okay so bear with me, this is my first thing to write ever, and english isnt my main language, i might continue it if someone actually wants me to, but im not really counting on it, so..

….

"oooiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~! ssaaaaaaanjiiiiiiiii! ffooooooooodddddddd!"

luffy's voice could be heard across the deck of the thousand sunny, in the middle of the quieter-than-normal morning the cook of the crew had been enjoying so far. not that he minded the crew finally waking up, he just also liked the calm few hours he had alone in the morning since he was an early riser, and awake before the rest of the strawhats usually woke up. "wait a bit longer luffy, its finished soon!"he yelled back. so much for a quiet morning. oh well. he silently finished breakfast and served it. he didn't know why, he just didn't feel…normal. it'll go away, he thought to himself. he wasn't really hungry though, so he just left the galley while the crew were still eating, going for a smoke.

its probably best i just stay out here till' they're finished, so i don't bother them…

he lit up, sucking in the first breath of smoke, enjoying the feeling of smoke filling his lungs.

wait, i don't bother them do i?…i do…don't i?…what if they're just pretending…what if-no, stop, they're your nakama they would never do that…

he didn't understand why he suddenly was so paranoid, and why he suddenly saw himself as a burden on his friends shoulders. he wasn't a burden right? they were his nakama right? surely there wasn't any problems. but sanji still couldn't let go of the feeling he was in the way. that no one really wanted him there. that he was living in a fantasy where they loved him as much as he loved them. that none of it was real. that he was just seeing what he wished. he waited for the feeling to go away, but the longer he waited the more situations he found himself thinking of himself as someone who wasn't worthy of being one of the strawhats, someone who no one needed, or wanted there. he felt so empty in the end, and he didn't know what to do.

he never really felt like eating anymore. he just made and served the food and hurried away so the crew could eat. then he would return and do the dishes, and clean everything up after the crew had left again. he started spending most of his time in the kitchen, his kitchen, or sleeping in the guys shared room. he felt empty. weeks went by this way, no one really saw or talked with him anymore. they had noticed, but had figured he was just working through some stuff, and just needed time. then he didn't even get out of bed. he just layed there, facing the wall, not doing anything. the rest of the crew started getting really worried about him, but no one tried talking to him, except chopper who had once tried asking him if anything was wrong, but had ran out of the room crying in worry for his friend when the cook hadn't answered.

"enough! we can't leave sanji like that. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING." luffy half yelled, slamming his fist into the table of the dining room. "what if he's sick" chopper sobbed/cried "i want to help him but he needs to say something to me so i'll know whats wrong. i don't think it's a physical sickness…" chopper managed to say before setting into another fit of sobs/cries. usopp went over to him and hugged him, telling him it was gonna be allright, making choppers sobs and sniffles slow down, and stop after a couple of minutes. "i must say it certainly seems our cook hasn't been himself lately" brook added thoughtfully from the bench behind the dinner table, where he was sipping on a cup of tea. "but what if we just make it worse by doing something?"nami asked, worry clear in her voice. silence fell. no one seemed to have an answer. a couple of tense minutes went by, before a voicespoke. "perhaps he is depressed?" robin said silently, not wishing for it to be true. "no, really guys, im fine, no need to worry about me my sweet robin-chwan, nami-swan~" the cook swooned from the door, making everyone turn their heads in his direction, shock clearly written on their faces. "sanji…" everyone gasped, not sure what to think. of course they were happy he was talking again, happy he wasn't just laying in his bed anymore, but the sadness of seeing which state their cook and dear friend was in, rivaled that happiness. his cheeks were hollow, his shirt that once had fit him perfectly, sat awkward and way too loose on the cooks frame, his long slender thin legs had become too thin for everyone's liking and his cheek bones stuck out way too far from healthy looking. his whole body just looked smaller, thinner and sicker. his hair had lost its shine,looked used, and sat awkward. it clearly hadn't been cared for or brushed for at least a week.

"i just wanted to let you guys know im gonna go take a shower" the cook said, turning around, and heading for the bath, leaving everyone paralyzed from shock. the first one to say something was their navigator, demanding zoro to go talk to sanji, saying she had a bad feeling about this and that it under no circumstances could wait, and that it wasn't her problem if zoro felt awkward dropping in on the cooks shower. "but why me?!" zoro growled angrily, clearly not pleased about any of this. "you're the same age as sanji, and if he really is depressed he might need to know you care about him too. besides it isn't like you've never seen each other naked before." zoro could only growl at this, as he stomphed towards the bath, smacking the door open starteling the cook who was sitting under the showerhead completely naked, legs bent like zoros was when he meditated, shockingly looking up at him. zoro froze in a mixture of shock and horror as he saw the cook. he had become so skinny. he was almost just a skeleton by now. but what made him stand completely still in the door was the sight of the razor blade that was halfway burried in the cooks forearm, crimson red blood surrounding it, dripping down the cooks arm joining the water from the showerhead, running down the drain.