~ Nothing ~
"Dr. T'Soni's death is a regrettable turn of events. But we can't lose our focus over this incident."
He exhaled a plume of thick smoke.
Miranda wrinkled her brows. She had always despised this particular habit of his, but lately it had become even less tolerable. She had come to loathe these meetings. She used to feel privileged for being allowed to speak to him in person, but so much, so very much had changed in the last couple of months.
"It should be our concern. She should have been our concern. Shepard's becoming unstable. Our mission is in danger."
His chair turned around and his cybernetic eye implants were gleaming in cold triumph.
"Shepard's your project, Miranda. Do what you must."
She huffed at him, "don't I always."
He grinned as he crushed the butt of his cigarette in the ashtray. "Indeed Miranda, I'm so glad Oriana made you see reason regarding your resignation. You are an asset to the organization."
'And you're the ass of this fucked-up organization,' she thought. Out loud she only muttered, "Bastard. You're no better than him."She shook her head and left, but not before he could call after her:
"No one ever said I was. You wanted to believe it, Miranda." He turned toward the view screen.
"Fuck you," she said. But the doors had already closed.
"Kelly, - "
"No, I don't want your dirty money, Miranda."
The redhead once had been so proud of being part of the Cerberus crew, but so much had changed. Miranda tried not to take the rejection personally. She wanted to thank Kelly for what she did, wanted to tell her that she understood her resentments, that she felt the same, that she was on her side. But she would never do anything to endanger Oriana. In the end, trusting Cerberus had been a grave mistake.
She dropped the credit chit onto her desk . "Kelly, I- " She sighed. "I just want to thank you."
The young psychologist fixed her with her glowing green eyes and not for the first time Miranda struggled to not lose herself in them.
"I'm not doing it for you Miranda. So just keep it, whatever you wanted to give me."
Miranda noticed the clenched fists, the white knuckles that threatened to break through the skin.
"We both know it's wrong Miranda. It's fucked up and wrong. I don't want thanks for this. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore."
For a moment, Miranda thought that Kelly might break, that she would crumple and cry and that Miranda would get the chance to pick her up, to hold her and comfort her. But she knew that the woman would summon all resolve and strength necessary to keep this from happening. Kelly would never show that kind of weakness in front of Miranda. She would never let Miranda get close, let alone touch her.
"I know, Kelly. But there is no other option at the moment. I'm working on it. I'm trying, but I need time, and I need you to buy me that time."
Miranda rubbed her temples. They'd lost Dr. T'Soni due to an unforgivable oversight, and now they were losing Shepard, and she was losing Kelly. Although she never had Kelly, but the distance had grown and become a rift, and whatever hopes she might have had had been lost with the recent events.
"I know Miranda. I'm doing what I can. Just hurry with whatever your plan is. I don't think I can keep it up much longer or that Shepard can keep it together much longer. This won't work forever."
'You're wrong, Kells. Nothing's working right now,' she thought. She eyed the credit chit.
"You can't buy a clean conscience, Miranda, no matter how much you pay the shrink." She turned and left without waiting to be dismissed by the second in command.
Miranda clutched the credit chit as she stepped down into Engineering's lowest deck.
Jack was lying on her bed, and she didn't know if she was sleeping or daydreaming.
"Oh, look, the chearleader herself is honoring the lower decks with her presence." She sat up and eyed Miranda through her shades.
Miranda prepared for the next salve of attacks, but still got none after a few moments of intense staring.
She threw the credit chit onto the bed. "Take this and get out of here."
"Shit, what ruined your lunch that you had to come down here and ruin mine?"
"You fulfilled your end of the deal. We're scheduled to dock at Omega in about two hours. There's some money to give you a fresh start. Goodbye, Jack."
She didn't really feel as good as she thought she would whenever she imagined throwing Jack off the ship. Jack remained still and her face betrayed nothing. But as Miranda was about to climb up the stairs a hand gripped her arm and pulled her back.
"Not so fast, bitch. What's wrong?"
Miranda could only imagine the hardened stare behind those reflective shades. She shook her arm free of the convict's grip.
"Nothing's wrong, you just overstayed your welcome, is all. What's it to you, anyway. I remember you weren't exactly eager to join us in the first place."
"Fuck you, Cerberus. What's wrong with the skipper? If she wants me off the ship, why isn't she here?"
"Shepard's none of your business anymore. Omega, in two hours. Take the money or don't."
Jack took a step back. "Shepard's never been my business. But I'm hers. She wants me off, she better get down here herself. Didn't seem to be a problem when she wanted to 'recruit' me."
Miranda just stared at Jack. She had hoped that at least this would be an easy problem to solve. She snapped out of her trance when the credit chit flew at her. She caught it out of reflex.
"Keep your money, Cerberus. I ain't leaving until the skipper throws me out or you tell me what's smelling so fishy here that I want to gag."
"Fine, stay then, but Shepard won't come down here for a while and you won't get any special treatment from me."
"You make it sound like a loss."
Miranda summoned all her dignity and left without another word.
Kelly silently approached the meditating Asari.
"Miss Chambers. I assume you want to talk?"
"I don't think talking will change anything, Samara."
The Asari ended her meditation, but remained seated.
"I agree. What is it then that you wish?"
She didn't know what to say. She didn't know why she came here. Just a moment ago it seemed like a good idea.
She wasn't sure if she should sit down or even step into the Justicar's line of vision, so she remained standing behind her.
"What you are doing is wrong."
She knew the Justicar would not approve, and she was thankful that the Asari was still under her oath to Shepard.
"But you are doing what must be done. As is officer Lawson. Don't judge her too harshly."
"Uh, wow, you're defending Miranda?"
"Do not mistake my words, Miss Chambers. All I am saying is that she is in a difficult position. As are you. As am I." She lowered her head. "As is Shepard."
She stared through the window at the starfield in front of them. "In the light of recent events I am not certain that our survival of the mission was a blessing."
Kelly shook her head. "You can't mean that, Samara."
"I do. By all rights, and by all our lives and deeds, none of us should have lived past that mission." She turned her head to look at Kelly. "Except maybe for people like you, Kelly, but now your soul is tainted, too. If we all had embraced the Goddess that day, our souls would be at peace. Now they are even more disturbed."
She closed her eyes again and started a new meditation cycle.
"Do not fear my justice, Miss Chambers. I sanction your actions and those of officer Lawson. You are both punished enough with the way things are."
Kelly had stopped counting the days and nights. Time was just rushing by. She hadn't seen Miranda in days. Samara's words had been cryptic, but the last time she had met with Miranda, she noticed the weariness in her eyes and in her movements. She knew the signs, but she found herself unable to help, unable to approach the officer.
The room was dark. Even the lights in the fish tank had been turned off. She was lying on the bed, propped up against a handful of pillows, cradling the Commander in her arms. The smell of brandy still laced the air and the fitful sleep of her companion had left her with several new bruises and some dull pain.
"Liara?"
The raspy voice betrayed the level of intoxication.
"I'm here, Shepard."
"Liara, I dreamed you were dead."
There was a sound almost like a snort and for a second, her breathing stopped.
"Shepard?"
"Some Drell assassin shot you in your office, Liara. Funny, huh. You had an office."
She snuggled into the embrace. "My Liara."
"Yes, Shepard."
"Liara, my next life will be with you."
She tightened her hold on the other woman.
"They gave me this second life, but if I survive this mission, it's yours my love."
She felt warm tears soaking her shirt and she fought hard not to add her own. How could Cerberus stand up for humanity and allow this human tragedy? Everyone had used Shepard as a tool for their goals and discarded her when she had become inconvenient. They had been urged to tie all the loose ends the crew may have had, but no one ever thought of allowing the Commander some closure. Or at least some healing. And now here she was, night after night a hollow shell, living in the past and drawing what little strength she could from a pitiful illusion.
"I love you, Liara. I'm nothing without you."
Finally, tears were rolling down Kelly's cheeks.
"Yes, Shepard, I know."
She woke up to a kiss on her forehead.
"Kelly? Kelly, wake up."
She smiled and reached up to touch a flushed cheek. No doubt the strong liquor still hadn't worn off completely.
"Good morning, Shepard."
But her smile disappeared when she heard the words she had been dreading.
"Kelly, something wonderful happened! Liara was here with me!"
She fought the urge to turn away from the happy look on her beloved Commander's face. Instead, she pulled her down for a lingering kiss.
"Yes, Shepard, I know."
Deep down she knew that nothing could ever make this right.