Summary: Takes place after 1 week after Clarke leaves Camp Jaha. She is in the forest doing her best to fend for herself. Lexa comes to help, although Clarke is extremely stubborn and refuses any type of help from Lexa, especially after she left her at the mountain.

CHAPTER ONE

Fight for you life.

Clarke knew this was a bad idea as she stares down in her hands at the different berries she had picked off the bushes. She knew that the blue one's were fine to eat, she had seen the grounders eating them at their camp. Although she wasn't so sure about the red one's that she kept storing in her pocket, afraid they may lead to her demise. However, how bad would that actually be for her life to fall from her body? She no longer could feel anything but the constant pain and heartbreak knowing she killed hundreds of innocent people within' Mount Weather. She saw each and everyone one of their faces every time she closed her eyes and the smell of burnt flesh lingered under her nose, a smell she feared she could never get rid of.

Clarke was visibly a lot skinnier; having only been eating berries for the past 6 days she had a constant pain of hunger shooting through her stomach. She was filthy and had yet to bathe, even though there were many creeks along her walk in the forest. She wandered by many aimlessly, riskily taking sips of each one but just enough to barely quench her thirst. Her head has been light for many days and sometimes her eyesight has wavered. Clarke knows these are all signs of severe dehydration and malnutrition she keeps wandering, aimlessly through the woods. She knows that if she continues on like this her body will give out on her in two days time, part of Clarke (a large part) seems to no longer care if she were to live or die. She just wants to stop seeing the burnt flesh and smell that horrific stench that was waiting within' the Mountain for her after she had pulled the lever.
As Clarke continued wondering through the forest she could feel her legs slowly giving out beneath her. She kept telling herself to continue on, that she would sit to rest in a bit, but her eye lids became droopier and Clarke feels like she may have calculated the day of the death wrong. That her body may not be strong enough to last another two days, let alone another minute. Clarke slowly sunk down to the soil below a large tree. She decided that she could rest for a minute, however she fought the urge to keep her eyelids open, knowing if she shut them she may never be able to reopen them again or worse she would relive the Mountain all over again. Then the blackness behind her lids engulfed her.

Clarke sprung up straight with the feeling of freezing cold water being thrown on to her. Although the lightness of her head became overwhelming and she once again let the darkness consume her. Although she swore someone had said to her "gonplei Klark", she knew that this was Trigedaslang for fight and it was in the oh so familiar voice of the commander Lexa. Clarke hoped that she was dreaming this because the last person Clarke wanted to see was the one person she trusted and the one who chose to abandon her and her people at the Mountain. This decision forcing Clarke to pull the lever, the lever that killed so many.

CHAPTER TWO

Woods Clan Camp

Summary: 3 days after Lexa retrieves Clarkes almost dead body from the woods, she is being nursed back to health within' the Woods Clan Camp.

Clarke awakes again, this time feeling a bit stronger. Over the past 3 sunrises Clarke remembers someone lulling her to sleep, feeding her and helping her drink. Slowly nursing her back to health, although Clarke was still extremely fuzzy and had no idea where she was. Clarke felt strength within her that she has felt for many days she finally forced her eyelids awake and moved herself up to her elbows so she could look around. The sun was creeping in through the crack in the makeshift hut she was laying in and there was a girl probably around Clarkes age was sitting across the room from her. The girl was obviously a grounder, you could tell by her clothes and tan skin. She locked eyes with Clarke and immediately darted from the room. This must have been the girl that saved Clarke, she wondered why she had darted from the room so quick, Clarke tried to get out of bed but noticed that she was only in a leather chest wrap and make shift underwear. Had this girl changed her? Bathed her? Fed her and helped keep her alive? Didn't this foolish girl know that her commander blew off the alliance and left all her people to die?

Immediately Clarke started to worry about this girl. She hoped she wasn't going against Lexa, because she knew first hand how absolutely heartless she could be. Clarke's heart started to ache at the thought of Lexa, they didn't just have an alliance between tribes, they had something more than that. Then it was so easy for Lexa to walk away at the mountain. Mid-thought while sitting on the edge of her bed the little girl returned this time followed by none other but the Commander herself.

Lexa immediately averted her eyes after seeing that Clarke wasn't covered up and the girl came over to Clarke who could already feel her blood boiling under you skin. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Clarke yelled out, making the girl jump back before the commander signaled for her to exit the hut.
"I wish you not to speak to me in that tone in front of my people Clarke of the sky people." Lexa replied calmly still staring at the space next to Clarke obviously waiting for her to cover up. Which Clarke did by grabbing the fur blanket that was covering her and stood up to look Lexa in the eye.

"Why am I here Commander? Do you think you have the right to just take me?" Clarke said continuing to step closer and closer to Lexa until there was only six inches separating them. You could see the hurt in Lexa's eyes at hearing Clarke call her commander, she hasn't called her that since they formally met or out of respect in front of her people.
"You are here Clarke because you were slowly killing yourself in that forest and I couldn't bear to watch it any longer. Once you went down under the tree I knew I had to do something or else you would have died." Lexa looking right into Clarke's eyes but averting her eyes every couple seconds, not wanting it to seem like she was staring.

"You have no right to take me against my will! You had no problem walking away and leaving me for death at the Mount Weather yet all of a sudden you care again?" Clarke was livid she wanted an explanation, however she knew she really needed one the odds of getting a clear answer was slim from the commander.

"You were limp, there was no will to take you against. You are a Fisa Clarke, you heal people and you let yourself to get into this completely awful condition. You had a fever when I finally came to you, you were passed out, completely skin and bones. You were refusing to bathe which led to an infection in you arm from a stupid scratch from a tree. I thought you were gone Clarke! I thought I lost you forever! You are so damn foolish! Your people need you alive and well! Your people need you to continue to lead and you left them to let yourself waste away into the forest!" Lexa was now livid. She was shaking and Clarke couldn't even look her in the eyes anymore. Clarke wondered how this turned into her getting lectured when Lexa was the one who had done her wrong.

"Oh fuck no commander! I do not need a lecture from the person who left me, who left my people to die. I killed so many innocent people because of you! I killed mothers, and the elder and children. Completely helpless children! How dare you feel it's your right to tell me I am wrong for the choices I made? I needed space and I took it. Every time I close my eyes I see their burnt bodies and smell the stench of rotten flesh. I hear the cry of Jasper as he holds his loved one who helped us in his arms. YOU did this to me! You made me want to kill myself!" Clarke thrashed at Lexa's shoulders wanting to badly to hurt her but not wanting to hurt her at all.
Lexa allowed her to thrash away, Clarke was still weak and a bit smaller than Lexa so it wasn't even hurting her. Lexa knew that Clarke had to get this out of her system. She knew that Clarke was hurting and that indeed it was part of her fault. Finally Clarke collapsed to the ground at Lexa's feet from exhaustion. She had yet to get all her energy back and still wasn't 100% better.

Lexa then knelt down and cradled Clarke picking her up and placing her back in bed. "I will fetch you water Clarke. I am sorry I have caused you so much pain." Lexa said to Clarke's back, since she had rolled over to face the wall. Clarke didn't want the Commander to see the tears streaking down her face and the pain shooting through her body, starting in her heart.

CHAPTER THREE

Forgiveness

Clarke felt the presence of Lexa again within the hut. She didn't hear her, which really didn't surprise her since the grounders were professionals being quiet and unseen until they wanted to be seen and heard.
"Please drink Clarke." Lexa said presenting her with a cup of what was most likely water.
"I don't need anything of yours Commander." Clarke replied rolling back over to her side.
"You would have been dead if it wasn't for me." Lexa was now allowing her temper to get the best of her although she tried her best to stay calm, she was not use to having someone talk to her in such a way.

"I could have been dead because of you. The moment you walked away you handed my life and the life of my people over to the Mountain Men." Clarke knew she couldn't physically hurt Lexa but she was hoping to hurt her in the way Lexa had hurt Clarke. Let her understand even a small portion of pain Clarke felt after the betrayal.

"You were strong for your people and made the right decision. You brought down the mountain. Do not become weak because of pass transgressions. Do not become weak because of me. You are a warrior and leader Clarke." Lexa was trying her best to diffuse the situation at hand.
"I bear the weight so my people don't have to." Clarke looked Lexa in the eyes; this was something the Commander had once told Clarke. She wanted Lexa to understand the pain she felt was the same pain Lexa has inside her. That Lexa caused this same pain for her. Lexa dropped her eyes from Clarke, fully receiving the message Clarke was sending.
"I am sorry you hurt. I am sorry I left you because I do care but my people come first. Their safety and lives come before even my own. The deal guaranteed these things. You would have made the same choice." Lexa continued looking at the floor as she talked she felt Clarke's gaze burning hole into her head.
"No that is where you are wrong. I would have stayed with you, I would have fought for OUR people TOGETHER. If I wasn't successful the Mountain Men would once again be torturing your people and hunting them. You saved them for the day, I saved them for the rest of their lives. MY people saved our own and yours too that day. I pulled that lever for everyone. I was not you, I use to feel and I use to care. Now I am you and I hate you for making me as heartless as you are." Clarkes voice cracked at the end as a sob got stuck in her throat. She fought it refusing to cry once again in front of Lexa. She would not she her that she was weak, she would be strong.

"Thank you Clarke of the sky people. You are right in some ways. You did help my people be safe but I know you still have a heart. I can hear it beating through your chest right now." Lexa reached out to push Clarke's hair from her face but the look Clarke gave her immediately made her snap her hand by her side, she now looked Clarke in the eyes knowing she deserved the respect to be looked at when talked to. "You helped my people, you helped your people and now look at you. You are strong yet you are crumbling before my eyes, you are a leader so act like one." Lexa didn't know why she was being so stone cold and hard but she continued to do so anyone. "Get yourself together Clarke stand tall and take this victory with pride."
Clarke looked Lexa in the eyes as tears began to form in her own. She couldn't believe that even after all Lexa had done to her, she still felt most comforted by her; even when being scolded. "Don't you dare tell me to take this with pride. I smell them every time I breathe. I see them every time my eyes close." Clarke continued to talk although she could feel the warm tears slowly beginning to race down her face. This time she didn't want to hide, Lexa deserved to see the pain she had caused. "I ache all over and it's not from exhaustion. I bear the weight so my people don't have to, but this load is very heavy and I can feel my bones crunching every step I take. I fear that I wont be able to hold it much longer." Lexa reached out and wiped at Clarke's face. Cupping Clarkes chin in her hand Lexa said, "This is not a weight you have to bear alone Clarke. This is a weight I can help you bear. This will not end you. I am not saying the hurt wont stop but it will fade. It will always be there but it wont be this painful. One day you will find yourself again."
Lexa stiffened up and taking a step back from Clarke, she had obviously heard something that Clarke hadn't. Clarke quickly wiped her face with the fur blanket.

"Heda can I be of any assistance? Food? Water?" Clarke peeped around Lexa to see it was the girl that was sitting in her room when she awoke. The way this girl looked at Lexa gave Clarke a pain of jealousy she pushed it to the side.
"No Maya we are good. If I need anything I will call." Then this girl that Clarke just discovered was named Maya exited the room.
"Clarke you need rest and I have a few things to tend to. Please rest and Maya will be here if you need anything. I will be back to check on you soon." Lexa then without pausing turned and walked from the room.
"Yeah I bet you'll tell Maya to fucking tend to me." Clarke murmured to herself, shocked that she felt any type of way toward the Commander besides hate. Lexa turned and smirked before exiting the tent. Clarke was always so awed by the grounders hearing and immediately flushed because that was something not intended for the ears of Lexa. She didn't want Lexa to know she felt anything but hate towards her.
Clarke started to feel exhausted and rolled over to let herself drift off to sleep. She saw Jasper crying over his loved ones body and the stench of burnt flesh filled her nostrils again. She awoke covered in sweat and screaming in pure terror.