment of reminiscence.
T'was no secret to anyone that these same men would soon after—when away from the King—bemoan the fact that a Macedonian of rank would take barbarian for a wife. I sometimes pity these fools in their infinitesimal understanding of the World. It will be their undoing, in time.
As I dressed him that morning, his warmth seemed to grace the whole room, smiling as genially as would a young scamp after winning a sporting match of wrestling. "Do you think I should wear the Mitra?" he asked me suddenly. "Al'skander," I said, my accent still thick, "you are the Great King. It is as you would wish."
"I wish not to displease my brothers," he said rather sternly to himself. "One need's not cross a bridge too far among friends." To his benefit, he was right. It had pleased his friends to see he had done away with such a foreign garment.
The ceremony was splendid, as were the festivities after it. The blaze of celebration went through the night under torchlight, and the smell of meats and wine permeated the air; deafening music sounded throughout the halls. Alexander sat enthroned at the center of it all, his new Sogdian bride, Roxane, placed right next to him; another prize of his conquests, and a compromise to fortify his Keep.
As my gaze fell upon the new couple, I knew in my mind that she will never be as I was to him. With Alexander, I was not merely a servant, nor a courtesan, nor some random eunuch. I was an artist. His pain was my canvass, his pleasure—my masterpiece. My life with him hence had been so devoted to this fact, that I hardly noticed the all endearing love which I unwittingly cultivated around him. A love which was not merely confined to the bedchamber, but deep love that no other being could fathom. He would always return this love in kind with overwhelming aplomb. It was our only language, and with such fluency we would find ourselves in perfect bliss.
Yet this thought bore me little comfort. For tonight, one could not but help feel suddenly abandoned; empty and alone in a single stroke. As he celebrated another milestone in his life of conquests and battles, the dread of death seemed more desirable for me, than the dread of an emptied life. I fought my tears back, but only barely, as the vision of a desolate future, devoid of my lover, lay ahead of me.
I realize that I have broken my own word: never suppose so. To presume too much is dangerous, and I had blinded myself to this fact when I met Alexander. My fate now seems not as bound up with his as I once thought it was. The fact is I am but his humble servant, nothing more. With this new hand dealt upon me, I must endeavor to make the most of it.
Roxane will be queen to a Great King. No matter the talk of dissatisfaction about it, it was to be. She will bear him many children, and forge many more alliances with other tribes as future battles will rage on. She is indispensable in this regard. So what am I to him now?
As the night grew colder and the torches grew dimmer, the feasting did not seem to ebb away. Soldiers and tribesmen gorged themselves on huge carcasses of meat and countless jugs of wine. This does not surprise me, for it is to be expected of them to wish to find relief from the burdens of war.
I felt a shiver run down my spine when a cold draft caught me in my melancholy. I rubbed the sleeves of my tunic rather vigorously, trying to claim some much needed heat. As I walked along the aisles of the shoving crowd in the dining hall, I felt a hand slide down my arm.
Without looking, I knew instantly it was Ismenios, one of Alexander's squires. I wiped away at the tears that had previously formed in my eye, hoping that he hadn't seen them and said, "She's beautiful." "Yes, she is," said Ismenios.
"Are you envying the bridegroom?" I asked.
"No," he whispered to my ear. He tugged at me, leading me across the room where we could be overlooked by the crowd. He put a finger on my hand and slowly stroked it against my skin. Immediately I felt warmth grow around me as his calloused hand gently stoked mine, "But I did before."
Ismenios had been my only friend. All the squires had taken a disliking of me, and had made it a point to let me know it. But not Ismenios. His gentlemanly manners and friendly aura had given me reasons enough to like him. His smile and consoling words comforted me before, even when it was hardly necessary. His presence was all that I needed now.
I leaned in closer to him; his breath running down my neck gave me such a strange sensation. It happened quickly enough that I found his lips upon mine.
Ismenios was handsome. No one could doubt that. After years of rigorous training, his body had been built up to be that of a soldier's. Yet his face had the beauty and dignity of a princely youth. His blonde hair ran down in thick locks on his shoulder; his almond shaped eyes could woo any man or woman.
The kiss felt wet. His tongue was rather clumsy, though demanding of attention. I leaned into him to gain some leverage, and soon enough, we had begun a sensational rhythm. I pulled away from him to breath for a while, and in his eyes I saw him.
Though ignited in desire, his azure eyes betrayed a vulnerability in them; one which, if spoiled, could never be healed. I know too well this vulnerability, for I have lost mine many years ago. I didn't know what to expect, nor did I know if I should let this carry on. For all my life as a courtesan, I have only learned how to please men in one way. They never demanded much beyond that, except for Alexander, who always made it a point to show me great affection in bed. I know what it feels like to have a broken heart, but I have never known to break them myself. I fear I can never mend them, even if I tried.
"I want you," said Ismenios under his breath. His eyes seemed clouded all of a sudden as he ran both his hands down the small of my back, settling neatly on the sides of my hips. Under his tunic, I could feel his hardening member against my leg.
In my mind, I could only think, 'naughty boy'. But at the same time, I could not help but contemplate if what I was doing—what I was letting happen—was right. 'No, it's definitely wrong. I can't let this happen. But maybe—'
Another kiss. This time, it had a touch of a ravenous beast. It wasn't rough, but there was a creature in him that needed attention; a hunger that must be fed.
It wasn't long before lust began to well at the bottom of my stomach. Whether or not what I was doing was wrong, I could care less. 'Let the gods judge me later'. I have my own needs too.
I planted a kiss on his shoulder blade and let my head rest gently on his chest. "I'm yours," I said. And I meant it.
The buzz from inside the great hall spilled outside with the same festive mood. As Ismenios lead me away, I let myself take in the lights and smells of Sodiana like a traveller in awe. How bright the fires were, where men happily cheered on amongst themselves. I had been far too busy feeling grave pity for myself since the wedding was announced that I forgot to even look more than twice at where I was.
We found a nice spot next to a row of boulders, where the ground had dried and hardened. I noticed the grass had been pressed down, where it was obvious that many had come by here before. I didn't want to spoil it for Ismenios, who seemed to have envisioned the place as being made for us alone: a paradise for our kindred souls.
He laid down his cloak onto the dry grass, and there, laid me down gently onto it. He leaned into me for another kiss, and I was more than happy to acquiesce. I wrapped my arms around him as his slippery assault gave me more than I had bargained for. Such pleasures could not have come from anyone less.
He rendered me senseless in his assaults, as a jolt of exquisite pleasure ran through me. His tongue travelled around the roof of my mouth, filling me in equal measure with such scorching desire. His hand gently swooped down underneath my tunic, reaching rather awkwardly at my nipple. I returned this gesture in kind with a graceful grasp on his breechcloth, where his throbbing member waited impatiently to be cared for.
He groaned my name at this, eyes rolling at the back of his head for a moment. He looked deep into my eyes and smiled, and I smiled back. One needn't speak words, when so much could be said by a look.
I let him undo my tunic, which he did rather gently. As calloused as his hands were, he seemed to have the grace and beauty of a dancer. He took off his own tunic to reveal a chiseled body, tanned at the arms from the heat of the desert sun. I looked at him with awe, happy in the knowledge that I was graced to be in the presence of a real Man.
He took my face to look at him, but before I could speak, he said, "You are beautiful, Bagoas."
"So I've heard men say," I replied. "But surely you have better things to say if you want to get between my legs?" Ismenios chuckled at this show of cheek.
"You truly are," he said. "Fortune favors Alexander too much, I daresay, having gifted him of you."
"You josh me," I said, though not without a hint of sadness. "I am not for Fortune to give away. She has chosen to discard me."
"Hush," he whispered, as he pressed his fingers gently on my lips. His eyes bore down on me, onto my very soul. I couldn't help but look away, for fear I might break from such close scrutiny.
He whispered to me soothingly, relaxing the tension between us. "You trouble yourself with such thoughts. Let the night be ours and you mine for the rest of it."
Such poetry could not have been more romantic… or even foolhardy. But all the same, it seemed to quell away the sadness that had been eating at me the whole day. I managed a smile, a genuine one, if I may say so myself.
Ismenios leaned in again to kiss me, only this time, not for long. He let his tongue travel down the length of my neck, onto my chest, lightly biting down on my hardening nipple, until he got to the small valley of my navel. I gasped at this contact on me, my hips bucking uncontrollably into him.
"Turn over," he whispered in my ear, and I happily obliged. As I turned over, he slowly pulled down at the hem of my trousers, languishing at the sight of my body being undressed. Having discarded of the offending garment, he planted a kiss on my shoulder, trailing down slowly onto the small of my back. I shuddered at the feeling of this intrusion, loving every moment of it.
I closed my eyes, waiting for what was to be next when I smelled the faint aroma of scented oil, much like the ones I use with Alexander. I turned over to look at him, seeing him with a mischievous grin as he held in his hand one of my scented oils taken from my purse.
"I imagine this might be useful for tonight," he said with a flourish, his smirk still in place.
I smiled back, knowing vividly what was to happen next. "You imagined quite right."
He leaned in once more, his tongue dragging down my back and onto the nether regions of my raised backside. A jolt of excitement spread across me like wildfire. I needed him now.
"Please," I heard myself murmur. Was it really me? It was rather unusual to hear myself that way.
The trails of kisses lingered around my entrance, relishing at my every response. He squeezed my left buttock gently as he did so, and again trailed his tongue up towards my back and settling on the nape of my neck.
He ran his hand over my back, his long fingers slid under long locks of my hair, settling on my neck as he dove down to plant a kiss underneath my chin. This was heaven consuming the depths of my torment. I was growing impatient by the second.
My body continued to shudder and buck at every move he made. The aroma of the perfumed oil strengthened around us, as Ismenios had poured a liberal amount of it on his fingers.
A powerful jolt of lighting surged through my being as he parted my cheeks, slowly—oh, so agonizingly slowly—he slid his finger inside me.
Again my hips bucked towards him, begging for more. I didn't know why… I'm supposed to be used to this. But, by the gods, how I wanted more. He massaged my entrance while slowly sliding another finger, carefully stretching me… and then another… and another.
Tears formed in my eyes as I clenched my teeth trying not to cry out. I could feel my legs weakening at every moment his fingers would move inside me.
"Does it hurt you?" he asked me with his calm soothing voice. I shook my head, eyes clenched. It really didn't hurt… much. I'm supposed to be used to this. But the way Ismenios ministered me seemed to bring more than what I could've bargained for. It felt strange… just strange.
But I wanted more. And my answer seemed to have convinced him to carry on as he did.
He moaned my name as he positioned himself behind me. I lay my head down onto his cloak under me, waiting for the inevitable. He planted a soft kiss on my shoulder and pushed himself in.
I couldn't find the words to explain the sudden feeling of pain that surged through me as he slowly forced himself in. Despite his gentle ministries before, the length and breadth of his member seemed relentless in its forceful entrance. I struggled not to yell, my limbs trembling as I did so.
He was hard, settling inside me like a sword to its scabbard, stopping at the very hilt. He rested inside me for a while, letting my body relax at this point. Biting lightly at my neck, his hand caressed my thighs, softly yet with vigor.
"Do you want me to stop?" he murmured under his breath right next to my ear, giving me a tingling sensation all over. I shook my head, "No, please… I want this… I want—", I could hardly put two words together. I needed him...
He didn't need telling. He raised my hips higher for him to reach better. I obliged him by spreading my legs wider. Slowly, he pulled away, savoring the warmth I offered him, before roughly plunging back in, quicker than before.
He repeated this motion, again… and again… and again. No sooner had the pain that had befuddled me come did a wave of inimitable pleasure took its place. The shock of it all ebbed away immediately, and sheer bliss clouded my mind. He filled me totally, his length plunging relentlessly inside me… hitting me in that same spot that sent shivers throughout my body.
My body stiffened at this, his thrusts gaining strength at every moment. All I could do was yelp at this sheer ecstasy.
Suddenly he pulled himself out, and I immediately felt the loss. He then turned me over to face him, kissing me ravenously as he did so. My heart beat wildly through my chest, almost to bursting and beyond.
No words were exchanged. He laid me back down on my back, resting my head on the folds of his cloak. Our eyes never parted throughout this exchange until…
He plunged in me yet again, more forceful than ever. I yelped at this as he pounded in me furiously; our skins, covered in sweat, slapping vigorously throughout. It was driving me to insanity!
He moaned my name for each thrust like a mantra. I could only utter unfathomable gibberish… At times he would pull out completely, and I would feel myself jerk at the contact when he would reposition himself back.
In it all, my mind flew to the stars. Like a journeyman, I wandered across the heavens, where nothing but happiness surrounded me. My troubles seem to ebb away seamlessly into the night, only sheer pleasure taking its rightful place.
We shared passionate kisses as if we were hungry for one another. His tongue dashed for mine, and I languidly followed his lead; his thrusts ever more spirited.
Finally, he gave his final thrusts until he stiffened; his molten seed freely disgorging inside of me. He let out one final groan as he completely emptied himself in me, letting out my name in a guttural cry.
He collapsed on top of me, resting his head on my chest, panting heavily as I did. Our limbless bodies became entangled like a web in disarray. My heart beat pounded on until it finally returned to its usual pace.
I could feel his breath on to my skin, constantly sending me shivers. As my eyes began to close sleepily, he gave me a kiss on my chest, where my heart would be.
"Sleep now my sweet," he said. "Rest your mind for tonight."
"Uhn..." I muttered sleepily, a smile creeping into my face.
Heavily, my eyes closed in dreamless sleep.
Dawn was coming, and the cool breeze that past me pushed me into wakefulness. Finding myself covered in Ismenios's cloak as well as my own, I immediately realized where I was, and more importantly, whom I was with.
I rubbed at my eyes as I began to look around me. Ismenios was a few feet away, standing next to a boulder looking eastward. The sun had not yet risen, but a faint light was beginning to come out.
Naked, he was still and quiet, as if in deep thought. Unaware of the world around him, he seemed beyond my reach.
I stood up, myself naked as well underneath the cloak. I could still feel his warmth inside me, but I didn't dwindle on it. It startled him when he realized I was walking towards him.
Immediately he smiled. I could not get enough of it; so full of life and warmth... and love. I smiled back and pulled him in for a kiss.
"Did I wake you?" he asked. "I'm sorry, I was just…"
I placed my finger onto his lips to hush him, and gave him yet another kiss. What the night has blessed us with was inexplicable delight. It was all I could do to thank him.
"Did I hurt you last night?" he said suddenly in a panic, his eyes full of concern. "I didn't mean to, I swear… I thought—"
I giggled at this show of concern. It delighted me to know how much he cared for me. I felt utter remorse for not seeing it as much before.
"No you didn't hurt me," I said reassuringly. "If anything you helped me."
"Helped you?" he said, confused. "How?"
"You made me forget."
There was a silence that followed this. Not an awkward one, but one of shared contemplation. He knew full well where my heart truly was. Again I had broken my word. Never suppose so. Having presumed both so little and so much of what Ismenios held in regard of me, I may have broken a bond with him. He seemed to have no qualms with this, but in his heart, I knew his pain.
"I'm sorry," I said finally. "I wish it were the other way."
"I know. I too…"
"Let this be a dream, then. Let this be ours to remember."
He put his arm around me and pressed a kiss on my tangled hair. I reached for one final kiss, where the blissful night would be sealed into memory.
"I shall never forget this… never," I said. "Thank you, Ismenios."
He took his cloak and covered me under it, his embrace warm and comforting. "Rest easy sweet Bagoas," he said as the dawn slowly broke before us.
~End~
A/N: I actually already wrote a story about this scene before and have posted it in AFF. But I think I lost it there, so this is actually a major re-write for me. Again, I hope you enjoyed! Please review!