Disclaimer: YOU ACTUALLY THINK I OWN HARRY POTTER?

A/N R&R, and I might repost the other chapters that those jerk—loverly people at took down crosses eyes at them according to your own rules, I wasn't breaking them. This has plot. If you read it, you'd know that.

" My lord, this arrived by owl today." Lucius knocked on his "lords" door

"Oh Yea! Mail! I never get any mail!" Voldemort, like many children/teenagers I know, instead of acting like the reputed intelligent man he was, reverted to a childlike state when gleeful or sad.

The envelope read: To the biggest loser…I mean, Most Fearful Lord of the world.

"Who sent this Lucius?"

"No one knows My Lord."

"You open it first, so that if it has any curses in it/I/ shall be unharmed. Alright, it's fine."

So he started to read.

Twenty-five things you shouldn't do if Voldemort asks you to marry him

25. Spit in his face. Not good. Remember, he has a wand-you probably don't.

24. Go into hysterics at the thought of getting to marry a super-villain. He might get the wrong idea.

23. Tell him to go to hell. Remember, he and the Devil are probably on first name terms.

22. Tell him you are dating Harry Potter. This is especially important, seeing as he might go destroy him simply for the purpose of making you single.

21. Tell him that you have any boyfriend, be him Muggle or wizard. Same reasoning as above.

20. Hex him with your own wand. This could prove fatal.

19. Use an unforgivable curse. Unless you have your own army of "Life-Savers," (opposites of Death-eaters) you have no one to back you up. Voldie does.

18. Vomit all over his shoes at the thought of having to kiss him…and other things.

17. Telling him why you vomited all over his shoes.

16. Run away…you can run, but you can't hide. And besides. This will just make him mad.

15. Laugh in his face. He does not like it when he is laughed at…there's a reason so few people do it.

14. Stutter, Cough, show signs of hesitancy. This may anger him to no end that you don't like him like he likes you

13. Go into hysterics over the fact that you are liked by a super villain.

12. Go into hysterics because you probably have to marry this super-villain, and have no say in the matter.

11. Blatantly refuse. He will not like being rejected. Not at all

10. Use one of those "Just say no!" techniques they make you learn in school.

9. Say you are already married.

8. Lie that you are already married.

7. Tell him you'll think about it, and then elope with the guy you would like to marry. He just might kill the husband, and then force you to marry him.

6. Back away in fright. He may enjoy watching you have a synaptic-breakdown. This gives him a hold on you.

5. Show no fear. He may want to make you fear him…in any way possible.

4. Pass out.

3. Curse him off.

2. Sneeze on him. No one likes to be sneezed on

And the number one thing you shouldn't do when Voldemort asks you to marry him is: Say "Yes, of course, Voldie dah-ling. When is the wedding?"

"Who wrote this? This is a good list, in a bad way. LUCIUS! TAKE THIS, REPLICATE IT, POST IT EVERYWHERE!"

"Yes, my lord."

"Yup. He cracked before Valentine's Day. Fork over the money Rudolphus."

If you liked it (or hated it) Tell me by clicking that little button in the left hand corner of the screen. If you do review, and enjoy this story (already taken down twice, and I FIXED it the second time. . ) please please PLEASE review. I miss getting them. 