Hi.
This is just a prologue, I guess?
Thorin's grasp on Kili's hand was hard. He had forced Kili to pull up his sleeve, revealing his blood stained bandaged arm. Maybe he could make up a story. They hadn't seen what was under the bandages. He could talk his way out of this one./p
It was because of the rain. If it weren't for the rain Fili would never have seen the blood on his sleeve. If it weren't for the rain Thorin and Fili would never have to know about this-this sickness-this insanity. It was all because of the damn rain. At least that's what Kili told himself, deep down he knew it was his fault, he shouldn't have done it, he shouldn't have buried his small knife into his skin. But blaming it on the rain would keep him from doing it again and that's obviously what they wanted...for him to stop.
It was over, his secret was out. All he wanted to do was run. Run from this messy life that he lived. Run from his problems. Run from the concerned looks of the company. But he was a monster, unable to run away from himself.
Kili collapsed to the floor. Perhaps it was because of the blood loss or the tiredness from trekking on foot or maybe it was the the shock of them finding out, but probably a combination of the three. But collapsing was close enough to running.
Earlier that day...
Kili brought the knife down to his skin. It certainly wasn't the first time he had done this. It was wrong, he knew it. But nothing else could give him this beautiful sensation. He closed his eyes and exhaled with pleasure after he drew the blood stained blade away from his left wrist. It left a light sting but the pain always comes after.
He sat there and stared at the nine newly-made clean cuts on his now pale wrist, watching the thick blood seep from his skin and drip onto the forest floor. He reached into his one of his pockets and took out a clean strip of cloth. Like a professional he wrapped the cloth around his arm tightly and quickly, an expert at covering up his mistakes. It had been three days since he last cut himself, to him it felt like forever. It was hard to get time alone on a quest like this. Stuck surrounded by an oblivious herd of brutes. Hunting for lunch was the perfect excuse.
"Do you think a catching a deer it too much for me to handle?" Kili replied jokingly. He let out a smile. A smile was all it took to clear suspicion that anything had happened. A smile always convinced. His charade of happiness always covered up how he really felt inside. This silly act of always being cheerful and carefree was a well made wall that nobody had ever broken through.
"No, you just took longer than usual." Ori added casually.
Kili put the deer down, concealing his pain with a struggled smile. Over the years he had become an expert at hiding his torment, both internal and external. They can never find out he thought. Never.
AN: Please leave a review, I would like to know what you think about this story so far, I'll try to make other potential chapters a bit longer.