A/N: Hiatus is over! I bring to you… The Sequel!
THE POWERS OF LIGHT…
PART 2!
Clubbing Ancient Baby Seals
Chapter 1
The Awesome Prologue
Speak in me, O Muse,
Help me rip off the
Odyssey's famous
Beginning anew…
As per usual, this story starts.
Not only does it start with shopping carts,
But in a castle, in the midst of a storm;
A hurricane, for weather was unseasonably warm.
Well, no. I lie. It starts slightly before,
With Slade the rat thief, his cronies, no more.
They go into the shrine, the ancient shrine,
The shrine where are many jewels, fine.
See, Slade enters first, then his cronies follow;
They all go deep into the cave's hollow,
But lo and behold! there is nothing there!
No jewels, no gold, no Smokey the Bear!
But Slade, that rat's a crafty fellow,
He found a way, and with a mighty bellow,
Called, "Over here! I found a hidden door!
There be steps, a chest, maybe even a whore!"
Slade, squealing with glee, ran down the steps to
The chest, opened it, and threatened to sue;
For inside were no jewels, no gold, no Smokey the Bear,
Just Power Water and some ugly fake hair.
Slade threw the Water back inside
Disgusted outside and in his mind.
But then… Something shiny… Something glowy…
Jewels? Yes. Light and Evil, equally showy.
The King sits in his castle,
His castle in city Granseal;
"Quite a storm," he idly said,
To the Minister, a passing skinhead.
The Minister, of course, wasn't paying attention;
And didn't want to start a contention,
So he just said, with resentment in his voice,
"Sure," and went back to reading James Joyce.
Look! A soldier enters! He begins to speak:
"Sire?" Naturally, the Minister responded instead,
"Shut up and go to the tower. Try not to get hit by lightning."
The soldier was annoyed, not finding the Minister frightening.
See, the soldier leaves! The Minister proceeds
To again point out the obvious:
"It's windy." The King looks constipated;
He also starts quoting Star Wars and for this is much hated.
"I have a bad feeling about this…" the King says,
"Close the windows." The Minister, looking with dread,
Obeys reluctantly. "See if I
Help you when Geshp comes with pie."
And now it's back to the shrine
And the jewels, the chest, the tree of pine;
The Rat verbally abuses
The cronies as much as he can, no excuses.
"You idiots! Pull harder! HARDER! Whoops.
This time I'll pull both at the same time and go in loops!
Look at this, you idiots! Look!
OH YEAH! There it is! We got'em!"
The cronies, taking the opportunity
To psychoanalyze with impunity,
Swiftly cry out in a loud voice:
"HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT, BOYS!"
Slade swiftly shut them up, thank Bob.
"Yeah. I feel just great. Go get a job.
Oh, and never talk again, even to beer.
Now let's get out of here!"
In the King's chamber after the Tyson bout…
All was calm, then… suddenly the lights went out!
It's all dark… The King's seeing things…
The Minister, trying to entertain, sighs and sings:
"There once was a man from Nantucket…
Sir! The tower's collapsing!"
"Well, that was anticlimactic
Your songs could use a much better tactic."
"Besides, that's impossible;
You can't destroy that tower, e'en with Red Bull!
Oh, hi, Unidentified Soldier Number One.
Problems? Tacos? Hot dog buns?"
"Sir! The Sealed Door! It's (dramatic pause) OPEN!
I blame the lightning. So not jokin'."
So the Minister, he follows the soldier out,
Leaving the King with none but Geshp the Lout.
Says the King, "This is strange. Everything is strange.
Strange is everything. I dun get it… Mmmm… Open Range…"
And as the shadow of Geshp draws ever closer,
The King finally notices: "Mario beat Bowser!"
Or not. "AAAAAH! Who's there, spying on my gaming!
Whoever's there will get a ferocious blaming
For my lack of any real importance in anything!
Some nachos you had better bring!"
This was, of course, the King's only tactic;
Annoy the foe to death and drink cow's lactic
Expulsions. It doesn't often work,
In case you couldn't guess during your lurk.
Geshp paid him no heed; he simply moved in
For the kill, the tacos, and the whistle tin.
The King screamed and fell down.
No one cared.
And the scene goes ever on and on…
Well, it would; but we're busy fading.
A giant Witch appears; she's trapped you
In a forest; there's no hope of a coup.
She's used a spell to keep you there;
There's no hope of escape; you might meet a bear.
Tell her your name; there is no other choice.
She'll send you on your way…
And the Journey begins…
A/N: I dunno. Seemed a bit weak to me. Review!
Did I mention that FFnet's formatting sucks? Majorly? You can't creatively use white space. Plus, stuff gets randomly left-aligned. Anyone want to join in violently hurting the editor?