I and Love and You

A Destiel Fanfic

Cas, I need you. Cas, I love you.

The words rung in Dean's head like a bell as he stared at himself in the mirror, hands shaking at his sides. He had fought every monster in the world, saved countless lives, hell, he even went to hell and back without any fear in his being, and this was what scared him the most? It seemed comical to him. It was just words, right? 3 simple words.

Yeah, he wished it were that easy. Staring at his shaking body in the mirror, Dean never felt more afraid. He watched himself clench his fists and release them, pace the room, crack his jaw, anything that would take away the knot that was forming in his stomach faster than he could even imagine.

"Damn," he muttered. Why was this so difficult?

With a huff of breath he straightened himself and glared at the reflection once more. Those green eyes never looked so piercing, almost as if they were crystallized emerald that could cut through the thickest of stone. It made him feel like he was strong, like he could do anything. He would do it; he would make himself say the words.

"Cas, I-" Dean started, but he stopped short. His breath caught and it felt like cotton was being shoved down his throat, choking off the rest of his sentence.

Dean cleared his throat and tried again. "Cas- I lo-" but once again he froze.

"Why is this so damn hard?!" Dean screamed to the empty room, throwing himself on his bed with force. He pushed his hands over his eyes, trying to knock out all of the hesitation. It wasn't like he didn't want to say the words or he didn't believe them; Dean knew that he loved Cas down to his core, past his branded ribs and straight to his heart. Cas was the shining light in his very dark life; he was the one who he prayed to when things were falling apart at the pieces; he was the one who gripped him and saved him from perdition; he was his Cas, and no one else's. And he was Dean Winchester; he had said those same three words to many others in his lifetime, so why was this so different?

But he knew why this time wasn't like the others. This wasn't one of his one night stands with those countless women he'd swooned, where he only said those three words to make them sleep with him. This wasn't another hookup that he would forget about days later; no, this was Cas. This was the angel that came out of nowhere and blew his world away, awakening feelings that Dean thought would always lay dormant in his heart, and it wouldn't be fair for Cas not to know his true emotions.

Dean stood up and tried one more time. This time he was sure he could say it.

"Cas, I love-"

"Hello, Dean."

Dean spun around faster than he thought possible. Of course, Castiel had appeared out of nowhere, looking down at what seemed like a very ancient document.

"Cas, what did we say about popping in on me like that?" Dean scowled, throwing the angel a dark look.

Cas looked up from whatever he was reading and glared back. "I'm sorry, Dean, but there wasn't time to follow your social rules. I've found something that could get both you and Sam out of being vessels."

"Yeah, what is it?" Dean asked a little grudgingly, moving behind Cas to see the fading scroll in his hands.

"Well it's very simple. We just need three very simple ingredients and find a good warlock to-"

"Cas, I love you!" Dean spat out. His lips stayed formed around the word 'you' out of pure shock that he said it.

The angel turned around slowly to look Dean in the eye, paying close attention to the closeness of their bodies. He was so close he could see Dean's expression, the absolute shock that was still plastered on his face like a mask.

"Excuse me?" Cas replied with a small smirk, a smile Dean didn't think was possible for Cas.

"I...love you, Cas." Dean stammered, his cheeks turning a slight red as he stared at the ground. After years of hiding all of his emotions behind his carefully placed mask, he didn't like feeling this vulnerable.

"What do you mean, Dean?" Cas looked on to the hunter with a confused expression.

"What I mean is that you're my life, Cas!" Dean exploded like a time bomb, all of his pent up feelings spilling out in one spew. "You were there for me when my own family wasn't, even when I didn't think you were. You are the one I pray to every night, even though I think you never hear me. You're the one who changed me more than I ever thought possible, the one who actually gave me a purpose in life again! And I know I've said some pretty crappy things to you, and have pushed you away more than I wish, but if I could take that all back I would. If I could treat you right from the start, I would. But you're here now and I've lost too many people to count, and I just need you to know that I love you, Cas, before I lose you too. I love you so much."

Dean said all this with misty eyes, his whole body collapsing with the confession. He slid down on the bed with his head in his hands, not believing he said anything at all. The silence was deafening, too much to take.

"Cas, please say something," Dean begged through his hands, not looking up to even see if the angel was still there. He had to admit, he would probably run too if someone said anything like that to him.

"You're not going to lose me, Dean."

Dean jumped at the voice, much closer than he expected. He raised his head to find Cas was sitting right next to him, his eyes boring in to his own in ways that made that knot tighten harder than before.

And then, before he could even comprehend what was going on, there was fire. Cas leaned forward and cradled Dean's head in his hand, hesitating only a moment before he lunged and closed the small space between them with a kiss even Cas didn't expect.

Dean's eyes opened in pure exclamation before he realized what was happening, and then the fire started spreading. Kissing Cas was like no other kiss he had ever experienced. With the others it was always a slow, icy cold feeling for him, but this was pure flames. It was like he was back in hell, where the burn licked his skin every moment, only unlike hell, this felt right. The need was immediate; he pushed back and pinned Cas against the bed, running his hands down the length of his body. Dean didn't even acknowledge his surroundings, everything was blinded by the passion that he had kept hidden for so long, finally breaking free.

Cas didn't hold back either; Dean felt Cas' hands run through his hair and he couldn't stifle the gasp that escaped his lips between kisses. Their bodies quickly became entangled with absolute passion, and neither of them knew how much time had passed when their fiery kisses finally turned to a slow simmer.

Finally when the heat between the two had died down, Cas turned to look at a flushed Dean.

"And in case you didn't get the message," Cas whispered, "I love you too."