Chapter one.
Be mine :
Today was saturday and after an exhausting week Jane and Maura had decided to spend some quality time together at Jane's apartment.
Over the past week Jane had found herself confronted with Tommy's return and his possible involvement in the robbery of Maura's house while investigating a high profile murder case.
After years spent in jail for running over that priest Tommy was finally free and Jane had not prepared herself for that. She obviously knew that he was not going to stay behind bars for the rest of her life but had not considered how things would unfold after his release.
Actually she didn't want to think about it because she knew that despite having a big heart Tommy was a trouble maker and that she would have to watch him closely.
Being the oldest child and despite being a woman Jane has always been very protective over Tommy and Frankie. Luckily for her Frankie was the perfect little brother and was following her footsteps so she knew she had nothing to worry about. Tommy on the other was another matter, she knew that he would needed constant monitoring to prevent him from falling off the wagon again and now that Maura had found herself involved by offering him a place to stay she knew she had to keep him on track.
Luckily for Jane today was not about Tommy, it was about spending the afternoon with her best friend the way they often did after a though case. It was about them enjoying each other's company without talking about work or doubt their complicated relationship with their respective families.
It was around three O'clock and the two women were in Jane's bedroom, Maura sitting on Jane's bed with a cup of her favorite tea patting Jo Friday while Jane was sorting out her dirty laundry.
"Alright, dirty,dirty,dirty. I think I have enough for a full load. Are you staying here or are you coming to the laundry room with me?" Throwing her dirty clothes in the plastic basket on her bed Jane was amazed by how comfortable they were in each other's homes. Maura had her own key, and knew she would always find her favorite tea and sweeteners at Jane's place and Jane had a change of clothes at her place in case they were called on a case during their usual sunday family dinner and Maura always made sure to have her favorite beer in her fridge . Despite having two opposites life styles and personalities things had always been natural and comfortable between them. For the first time in their lives the two women were able to be themselves, to trust each other knowing that they did not have anything to prove. Jane knew that she could be vulnerable and show some of her weaknesses in Maura's presence, that she did not have to be the courageous, ass kicking Detective she forced herself to be in front of others. Maura knew she did not have to be the smart, sophisticated, polite heiress with Jane, that she could finally allow herself to be human and to enjoy a saturday afternoon laughing with her best friend. When they were together neither of them felt the need to put on that mask and suit they usually wore in front of their friends, family and co worker and it felt good, it felt right.
"Please tell me you checked your pockets before throwing your suit in that basket?" Maura frowned sending Jane a slightly judgmental look.
"No mom but I'm gonna do that now." Picking her suite up in the basket rolling her eyes Jane hated when Maura either corrected her grammar or tried to make her do things her way but didn't complain. She knew Maura meant well.
"I"m not telling you this to upset you Jane but we both know what happens when a piece of paper or a tissue is washed with a black suit and I don't want hear you complain afterwards if you have to spend an hour getting rid of the white particles." Maura grinned happy that Jane listened to her. Obviously Maura was well aware of that bad habit she had not only to correct Jane's and other people's grammar but to criticize the way they were doing certain things.
She certainly didn't mean anything by it, it was just who she was but she had noticed that people often took her criticism as a form of arrogance.
Luckily for her Jane wasn't like anyone, she knew that she wasn't judgmental or arrogant, that she only wanted to help her because she cared about her and felt grateful that she always followed her advices without complaining.
Aware that she wasn't the easiest person to be with and was honored to have a friend as understanding and patient as Jane with whom she could be herself without being ashamed of being judged or misunderstood.
"Oh, what do we have here?" Shoving her hand right hand in the internal pocket of the black jacket Jane felt a piece of paper at the bottom. Rolling her eyes as she pulled it out she knew that Maura wouldn't hesitate to brag about being right again.
"See. Once again I was right. What is it? Is it a business card?" Moving closer to Jane savoring her victory Maura was eager to find out what treasure Jane had uncovered.
"Yes for an Olivia..." Jane replied scratching the back of her head trying to remember who that Olivia could be.
"Oh, that's mine." Maura mumbled feeling her face turn red as she grabbed the card from Jane's hand.
"Oh right we swapped clothes, I had almost forgotten. Who is that Olivia?" Jane asked seeing the slight discomfort on Maura's face.
"She's just someone I met while you were out having dinner with Jesse Wade. Thanks." Looking away to hide her embarrassment Maura quickly grabbed her purse and shoved the card in it thinking she would think about what to do with it later.
"Wait a minute is she one of the two woman that hit on you when you were wearing my suit?" Smiling forcing herself not to laugh Jane started to picture Maura being hit on by a woman.
"Yes. I was hungry and you were having dinner with Wade so I went to that little chinese restaurant next to the station and that's where I met her." Maura mumbled feeling her pulse rising as she was trying to give as little details as possible hoping that Jane would not probe for more details.
"What happened? Did she casually give you her business card or did you talk to her?" Sitting on her bed Jane was determined to use her best interrogation techniques to get the truth out of her friend knowing that because of her inability to lie it would not be hard to get to the bottom of this.
"Well we were queuing and she asked me what I was ordering. The chief was extremely busy because one of his sous chef was sick so we had to wait for almost half an hour. We talked about everything and nothing while waiting for our orders and she gave me her business card before she left."
"I thought she hit on you but from what you're telling me it was nothing more than a casual conversation between two strangers…" Looking into Maura's eyes Jane knew that she was holding back and started to feel a bit uncomfortable to probe more information. Maura has always been so opened about her dating life and usually gave Jane so many details that she often had to ask her to stop but this seemed different she could feel it. For the first time since they met Maura wasn't willing to share what happened with her and it hurt.
"You're probably right, she's an interior designer and I was telling her that I recently purchased a new house so I'm sure I misinterpreted her intentions. She probably gave me her business card hoping I would need her services in the future." Maura mumbled feeling her breath shortening as the words escaped her mouth not allowing her to filter them first.
"It's possible but what did she say when she gave you the card? "
"Call me. I don't know Jane. I'm confused. Her voice was slightly deeper and she looked at me differently than during our previous conversation. I think she was implying that she expected me to call her if I ever wanted to go out on a date with her." Unable to hold the truth anymore Maura finally confessed what truly happened. Maura was not stupid and had a keen eye and it was very clear that Olivia by giving her business card was inviting her to call her not to use her professional services but because she wanted to go one a date with and possibly have intercourse with her.
"Well that's what you said first, that she was hitting one you so why did you change your story and that you thought she was offering her professional services?" Reaching out for Maura's arms Jane had trouble understanding why Maura would be embarrassed to admit the truth.
"I don't know. To be honest with you I completely forgot she gave me her business card. Between closing the case, writing my final report and Tommy moving in I didn't have time to think about it."
"Wait a minute. You're tempted to call her that's why you didn't want to talk about it, isn't it?" Shocked as she finally put the pieces together Jane was discovering a new facet of Maura's personality and didn't know how to feel about it.
"Actually yes. I think I'm going to call her and invite her to have dinner with me." Thinking about it Maura realized she had nothing to be embarrassed about. She had always shared informations on her dating life with Jane and saw no reason to do things differently this time. Jane was a very opened and tolerant woman and use knew she would not judge her.
"Great, if she caught your attention she must be a nice person but you realize what she wants right?" Despite being happy that she had decided to go through with what seemed to appear to have been a fantasy Jane wanted to make sure that Maura knew exactly what she was getting herself into.
" Yes Jane. Believe it or not but I'm not naive and I have enough experience to distinguish flirting from simple friendly interaction."
"Okay, well I know that you enjoy meeting new people and that you enjoy interior designing a lot and I have no doubt that you will have a lot of things to talk about but don't you think it's unfair to her to have dinner with her knowing that her intentions are?"
"Why would it be unfair?" Maura replied slightly rising her voice.
"I don't know Maura, maybe because you're straight."
"Says who?"
"Says you Dr Isles, you told me that you have never been with a woman before remember?"
"Well I have never experienced sexual intercourse of even foreplay with another woman so yes if you want to define my sexuality you can define me as being heterosexuality but because I never been in a lesbian relationship doesn't mean I'm not opened to it."
"Wait are you telling me that you're opened to have sex with that woman?" Hearing those words Jane suddenly started to replay their undercover operation in that lesbian club in her head and remembered that Maura didn't seemed to be opposed to the idea of having sex with another woman but she never thought that she actually wanted to try this new experience. She thought it was just one of those " why not?" situation but now as she looked into Maura's eyes she realized that she had actually considered it and that this Olivia person seemed to have awaken her desire.
"I don't know about that Jane. I only had one brief conversation with her and it's not enough for me to make a complete opinion but I do think that love and sexual attraction can sometimes go beyond gender. I like to think of myself as open minded. You know how I always like to try new experiences, new food, new investigations techniques or travel to new countries. I think sex is no different than any other experience and I can't exclude the possibility of allowing myself to have sex with another woman, granted that I meet the right one of course. I would want this experience to be special and I would not just invite any random woman into my bedroom. I have standards ."
"Alright. If that's what you want you should call her now. It's saturday and if you're lucky she hasn't made any plans yet." Jane said handing her phone to Maura putting her words to the test.
"You're absolutely right! Thank you." Maura replied dialing her number encouraged by her friend's support.
"You're welcome."
"Hi, I'm sorry of bothering you, is this Olivia? Hi, I'm Doctor Maura Isles we met two days ago at the chinese restaurant. I'm good thank you. I'm calling you because I was wondering if you had plans tonight because I would love to invite to for dinner. Yes I do. Alright then I will meet you there at 8. You too." Hearing Olivia's phone at the other end of the line Maura started to get nervous, the same way she remembered being when she asks a boy out for the time time when she was in boarding school. Obviously Maura had been dating for almost twenty years had grown some serious confidence but this was different. She felt as uncomfortable and as excited as she was on her very first date it was refreshing and also a bit unsettling.
"Look at her twisting her hair and giggling, she's so cute. Wait a minute. Since when Doctor Maura Isles giggles like a horny teenager? Oh My God she's really into that woman. I know that look. She's already planning how she's going to seduce her to get her in her bed." Jane said to herself as she quietly witnessed the quick exchange between Maura and her date.
"Well it looks like I have a date tonight." Maura replied wearing the biggest smile on her face.
"Good. Well now that this is settled, I should really go down and get this laundry done or I won't have anything to wear to work on monday. Are you coming with me?" Jane replied bouncing off her bed unwilling to intrude in this situation more than she always had.
"Actually I would like to go home if you don't mind. I need to wash my hair, shave, find the perfect dress and matching shoes and it's probably going to take me the rest of the afternoon."
"Yes sure but for what it's worth if she can't appreciate how beautiful you are when you are wearing a pair of jeans with a tank top and your hair in a pony tail then she doesn't deserve you."
"You're sweet but you know how important first dates are. They set the tone for the entire relationship."
"Relationship? Wow..okay. Well have fun. Come on Jo Friday come with me. Maura, can you close the door behind you?" Leaving the bedroom with her pet dog Jane suddenly felt slightly jealous. It was one thing to realize a fantasy by sleeping with that Olivia but talking about a relationship was another story. Despite denying it Jane was uncomfortable imagining Maura being close to someone else.
Being forced to see her bang every men she possibly could was one thing and she never felt threatened by any of them because she knew that she never had feelings for any of them and that a man could never offer her the bond the two of them share but this was different. She knew that a relationship with a woman would be more intense and more special and and it scared her to death.
"Yes. Thank you for your help Jane."
"You're welcome."
For the rest of the afternoon Jane tried her best not occupy herself in order to get Maura out off her head. Unfortunately after doing her laundry, drying her clothes, folding them and putting them in her closet Jane found herself lying in bed Jo Friday on her belly thinking about her best friend.
Best friend, was that even the correct word to describe what Maura was to her? Of couse it wasn't. Maura was much more than a best friend. Despite never having real female friends Jane knew that their bond went beyond simple friendship but she never had the courage to face her feelings.
Despite what people might think Jane was very sensitive to the way people especially her family and friends saw her. She was scared of what people would think if she ever acknowledged her feelings for Maura. Despite her family and friends being supportive of her decisions she knew that people especially her mother looked up to her and expected certain things of her, one of them getting marrying a man and starting a family and despite knowing how much Angela loved Maura Jane didn't know how she would react if her eldest child engaged in a homosexual relationship.
The only thing Jane was scared of was to allow herself to be vulnerable by giving herself to Maura completely. Up until now all the relationships she had were superficial and she never had to truly give herself emotionally to any of the men she dated. Luckily for her most men weren't interested in knowing how she felt or why she was the way she was and were satisfied to just sleep with her without further emotional commitment and it was perfectly fine with her. Unfortunately she knew that dating Maura would be different. Reflecting on their relationship she realized that she had never found herself able to confide in anyone the way she confided in Maura and that she never felt more herself than when she's with Maura and she was convinced that engaging in a more serious relationship would lead her to open up a bit more, to reveal more of her fears and doubts and she didn't know if she could do that. Despite the fact that Maura knew her more than anyone else and knew about some of her fears and nightmares about Hoyt Maura still saw Jane as a very strong, accomplished woman and Jane didn't want to ruin the image she had on her by being more vulnerable.
Up until now Jane never felt compelled to come forwards with her feeling because she knew that all the men Maura dated meant nothing to her and never saw them as a threat but hearing Maura talk about that Olivia Jane knew things were different this time. She knew that being with a woman would be more intense than being with a man and that Maura might finally find herself with someone she could talk to and she didn't know where she would fit in that equation. Somehow Jane was scared that if Maura started dating someone she could confide in and feel close to she would have no use for their friendship anymore and that scared her to death.
Lying down on her bed trying to find excuses to justify the way she felt Jane found herself forced to admit something very important to herself : she was actually jealous. Even if Jane had always be quite possessive with Maura without even realizing it this was different . She could not bear the idea of some woman making love to Maura. If Maura was to ever sleep with a woman it had to be her not some stranger. Maura was the more incredible woman on earth and she deserved the best, she deserved someone who knew and respected her and who would take the time to get to know her and to court way the way she deserved to be, not some horny interior designer who didn't give a damn about her and who only wanted to fuck her the way all the men in her life always did.
"Be realistic Jane. This is going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it, not when you're so paralyzed that you can't get out off bed and drive to her place to finally come clean about your feelings." Jane said to herself holding Jo Friday tight in her arms as she felt the tears streaming down her cheek.
On the other side of town Maura who barely caught on Jane's jealousy spent the entire afternoon getting ready for her date and after washing and doing her hair and getting dressed in that blue Versace dress she had purchased a few days earlier Maura found herself standing in front of her mirror trying to calm her excitement.
Trying to calm herself down Maura was over excited to try this new experience. She knew that because men and women generally wanted different things this date would be completely different from anything she had experienced before . Unfortunately pacing in her living room Maura found herself nervous because she knew that every human being was different and the fact that Olivia was a woman didn't mean that she wanted the same things as her and that they would be a good match.
As exciting as throwing herself into the unknown it was also unsettling because if there was a quality that Dr Maura Isles possessed was the ability of preparing herself and considering every possible case scenario before trying anything new. Every time she went to a new restaurant she always took the time to research it online, to read reviews and comments and was never scared to use her position to see if the public health department had visited the establishment recently and to get any available report. Unfortunately for her she could not research Olivia because she was unique human being and she knew that researching lesbian relationships would not prepare her for her date, that unlike men who always had the same agenda women were usually different from one another. Luckily for her the idea of throwing herself into something new was more exciting than scary and she could not wait to see how things would unfold.
Around 7 pm after calming herself down Maura was about to go back into her bedroom to pick the perfect pair of shoes when someone knocked on her door.
"This can't be Olivia, we arranged to meet at the restaurant and she doesn't know where I live." Maura said to herself walking towards the door.
"Maura, you're still home." Standing in front of Maura was Jane who after torturing herself for hours decided to gather her courage and drive to Maura's house not knowing what she was going to say but determine to at least try something to keep her from going out with that Olivia woman.
"Jane?What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" Looking at Jane Maura could see that her eyes were red, probably from crying and she was still wearing that old Levi's with that blue BPD sweater.
"Yes. I know you have a date tonight but can we talk? I promise it shouldn't take more than a few minutes." Jane mumbled forcing herself to take deep breath. This was her only chance to finally express her feelings and she knew that she might not get another chance, that if she back out now Maura would go out with Olivia and that she would possibly loose her for ever.
"Yes sure. Actually I was planning on leaving in about twenty minutes but we sure have time." Maura replied inviting Jane in.
"Don't go out with her." Jane said as she stepped into Maura's out allowing the words to literally slip out her mouth.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, don't go out with her. You deserve better. I know how important it is for you to challenge yourself and to try new experiences and I'm willing to support you if you want to have a relationship romantic or sexual with a woman but you deserve the best Maura and she clearly isn't."
"How can you say that? You don't know her." Maura replied shocked that Jane would allow herself to judge someone she never even met.
"Call it my gut feeling but a someone who makes you feel like you have to spend an entire afternoon doing your hair and make up in order to be good enough for her clearly isn't right for you. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel beautiful when you have no make up or designer dress on Maura, someone you can feel comfortable going out with only wearing a pair of old trousers with a simple shirt. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't make you feel that you need to impress them to seduce them, someone you can seduce just by being yourself."
"You're right Jane I deserve someone I can be myself with, someone who enjoys me in my natural state without make up or expensive clothes on, but this is a first date Jane. People always dress up for first dates. It's just the way things work."
"It shouldn't be. I mean when you and I spend evenings together wearing our old yoga clothes or PJ's you feel perfectly comfortable. You don't feel like you need to put an apparel and yet we always have a good time."
"You're my best friend Jane of course I don't mind being in my PJs around you. I feel comfortable and free when I'm with you." Maura smiled glad that Jane was trying to help her be herself.
"Then stay home with me. We can order pizzas and watch a movie." Taking a step towards Maura Jane felt that this was this : the moment that would help define the rest of their relationship and she wasn't about to back down now.
"I have a date Jane, maybe tomorrow night." Maura replied almost hurt that Jane would ask her to cancel her date knowing how important it was and how excited she was. Jane was acting out of character, more possessive than usual and she didn't like it.
"But I don't want to …" Jane groaned closing her hands in a fist trying not to explode at Maura's face.
"You don't want me to what Jane?" Looking at Jane straight in the eyes making her look at her Maura was not about to let Jane get away with this that easily. If she wanted her to cancel her date she would have to explain herself and not avoid confrontation the way she usually did.
" I don't want you to sleep with her." Jane replied a slight sob in her voice. As she was saying those words all her jealousy, feeling of possessiveness finally resurfaced and she knew it would not take long for Maura to understand why she was acting like that.
"Oh and why is that?" What Jane did not know was that Maura had been waiting for her to finally gather her courage and come forward with her feelings and she was starting to believe that she was finally going to have what she wanted.
"Because you're mine Maura. " Jane replied taking a step closer to Maura.
"Oh am I now?" Hearing Jane affirming her ownership over her Maura didn't feel insulted, to the contrary she felt her entire body shiver. Feeling Jane so close to her that she could feel her breath on her face and hearing her telling her she belonged to her aroused her to a point she never thought was possible.
"Yes, you're mine and I don't want any other woman to lay their hands on you. Not now, not ever." Jane replied her voice slightly deeper as she grabbed Maura by her waists pulling her so close to her that their lips almost touched.
"Oh Jane…" Feeling Jane's strong arms around her and their lips almost touching Maura's entire body was shaking. After years of fantasizing on this moment, of imagining how it would feel to be in Jane's arms Maura was petrified. She was scared to death of what this sudden excess of affection and possessiveness meant. What Jane simply acting out of jealousy?Was she simply afraid of loosing her to Olivia? Or was she sincerely interested in engaging in a relationship with her?
Overwhelmed by all those mixed feelings Maura decided to enjoy the present moment, to relax and stop over analyzing things. It didn't matter if Jane was acting out of jealousy and if she was just trying to keep her from getting close to another woman because she feared for their relationship or because she truly loved her. Right now all that matter was that she was in Jane Rizzoli's arms and a nuclear bomb could explode in her living room it would not matter or interrupt this perfect moment.
Alright guys, just a quick story that came to me last night. I might write a follow up chapter if you guys are interested. Please tell me :)
Thanks for reading!