Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural in anyway.
Why he did what he did.
He still felt week. Tired too, but for some reason he couldn't sleep. His thoughts kept going back to the world he had been in. The one were his mother was still alive.
Everyone had been happy. Even Sam. Oh my God, seeing Sam with Jessica, it was like a dream come true. Well, more like a wish come true. He had never known just how much Sammy had loved that girl until now. Somehow he had believed that it was the loss of a girlfriend that had made Sam so… sad. But now he knew, she hadn't been just a girlfriend, she had been his brothers everything. When dying she hadn't just made a whole in his heart, she had taken his heart.
Carmen… shit! Carmen, what a hot babe. He didn't know what to believe when he woke up with her. First he freaked out, but later he realised that she meant true happiness, true love. For him.
He was never one to cry. He always put on a face or made a joke to get feelings out of the way. But one thing made it so he could not keep the steel mask. Over twenty years had passed. Twenty long years, and he had missed her every second of those years. Mom. She stood there in the doorway like she had always been there. The house had never been on fire, mom was fine and looking at him with the love only she could muster. Love was in her eyes, that and the feeling that her son had lost it.
His wish had been exactly that. His mom alive. That they would all be a family again. Dad was still gone, but he was happy. Happy because he had not died by the hands of the Demon.
All this had happened in the short time he had been in the hands of the Jin. So much love, so much happiness. Yet he had managed to stab himself to get away from it. What had made him want to leave it all?
He knew the answer to that right away. Sam… Sammy. The brother who was left in the real world. The brother he had sworn to protect no matter what. He was the real deal, and he was not in this world with him. Yeah, Sam was happy here, but it was all an illusion. Sammy would never get a chance to know mom, he would never get Jessie back. His Sammy wasn't here.
That's how he made the decision. That's how he could do it without much regret. The regret was there, but now he was with Sam, Sammy.
His brother was all he really needed. He would trade the world for him.
Dean closed his eyes for a moment, without realising it, he fell asleep. Perhaps from the blood loss, perhaps from emotional stress. Or maybe it was from the strong desire to see Carmen again.
Man was she hot!