Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or its characters. They all belong to a person more successful than I am...
Notes: Procrastinating for my current WIP Puckurt fic. Based on a prompt at the glee_fluff_meme on LJ. Hopefully humorous, or will become so, let me know what you think. Any and all feedback is appreciated so don't hesitate to review! Also Un-beta-d so any and all mistakes are mine, point 'em out, I'll fix 'em! Enjoy!
Chapter One: It's a Boy!
It was the health class that everyone had been dreading for the past two weeks. The big lead up to the 'birth' of their 'child' for the next week was expected, and the students had already been paired up in anticipation for the arrival of their 'bundles of joy'.
Brittany and Kurt were quite the unlikely pair. When the pairs were announced Brittany made her way over to Kurt and began gushing over how fun raising a child, however plastic, would be. Kurt didn't really share the sentiment. Babies, even fake ones, kind of freaked him out. All the crying, and the pooping – he wasn't one for mess, tears and snot. At least one of them was excited. Brittany was very eager to work with Kurt, because according to her, "Their baby will be the best dressed."
Brittany, in anticipation for the big assignment, tried to be as realistic as possible. She wanted to accurately mimic the life of this baby, so she spent the last week with a cushion shoved up the front of her shirt. No one had the heart to tell her that she looked not only ridiculous, but also slightly insane, so they let her rub her now heavily cushioned stomach and coo to it at random intervals.
'Hello pretty baby," she cooed. "Kurt, do you think it will be a boy or a girl?" She looked over at her partner, who was currently deflecting any of the stares, that we heading their way. She may be acting like a crazy woman, but she was his crazy woman damn it!
Kurt swallowed back the urge to tell Brittany that they would be receiving a doll of indiscriminate gender, and that if it had a gender it would most likely be a girl, as the school was too uppity to give them a doll with junk. So he just smiled as Brittany and patted the cushion affectionately. "We'll just have to wait and see," he told her.
"Oh, I hope it's a boy," she gushed. "I want to name him Hubert." She looked over expectantly at Kurt, "Don't you think that it is such a lovely name?"
Kurt bit back his impending laughter at the name. Hubert? Where did she get a name like that? It was – different. Their kid would get picked on in school that's for sure. Wait – was he just referring to a doll, a school project, as his kid? Man, Brittany's enthusiasm must be rubbing off.
When the teacher entered the classroom, Brittany's eyes snapped up, staring expectantly at the teacher. She would be handing out the babies, well dolls, today.
Now, in the old days they used to hand out bags of flour or an egg as a baby substitute. Unfortunately this didn't scare the kids off baby making, and having babies young like they were hoping or at least making them sure to use protection. Most kids would ignore the "baby" by leaving in the cupboard for a week, continuing on with their lives as normal. No, these new babies were fully equipped to demand the attention of the teens for the week. They were fully functioning, crying, excreting doll that you had to feed and look after. So much for ignoring it.
When Kurt and Brittany received their doll, she removed the cushion with a flourish and announced to the whole class, "It's a boy!" with such excitement that no one could tell her anything otherwise. "Welcome to the world, Hubert."
Brittany sat there rocking the doll her in arms, cooing over it as she beckoned Kurt over. "Look, he has pretty blue eyes like you," she stated. Well the doll did have little glass blue eyes that bore a resemblance to Kurt's. He blamed it on him looking like a Hummel figurine, so he could easily be associated with a doll.
"He does, doesn't he," Kurt agreed. He ignored the raised eyebrows that Puck and Santana were sending their way.
Santana was currently holding their doll, but not with the same love that Brittany was holding 'Hubert". Santana had the doll by one of its legs and had it held limply to one side. She was silently seething, this project was going to be distracting Brittany all week, allowing her little time to be alone with the blonde. To make matters worse she was paired with Puck, who was currently mooning over Kurt (subtly of course, but Santana knew that look. It was the same one she saw him looking at Quinn with when she and Puck first started dating.) So, it was going to be a "fun" week.
When class ended, Kurt and Brittany headed out together, the latter still transfixed with the doll. She was currently speaking to it in a hushed whisper, informing it of what they were going to do.
"When we get home," she leant her head closer to the doll. "We are going to play peek-a-boo and read stories. I know a wonderful story about a little duck that grows into a beautiful swan." She smiled when the doll reacted to her voice; it let out a mechanical gurgle and yawn, and then promptly closed its eyes. "Kurt, look," Brittany beckoned him over excitedly. "He's sleeping," she sighed.
Kurt smiled in return. This will be easy he thought. All the baby had done so far was be quiet and sleep; this might be an easy A with Brittany at the helm.
How wrong he was, the week was only beginning.