Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
I stood next to Piper next to the front door, looking at an impatient Wyatt and Chris. This was this the first time they had to wait for their five year old sister to go to school. It wasn't Mel's first day at school, it was just the first day that Piper had convinced me her brothers, being of ages twelve and fourteen were mature enough to take care of her. Well she hadn't convinced me, so much as threatened me, but that wasn't to be mentioned. Just then my little ball of energy came flying down the stairs. Her dark hair tied up in two bunches, and her pink backpack resting of both of her shoulders. I reached out my hand and picked her up to stop her collision with the cabinet, that she would have ran into unless someone stopped her.
"Daddy! Put me down." She demanded crossing her arms and staring at me, her eyes slanting shut a little. She was so much like Piper sometimes that it made me smile, her stubbornness a definite inheritance from her mother.
"What have I told you about running down the stairs?" I told her, looking into her eyes.
Tilting her head towards the floor the way she always did when she knew she had done something wrong. "That it's wrong and I shouldn't do it, in case I hurt myself."
"Dad we have to go." Wyatt moaned. My eldest son hated being late, not because he would miss any classes, more of the fact if he was late he couldn't hang around with his friends before his first class.
"OK, just one more minute." I said before turning back to the girl still in my arms.
"Leo." Piper warned, knowing as well as I did one more minute, would result in about five more minutes, followed by another five minutes, then to them running late and I would have to drive them to their respective schools, thus getting to take Mel to school after all.
"OK." I placed our daughter on the ground, where she ran over in between her brothers and grasped each of their hands tightly, she had Wyatt's right hand in her smaller left hand, and had a death grip on Chris's left hand which was getting squished by her right hand, and began swinging their arms.
"Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy!" she said a hint of her beautiful laughter in her voice, she shot us a smile absent-mindedly before running out of the door dragging her older brothers with her, her backpack bouncing up and down as she skipped away.
I watched her drag her brothers down the street while chatting happily away to them. I felt a sad smile cross my face, my little girl was growing up. I felt Piper come up behind me and slip her arms around me.
"She'll be OK, we both know her brothers won't let anything happen to her."
"I know." I whispered. Even though that's not what I am worrying about, it never had anything to do with her safety. Well it did, but I knew she would be safe Wyatt and Chris would sure of it. I was more worried about the fact with every passing year she needed me less and less, and I was dreading the day she wouldn't need me at all.
"I have to sit down." I told Piper in a barely there voice. As I walked into the living room in a daze, and managed to sit down on the couch letting memories of my little girl come flooding back.
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl
"Dad, can I go please?" An eight year old Melinda trained her big brown eyes at me, with a slightly petted lip. It was a look that only worked on me. I fought my urge to smile, this time however it couldn't work, I had already been warned not to let her. I was sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen and she stood on the floor shuffling her feet.
"I thought your mother already told you no." I replied smiling down at her. While I agreed with Piper not to let her go into the town without supervision, there was also the fact that currently she was undermining Piper's authority.
"She was only joking when she said that. Please Daddy?"
Again I fought the urge to smile. Last year she had declared that she was too old to use the phrases Mommy and Daddy, due to the fact that her brother's didn't. That is until she needs or wants something when she will call us Mommy and Daddy.
"Sorry baby, the answers no. Why don't we get a film and have a night in? I'll even let you get your favourite ice-cream."
She looked like she was having a mental debate with herself then. She scrunched her mouth to the left, while tilting her head to the right a little, before shaking her head.
"Movies are for babies, you never let me watch any good ones, and I'm not a baby." She said nodding her head at her own point.
Despite the smile on my face I grimaced inside. She wasn't a baby anymore, and that thought terrified me. She was edging even to maturity, and at that point I would lose her. When she could do everything for herself, what would she need me for?
"OK Melly." I said.
"Dad can we go bowling?" she asked me.
"Sure we can. Go ask your brothers and your mother."
"No!" she said stomping her foot and crossing her arms defiantly.
"Excuse me." I said unimpressed by her tantrum.
"I don't want them to go."
"You're not going without someone responsible going with you." I told her assuming that she wanted to go with her friends.
She laughed, and climbed up to sit in my lap, something she hadn't done in a while.
"I want to go with you Dad. Just you and me."
It felt silly to even how those last four words made my spirits lift up. It gave me hope that I could hold onto her for a little longer.
"I'm going to get ready!" she said slipping off my legs.
"I haven't said yes." I reminded her.
"Plllllllleeeaaaasssseee." She said drawing the word out, twirling around when she said it. "I promise I'll be good."
The look of pure innocence she had on her face made me nearly laugh. My daughter may not have been the best at jokes, but she was the funniest person I know with her facial expressions.
"Go get changed." I told her. She turned around and ran up the stairs, then screamed down thank you. I smiled, yes she may be gone soon enough but at least I had tonight of just me and her.
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
"DAD!" Melinda screamed at me as I once again took a picture of her in her dress. She was twelve and going to a valentines dance. And I had been taking pictures of her for fifteen minutes. Her pink, glittery pink dress reached down below her knees, while soft spaghetti straps graced her shoulders, unseen by the silver shrug she wore over it. I know I was annoying her, or embarrassing her, or possibly both. But I wanted to capture this moment, I wanted to document any and every big moment in her life, I wanted to remember clearly the moments we had shared. In a couple of years she would be away from us, and memories would be all I have left. That and occasional visits.
Piper often reminded me the chances of that happening were slim. She reminded me that our nineteen and twenty-one year olds still lived in the house, and look at how long she and her sisters had lived together. And the sane part of me acknowledged that this was more likely to be true than what I thought, but when it came to Mel I was never really rational.
Part of me thought that with their powers Wyatt and Chris would come to me for help, after all even without my powers now, they had inherited them from me and therefore I figured would come to me for guidance. There was a link in there, one that only I had with them. Sure Paige was part white-lighter, but I had more practise and had a closer link so I thought that they would always come to me.
Mel however, got no powers from me given that I had fallen from grace when we had her. And due to this her powers were more linked with her mother, and she was a girl so her problems would relate more to what Piper has been through. In short, my boys would need me, but my daughter wouldn't.
"You can go now." Piper told our daughter, dragging my arm that had the camera down, letting Melinda leave. "And you need to stop doing that to her. She's growing up." Then almost as if she knew what I was thinking continued "She's growing up, that doesn't mean she won't need you."
But how could she need me, when I can't even really understand her? Every time I finally manage to solve the riddle that is my daughter she changes all over again. I know she's growing up and as such it is natural to change her opinions. But I don't see why, even for a second she could stop growing for me to understand her. Was it so much to ask for?
Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
I walked downstairs rubbing my eyes, to see a half asleep Melinda, with her head on the table her arms folded around her head.
"Morning." I yawned.
She groaned by means of response as I went into the kitchen and made two bowls of cereal. Piper had taken the boys camping, and due to Mel refusing to go anywhere where she had to sleep in a tent, I had stayed back with her. I walked back to the dining table, and placed one of the bowls in front of Mel hearing her small murmur of thank you. For some strange reason it seemed that sleep was too much to get rid of, for the both of us today.
We woke up enough to start up some conversation, I listened as Mel told me all about wanting to try cheerleading, and how school was going. Then she seemed to notice something.
"Oh no, it's Saturday isn't it?" she asked now sitting bolt upright in her seat.
Confused I nodded my head.
"I have to go! I said I'd help Junior and Pansy with their maths homework. And they said they'd help me with history." She said running upstairs and getting dressed in record time, for her anyway.
"Bye Dad." She said running straight from the stairs out the door. I couldn't help the sadness that came then. She didn't give me the normal kiss goodbye or even a hug. I had to fight the urge to run out after in order to say goodbye properly.
I felt slightly guilty then. It was almost like I had wasted our short time together. I felt guilty for wanting to keep her with me forever. But doing that would be doing everyone else a misfortune. My children were all special in their own ways, and I don't just mean the obvious either. And denying the world a chance to see the true them, well it would be a bad thing.
But I still couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to keep her with me, even for the day. Just for today. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me then, causing me to jump. As soon as I had the laugh I settled down.
"I thought you left." I looked at my daughter.
"I forgot to say bye." She leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Bye Dad. Oh and can we go out for dinner?"
"Sure sweetie."
"What about Junior and Pans, can they come?"
"I don't think your aunt's would want that. It's best they stay home."
"Kay." She said and left again.
Guilt in set in again. Her aunt's probably wouldn't mind, but as selfish as it was I wanted some dad and daughter time. To make it up to my niece and nephew I would ask Phoebe and Paige if I can take them to the water park tomorrow. But for tonight it would just be me and Mel. Besides I'm sure they'd enjoy the water park more than dinner, considering I'd probably end up buying that anyway.
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know
I had taken both Wyatt and Chris somewhere special for their fourteenth birthday. I know it's not a special birthday, but it had all started as soon as I seen an advert for a new theme park that was opening a couple of days before Wyatt's fourteenth birthday. Wyatt had always loved theme parks, so given it's opening date I had to take him! After a long talk with Piper about it, she finally said I could take him. And on Chris's birthday, it didn't seem fair not to do something special for him as well. Especially as I had vowed never to favour Wyatt, knowing the damage it would cause even if Chris didn't. He knew a little about his other self, but I never told him about our relationship, I didn't want to risk this Chris feeling the same. Anyway I took Chris to see his favourite baseball team playing and had somehow managed to get him to meet his idol.
And now Mel's birthday surprise was tomorrow and I had planned a trip to New York, somewhere she had always wanted to go. It wasn't technically her birthday for another three weeks but by that time she would be in school, so I had scheduled it for three weeks beforehand, and one week before she started school again. I opened up my daughter's room to tell her to pack, when I stopped. As her door opened she looked up.
"Dad, I don't feel well." And I could tell then that we wouldn't be going. Mel looked like she might not even make it downstairs, let alone to New York.
"It's OK honey." I said, walking over and placing my placing my hand on her forehead. Well she definitely had a temperature. And while she was protective of the kids most of the time, Piper managed to outdo even herself when they were ill. So Mel wouldn't get her surprise. "Lie down, I'll go get your mom to come and check you out. See how serious it is."
Walking out I saw, crawl up to the top of her bed and cover herself with the covers. Sighing I flung the pamphlets in the bin. For some reason most the plans I made involving Mel never really worked out. Some of them did, but most of the time things got in the way. And I just didn't know why. It was as if the world just didn't want us to spend time together. As I got downstairs I found Piper in the kitchen, and informed her about Mel. While she went up to check on our daughter I began planning what I could do for her birthday now.
Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers
I sighed, tomorrow my little girl started high school. We were currently talking about it over the dinner table, Wyatt and Chris threatening to injure anyone who so much as made her upset.
"So Mom what time are we leaving tomorrow?" Mel said her eyes falling on her mother.
"I can drive you." I suggested.
"NO!" She said nearly knocking over her glass of orange. "I mean... well you promised Chris that you would drive to college because his car's getting fixed. And his college is the opposite way from school, so it makes no sense."
As soon as she said the words "promised Chris" I realised that I couldn't drive her, no matter how much I want to. I would never break a promise to any of my kids. Not after what can happen. I couldn't turn out, the way I had in the other future. Things went pretty smoothly after that, I didn't say much kind of just sat there.
After the kids went to bed, I took out the old photo albums. Why couldn't I freeze time and stop anything from changing? In time I knew that all my kids would leave, but I just wanted things to stay the same for even a little while longer. I needed my kids to need me. I needed them to come to me for advice, for comfort, for anything really. My kids were everything, and my biggest fear was losing any of them.
"Leo?" Piper asked watching me from the doorway.
"I thought you were sleeping?"
"I woke up. Photos again?"
"They just grow up so fast. I mean Mel's starting high school tomorrow, and soon they won't need us."
Smiling slightly Piper whispered "They'll always need us." Before turning and going back up to bed. Despite how many times she had told me this, I couldn't bring myself to believe her, no matter how hard I tried.
Slipping through my fingers all the time
The night after Mel's sweet sixteen I couldn't sleep. Mel had snuck out? Since when did my little girl do that? What would have happened if Chris hadn't shown up when he had? What if...? Thousands of scenarios flickered through my head, each one worse than before. Piper decided we would have a talk with her the next day at breakfast. Not that it was much use, it had basically turned into a screaming match, climaxing in Mel storming out.
"Melinda, don't you dare leave this house! I forbid you to leave." I shouted at her.
Turning around she smiled "Watch me." she turned around again and slammed the door, leaving the rest of us in stunned silence.
What happened to the sweet little girl who used to drag along her brothers, make homemade cards just cause she could, who could anyone make smile when they saw her own. What happened to the shy little girl who used to be asked to get tucked into bed, or the one who cried when she lost pet posters?
I was sure in that instant that I had truely let Mel slip through my fingers, without even realising it.